IyaKadijat:

I started up an HVAC business on my own, bought a house with the money, got my own job, car and am going back to school to pursue my dreams of owning my own PR business, my daughter is ahead of her class with a 3rd grade reading level and on the honor roll because of the extra homework I give her at home and I have no brains? You're right-I'm real stupid. Wow. I don't know how I ever got along in life.

really? anybody can come on here and say " my daughter os son is the best in the class" when in reality it  is the exact opposite

how old is she 5,4,6,7, wait for her to grow up properly and know what relationship is all about, im sure she will come to you,shake your hands and say[b] " mama u did the best thingy by falling for papa who is selfish,who does not give a Bleep about u,or care about u"[/b]

sure she will

IyaKadijat:

@C2H50H-right, I am such a bad role model to my daughter because she was right there when I had a few vulnerable moments in the beginning and had sex with her father. Yup, she was right in the room watching. I am SUCH a TERRIBLE mother-SHAME ON ME.

And contrary to everywhere else he has f_cked up in our lives, he is still a good father. I WILL NOT take him to child support unless that is my final and last resort. What's most important to me is that he is there for his child. He dotes on her, takes her everywhere he goes and loves her with all of his heart. I will not take that away from either him or her, thank you.

OMFGGGGGGG I can see why you are so vulnerable.  Did you step away from your keyboard and get a chance to read this?  No, your daughter does not have to be in the room in order for you to get your acts together and be as strong as you are capable of being.

By the way, what other resorts are you hoping for?  Do you think dudey will divorce the mother of two and come crawling back to you?  Are you expecting the mind-blowing sex you are having with him to change his mind ?  What is the resort . . . I wish to know.

I think you are dead set on letting this love triangle drag on for as long as it will.  You might be thinking that his love for you is stronger than it is for her because he was with you for 8 and only with her for 6.  Just keep in mind that a man that does not respect you after 8 years will not miraculously change over night.

I didn't call you a bad mother by the way.

C2H5OH:

He is not honest and he does not respect you.  And this is so sad because your daughter is involved.

In fact it still amazes me that this mofo has the audacity to tell you not to cheat on him.  You must have taken the whole thing in stride or something, because most women I know would have bashed his balls.  Dude should be curled up in fear.  All that deceit and he still gets to bust a nutt at your expense.  Don't make no sense!

Trust me, I feel you. I never said sleeping with him was the right thing to do. If you noticed I said I was stupid in that facet. And I am seriously regretting it now. I guess overall I just wanted someone to tell me HOW to get over his trifiling behind. Especially because everything is so fresh. I've dealt with a lot of things in life, but this by far has got to be THE most pain I've ever had. Having a baby didn't even hurt this much, lol.

amebo no1.:



really? anybody can come on here and say " my daughter os son is the best in the class" when in reality it is the exact opposite

how old is she 5,4,6,7, wait for her to grow up properly and know what relationship is all about, im sure she will come to you,shake your hands and say[b] " mama u did the best thingy by falling for papa who is selfish,who does not give a Bleep about u,or care about u"[/b]

sure she will

Amebo, you are obviously ignorant and I am starting to really despise talking to you. Why would I have to lie to a bunch of strangers online? Now not only are you attacking me, but my 6 year old defenseless daughter, too? You must be so proud.

And I can see reading comprehension isn't your strongest point because I am not falling FOR him-I'm trying to learn how to fall away from him and move on with my life. I wish to God love was like a faucet that you could just shut off when you're good and ready-but it's not. Am I angry? HELL YEAH! Would I like to bust his head open? With all my heart! But am I yet used to being alone after 3 weeks? No. Do I wake up in the morning sometimes and say e caaro and then realize no one's laying by me? Yeah. I wish you could put yourself in my shoes for a second and really understand emotionally what I'm going through. All these things I'm telling yall, I am not saying to him. In fact, I told him not to call me unless it has to with my daughter or the business, and I press "ignore" if he's calling me for anything else.

On the outside, to him-I'm as cool as a cucumber. But to anyone who knows me personally, they know I'm going through some serious hell right now.

IyaKadijat:

Amebo, you are obviously ignorant and I am starting to really despise talking to you. Why would I have to lie to a bunch of strangers online? Now not only are you attacking me, but my 6 year old defenseless daughter, too? You must be so proud.

And I can see reading comprehension isn't your strongest point because I am not falling FOR him-I'm trying to learn how to fall away from him and move on with my life. I wish to God love was like a faucet that you could just shut off when you're good and ready-but it's not. Am I angry? HELL YEAH! Would I like to bust his head open? With all my heart! But am I yet used to being alone after 3 weeks? No. Do I wake up in the morning sometimes and say e caaro and then realize no one's laying by me? Yeah. I wish you could put yourself in my shoes for a second and really understand emotionally what I'm going through. All these things I'm telling yall, I am not saying to him. In fact, I told him not to call me unless it has to with my daughter or the business, and I press "ignore" if he's calling me for anything else.

On the outside, to him-I'm as cool as a cucumber. But to anyone who knows me personally, they know I'm going through some serious hell right now.

stop playing the victim,thats what you\ve been  doing here,who is attacking your daughter?pleaseeeee dont  bring the little girl into this and act as if amebo is the bad person here

hahahahahahaha i wish you are able to throw  this kinda words at him,im sure you cant

seriously and honestly,i really dont care about what you think of me, you are the least important person to me right now,and should be happy dat i came on here to listen to your love sick problems

d opinions of women who aint ready to appreciate themselves and give value to womahood or motherhood,aint important to me

Stop having sex with him,if you want to move on with your life.

@poster-no feedback 2 my question,all d same 2 much talk won't solve d problem.just say "next", and move on.take action,get busy.all hope is not lost,be d good girl dat u have always been and hopefully God will reward u with d right guy.he's just d wrong guy.there's no 2 ways about it.finally take good care of urself and look more sexy than ever.bye.

amebo no1.:

stop playing the victim,thats what you\ve been  doing here,who is attacking your daughter?pleaseeeee dont  bring the little girl into this and act as if amebo is the bad person here

hahahahahahaha i wish you are able to throw  this kinda words at him,im sure you cant

seriously and honestly,i really dont care about what you think of me, you are the least important person to me right now,and should be happy dat i came on here to listen to your love sick problems

d opinions of women who aint ready to appreciate themselves and give value to womahood or motherhood,aint important to me

Wow-it is SO my fault that this man lied to me for 8 years and didn't tell me he had a wife. I really don't appreciate myself because I was vulnerable and hurting and HUMAN and let myself be played by the only man I've ever loved within in a 3 week-period after 8 long years together . I hope you don't ever have children and if you do, I feel sorry for them.

And for the love of God, why do you keep attacking my motherhood? I beg you, you can say anything else about me but my role as a mother is something I take very seriously and that is really hurting me right now.

It is hard to imagine what you are going through. The feelings will only intensify if you don't do anything to find a cure. Understandably, you have gotten used to having this man around you for so many years. It is natural to miss all that bond and affection you have built.

I know that asking you to just up and leave is not as simple as it sounds. But the earlier you are able to separate him from YOUR life the better.

Your duty is to your child and nothing more. You owe it to her to ensure she is properly raised with both mommy and daddy there to support her. But do not give that man your love. He does not deserve your love.

IyaKadijat:

Wow-it is SO my fault that this man lied to me for 8 years and didn't tell me he had a wife. I really don't appreciate myself because I was vulnerable and hurting and HUMAN and let myself be played by the only man I've ever loved within in a 3 week-period after 8 long years together . I hope you don't ever have children and if you do, I feel sorry for them.

And for the love of God, why do you keep attacking my motherhood? I beg you, you can say anything else about me but my role as a mother is something I take very seriously and that is really hurting me right now.

people on this forum know me too well, before i give my advice,i will tackle first of all the posters mistake

iya kadijat if u aint ready for criticism,then why did you come to an open forum?

its your fault for having a man for 8 years without finidng out who he really is?

its your fault for living with a man for 8 yrs and not finding out if he is married?

he has a daughter with you but refused to marry you,financially he prefers your own money and hardly gives u his, he promised you 1000 dollars and ended up giving you chicken change


gawddddd whos fault is it?his?

why dont you women read the handwritting on the wall? when a man does not want a woman it is very clear and obvious,but nope a lot of you refuse to see it,probably because the sex life is good


no way, it gets to a time in a womans life that she has to reason with her head and not her heart, the earlier you start with that the better for you

. I hope you don't ever have children and if you do, I feel sorry for them.

i thank God i dont have a mother like you,else i would have cursed the day your miserable self was brought into this earth

It might be very hard at the moment to just let the 8 years go like that but if a man can be that heartless to deceive you for however long, move on like nothing ever happened between you 2, I just think it's best for you to count your loss, think about the beautiful life you and your daughter can/will have without him for years to come.
You are a beautiful woman with ambition (i hope) so don't let any useless man bring you down. Life is to sweet to be crippled by a worthless man.
Love yourself more, go out with your friends, concentrate on the degree, all in all get BUSY.
Try waking up in the money remind yourself how beautiful you are and someone else's loss is another man's game. Get hold of your life and please don't go on any rebound at the moment.
You are blessed. live for your daughter

amebo I'm done talking to you. That is not criticism your spewing, it's venom. I took a little psychology in college and can tell by some of the things you're saying that you have some SERIOUS issues with your own mother. You need to go handle that because I guarantee you-taking it out on random strangers online won't help you resolve your emotional problems. I'll pray for you. God Bless.

I have to say amebo. . .your being completely heartless. . .when giving advice you try sometimes to empathize with the situation. . .the lady understands she's done a few stupid things and is trying to correct that

. . . getting over someone hurting you that much is not easy. . .how would i know? because I've also be heart broken before and i ain't ashamed to say it. . .though it wasn't as deep as her own situation and no baby, marriage drama involved or neither was the relationship up to 2years. . .but i knew how hard it was to get over it all. . .

its hard to build your life around someone for 8years and love the person with all your heart. . .then suddenly it all comes crashing. . .it just doesn't go with a snap of fingers. . .it requires time to be completely healed.


so i totally understand what she's going through. . .give her solutions to get over the situation and don't criticize her!

And as she said. . .i have to point out that you ain't even criticizing her but your simply spewing so much hatred like she's ever wronged you before this. . .geeezzzz!!!!

IyaKadijat:

amebo I'm done talking to you. That is not criticism your spewing, it's venom. I took a little psychology in college and can tell by some of the things you're saying that you have some SERIOUS issues with your own mother. You need to go handle that because I guarantee you-taking it out on random strangers online won't help you resolve your emotional problems. I'll pray for you. God Bless.

hahahahahhahahahahh ,ok this is funny  ,im sure you paid money but learnt nothing in school, a lot of people here know my mother,friends here know my mum,shes d best thing that has ever happened to me so keep wishing

i have a happy home cos of my mums advice, i leave at peace with my family cos of all she told me,infact i happen to be her favourite,so i get the best of all advices

so keep wishing i have issues with her


you better go look for iron pant and padlock yourself,since you cant keep it away from the man

ThoniaSlim:

I have to say amebo. . .your being completely heartless. . .when giving advice you try sometimes to empathize with the situation. . .the lady understands she's done a few stupid things and is trying to correct that

. . . getting over someone hurting you that much is not easy. . .how would i know? because I've also be heart broken before and i ain't ashamed to say it. . .though it wasn't as deep as her own situation and no baby, marriage drama involved or neither was the relationship up to 2years. . .but i knew how hard it was to get over it all. . .

its hard to build your life around someone for 8years and love the person with all your heart. . .then suddenly it all comes crashing. . .it just doesn't go with a snap of fingers. . .it requires time to be completely healed.


so i totally understand what she's going through. . .give her solutions to get over the situation and don't criticize her!

really?

NEXT PLEASE

@ Poster,

Such a pity, you fell for the wrong dude for 8 years! How old was he when you started the relationship with him? I seemed to have missed that part in your story. Would it be right to assume he used it to get what he wanted in the relationship? Probably so. Still you had your own derivations from him as well. At least you learnt about the Nigerian culture, gotten lessons on his dialect and have a child for him. The mistake he made was not telling you the truth, while you trusted him so much.

This is no time to start appointing or designating blames to whom it may concern. Rather, it is to determine what is the best way out of your problem. Apparently, you are still emotionally tied to the guy. And based on my interaction with the opposite sex, it is very difficult for them (females) to walk out totally from a deep-seated emotional relationship which has lasted for as long as 8years or sometimes even less or more.

I agree you need prayers, but more importantly you need ACTION. And the action starts with and from YOU. Best advice I can proffer right now is that - any form of emotional communication with this man, severe it! Stop being an emotional weakling. If you continually give him room to mess with your mind and heart, you are heading for a total wreck! This would also affect your daughter. Your attention should be on your daughter and how to make a continuous good living for yourself and your daughter.

I wish Sistawoman can give her opinion and advice on this matter. I respect her input a lot on the subject matter and on this forum.

ThoniaSlim:

I have to say amebo. . .your being completely heartless. . .when giving advice you try sometimes to empathize with the situation. . .the lady understands she's done a few stupid things and is trying to correct that

. . . getting over someone hurting you that much is not easy. . .how would i know? because I've also be heart broken before and i ain't ashamed to say it. . .though it wasn't as deep as her own situation and no baby, marriage drama involved or neither was the relationship up to 2years. . .but i knew how hard it was to get over it all. . .

its hard to build your life around someone for 8years and love the person with all your heart. . .then suddenly it all comes crashing. . .it just doesn't go with a snap of fingers. . .it requires time to be completely healed.


so i totally understand what she's going through. . .give her solutions to get over the situation and don't criticize her!

And as she said. . .i also did some psychology courses in uni. . .and you ain't even criticizing her but your simply spewing so much hatred like she's ever wronged you before this. . .geeezzzz!!!!

jay bee:

It might be very hard at the moment to just let the 8 years go like that but if a man can be that heartless to deceive you for however long, move on like nothing ever happened between you 2, I just think it's best for you to count your loss, think about the beautiful life you and your daughter can/will have without him for years to come.
You are a beautiful woman with ambition (i hope) so don't let any useless man bring you down. Life is to sweet to be crippled by a worthless man.
Love yourself more, go out with your friends, concentrate on the degree, all in all get BUSY.
Try waking up in the money remind yourself how beautiful you are and someone else's loss is another man's game. Get hold of your life and please don't go on any rebound at the moment.
You are blessed. live for your daughter

C2H5OH:

It is hard to imagine what you are going through. The feelings will only intensify if you don't do anything to find a cure. Understandably, you have gotten used to having this man around you for so many years. It is natural to miss all that bond and affection you have built.

I know that asking you to just up and leave is not as simple as it sounds. But the earlier you are able to separate him from YOUR life the better.

Your duty is to your child and nothing more. You owe it to her to ensure she is properly raised with both mommy and daddy there to support her. But do not give that man your love. He does not deserve your love.

Thank you guys so much. This just is the reaffirmation I was looking for. But you know what? A lot of the things you guys said is giving me strength-so much so, that I am going to print these out post them on my fridge and read them everyday. So everytime that dude starts to kick his little games on me, I can go to my fridge and remember what you all said. I'm going to do it yall-I will move on. And trust me, there will be no rebounding for me right now-no offense-but men as a whole are kinda on my shit list right now, lol.

amebo no1.:

really?

NEXT PLEASE

You are not even beneath my contempt.

IyaKadijat:


Thank you guys so much. This just is the reaffirmation I was looking for. But you know what? A lot of the things you guys said is giving me strength-so much so, that I am going to print these out post them on my fridge and read them everyday. So everytime that dude starts to kick his little games on me, I can go to my fridge and remember what you all said. I'm going to do it yall-I will move on. And trust me, there will be no rebounding for me right now-no offense[b]-but men as a whole are kinda on my shit list right now, lol. [/b]

Its natural to feel that way dear. . .but please do not allow bad eggs like your ex and amebo elude your judgement. . .there are still great guys out there. . .and the right guy for you would come at the right time.

ThoniaSlim:

You are not even beneath my contempt.

anything else?if nothing,then

NEXT. . . . . .

@Pataki-I was 21 and he was 33. He may not be very resourceful, but he is very determined to make money-hence the reason he became a cab driver when he couldn't find a job in his field in NYC. So if the question is do I feel like he used me for financial reasons-no. I think would have made money with or without me-it just would've taken him a lot longer-especially because like most immigrants to this country he was reluctant to leave expensive NYC. But I do think he used me for companionship and to have another child. He strung me along knowing full well the whole time that eventually he would leave me when she came. He even recently started talking that "I'm Muslim so I'm allowed to marry 2" stuff to me recently-needless to say, I'm not trying to hear it.

ThoniaSlim:

You are not even beneath my contempt.

Its natural to feel that way dear. . .but please do not allow bad eggs like your ex and amebo elude your judgement. . .there are still great guys out there. . .and the right guy for you would come at the right time.

I sure hope so, because I was seriously considering joining a convant and living out the rest of my days as a nun, lol.

@AMebo
You must be feeling rather smart with your reply? Its a good thing wallow in the ignorance.

@IyaKadijat

lol. . .do not worry sooner than you think. . .

IyaKadijat:

@Pataki-I was 21 and he was 33. He may not be very resourceful, but he is very determined to make money-hence the reason he became a cab driver when he couldn't find a job in his field in NYC. So if the question is do I feel like he used me for financial reasons-no. I think would have made money with or without me-it just would've taken him a lot longer-especially because like most immigrants to this country he was reluctant to leave expensive NYC. But I do think he used me for companionship and to have another child. He strung me along knowing full well the whole time that eventually he would leave me when she came. He even recently started talking that "I'm Muslim so I'm allowed to marry 2" stuff to me recently-needless to say, I'm not trying to hear it.

Wow! Anyways, what is in the past belongs to the past. However, after knowing his age then, I cannot help but feel he played on your young mind. I do not blame you, as every woman deserves to be loved and appreciated. He clearly used that point to his own selfish advantage, even though it took him 8 years to achieve it. Just as I earlier pointed out, I would reiterate, you need to move on with your life. Severe every form of emotional communication with him, but allow him to have access and communication with his daughter. Your daughter would need that and would appreciate it as well. Keep in mind that; your daughter is the most paramount thing to you right now. You are a woman with a good heart and keep it that way please.

A man who would love you wholeheartedly would come along. That I can tell you. See this horrendous experience as something to make you better. Not only for you, but more importantly for your daughter. Not men are full of shit as you may want to reason out. There are still the good men out there. Keep your focus and the best would come your way!

All the best.

Pataki:

Wow! Anyways, what is in the past belongs to the past. However, after knowing his age then, I cannot help but feel he played on your young mind. I do not blame you, as every woman deserves to be loved and appreciated. He clearly used that point to his own selfish advantage, even though it took him 8 years to achieve it. Just as I earlier pointed out, I would reiterate, you need to move on with your life. Severe every form of emotional communication with him, but allow him to have access and communication with his daughter. Your daughter would need that and would appreciate it as well. Keep in mind that; your daughter is the most paramount thing to you right now. You are a woman with a good heart and keep it that way please.

A man who would love you wholeheartedly would come along. That I can tell you. See this horrendous experience as something to make you better. Not only for you, but more importantly for your daughter. Not men are full of shit as you may want to reason out. There are still the good men out there. Keep your focus and the best would come your way!

All the best.

Thank you so much! You're going on my refrigerator, too! Moving on with my life-that's a concept I haven't tried lately-but as of today-I'm putting it in action. Thank all you again.

IyaKhdija

I am so sorry to hear of this touching story. I couldnt read the whole thread but I quite get the original point. So what are you going to do now?

*sigh* I know it hurts so very bad now but I promise you it will get better. You are right Karma is a bitch and trust me he will get his. Hes a selfish heartless person and he lived a lie for 8 years?

My suggestion to you is I hope all joint accounts etc have been closed. If you need to pursue him in the courts for YOUR money do it and wash your hands of him.

Please stop the sex. 8 years is a long time and I know its hard to just let go. Look after your child take a deep breath and know that this pain right here right now will fade.

You definately in my prayers.

This thing take time, unfortunately you can't just switch this love feelings on and off especially since you have a child with him. Just take it one day at a time, the sting will get less and less as time passes.

But i do agree with most, please be strong and stop sleeping with him. Hope things work out for the best for you Iya kadijat.

@ IyaKadijat, life has a way of teaching us all brutal lessons,  we just have a find our own way of dealing with such matters.

I wish you well, in your life learnings and journey.

To be honest with you, the whole thing still remain unclear to me,

I know that people want to be loved and that they want to love somone, but I still can't understand certain things especially with regard to those who travel abroad and then deceive innocen ladies into love only to flee after they make a breakthrough. This act should b roundly condemned and must be collectively outcasted. Any amn who do that should be ostracised until he is back in the lowest rung of the society where they belong,

There are many options for you, Madam poster. But it all depend on what you want.

I recommend that you see what is happeneing as seed that will yield something positive for you. At this moment of your darkness, I now you will need strenght to carry on. You will also need extra-ordinary will-power to be able to trust men again, especially those that are from the lower rund of the social ladder. But you must never be negative.

olanajim:

To be honest with you, the whole thing still remain unclear to me,

I know that people want to be loved and that they want to love somone, but I still can't understand certain things especially with regard to those who travel abroad and then deceive innocen ladies into love only to flee after they make a breakthrough. This act should b roundly condemned and must be collectively outcasted. Any amn who do that should be ostracised until he is back in the lowest rung of the society where they belong,

There are many options for you, Madam poster. But it all depend on what you want.

I recommend that you see what is happeneing as seed that will yield something positive for you. At this moment of your darkness, I now you will need strenght to carry on. You will also need extra-ordinary will-power to be able to trust men again, especially those that are from the lower rund of the social ladder. But you must never be negative.

It's easier said than done.