Put yourself together and move on ... Trust nobody... life goes on ... That's woman for you

sickstars:


Smh cos dis is done by clubs runz girls doesnt mean an innocent girl does it i dont kno ow a girl who cries her eyes out daily b avin anoda guy

why wud i av a side nigga nd b crying without cease

M growing up all is a lesson

You make me laugh! Innocent indeed. Well, I shouldn't take that from her.. she jsut might well be. But don't forget that someone might be happy and still cry. It might hurt her that she is leaving but still doesn't mean she ain't with the other guy. It's an option of two good things where one has to pick one but still feel bad leaving the other.

Let me ask you... you say she cries often? Why does she? What is the solution to her tears? And what decision is she taking now? Does it help her concentrate on the reason (project) that made her demand for the break ?

scantee:
bro i understands u quite alright, my major concern here is that she seem to be confused about what she is doing as if she is under something, she is a different person when we are 2geda, we have issues mostly when she is school.

she don dey see something for school na

This life is funny.....God help u bro, I pray she comes back to her senses quickly....

Op, ignore her for now but if you can't I think you should pay her a surprise visit to her school if you haven't done that. Ask few people about her attitude in school, you shouldn't rush to break up now. Yes, she's confused, it's normal. Try to be sure before breaking up.

You need to sit her down and talk, do not show any emotion, follow what your heart tells you, that little voice that tell you go when you really want to hear come.

If possible collect her phone to go through, check her facebook or other social media platforms. Anyone that says you shouldn't have access to them is simply a dishonest person, if you have nothing to hide why protest.

I'm married but before then my wife and I have access to our phones, social media and so on, even nairaland.

I was once in your shoes and it wasn't easy, I followed the above advice and after some months she came begging for me to marry her, but boy I was long gone, I can tell you till today that girl still have strong feelings for me. I handled her well by beating her to her game.

I thank God I didn't heed to her plea cause till today she's single, flirts. How did I know, I have a couple of friends who has friends that have friends that are sleeping with her, they were discussing about her and one of my friend pointed them to me that I am her ex.. so you see that if I had marry that girl my life would have been in shambles. Be careful bro.

scantee:
ya i undersands ur point just that is not that easy knowing how far you have gone with ur plans for over 3yrs now, it hurts more because i singlehandedly relegated all my female friends to the bench only to make her comfortable & win her trust, believe me i have hundreds of female crushers but i never gave them the chance just to make her happy..<in my next world i would never date a student> again....

well its very painful i know but from d luk of tins i tink u talk2 her but if she stil wants to b in confusion, den ma guy move on o. It is painful i know but men u just hav to leave ha and get on wit ur life. Trust me, u may tink u kant do witout her but dats just ur mind playing tricks on u.

Hello Nairalander I feel for you but I wish to encourage you o calm down take your time and talk to this young lady one on one not through phone if possible. if that is possible then you will need to discuss all you want and as well ask all the necessary question. please dont for her or casual her into marrying you. let it be her wish.
take it easy, it is not the end of the world. come to think of if it is better to have a broken relationship that a broken marriage or home. So you need to take the outcome whatever it is in good faith.

Hmm... Reading this just bring back memories. I feel your pain because I faced exact same situation. I can't advice you here so if you feel the need to talk indicate and I'll call you.
I can't tell you to take it easy or forget her or do something else because trust me you can't. I'm open if u need to reach out.

scantee:
Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

don't mind all this people telling ysomething else..shit happens in relationship.. it takes a matter of true love to overcome it...just talk to her...and let her realise what she is doing to you...and you will take action if she doesn't change.....it not easy to love

Honestly I feel your pain and concern. You feel insecure now because. 1 you are losing your trust for her. Have to take the doubt away bro. She might be really busy as she has told you. (Final year things..project this and that). Just calm down bro. If she's yours, No amount of crushes can take her away from you. Just don't give her attitude over this. Let her know your concern. Ask her what her intentions really are towards you.

Hmmmmm, bro......... sorry you hear, I understand how you feel.

But the truth must be told.......... if there's no heartbreak in this life what's the fun of it all?

Besides she's young, she needs to experience life @ this stage so don't beat yourself up. There are a million ladies out there who are ready to marry if that's what ya after.

At least she opened up to you, what if she kept it from you, played her cards right and was sleeping with the dude and you find out when you're about to tie the knot?

Please wake up, you're doing well so don't let any babe kill your spirit of excitement.

Dust ya ass up, dress well, smell nice & find yourself another sweetheart.

EXCEPT..............if you don't have what it takes to toast a lady anymore.

If that's the case not to worry, just look around you, amongst your female friends there must be one who is so into you that you have been blinded away from.

Make yourself happy pls...........God speed bro

Scantee! Scantee! How many time I call u? My guy free that babe jor. There are two rules you must follow when stuffs like this crop up.

Rule 1: Free the babe else you'd give yourself HBP.

Rule 2: Never, I repeat NEVER take advice from the female folk about stuffs like this.

Give yourself time and date someone that truly deserves you. It's marriage you're looking at and not some bf/gf ish. While you are at your new rship, don't hesitate to take tai2 's advice here: https://www.nairaland.com/396243/how-maintain-control-woman

This scenario happens a lot of times. Distance sets in and the girl becomes confused.She doesn't value you, she is being confused due to the attention she is getting right now.

Sadly, its in a woman's nature to be confused. I know because I used to be the "other guy".

Facts:

1) the guy has slept with her.
2) he is still in her head.

Deleted her from your life, if difficult get a good distraction
(Work, other women, friends, etc).

By the time her current infatuation clears, she will beg. This is where you will make your stand.

scantee:
thanks bro, last month during xmas period she demanded some cash for shopping which i instructed one of my bank to transfer money to her account on 20th Dec 2015, i made the request around 15th Dec 2015 before travelling for short trip which i am to return by 23rd Dec 2015, unfornately the bank could not transfer the money to her due to some minor issue relating to that particular account in terms of Bvn registerd date of birth been different frm date of birth in the account, the bank could not contact me due to my location as of then, though i did not tell her about the transfer before traveling, when she did not get the cash she was so upset with me unfortunatly i returned 24th evening which is kinda late for shopping, i visited her family to know how they are doing but she refused to come out to see me, after much persuation from her Dad she came out and explain to me everything i was shocked because i never knew, so our quarrel started from there because she believed i did it intentional, after much heated aguement i left their house, on 25th Dec i invited her over to our house she declined till on 28 when she visted, i noticed she was still very upset abt it even though i used my online account and transfered money 2 her on 26th Dec, i sat her down we talked very well & discussed about a new company i just registred using our both names which she own 30% share of the company. She spent 3days in our place everyting was alight, she told me she will be traveling on 31st Dec, that morning i drove her to the airport bought her ticket 4 her, we were really emotional to say bye.., after some days in her village i started having bad feelings about her & her new i don't care atitude 2wards me, i complain 2 her if al is well, she even went as far as telling me to replace her name in the new company Board of Directors, after we agued on few things, i asked her of her reason for this, she said nothing, that was when i knew she might be up to something..till today she has'nt changed. I have to bring this story up for you to know how it all started recently. I don't knw what else to talk about with her again. Thanx for ur input.

1. Your too much of attention might av affected her academics/CGPA.
2. If the basis of her happiness and Love is your MONEY, I dnt see any Love btw both parties.

*Sometimes we care too much for those that care less about us*

Bro she is not confused one bit.....they all do same.....just try and move on.....had same experience bro.......as am talking to u d girl is engaged to one guy in her past and will b getting married soon......but she will not fail to tell everybody am d best she has been with......so mayb she don't wanna marry d best?.....so plz move on bro for good...or u will b sorry u neva listen @ ur own peril

scantee:
bro i understands u quite alright, my major concern here is that she seem to be confused about what she is doing as if she is under something, she is a different person when we are 2geda, we have issues mostly when she is school.

So you are still into her, After all our warnings .....?

Biko carry your cross from now....... I can't communicate to a deaf person. it's like trying to squeeze out blood from a rock

Best of luck.

Broda I've been in that shoes before,and if you ask me,its not a good shoe to be...But then,give her some time,and pray about the union.Broken relationship is better than broken marriage.Nothing atall is worth stealing your happiness...She's not the best neither is she the worst for you

jomoh:


Bro. Women are the most deceptive beings ever created by God. Even God himself said it in Bible and Qurans.

Women don suffer

Even though I don't drink Beer but I think that's all you need now

U don't have to convince your fiance to marry you

scantee:
foreign babe as a wife? Bro as a full time 042 son i don't see myself getting married to a white gal even with a fee.

foreign doesn't necessary mean white!

I understand you be but once it comes to a woman's matter, don't put all your eggs in it.

the moment you start showing 100% love to a woman (particularly NAIJA GIRLS) that's when they will take you for granted. she is still young and naive so she got that girly behavior which them can't separate a real guy from a bad type of guy!

I advice you forget about that GIRL totally and start following a working class WOMEN!

with time that creature will regret it but its too late!

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scantee:
Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

Scantee you are choking the girl biko, give her a lil space to concentrate on her project. I am sure she will come around when she realizes you are heaven sent but if not, then it wasn't written in the stars for you both.

jeffizy:
I'm sure you omitted the part where you paid for her school fees and hostel accommodation too.

On a serious note, I sense some insecurity about you wanting to get married to her severally.

The lady must have gotten to the stage where mixing with people on campus has given her a wider horizon. If u know what I mean.

Just ask her without sugar coating it. “Are u for me or against me"?

the truth they say is bitter bros dis na d real bitter truth,you hammered it

scantee:
ya i undersands ur point just that is not that easy knowing how far you have gone with ur plans for over 3yrs now, it hurts more because i singlehandedly relegated all my female friends to the bench only to make her comfortable & win her trust, believe me i have hundreds of female crushers but i never gave them the chance just to make her happy..<in my next world i would never date a student> again....

dnt say dah,its nt a student tin,just ask her wah made her stop loving u

I would recommend you go and pay a visit in school before deciding. Its easier to fall in love with someone you see daily and fall out of love with someone you dont see regularly. If you still love her, all hope is not lost. You need to reassure her. Women need that. You need to tell her its ok. The most important thing in any relationship is communication. The reason why you guys have issue now is that at one point in time you stopped communicating properly. Find out when it was and try to retrace yourself back. Except she was deceiving you from the start, then you would be doomed. But if at any point she actually loved you, you need to bring back that good old communication. Go and visit her in school and please take along a romantic gift. Contact me directly for any more advice.

eightsin:


You make me laugh! Innocent indeed. Well, I shouldn't take that from her.. she jsut might well be. But don't forget that someone might be happy and still cry. It might hurt her that she is leaving but still doesn't mean she ain't with the other guy. It's an option of two good things where one has to pick one but still feel bad leaving the other.

Let me ask you... you say she cries often? Why does she? What is the solution to her tears? And what decision is she taking now? Does it help her concentrate on the reason (project) that made her demand for the break ?

Learn to study people not every girl has a strong heart to handle or take in situations

U been hard on a girl who is crying cos she is hurts wen u find out d truth i hope u wont regret cos God sees every mans heart nd pay them back accordingly
To their deeds

Bro! As a man you have to be in charge everytime. This is another challenge in front of you! I will advice you to stop calling her and see and how long she can go without hearing from you! And when she does call, Bro you will pick up the call with a very nice voice telling her "LONG TIME BABE PLS I WILL CALL YOU BACK I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO ATTEND TO" don't call her back, play her card against her, learn to go days without talking to her, treat her like an option, while doin so use style show her watin she go miss if she loose you! If u get money buy motor, change your level!

the best answer to this is that you guyz ain't meant for each other.you have done the best u can as a human being just leave the rest to God. a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.she doesn't deserve you ....forge ahead with your life and forget the past becos that is where she belong

scantee:
Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

Bros it's time to move on in life. The relationship is now at ground zero

lol story of my life. as if na copy and paste ( my case and yours ).

well i will give you random advises my female friends (married and single) gave me:

1. she still in school and even when she leaves school there is still a bit of school in her. shes YOUNG, WILD and FREE ( she feels marriage will tie her down so here's the shocker SHES NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE ATM)

2. Distance relationship may work for a Guy, its harder for young females especially those in school environs. Imagine all those distractions (parties , clubs , karaoke) they need someone with easy proxy and going to these places (school boyfriend, Ariosto ).

3. its gonna be a hard decision so don't make it easy on yourself BREAK-IT-UP and Move-on (shes not ready for marriage till shes well 25 or more) remember there's service year and she's gonna tell you she wants to further at lease an extra degree which is just delay tactics.

4. FOREVER AND ALWAYS believe has an end. it used to be my logo up until last year.

5. your replacement is already there, and he knows you, but you don't know him yet and he will take over once she gives the go ahead. (btw hes already doing all u are doing to and for her)

6. if her social media shows she single and ready to mingle then you are single already (so go mingle already)

7. communication is key, if it reduces/ declines even with your efforts to restore then its time you know its game over. relationship is two ways not one.

8. you love more you lose more. i learnt that the hard way.

9. moving on is tricky and hard but best you get busy, a hobby, see movies, meet people, beach, be outgoing cry if u have to but don't go back. communication to the barest minimum with her would help. don't let anything or anyone dictate your happiness www.livelifehappy.com

note number 8 and 9 are if u decide to end it o o o.
if you wanna remain in the relationship please ignore all the advises (1 - 9) and be patient. when shes done living the life she wants she'll be yours and that's for a fact. passage of time changes the way young girls think. they start thinking like ladies esp when their friends start flaunting that diamond ring.

if you do move on don't get into another relationship immediately (rebound is bad) give it minimum 3 months and have some fresh air then you will enter another with a heart of love again.

Don't get it twisted Love is a beautiful thing - D'banj

in the voice of pete edochie "my NL people have i spoken your mind" ?

so many girls are looking for u. Let me recommend a girl trust me u will love her. Op pm me if u are interested