yinkeys:

Bros do not give her time. Let her go ooo. Seriously you are going about it the wrong way. If you eventually marry her, I won't be surprised if you are on the rig & she's cheating. You see signs & yet you ignore. Always follow your instincts,logic & not your emotions.
I wish you the best

ur on point bro, though @ times i feel this distance thing is not helping matter as well, as the saying goes maybe if we spending much time 2geda things might get better. But one funny thing happend few weeks ago when i told her she must do her Nysc in Lagos to stop this distance wahala, she declined that she will not, that she is tired of lagos, needed to explore other places since she was born and brought up in Lag, i told her to sacrifize that for our love, that i dont mind taken her to inter state trips other times, but she stood her ground.

scantee:
Cc: @Annais Sis ur attention is needed here o @9Japrof..

Mehn! You're not only a Bleep but also a full time Bleep up, you work in and outside the country and you dey die for one dirty good for nothing LovePeddler, see that girl no worth you one bit, she no worth your tears and she definitely no worth your time, see as girls full everywhere, black Americans and whites dey Netherlands, even responsible girls still dey naija and you dey lose appetite, no go throw way your better destiny for one nonentity, and I no wan see say you open thread again cause of that nobody.. She dey her prime, let her destroy her life, move on bro, she will later say had I know, by then you ve found someone who will make you even happier.

scantee:
I am very sorry for the long sermon, i can't even sleep...i feel horrible

Is it by force to marry this girl? You are simply setting yourself up very nicely for either, heartattack, stroke, divorce, heartbreak, emotional trauma etc etc etc
The signs are on the walls written in bold letters in a language you understand, but you are pretending not to understand the language!!!
Marry her and open another thread about how your wife is showing you very hot peppersoup!!!!
Nairalanders, would still be here to advice or curse you, don't just open another account whole posting your dilemma, use this same handle!!!!

scantee:
ya bro i asked her so she will always reassured me that nothing has change & she never imaging herself leaving me, but her action says otherwise.

Trust me that lady didn't worth to be worried about. You planned to get married and she's into another guy(s) to the extent of getting confused ? she never loved you .


The greatest disservice you can ever done to yourself and your unborn kids is getting married to a woman who is not 100% committed into you. Your real woman will surely come at the right time.

scantee:
what do u mean by wanting to get marry to her severally? I said we agreed to get marry after her school, since are both still young no rushing, as for school fees & hostel whatever that is not a topic bro, i never said i did but if i do is nothing to regret because someting you do out of love is nothing, my major concern here is not about whatever i spent on her, that is nothing...my only problem is that i feel hurt for i so much trust her bro.

op,stop pretending you weren't in love with this ur girl,one thing for sure is you are likely to fall in love with some1 xpecially when u love her,d signal it's been thr for u to see that it wasn't working,these are lost and obsession,dat ur girl is fake,fortgt abt her

scantee:
bro love is a very wicked thing, maybe i should just rush into new r/ship to get her rid of my mind, though her family will be hurt & sad but i think i have no other choice now b4 i die of HBP.

dnt rush into anything,just focus ur mind on something else

jomoh:


Bro. Women are the most deceptive beings ever created by God. Even God himself said it in Bible and Qurans.


They are they only set of people that have the ability to live more than two deifferent lives successfully without mixing it because they believe what they do.


What ever she says or do whenever you're together is not and never will be the yard stick for judging them. They mostly live by a rule that guys are starting to adopt- "she's yours whenever she's with you. She's lost whenever she's not". Play by that rule and see her run after you.


BTW I went through your threads and some comments on it. Broda, you need to quickly and urgently disconnect whatever you have with that babe now and forever. She's never going to be faithful. I even read the part where you claim to here male voices in the background which she confirmed. Twice for heavens sake. For Gods sake you're not a cripple are you?


I won't sugar coat anything for you cos am a guy like you. This is not love. She never loved you. She only took you as a benefactor, her money bag.


Its time you concentrated more on your own job and give her less than 5% of you time.


Also, you don't need all this distant relationships very few people can sustain it. Especially not sexually active people. Especially not students who have a lot of time on their hands to mess around. Consider dating a working class babe like you who probably have little or no time on her hand to be messing around. Bankers are good if you get a nice one. They don't have much time to socialise, so they appreciate the ones that come for them much better.


Wish you all the best.

Good advice bro

But you lost me when you advised him to date a banker. Hahahahahahaha
Not to sound biased, but dating a banker is even worse. Either marketer,bank operations or management.
Most of them are "pass around", if you know what I mean!!

jomoh:


Don't delete them. Just pack them and keep somewhere somewhere you won't or can't access easily.


I know its not easy but you just have to disconnect yourself from her emotionally. Block your mind from seeing her as someone you love. Start seeing her as a close friend rather than a lover.

When she texts, don't text back immediately even if she says its urgent. Take sometime before you reply and don't let emotions show in your text.

Same with calls. Reduce your calls and don't return her missed call until hours later or the next day. Make it a duty not to let your missed call be more than twice.

Anytime you're tempted to make the call or to continue calling after calling twice, just drop your phone and walk away from it as far as possible.

If you can do it for just 3weeks, she'll notice the change. If she queries you, give her excuses of work stress or that you forgot then apologise. As time goes on she'll realise she's no more in control.

NOTE: no matter what she says or does, never let things go back to the way it was before. Just keep giving her promises but don't change the new attitude. When she confronts you do not admit that you've changed until after sometime if she persists. You can now let her know that you changed because you can't trust her again until she regain your trust. Let her feel she's losing you. Let her feel insecure and start chasing you but if she doesn't chase after you, just count her as another one that bites the dust and move on.

I repeat no matter what she does or says never let her melt your heart again until you've put the ring on that finger. Even after the marriage there are still ways to make her feel insecure.

BTW please and please give your crushers some chance and have fun. Give at least 2 of them chance. You don't know they might give you the lasting peace of mind you so much seek but if they don't it will have help you in more ways than one to reshape your mind and relationship.

so on point. done this before

If u can see this massage pls get me on whatsapp and i will tell u what to do and she will run after u like dog pet 100% not magic potion but only emotional trik u will press on her, coz the girl on her own told u already that she is confuse.. In our love book she has enter into where every women do into which need only alfa male to get her, i use to be so bro but after get the real tip i hv anybody i want as girl in my life and the beauty of it is she will be the one investing emotionaly trust me 07046344757. I promise to help u coz i feel im in your shoe

scantee:
thanx dear, i spoke to her more than 2hrs last night to talk sense into her, she pleaded with me not to breakup with her that she can't stand me leaving her, but lets face the reality here dear, only thought of knowing she is crushing on another guy, the guy is visting her which i don't know if she is also doing the same can drive any guy insane and liue d trust u have for her, is understandable if is the guy that is crushing on her, but a girl crushing on guy gush! Na d guy free ride be that...

plssssss am beggingyou with tears in my eyes..donT marry her..i have been in your shoes..you will end up thinking of suicide..even if you overcome her crush when she sees a guy better than you..she will treat u like a rag. My dad told me that students are the worst to date for marriage now I believe him. Guys like us are hard to find don't waste time on someone who doesn't appreciate you bro. Thank me later

scantee:
Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

i used to surf this forum as a guest,jes joined today when i saw ur post. Yur gurl is onli bored of the relationship and has found sumone thats tickling her fancy because his still new to her,its better that shes showing all these now,because what i can decipher from here is that shes not psychologically ready for marriage,she still feels young and wants to explore, and the idea of been stuck to one man is scary to her. Your best option is to give her space,i mean real space,dont break it off with her,but start going out with other gurls,dont date for now because the probability that any gurl you date now will be a rebound is very high,you may just want to use her to cure your heart break which isnt fair to the gurl. with time,if your relationship isnt meant to be,you"ll find yourself withdrawing from her gradually. One thing is if the trust has been destroyed,dont bother going further,because no matter what she does,you will always doubt her fidelity and thats bad for your health. You'll be fine,it will only hurt for a while..i promise

When she is gone she is gone. Milk already spilt, So why cry now? It's only a fool that will think girls don't cheat. All women Flirt most women Cheat.

Next time don't be over committed. Girls run like buses , You may miss one....catch one every hour on the hour promptly. Why are you desperate to turn a potential LovePeddler into a house wife.

RVBC:
Bro! As a man you have to be in charge everytime. This is another challenge in front of you! I will advice you to stop calling her and see and how long she can go without hearing from you! And when she does call, Bro you will pick up the call with a very nice voice telling her "LONG TIME BABE PLS I WILL CALL YOU BACK I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO ATTEND TO" don't call her back, play her card against her, learn to go days without talking to her, treat her like an option, while doin so use style show her watin she go miss if she loose you! If u get money buy motor, change your level!

The bold sentence is not a way to get a good woman. Sorry for quoting you.

Bro,this is why I don't date student .My advice is just let her be after she graduates and starts attending her friends wedding and no job body go tell her. Advice to guys never you sponsor a girl through school with the hope of getting married to her when she graduates if you non wan commit sucide abeg non try am.Get married to her first.

scantee:
I am very sorry for the long sermon, i can't even sleep...i feel horrible

Guy,you need LEAVE THIS GIRL.Life is like that somethings.Nothing like marrying a lady who is all over you and SUBMISSIVE to you.

There are many ladies out there instead of you having emotional sickness because of a girl who wants to use and dump you.

I would advice that you ask God to send you your wife,someone who will love you for who you are not what you have and to spend.

Brotherly,you really need rotate leave this babe o.IT TAKES TWO TO TANGLE.

Hmmmm, it's well,

Are you a Christian or a Muslim?

We in Christianity, have learned to trust God alone but not HUMANS.

You must know that; when started a new business, you are taking a risk of to lost it or to win and gain more profits from it, and that is exactly how relationship between man and woman endup.

Don't trust human being, because they can disappoint or betrayed you at any time, even you yourself you have done it to others and GOD.

Anyway, I know how you feel, but I must tell you the truth that there is GOD.

Don't give up, and don't quit it, don't give up the fight if you really love her,
woman have little brain and they can be confused at any time and forget all the time and years and other things you have done for her.

There is a way to overcome the situation, and that is prayers, please take your time, and devote yourself and your time to GOD, open to GOD and cry to Him harder, pour your heart to Him and then give Him some times if really she is for you, God will surely intervene.

But I warn you don't go to juju or habalis because they can't help you but worsten the situation.

Cheer up!!!
I believe you can do it

with GOD on your side all things are possible

sickstars:


Learn to study people not every girl has a strong heart to handle or take in situations

U been hard on a girl who is crying cos she is hurts wen u find out d truth i hope u wont regret cos God sees every mans heart nd pay them back accordingly
To their deeds

Aight. It's good you see it that way. At least you kind enuf to make excuses for people.

Nonetheless, her decision doesn't support her wants. I don't see how you want to concentrate and at same time do things that will distract.

My dear brother, I've been on this path before,honestly it is not palatable. However, though this may sound hard and difficult to do but nevertheless it is the only option as it is now.
Walk away,slowly! It is the most honourable thing to do for now. If you let go and it comes back to you,then she is yours. Engage yourself in things that makes you happy to occupy your mind. With time,all those crazy thoughts and imagination will leave.
Henceforth, channel your energy to things that makes you happy. Go out and have fun and let God deal with things that are beyond your power!

my brother I really understand ur predicament,ur situation is really pitiable.but pls take my advice.i ve had similar experienced over and over again,but as we all knw, in every defeat there's a lesson teaching u how to win next time.so wot i do in situations like dis is to pretend to her dat am equally tired of her,that i was just waiting for her to initiate d break up,is time to give Esther(anoda girl) a chance.dis the best back to sender i ve ever seen,it works like magic.try it and tank mw later.

scantee:
Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

Bro move on N leave d b*tch ass bitch 2 fool arund....u showed her 2 much luv & affection N nw she's using it against u, mainwhile that's wat u get wen u decide 2 roll wit kidz wit no or litle xperience of d word "luv"

My chairman sir dats is wat u want to believe deep down u know the truth. Marriage is sacred u can't just jump into it. If u re not sure of it once don't take the step cos u wl jump out d way u jumped in. U know the truth ur self u jus want us nairalanders to confirm it. The girl is not confused she's not under any force. She's not jus into u anymore. She said she's tired of u playfully. She's telling u plain truth bro she's tired. Sorry for saying dis to u DUMP THE STUPID BIATCH AND MOVE ON. well if u like sha. Things we do for love.

Op I know you love this girl deeply but I would advise you marriage is not bf/gf affair, it is very deep and a life time thing. You have to involve God in it. To me I feel these are signs she might not be for you and you are seeing them now cos God loves and doesnt want you to make mistake. Many people who are in this forum who regretted marrying their spouses is because of some of this things . You opened a thread and complained about her now this is your second, I think is time to move on by the will of God you will meet a girl that will give you peace cos a girl that doesnt give you peace doesnt deserve your ring.

scantee:
ya bro i asked her so she will always reassured me that nothing has change & she never imaging herself leaving me, but her action says otherwise.

If that's the case why not pay her a surprise visit. Ready for the worst though. That will help you know what's actually going on.

pinkycute:
She's confused for real and she don't want to loose you as wel.

But have it in mind, there's this guy out there disturbing her, talking sweet nonsense to her, making her to lost interest in everything and it might affect her final.

@Op, you just have to be the man here, don't call her again, if you've the time, go and see her as a surprise, talk to her and make her understand that she'll be save in your hands this's the time she needs you most

Don't listen to all this NL guys concluding what they don't know. She might still love you, but confused due to pressure concerning some sitting things, of which she has already confirmed to you. You know her very well more than we here. And i believe you're not a kid, and you can tell if someone is breaking up with you. So my dear, do the needful and save your relationship

WHAT IS THIS ONE SAYING SELF ....A GIRL IS CHEATING ON HER GUY WHO WANTS TO MARRY HER AND YOUR HERE SAYING HE SHOULD SAVE THE RELATIONSHIP, WAS THERE TO SAVE AGAIN WHEN SHE HAS LOST IT ALL...OP PLS JUST MOVE AHEAD AND THERE ARE LOTS OF GIRLS OUT THERE READY AND WAITING FOR YOUR KIND OF PERSON...STOP LOOKING AT THE YEARS YOU HAVE SPENT CUS TO GIRLS IT ONLY SEEM LIKE A DAY...JUST GO OUT THERE AND GET YOURSELF A LADY THAT WILL MAKE A GOOD WIFE AND MOTHER TO YOUR KIDS

Bro,chill and take heart... all girls are hoes,f**kers,pretenders and stewpeed biatches, trust me...every guy should know that! its either she became a biatch in mums womb, or she was influenced,all the same.. never trust any gurl,never!! dude,believe me,they'll break ur heart into... no no! they'll grind it to fine dust,thinking they never did wrong to u... my advice to guys; even if u're in love,or bout to get married, open all ur eyes,if its ten u have,open eleven. while shes forming all innocent for you,deep inside ur heart u'll know truly who she is,while preparing for the worst.... #my10Shillngs

@Scantee i must say this "you dont know your " worth".
Fine,shit happens all in the name of lof abi nah love..i guess you are suffering from Limerence...its better you avoid it before it turns to an obsession.....

The Simple truth is the more you are trying to win her love,or get her back the more you will fail,...just let her be for some months and live your life,you are a Man already and not a boy,you might even regret marrying her on the long run.You dey think say you go fit change her abi.....

My brother you've been buying her love for a long time with gifts and d likes,am not against buying gifts for ur girlfriend but i guess yours was too much....


i can bet that it was the girl's innocence that attracted you at first,you thinking she knows nothing and you have forgotten that University has a way of uttering your attitude,bro i believe she will still come back...she wants to explore(youthful exuberance),its a normal thing for everyone.

My recommemded solutions are:


My guy just try hang out,you will definitely see new and better chick or just hit the club...just do that the more this days,a week time i can bet you go dn forget about the chick....
when ever you go on outing snap with new friends especially female...upload on your social media...

What i feel is wrong with this ur girl is that you have become so predictable,just try and change d game plan...
My best advice is that you should socialise more....period....
This once happened to a close friend of mine....

scantee:
bro i understands u quite alright, my major concern here is that she seem to be confused about what she is doing as if she is under something, she is a different person when we are 2geda, we have issues mostly when she is school.

then you consult alfa/lfa.

scantee:
ya i undersands ur point just that is not that easy knowing how far you have gone with ur plans for over 3yrs now, it hurts more because i singlehandedly relegated all my female friends to the bench only to make her comfortable & win her trust, believe me i have hundreds of female crushers but i never gave them the chance just to make her happy..<in my next world i would never date a student> again....

Your English self don make me dump you talk more of her. Mine got married secretly not knowing I knew when she was planing it. I called her on her wedding day to wish her well. Life went on cos unlike you I did not relegated any b!tch. Now she's back on her kneels begging to get back after a failed marriage but it was late cos me got myself a wife and a kid.

jblessed:
Op, ignore her for now but if you can't I think you should pay her a surprise visit to her school if you haven't done that. Ask few people about her attitude in school, you shouldn't rush to break up now. Yes, she's confused, it's normal. Try to be sure before breaking up.

You need to sit her down and talk, do not show any emotion, follow what your heart tells you, that little voice that tell you go when you really want to hear come.

If possible collect her phone to go through, check her facebook or other social media platforms. Anyone that says you shouldn't have access to them is simply a dishonest person, if you have nothing to hide why protest.

I'm married but before then my wife and I have access to our phones, social media and so on, even nairaland.

I was once in your shoes and it wasn't easy, I followed the above advice and after some months she came begging for me to marry her, but boy I was long gone, I can tell you till today that girl still have strong feelings for me. I handled her well by beating her to her game.

I thank God I didn't heed to her plea cause till today she's single, flirts. How did I know, I have a couple of friends who has friends that have friends that are sleeping with her, they were discussing about her and one of my friend pointed them to me that I am her ex.. so you see that if I had marry that girl my life would have been in shambles. Be careful bro.

bro is almost impossible to know if she is cheating, because all always negative, i have access to all her social media account, she uses my pix as her Dp on fb,bbm,whatsap etc and was tagg it my Ever, in her school everbdy says no she is not, 90% of her frnds knws me, she use our pix (picmix) on her display wall of her phone and desktop background in her laptop, even her boss sometime called me where she did her IT and told me bro ur a lucky man, u see why i said is almost imposible to figure it out.

sorry bro but u gt to move on.shits happen. but one advice for u,any day she comes bk after all dis her attitude u beta nt accept her bk cos if u do she will still leave again its in her nature. always remember did,u can never find happiness where u lost it.its gonna b hard for u bt u gt to b a man.

sorry bro but u gt to move on.shits happen. but one advice for u,any day she comes bk after all dis her attitude u beta nt accept her bk cos if u do she will still leave again its in her nature. always remember dis,u can never find happiness where u lost it.its gonna b hard for u bt u gt to b a man.

scantee:
bro i understands u quite alright, my major concern here is that she seem to be confused about what she is doing as if she is under something, she is a different person when we are 2geda, we have issues mostly when she is school.