Honestly, I don't really see where the MIL comes into the picture.

You were going to be away for just a day. Then all of this came up. If you were to be away for a week, what would the story have been?.

You are yet to admit the real reason why you were calling your MIL. It was to report her son to her!!

An issue between you and your husband, and you ran and started calling your MIL. For her to do what exactly? She doesn't report to you.
After you sent your text to her, she called your husband. Were you expecting her to give you feedback?


You need to influence your husband, and you are calling his mother.....

Learn to take control of your home.
Mother-in-law refuses to meddle- Problem!
Mother-in-law meddles -Problem!

Nickibarb

Your marraige has trust issues, your husband does not trust you anymore, you have given him a reason to, as you have placed your career over family.

The issue of you going for your exams did not start that day, obviously ur hubby seems to be in disagreement over it.

You hubby is codedly giving you option to choose your family or your career, dats why he is refusing you to take the kids anywhere.

obiak4:
IMO FIRST TRY TO WIN YOUR HUSBAND OVER TO YOURSELF AND APOLOGIES TO HER SIKENA

apologize wetin?? To hell with apologies.

Jeez ... Front page already.

You ladies should marry only educated, genteel and gentle men!!
I can bet your husband isn't really educated and the only reason he acted up was cos he felt insecure with you progressing with your career.
You did absolutely nothing wrong (judging from your side of the story).
You married a boy and not a man!!
sorry.... no remedy for that!!

Seriously speaking judging with ur mother inlaws reaction cum character that posses a threat to ur matrimonial home.......u seriously need God to help u....it might be an arrow of hatred fired against u!

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

He should have beaten the foolishness out of you.
You are not worthy to be a mother.
Why won't you let him take care of his children while you party away with your younger boyfriend ??
Why would you take his wallet ??
Why would you engage him in a fist fight ??
I would encourage him to hit you on a daily basis so you can regain your sanity.
Foolish woman

I'm yet to see anything you did wrong unless you are not telling us the full story

Hmm, dats y they always say tis not just about d person ur marrying, its also bout the family ur marrying into

Let me get this clear.

Your husband pushed you hard enough to cause you to have a head injury that required hospitalization, yet still ignored you, allowed you to travel unaccompanied even with an injured head and you're here worrying about your 'relationship with your Mother in Law'?

What about the more serious issue about your relationship with your Husband, that looks really dysfunctional?

donbenedict:
I suggest u cast ur burdens to Jesus... He said he will giv u rest.

God helps those who help themselves,. Tell her where she did wrong because of tomorrow.

texazzpete:
Let me get this clear.

Your husband pushed you hard enough to cause you to have a head injury that required hospitalization, yet still ignored you, allowed you to travel unaccompanied even with an injured head and you're here worrying about your 'relationship with your Mother in Law'?

What about the more serious issue about your relationship with your Husband, that looks really dysfunctional?

Exactly what I want to point out.
Wives with their hates of mother in laws!

qbd2:
Hmm, dats y they always say tis not just about d person ur marrying, its also bout the family ur marrying into

The person you are marrying to will be the only person to cement your relationship with your in laws. This happens only when the wife don't respect the husband.

Gud1:


The person you are marrying to will be the only person to cement your relationship with your in laws. This happens only when the wife don't respect the husband.

Hmm, let me just pray for u dat u never get to have a troublesome mother in law.

Please take heart my sister. Your MIL is really immature with that behaviour. Please pity and pardon her. We normally have grown-ups who are really childish in their actions and reactions and she seems to fall into that league. Also, don't let that woman affect your marital life. Never go against your MIL; every man sees his wife as his second mother, so they always protect the first mother (sometimes unreasonably- remember she also protects them unreasonably when they were kids, hence the repay). Just be calm about it. Honor your man. Show to him that you honour and respect him. With time; he'll see his mother's overbearing nature and he would protect the two mothers' in his life.
I love your family life; So, keep it ma.

The mother in-law didn't interfere at all but she turned out to be the villain.

Na wa for this wife.

Personally, you're chasing the wrong line of action.

This is a case you need to put to bed with your husband, not your mother-inlaw.

He's the one providing room for all these debacle. He pushed you over and had you locked out, that is simply unwittingly tearing his home to shreds.

I don't know how much he understands and trust you, but I really think you two need to sit and talk over your career, the kids and the family.

You two just need to find a balance, your career pursuit shouldn't outweigh your parenting whilst your parenting shouldn't hinder your career pursuit. I believe you two are mature enough to find a common ground.

You owe your mother-inlaw no explanation or apologies, she's only a third party, who has no business with what goes on in your home.

This is your family drowning, only you can save it.

Jahblessme:
I wonder why you are focusing on your mil?
Your husband is the one who pushed you and you sustained a head injury.

Your husband is the one who locked you out of the house.

Your husband is the one acting like your parents can't care for your children.

You both have issues which are deeper than you are letting on and I feel the focus on mil is a way to deflect.Take care to discuss with hubby that getting physical is something you will not accept! You too be careful what you do.

Your husband and his mother have huge plans for your kids,with you in the picture or not.You are not even allowed to make decisions on the care of your own children.Locking out of house And you are busy focusing on MIL

You'd best start sorting this out before the river will swallow you.
You are the woman of the house,better solidify your position there.You can ignore or patch up with MIL later,your choice.Of course you will be forced to say sorry for something you aren't guilty of,forced to say sorry for her disrespecting your parents too.That's the naija method...total humiliation.

What did your parents do that they are not allowed to care for their own grandkidsThey will be cut off very soon unless you stand up for them and refuse to allow this nonsense.Abi they are not as rich as your hubby and therefore underlings??

Good luck,you will need it!!

i dont usu comment here

You cause this frasca madam. Let me put it to u clearly.

1. When you ask to go with the kids and your husband refused you should have since it is a day thing.

2. You acted too fast by calling your mother in law and texting her when she didn't pick your calls (Maybe you only call her when there is trouble) over any small issues.

3. When he sieze the copy of your keys you still didn't feel d trouble coming? You should have leave since he will be around with the kids, he won't go far.

Getting angry will your mother inlaw or clashing your parents heads with your mother inlaw will not end upon with with your marriage.

NB: Work things out with your husband, tell him how you feel over everything and apologise to each other. Before I forget, couples ought to respect each other. Its sacrifice that keeps home going, not every time one must have his way.

You are not loyal to your husband, you dont have good manners, you show him no respect and he's already fed up with you, he suspects you are already having an affair and this might also be true. Thats the truth woman, stop trying to potray yourself as a good woman cos you are not. I read all these through the lines of your story. Your MIL is not a bad person, she is angry because of what her son told her about you.

Jahblessme:
I wonder why you are focusing on your mil?
Your husband is the one who pushed you and you sustained a head injury.

Your husband is the one who locked you out of the house.

Your husband is the one acting like your parents can't care for your children.

You both have issues which are deeper than you are letting on and I feel the focus on mil is a way to deflect.Take care to discuss with hubby that getting physical is something you will not accept! You too be careful what you do.

Your husband and his mother have huge plans for your kids,with you in the picture or not.You are not even allowed to make decisions on the care of your own children.Locking out of house And you are busy focusing on MIL

You'd best start sorting this out before the river will swallow you.
You are the woman of the house,better solidify your position there.You can ignore or patch up with MIL later,your choice.Of course you will be forced to say sorry for something you aren't guilty of,forced to say sorry for her disrespecting your parents too.That's the naija method...total humiliation.

What did your parents do that they are not allowed to care for their own grandkidsThey will be cut off very soon unless you stand up for them and refuse to allow this nonsense.Abi they are not as rich as your hubby and therefore underlings??

Good luck,you will need it!!

i dont usu comment here but i lik wat dis guy/gal wrote &i love dat u re a career woman¤ ur are d woman of d house.y wud u call ur mil is she God? N i can bet my company dat dats not d ist time u've called her weneva u ve issues wit ur hubby. I get d pix, u are tryin 2 be d perfect dil¤it doesnt work lik dat.
Ur hubby has issues my dear...apologisin wit a clothes ordered from italy>>mmacha!! Wat if u died on d spot?¤ my dear pray hard n let love not cover ur eyes.. Dia's much bigger prob ahead trust me

AnneMomoh:
Nickibarb

Your marraige has trust issues, your husband does not trust you anymore, you have given him a reason to, as you have placed your career over family.

The issue of you going for your exams did not start that day, obviously ur hubby seems to be in disagreement over it.

You hubby is codedly giving you option to choose your family or your career, dats why he is refusing you to take the kids anywhere.

Wow wtf

obiak4:
IMO FIRST TRY TO WIN YOUR HUSBAND OVER TO YOURSELF AND APOLOGIES TO HER SIKENA

Good advise for the lady.


Op. understand that you messed up by taking your husband's wallet in the first place. Also your mother inlaw maybe wouldn't want to start getting involved in settling issues you have with your husband. Since both of accepted to come together as husband and wife, you should try to sort out things yourselves.


Apologize to your husband and see that she reconcile you with your mother inlaw.

I'm angry. The reason is that I spent my precious time reading this your epistle, yet could not spot out the real problem. Please, listen to your hubby, submit to him, and all will be well. Leave nairaland out of this. We don't counsel people who cases like this. It is a case of insubordination and half truths.

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

qbd2:

Hmm, let me just pray for u dat u never get to have a troublesome mother in law.

My mother inlaw is like a friend to me, we relate peacefully. She do call me if I didn't call her for two days since we are one family.

Gud1:
My mother inlaw is like a friend to me, we relate peacefully. She do call me if I didn't call her for two days since we are one family.

Well, dats urs. Not everyone is as lucky as u.

qbd2:

Well, dats urs. Not everyone is as lucky as u.

But in this case the mother inlaw is innocent. Why did u ladies hate MIL's with passion?

What a pathetic story. its one of d reasons some gals pray for d
death of dia mother in-law b4 moving in. However, ds person na IBO. Haha! Is 13months child spacing not too much.


NO TIME

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

My dear, you are married to a Nigerian man in Nigeria. Shine ya eyes. I'm sure he was very different when you were abroad but he has reintegrated back into the typical Nigerian man. This same thing happened to my parents too. They were living in the states, good jobs, very very happy. My dad would pick the baby up from nursery and make dinner cos he got home first. Mum was working in a bank and studying nights. He even took my bro to nigeria for a visit all by himself whilst he was still under 1, that's how hands on he was was. His mum guilt tripped and forced them to come back to nigeria and dad reverted to a naija man, girlfriends, late nights etc.

Hunny chile, stack your chips, I now have this mindset that anyone can do anything. There is nothing my hubby can do that will surprise me now. Try your best to n your marriage, try it to reintegrate your parents to be part of your lives.

As for your mother inlaw, make contact with her, call her and just tell her you want to greet her cos you haven't spoken to her in a while, don't mention what happened, don't apologise, don't be over chummy. If she doesn't pick up, send a text to that effect. Not point rehashing things, you already know where she stands. Just keep things civil. Shine ya eyes and keep your ears open, nuff said

nickibarb:



for the staying out all night, I've come to accept that it comes with the nature of what he has chosen to do for a living. all i can do is trust him and pray. all i've asked is that he let's me know at night, when he realises that he won't be coming home. at least for my peace of mind. so far he hasn't done it again so lets hope that he has changed.

as for my MIL apology, somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that's what some ppl will advise me to do but I really don't if I have it in me. I feel like all this time she's been acting so nice to me, like maybe it wan't really genuine?

She might have be for real,maybe something triggerd this act?il say u wait a while to see how much longer she kips mum/call you+her coming and not asking after u is scary too considering ur relationship in d past!