I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

okay

If u no wan marry am, gime make I marry jor..

Marriage neva hungry u reach

And why are u just considering all these things now

well u outlined 7 positves and 4 negatives here bro.7-4=3 bro. besides after grooming her for years nw ,u are nw avin second thoughts.u want another man to reap where he did not sow while u go back to square 1 wit dose indomie and egg babes

mioltai:
well u outlined 7 positves and 4 negatives here bro.7-4=3 bro. besides after grooming her for years nw ,u are nw avin second thoughts.u want another man to reap where he did not sow while u go back to square 1 wit dose indomie and egg babes

my gud bro that's d issue. I discovered that these girls walking the streets can't even prepare common indomie. I went in to a restaurant to eat indomie and what the young girl prepared was tasting as if she mixed d tasteless noodles with raw egg. I only ate the fried egg with some fried plantain I bought and had to pay without even touching the indomie.

RobinHez:
And why are u just considering all these things now

my guy I don't want a divorce on grounds of irreconcilable incompatibility. I want to take a final decision and get paired.

Na who cook this story sef

Cutehector:
If u no wan marry am, gime make I marry jor..

haha, easy nah. Shaa, I'll take that as a go-ahead to marry her...lol

Iamthewatcher:
my guy I don't want a divorce on grounds of irreconcilable incompatibility. I want to take a final decision and get paired.

Its what u guys were supposed to be doing during courtship period na


Anyways..put marriage on hold first, and map out a plan to make her who u want her to be...

Be ready to court her for anoda lengthy period

RobinHez:


Its what u guys were supposed to be doing during courtship period na


Anyways..put marriage on hold first, and map out a plan to make her who u want her to be...

Be ready to court her for anoda lengthy period

ok tnk u bro

Iamthewatcher:
my gud bro that's d issue. I discovered that these girls walking the streets can't even prepare common indomie. I went in to a restaurant to eat indomie and what the young girl prepared was tasting as if she mixed d tasteless noodles with raw egg. I only ate the fried egg with some fried plantain I bought and had to pay without even touching the indomie.

lolz

There're compatibility issues here that I don't think should be ignored. Amos 3 v 3: Can two walk together unless they agree?


I sincerely think one should get married to someone who can they can 'go' with on life's journey.

Pastor Sam Adeyemi preached on the topic, "Growing Together" about 3months ago, and the crux of the whole message was that one should never allow his spouse/partner leave him/her behind. What he meant was that, if your partner is growing academically, start making efforts at growing academically too. If your partner is growing intellectually, spiritually, etc, catch up too, because any inbalance might lead to resentment, and one partner being out of place in the other's life.

Now, be very honest with yourself...can you brush her up to become intellectually and socially compatible with you? Should you fail at that, would you be okay if she is unable to play certain roles which your nature of work/lifestyle/plans/circle of friends and contacts may demand of her as your wife in future? Will you be ashamed of her, or embarrased by her grammatical errors in public? Will you be able to take it? Can her not-so-refined ways lead to resentment and irritation from you in future?

I'm sorry about the barrage of questions, but I feel only you can decide on this, same way I feel the answers to those questions would serve as a pointer to you, on the next step to take.

Wish you the best.

it's obvious from ur writeup u're actually looking 4 a perfect lady,which u can neva get.....she's even honest enuf to show u her flaws b4 marriage....if ur post's anything to go by,u've got a superb wife material in ur hands...dnt throw it away.....peace

Gaborone:
There're compatibility issues here that I don't think should be ignored. Amos 3 v 3: Can two walk together unless they agree?


I sincerely think one should get married to someone who can they can 'go' with on life's journey.

Pastor Sam Adeyemi preached on the topic, "Growing Together" about 3months ago, and the crux of the whole message was that one should never allow his/spouse/partner leave him/her behind. What he meant was that, if your partner is growing academically, start making efforts at growing academically too. If your partner is growing intellectually, spiritually, etc, catch up too, because any imbalance might lead to resentment, and one partner being out of place in the other's life.

Now, be very honest with yourself...can you brush her up to become intellectually and socially compatible with you? Should you fail at that, would you be okay if she is unable to play certain roles which your nature of work/lifestyle/plans/circle of friends and contacts may demand of her as your wife in future. Will you be ashamed of her, or embarrased by her grammatical errors in public? Will you be able to take it? Can her not-so-refined ways lead to resentment and irritation from you in future?

I'm sorry about the barrage of questions, but I feel only you can decide on this, same way I feel the answers to those questions would serve as a pointer to you, on the next step to take.

Wish you the best.

you've got a point that's also part of d reason I put up ds piece. She's picking up slowly on d use of english but she just need a thorough education even as I'll like her to be a nurse. D ish is dt I'm caught up in between d merits and d demerits. Tnx all the same for ur humble contribution.

sulmeza:
it's obvious from ur writeup u're actually looking 4 a perfect lady,which u can neva get.....she's even honest enuf to show u her flaws b4 marriage....if ur post's anything to go by,u've got a superb wife material on ur hands...dnt throw it away.....peace

I sincerely appreciate ur contribution bro but nobody is saying something about d age gap.

Iamthewatcher:
I sincerely appreciate ur contribution bro but nobody is saying something about d age gap.

According to you, she is very respectful. I think that covers the age gap.

IMO, she is a good lady. Many would give anything to have a wife with those qualities even if she cannot write letter O with a bottle. Most importantly, she has to love you enough to see the future with you and agree to the changes.

Would she make you happy, proud and at peace even without good command of English and proper education (let's assume the approach failed)? If not, please marry a Professor.

Please do not marry her. You have a lot of doubts about her. As far as I am concerned some of them are insurmountable. Do not marry someone that you have to change drastically. Can you live with her as she is if she doesn't change all these things you do not like.

In the end you will end up treating her bad and even beating her. Already you are shouting abuses at her. Let her go.

Caracta:


According to you, she is very respectful. I think that covers the age gap.

IMO, she is a good lady. Many would give anything to have a wife with those qualities even if she cannot write letter O with a bottle. Most importantly, she has to love you enough to see the future with you and agree to the changes.

Would she make you happy, proud and at peace even without good command of English and proper education (let's assume the approach failed)? If not, please marry a Professor.

ok, ur funny shaa

Caracta:


According to you, she is very respectful. I think that covers the age gap.

IMO, she is a good lady. Many would give anything to have a wife with those qualities even if she cannot write letter O with a bottle. Most importantly, she has to love you enough to see the future with you and agree to the changes.

Would she make you happy, proud and at peace even without good command of English and proper education (let's assume the approach failed)? If not, please marry a Professor.

yea I have peace wt her but for those mentioned drawbacks.

fem29:
Please do not marry her. You have a lot of doubts about her. As far as I am concerned some of them are insurmountable. Do not marry someone that you have to change drastically. Can you live with her as she is if she doesn't change all these things you do not like.

In the end you will end up treating her bad and even beating her. Already you are shouting abuses at her. Let her go.

ok tnx lady

You have to instil discipline into her through example.

Once she can read and write, she's literate. Learn her local language or broken for effective communication.

Start taking her on early morning jogs and sit ups and she would sweat up the extra fats. Let her know she's free to eat all the junks she likes as long as she's ready to put in the jogs. Nobody would tell her to fall in line.

About her not so good mouth aroma, teach her top notch personal hygiene.

And as per feeling inferior, bring yourself down to her level once you are with her. All those your self aggrandizement,shoulder highs ends the moment you step into your house with her. She deserves an exclusive right to that part of you with flaws and raw free from peoples judgments.

Relationship takes hard work to nurturing into something extra ordinary. You would be amazed on how she's turns out in few years time. All depends on who you are. I love working with raw materials.

All her mentioned flaws are workable. Lastly, on the age difference you should know that with the right exercise,food,love and care a woman can age gracefully. Good luck. If I were you I would marry her off today toay. She seems honest to discuss her flaws with you.

OP, you sound like you are perfect yourself. Do you honestly think this lady likes everything about you?

My point is: she doesn't rub your flaws on your face. If you have to always rub hers on her face as you said, "abusing her", pls let her go. She deserves better.

Chubhie:
You have to instil discipline into her through example.

Once she can read and write, she's literate. Learn her local language or broken for effective communication.

Start taking her on early morning jogs and sit ups and she would sweat up the extra fats. Let her know she's free to eat all the junks she likes as long as she's ready to put in the jogs. Nobody would tell her to fall in line.

About her not so good mouth aroma, teach her top notch personal hygiene.

And as per feeling inferior, bring yourself down to her level once you are with her. All those your self aggrandizement,shoulder highs ends the moment you step into your house with her. She deserves an exclusive right to that part of you with flaws and raw free from peoples judgments.

Relationship takes hard work to nurturing into something extra ordinary. You would be amazed on how she's turns out in few years time. All depends on who you are. I love working with raw materials.

All her mentioned flaws are workable. Lastly, on the age difference you should know that with the right exercise,food,love and care a woman can age gracefully. Good luck. If I were you I would marry her off today toay. She seems honest to discuss her flaws with you.

great advice. Tnx a whole lot man

flyca:
OP, you sound like you are perfect yourself. Do you honestly think this lady likes and accepts everything about you?
My point is: she doesn't rub your flaws on your face. If you have to always rub hers on her face as you said, "abusing her", pls let her go. She deserves better.

I'm far from perfect but the imbalance is just too obvious. But for d wifely and motherly qualities I saw in her, I would have concluded her case a long time ago but I'm still holding on patiently. honestly dear, I abhor d use of abusive words for anybody not to talk of her. It only happens when d heat becomes overpowering and it seems to me the task of brushing her up is becoming so uphill. I honestly don't think I want to let her go but just d lil confusion in my head pushed me into bringing ds issue here to get it thrashed once and for all with the help of great and experienced minds in this forum.

Iamthewatcher:
I'm far from perfect but the imbalance is just too obvious. But for d wifely and motherly qualities I saw in her, I would have concluded her case a long time ago but I'm still holding on patiently. honestly dear, I abhor d use of abusive words for anybody not to talk of her. It only happens when d heat becomes overpowering and it seems to me the task of brushing her up is becoming so uphill. I honestly don't think I want to let her go but just d lil confusion in my head pushed me into bringing ds issue here to get it thrashed once and for all with the help of great and experienced minds in this forum.

From the way you sound (the imbalance is too obvious), I will advise that you free this lady. There are ladies who are will suit your taste better: literate, younger, pretty, wife and motherly material etc. They abound. You just need to search properly.

Eh... on another note, a lady who has invested 2 years of her life in a relationship will obviously be heart broken. And I feel really sorry for her. But the earlier the better. I pray someone that loves, appreciates and accepts her will come for her - soon

madgoat:
kk

omo which one be kk nah wen ur guy dey hustle advice front & back. E be lyk u no grab wetin ur guy dey pass thru.

You said she is a "wife material"

You want to marry a wife.

You love "refined material"

Now, if you can answer these questions honestly, you will quickly come out of your dilemma.

1. On what basis do you hinge your priority?

2. Can a wife material later become a refined material?

3. Can a refined material later become a wife material?

flyca:


From the way you sound (the imbalance is too obvious), I will advise that you free this lady. There are ladies who are will suit your taste better: literate, younger, pretty, wife and motherly material etc. They abound. You just need to search properly.

Eh... on another note, a lady who has invested 2 years of her life in a relationship will obviously be heart broken. And I feel really sorry for her. But the earlier the better. I pray someone that loves, appreciates and accepts her will come for her - soon

u started ds advice on a decisive note and concluded on an emotional note.

Who has English helped? Has speaking phoney helped the marriages of those ladies with toothpick legs?

There are more important things than all what you have listed and those things she has graciously passed as you attested to.

She has shown she is willing to learn and has put in effort to do so with positives. So what else do you want?

You seem young and inexperienced to understand that nothing trumps the inner beauty which this lady exudes. Do what you feel is right. It's your call.