Pls dont marrry her .supposing u are an illetrate like her i would hav said go ahead but since not dont marry her u are not on desame level she will not be able to understand u

Iamthewatcher:
I sincerely appreciate ur contribution bro but nobody is saying something about d age gap.

The two main issues here are her age and her literacy level which to me are issues you need to really think about very well before taking your final decision. You said she has respect but many women show respect before marriage only to change after marriage so be ready for some disrespect after marriage, especially since she is a bit older than you, most men start feeling inferior at this point and start hating themselves, you are lucky to have known about your age difference many women hide their real age.
Also her literacy level can be a problem in future especially when you start clumbing the ladder of sucess and if you are the social type you may start seeing her as unfit for your status.
Btw you are silent on her financial status and if she is working or not

Your choice bro, the refined literate may not posses these characters :
1. She is well-mannered.2. She can cook very well.3. She is very hospitable.4. She's very respectful.5: She's pretty and fair.6. She's a wife material.7. She's reserved.

It depends on whatever you feel. Marry her if you like.

Emperorx:
Pls dont marrry her .supposing u are an illetrate like her i would hav said go ahead but since not dont marry her u are not on desame level she will not be able to understand u

She won't understand him you said? If I may ask you, how are they been getting along before now?

Mbilla:
Which one is Igbotic accent again? Is ur tribe accent better than Igbo accent. I blame that nice Igbo man for marry an efulefu like u.

lol, see this id'iot ooo, come and marry the nice man, anuohio. Taking panadol for another persons headache.

Commit suicide for his accent na, foolish mkpi!

The message behind my post was lost on your stu'pid brain, that's if you have one sef. Abi, you have igbotic accent also and you feel self conscious about it? Otherwise I don't see how my husbands accent should be affecting you.

Onye ampari!

Story seem like DUMEBI THE DIRTY GIRL 1,2
E GET 3,4?

jnrbayano:
You said she is a "wife material"

You want to marry a wife.

You love "refined material"

Now, if you can answer these questions honestly, you will quickly come out of your dilemma.

1. On what basis do you hinge your priority?

2. Can a wife material later become a refined material?

3. Can a refined material later become a wife material?

These your questions no be for this world o , e be like question wey dem ask for 1993 JAMB , the JAMB hard no be small

I think you av decided already.... And why didn't you mention other shortcomings....well I will say if what you listed is actually why you want to have a re-think then you're OYO but if the ones you withheld are good reasons....then only you can provide d answer to you question.....Happy birthday to all those born today

mioltai:
well u outlined 7 positves and 4 negatives here bro.7-4=3 bro. besides after grooming her for years nw ,u are nw avin second thoughts.u want another man to reap where he did not sow while u go back to square 1 wit dose indomie and egg babes

Are you kidding me? If she could credit all the subjects in SSCE after some tutorials from you; is there anything you think this girl cannot achieve?

See it this way: you are so lucky to have a lady you can actually groom to be exactly what you want her to be as she already has a lot of the other key factors you admire.

Gently and lovingly teach her with respect and love and you will forever have not only a wife but a a friend and soul mate for life.

Enough said, good luck bro

Cutehector:
If u no wan marry am, gime make I marry jor..

I tire o .Illitaracy and fat tummy like seriously
Go marry Beyonce na .

sulmeza:
it's obvious from ur writeup u're actually looking 4 a perfect lady,which u can neva get.....she's even honest enuf to show u her flaws b4 marriage....if ur post's anything to go by,u've got a superb wife material in ur hands...dnt throw it away.....peace

Had so much to say on this issue but just decided to let go. I concur with you. The OP and others who are advising him to 'put it on hold', 'still try her out', :watch her for some time', bla bla bla don't seem to understand how difficult it is to get a girl that can have just one of the good traits he listed his woman as having.

Again @OP you already classified her as being a 'Wife Material" so what more do you want?. Or should I take it that you don't know the meaning of the term?

Furthermore, just cos your woman is not educated, you seem to think you can ride her! Deny it all you want or get pissed its the truth. From the tone of your write-up I can discern a superiority complex with regards to her-like you're even doing her a favour dating her in the first place. Are you perfect? Are you sure if we call the 'illiterate' girl over here and tell her to comment on you she'll be able to name just three positives with regards to you as against her seven? Do you think she doesn't have feelings abi because she just choose to lay low.

Sometimes I wonder what we want from life! You have a wife material in your hand who is even willing to change and be all what you want her to be, and you cannot appreciate it (yes! you don't as if you do, you won't be here asking these lame questions) and you're not thankful. So what do you want? The one that can speak all the grammar at home with all degrees and looks but can't keep a family, doesn't respect you, challenge your authority and is an awful mother and wife.

I think you don't deserve that girl, from the tone of your write up- talking bout mouth odour and stuff, Jesus! Grow up man! Come and see what men are going through in their homes with their so called sophisticated wives then you'd understand. Got to stop here. Just know this if you don't marray her, she'll definitely get married as a girl with a trait like hers is simply hot cake and you too will definitely get married.
The question is in hindsight, will you think you made the right decision.

I absolve myself of influencing you otherwise. You better go and marry your illiterate, halitosis prone, fat bellied BUT fair and beautiful, reserved, respectful, well mannered, cook of the century, wife material to mention but a few girl before its too late.

batulakarada:

I tire o .Illitaracy and fat tummy like seriously
Go marry Beyonce na .

Imagine that!

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

Cc: Lalasticlala

Dis guy is yarning dust. Did u close ur eye before. Sit down & think about what u wrote here because ur nt making sense

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

Cc: Lalasticlala

U can't get all u want in dis life.my advice is this.....Marriage is a sacred tin.marriage is mor of spiritual dan physical.not bn too religious buh u hav 2 decide which of d two u want in ur marriage which is a beautiful literate n well sound lady witout manner,wu can't cook n Tak kia of ur home or d beautiful educational illeterate wu can mak u a hapi man n mak a gud hom 4 U.my wife was nvr a graduate buh I made it a point dat she wil b a beta woman educational wise in my house.she is doing her masters now in unilag.so b wise not 2 allow wat u built on 2 slip away ooo

No story! she's ur wife.

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

Cc: Lalasticlala

If for some (sincere) reasons she couldn't meet up with the changes expected,will you be able to endure? Life can serve you funny card. Remember GEJ and PEJ.
.
.
The age wouldn't matter. She'll have more issues which will center around emotion. Talk some of this issues with her and you'll understand what I'm saying.
.
.
If she doesn't start exercising now,you might have to live with the tummy. Trust me on this,the emotional twist you can expect from a woman is that you don't accept her for "who she is" instead of seeing your point of view.
.
.
It's good that you've started the change process before being joined to her. If it doesn't work,just stay away. The things that are theory now,might be hard to swallow on the other side of the joining.
If it sometimes annoy you to the point of abusing her,it will really annoy you in the marriage because you might thing that you've been trapped if you don't see much improvement from her.
.
.
In all this,my counsel is if you can live with it,she's good.
.
.
Her good sides are good enough. Do they meet the core of your being? If you have more important subjects of concern in your life (maybe part of the -ves) they'll become clearer in the marriage. Eg,if you are religious and she's not,you'll think she's drawing you back.

Iamthewatcher:
you've got a point that's also part of d reason I put up ds piece. She's picking up slowly on d use of english but she just need a thorough education even as I'll like her to be a nurse. D ish is dt I'm caught up in between d merits and d demerits. Tnx all the same for ur humble contribution.

Have you ever sat down to ask yourself this question: What does my girl really want to be in life. What makes her happy?

Please do, as you seem determined to turn her into something that makes YOU happy never minding how she'd feel about it. She's someone with feelings not a toy you purchased for your amusement!

Do you think she doesn't know that you detest these traits of hers. Do you think she's not hurting about it- wishing she could be the superwoman that you want her to be. Guy exercise some selflessness in this your quest I beg thee.

RobinHez:


Why is he just realizing she's an illiterate?

I mean..what is the meaning of 'courting' .?

why in the world were you online at 5:02?

anyway, well, they are still courting, aren't they? besides, don't you think "courting" is more of an old fashioned word? i think dating is more accurate.

fem29:
Please do not marry her. You have a lot of doubts about her. As far as I am concerned some of them are insurmountable. Do not marry someone that you have to change drastically. Can you live with her as she is if she doesn't change all these things you do not like.

In the end you will end up treating her bad and even beating her. Already you are shouting abuses at her. Let her go.

Thank God someone also came to the conclusion I did with respect to your not respect respecting this lady ala surmising that 'already you are shouting abuses at her'.

You leave me tempted to think this girl has gotten a slap or two from you owning to her 'shortcomings'.

Believe me, u wouldn't want to fall into the hands of a career lady who would want to boss u around
.... I've tasted a little..

flyca:
OP, you sound like you are perfect yourself. Do you honestly think this lady likes everything about you?

My point is: she doesn't rub your flaws on your face. If you have to always rub hers on her face as you said, "abusing her", pls let her go. She deserves better.

Word!

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

Cc: Lalasticlala

What do you actually want the forum to do? Help you with criteria or what, get lost, mister!!!

Gaborone:
There're compatibility issues here that I don't think should be ignored. Amos 3 v 3: Can two walk together unless they agree?


I sincerely think one should get married to someone who can they can 'go' with on life's journey.

Pastor Sam Adeyemi preached on the topic, "Growing Together" about 3months ago, and the crux of the whole message was that one should never allow his spouse/partner leave him/her behind. What he meant was that, if your partner is growing academically, start making efforts at growing academically too. If your partner is growing intellectually, spiritually, etc, catch up too, because any inbalance might lead to resentment, and one partner being out of place in the other's life.

Now, be very honest with yourself...can you brush her up to become intellectually and socially compatible with you? Should you fail at that, would you be okay if she is unable to play certain roles which your nature of work/lifestyle/plans/circle of friends and contacts may demand of her as your wife in future? Will you be ashamed of her, or embarrased by her grammatical errors in public? Will you be able to take it? Can her not-so-refined ways lead to resentment and irritation from you in future?

I'm sorry about the barrage of questions, but I feel only you can decide on this, same way I feel the answers to those questions would serve as a pointer to you, on the next step to take.

Wish you the best.

Well wirtten

Clean her up man.....send her to an adult school and during the weekends make sure she visits the gym With you.talk to her alot,make her feel confident when around you not inferior.thats if you realy Love her

onegig:
Who has English helped? Has speaking phoney helped the marriages of those ladies with toothpick legs?

There are more important things than all what you have listed and those things she has graciously passed as you attested to.

She has shown she is willing to learn and has put in effort to do so with positives. So what else do you want?

You seem young and inexperienced to understand that nothing trumps the inner beauty which this lady exudes. Do what you feel is right. It's your call.

Heaven just spoke through you!

Well,from your post,I understand your kind of man,you want a "wife material"! See,you can't eat your cake and have it,everyone has their flaws,most wife materials have those flaws you listed,if you want a woman that you would totally control,they are usually less educated.This decision is yours alone,and yours alone to bear,take it! People would advise you here and wouldn't be in the marriage with you.Make your own life decisions...

This reminds me of GEJ n PEJ

Iamthewatcher:
on d basis of a wife, I hinge my priority but remember that for me not to cheat on her later, she should be a compatible companion and best friend to me in order not to give me that space. I see where you are headed in d 2nd & 3rd que. This will be my last hope. Only if she will pick up fast and get refined along the way as we journey together. My indecision and fear arose from d snail-speed at which d refining is going. But I honestly prefer a wife to a refined material. Maybe I'm too greedy and want d best of both worlds.

Cheat on her? Well that's a first for me- hearing someone cheated on their spouse xos she's got a fair case of halitosis or bad English.

If you'll cheat, you'll cheat! Don't blame it on such flimsy excuses. The lothariod malaise suffered by many male folks is always blamed on some shortcoming in the female- and falsely too!

repogirl:
lol, see this id'iot ooo, come and marry the nice man, anuohio. Taking panadol for another persons headache.

Commit suicide for his accent na, foolish mkpi!

The message behind my post was lost on your stu'pid brain, that's if you have one sef. Abi, you have igbotic accent also and you feel self conscious about it? Otherwise I don't see how my husbands accent should be affecting you.

Onye ampari!

Typical mannerless oloshi! Ur comments says a lot about u. F.o.o.l, every tribe have their own accent and urs is not better. I didt nt insult u by asked u if ur tribe accent better than Igbo accent ur mocking but look at how ur barking lyk a mad female dog on a faceless forum. I pity dat nice Igbo man that marry a senseless, s.t.u.p.i..d.y, illiterate, shapeless mannerless oloshi..

The truth about marriage is that even God can't choose a wife for you so that at long run, you don't blame Him.My friend,the decision is yours,but don't ever marry her out of pity because that'll be the greatest mistake you'll ever make.Also,If you decide to marry her,just love all her inadequacies and never use it against her in future.I've seen lots of educated beautiful women that are so disgusting and less than wife materials,If you come across such women,you'll hate women with passion.To me,she's the best woman for you because you'll mould her to your desired shape and she'll see you as her king.Good luck.