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Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? - Family (11) - Nairaland

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Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by tman14(m): 7:59pm On May 26, 2016
@legalspices it's a tough one. I won't advice you to break the relationship, in the same vein marrying him without his parents' consent may not augur well for the future.

Try to let him know that you value his parent's blessings. Let the parents also see from your attitude that you mean well to the family and you cherish their son.

Finally, your man has a big role to play in making them realise you are meant to be together.

My experience may not be as extreme but was similar to yours.

My wife played a big role in making her people realise that it is not all about tribalism.

#myopinion
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Olabestonic001(m): 8:00pm On May 26, 2016
Vickyydera:
worst part if the guy should mistakenly die ,the family will join hand and make the wife life miserable , its better to marry from your tribe.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Olabestonic001(m): 8:01pm On May 26, 2016
Vickyydera:
worst part if the guy should mistakenly die ,the family will join hand and make the wife life miserable , its better to marry from your tribe.

On the security of a woman whose husband dies, Igbo's culture is worst hit. They treat the woman like poo and they'll just take over the husband's properties.
Yoruba's culture protects female than Igbo's. In Igbo cultures, the woman has no right and benefits to either her father's properties or her late husband's. In Yoruba culture, the woman is given the husband's full properties (if she give birth to child (ren)) and something tangible if she has none. With her father's properties, she's eligible to portions like other children. Kindly prove to me where the Igbo culture protects a young window.

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by CruellaDeville: 8:11pm On May 26, 2016
legalspices:


U really do get my point...he can be easily manipulated even by others talk less his parents and thats my fear...wat got me more scared is he can just call me,sit me down and start telling me how he is scared of me not being accepted, how I night end up lonely....hmmmm

Well it's up to you to examine the whole scenario properly and make your decision. If you think you can stick it through, good. You know yourself and you know your partner, follow through or let it go.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 8:18pm On May 26, 2016
Sweetguy25:


Which state is he from?

That aside, I think and believe everything is going to be fine. You have to find a way to warm yourself into his mothers heart. Call her during special days, visit her, spend time with her and his sisters etc. Let them know you're a nice person. Learn to speak some igbo too, e.g Nne kedu ka imere, idi kwa mma? Lol

Don't throw away five years of love for nothing.

Finally, tell your man to man up.
He is from IMO...orlu to be precise
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by IkpuMmadu: 8:18pm On May 26, 2016
kaziblake:
How old are you?

8yrs

.are unsatisfied
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 8:20pm On May 26, 2016
Honestly I pray your love can stand the test of time. When I date I don't see tribe ...and when I fall in love I really do and stick to it. I will advise you answer your question

Can you bare it?

If not your own husband will compromise with you and his family

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by IkpuMmadu: 8:20pm On May 26, 2016
Olabestonic001:


On the security of a woman whose husband dies, Igbo's culture is worst hit. They treat the woman like poo and they'll just take over the husband's properties.
Yoruba's culture protects female than Igbo's. In Igbo cultures, the woman has no right and benefits to either her father's properties or her late husband's. In Yoruba culture, the woman is given the husband's full properties (if she give birth to child (ren)) and something tangible if she has none. With her father's properties, she's eligible to portions like other children. Kindly prove to me where the Igbo culture protects a young window.

If the young widow is pretty.....ekuchie ya

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by IkpuMmadu: 8:22pm On May 26, 2016
sammied:




which Bible did you get that quote from? they're the god you see on earth? be careful the way you add to the Bible all in the name of adding weight to ur personal opinions...

there's already a laid down eternal divine cause to those who add to God's word....


Re it's the ten commandments
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by TheArchangel(f): 8:26pm On May 26, 2016
Olabestonic001:


On the security of a woman whose husband dies, Igbo's culture is worst hit. They treat the woman like poo and they'll just take over the husband's properties.
Yoruba's culture protects female than Igbo's. In Igbo cultures, the woman has no right and benefits to either her father's properties or her late husband's. In Yoruba culture, the woman is given the husband's full properties (if she give birth to child (ren)) and something tangible if she has none. With her father's properties, she's eligible to portions like other children. Kindly prove to me where the Igbo culture protects a young window.
It will be better if you desist from writing what you don't know. Maybe the people you associates with dont care but a whole lots of Igbos aren't heartless to leave their brother's widow and family to wallow in penury evn with the "supposed" forceful collection of properties and all Whatnots.
Women who allows their properties to be taken away from them are weak minded, those who are often purposeless and spend their time as housewives oblivious of their husband's assets and properties. The " I don kia " women who rely on others all their lives that when the cocks comes home to roost are often left stranded.

Igbo ladies has their own share of their fathers properties on their wedding day...the idu uno. It all spends on how buoyant the family is. So I don't see the reason for the comparison with those who chose to do theirs later.

Who am I going to use to prove to you how we take care of our widows and who are you going to use to prove to me how you take care of your widows It is all subjective.
The nollywood portrayal of Igbo treatment of widows should be taken with bags of salts.

5 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by IkpuMmadu: 8:27pm On May 26, 2016
sammied:




which Bible did you get that quote from? they're the god you see on earth? be careful the way you add to the Bible all in the name of adding weight to ur personal opinions...

there's already a laid down eternal divine cause to those who add to God's word....





Exodus 20:12 ►

New International Version
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by kaziblake(f): 8:30pm On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:


8yrs

.are unsatisfied
I think you are an old man...make I no talk wetin dey my mind grin
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Olabestonic001(m): 8:43pm On May 26, 2016
TheArchangel:
It will be better if you desist from writing what you don't know. Maybe the people you associates with dont care but a whole lots of Igbos aren't heartless to leave their brother's widow and family to wallow in penury evn with the "supposed" forceful collection of properties and all Whatnots.
Women who allows their properties to be taken away from them are weak minded, those who are often purposeless and spend their time as housewives oblivious of their husband's assets and properties. The " I don kia " women who rely on others all their lives that when the cocks comes home to roost are often left stranded.

Igbo ladies has their own share of their fathers properties on their wedding day...the idu uno. It all spends on how buoyant the family is. So I don't see the reason for the comparison for those who chose to do theirs later.

Who am I going to use to prove to you how we take care of our widows and who are you going to use to prove to me how you take care of your widows It is all subjective.
The nollywood portrayal of Igbo treatment of widows should be taken with bags of salts.

Its not Nollywood dear, its culture!
The Igbo culture definitely see women as mostly unfit who just served two major purposes of giving a good yield when married out and producing lotta babies. I'm glad some literate Igbo's are outgrowing that cultural misnomers. Countless Igbo's widows I knew were heavily demonized and maltreated when their young husbands died.
Igbo's marital systems are still evolving like any other one and I sincerely hope the torture young widows undergoes in the hands of their in-laws would be abolished.

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by IkpuMmadu: 8:50pm On May 26, 2016
kaziblake:
I think you are an old man...make I no talk wetin dey my mind grin



Ikpu nne GI de ur mind
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by kaziblake(f): 8:52pm On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:




Ikpu nne GI de ur mind
aragbagi grin
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Prosperousman(m): 8:58pm On May 26, 2016
Personal happiness should be your priority here.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Olabestonic001(m): 9:02pm On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:






Exodus 20:12 ►

New International Version
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

The Bible says " Honor" and not take your life directions from them. The only time the Bible mentioned "Obey" your parents was with the extension "in the Lord" or how can you justify obeying a parent who wont even be there all the days of my marital life and who can't even conveniently tell me when he'll die?
I respect parents so much but they must have know you as "Atilla" the rebel to carry out a successful cultural reorientation on tribalistic parents. All such parents as op's parents are fortunate not to have me as their son. I'll simply tell these parents to give me the full templates of my life if they feel they wanna control it as they wished and I'm bound to query if they were so sure they'll be born Igbo's.
Omo, when I was about to make a crucial career decision like that, one Emeritus Professor was trying to command me on my future. I simply told the man to tell me how the future he's trying to pan out will turn out to be and he felt I was rude. I tell you, I had the way GOD planned out for me and not the Profs decisions. The current VC of Osun state university was a principal player in dt decision.
Let me tell you, I owe no loyalty to cultural misnomers and I encourage all men to follow suite! If you can't tell me why I must tow your lines rather than "because I'm your parent" thingy, sorry, I will declare you a saboteur of my destiny upon your sentimental justifications or low self-esteem. But, I must say my guts is bcoz my allegiance is to ONE who is superior to my ancestral and cultural bias. JESUS CHRIST.

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 9:03pm On May 26, 2016
Olabestonic001:


On the security of a woman whose husband dies, Igbo's culture is worst hit. They treat the woman like poo and they'll just take over the husband's properties.
Yoruba's culture protects female than Igbo's. In Igbo cultures, the woman has no right and benefits to either her father's properties or her late husband's. In Yoruba culture, the woman is given the husband's full properties (if she give birth to child (ren)) and something tangible if she has none. With her father's properties, she's eligible to portions like other children. Kindly prove to me where the Igbo culture protects a young window.
you watch too much nollywood movies, that's your problem. If you marry from outside tribe and your hussy die, the family will treat you like poo cos you are not from their tribe its simple.

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by TheArchangel(f): 9:10pm On May 26, 2016
Olabestonic001:


Its not Nollywood dear, its culture!
The Igbo culture definitely see women as mostly unfit who just served two major purposes of giving a good yield when married out and producing lotta babies. I'm glad some literate Igbo's are outgrowing that cultural misnomers. Countless Igbo's widows I knew were heavily demonized and maltreated when their young husbands died.
Igbo's marital systems are still evolving like any other one and I sincerely hope the torture young widows undergoes in the hands of their in-laws would be abolished.
And you know this by how. Culture.? Whose culture? You are not even Igbo to write that it is culture. Smh. Please enough of this subjective trash.
Your comment is the most fallacious statement on cyberspace. Where are the stats for the tortured young widows? Please desist from commenting on what you know nothing about.
You are in a wrong circle to have lots of young demonized widows. What a story. Nollywood is really making a sale where you are
Tell your sister to marry from your evolved tribe and leave Igbos alone. What the heck.

Na by force

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by malachytochukwu(m): 9:14pm On May 26, 2016
You didn't make plenty sense in your post bro. I don't know which part of the country you are from, however, I advise that you should discard such anachronistic way of reasoning. Some of my cousins are married to white ladies who no nothing about this country and we are just fine
IkpuMmadu:


Oga what is meaningless


Let us start encouraging people marrying their likes ...it's not a nive thing disobeying parents just to marry

We will all be parents someday so why will you advise somebody to disobey

And why should a lady throw herself on a man that his family doesn't want her...there should be dignity

Why can't the lady simply walk away and let the man sort this thing out of he really wants


This is shameful a lady comes to public forum to lament about Igbo man not marrying her...for Christ sake sue can find men in her tribe or is her tribal men not marriage material


This is shameful ..and for a lady for that matter ...we know husbands are scarce but there should be dignity NAA


A man should be the one doing the chasing .....
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by brownsug(f): 9:15pm On May 26, 2016
Truth! I'm yoruba but I keep seeing ibo guys and I know that dem no fit get serious especially amambra meself I no waste my human resources



femmefetale:
My igbo brothers are the most tribalistic folks in the world, especially Anambra men. The Imos are more flexible, the Abians too.

@op, please leave that guy because he will not marry you.If he is an Anambra guy, better run because he will NEVER marry you o, except by the spirit of God and his angels. As an igbo gurl from Anambra sef, I already have huge restrictions as to where not to marry from.


If you are an foreigner dating an Anambra man, better remove marriage from ya head except of course your in laws to be are dead!

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Olabestonic001(m): 9:17pm On May 26, 2016
Vickyydera:
you watch too much nollywood movies, that's your problem. If you marry from outside tribe and your hussy die, the family will treat you like poo cos you are not from their tribe its simple.

That's not true.
An Igbo lady married a Yoruba friend's uncle and he died young. The family ensured she and her children got the house and properties belonging to the man and I tell you she's been telling people that her tribe would have treated her very badly had she married an Igbo man.
The truth is Igbo's culture needs to be fine-tunned to give all the man's properties to his wife and kids immediately he dies. Even amidst Igbo's, immediately the man dies, his brother's will come to take over his properties and all. Does it mean they didn't trust that the young woman he left behind as any brain to manage her hussy's properties?
Can you disprove that?
I'm speaking from various experiences I've observed amongst Igbo's young widows. How can you pay heavy bride price on a woman and still culturally see her as not-worthy of the man's assets. Still sucks with lotta Igbo young widows experiences I can relate perfectly with.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Olabestonic001(m): 9:28pm On May 26, 2016
TheArchangel:
And you know this by how. Culture.? Whose culture? You are not even Igbo to write that it is culture. Smh. Please enough of this subjective trash.
Your comment is the most fallacious statement on cyberspace. Where are the stats for the tortured young widows? Please desist from commenting on what you know nothing about.
You are in a wrong circle to have lots of young demonized widows. What a story. Nollywood is really making a sale where you are
Tell your sister to marry from your evolved tribe and leave Igbos alone. What the heck.

Na by force


You might try so much to explain this away but that's the practice with most Igbotic cultures. My better-half is Igbo and I've seen the trend all my life long. I daresay that its easier to marry an Igbo lady than to marry the man. Reason?: Igbo culture "gives" out their daughter in marriage (very wonderful practice) but Igbo men are eternally at the mercies of choosing their culture ahead of their family of procreation. While these could be very good, it does not at present protect a young widow.

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by DeRay98(m): 9:32pm On May 26, 2016
CruellaDeville:
I was once in your shoes so I get where you are coming from.Tribalism will never stop being an issue, some folks refuse to thread the enlightened path. I'll advice you guys to discuss with his parents so that you can find your way if they are adamant because trust me eventually he will cave.

My ex swore heaven and earth that he would stand his ground yet he chose the cowardly way out, got a girl from his side pregnant and left me hanging. Don't underestimate Parental influence . They say it is better to retrace your steps on a lost path...

Don't the night of Igbo parents, if they say "no" it's "no"..
Pls move on....
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by dokiOloye(m): 9:44pm On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:
Advice is when we know the truth in our heart yet we want to be told something else


Madam,marrying him is one thing and fighting the war that will come is another


In Igbo land ....you don't just marry a man you marry the family. Can you stand the hit...what if trouble comes in the marriage ..who do you run to? We know that trouble comes in the marriage. How will you feel if your mother in-law isn't talking to your mother


Get ready for the war
Left for me stay away and don't marry that dude

Love isn't enough in marriage ....the main thing is compatibility and it seems culturally and psychologically you guys lack it


This is to avoid had i known



Will you be able to join umuada
Will you be able to identify ogiri isi for his mother
Will you be able to tuo nja
Will you be able to re ure for umunna



Think well don't let prick do the thinking for u



That's all
d dream of d average Igbo parents is for d son/daughter to marry from the next compound in their village if possible but then,if the son/daughter insists from marrying outside,there is nothing they can do esp if they go ahead and marry and d babies start coming.
The Igbos I know are no longer so strict on that esp when d said daughter/son in law is naturally a good person and is hardworking etc.

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Ooni: 10:06pm On May 26, 2016
femmefetale:
My igbo brothers are the most tribalistic folks in the world, especially Anambra men. The Imos are more flexible, the Abians too.

@op, please leave that guy because he will not marry you.If he is an Anambra guy, better run because he will NEVER marry you o, except by the spirit of God and his angels. As an igbo gurl from Anambra sef, I already have huge restrictions as to where not to marry from.


If you are an foreigner dating an Anambra man, better remove marriage from ya head except of course your in laws to be are dead!
my yoruba sister forming ibo girl.

Are we cursed?

Are we inferior?
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 10:08pm On May 26, 2016
Ooni:
my yoruba sister forming ibo girl.

Are we cursed?

Are we inferior?


Bgtdcbjutssvhjutdscbjudsetyjvdgiterxtc6hjh7f5d44jbkjibtx4x5vug5s4s4fh8jibuc4s4cunoj8g5dybih7g6fhv
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by sammied(m): 10:10pm On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:






Exodus 20:12 ►

New International Version
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.



where in that verse did it mention that your parents are your god while you're on earth? SMH for you....

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Ooni: 10:10pm On May 26, 2016
Kobicove:


What makes her a tribalist?

Love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage, period!

Don't marry someone from a different tribe if you can avoid it ...the headaches you will face in future are just too many.

Marrying someone from the same tribe but from a different background and upbringing is challenging enough, so why would you want to complicate things by throwing tribal difference in the 'mix'?

I'm from the south east and I almost made that mistake by marrying a lady from the Niger Delta area.

Trust me, it's not worth it!!!
if you are ibo
better dont take most people on this thread serious. They are yoruba like myself claiming ibo and attacking anybody who is against inter-ethnic marriage.

Inferiority complex is the greatest problem in this part of the country.

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Ooni: 10:18pm On May 26, 2016
femmefetale:



Bgtdcbjutssvhjutdscbjudsetyjvdgiterxtc6hjh7f5d44jbkjibtx4x5vug5s4s4fh8jibuc4s4cunoj8g5dybih7g6fhv
op

see the people giving you advice

some of them claiming ibo girls are yoruba guys like me

that is how desperate we yorubas can get

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Ooni: 10:31pm On May 26, 2016
IGLE25:
I don't see why parents of this generation still back on tribal differences in marriage matters. I was in your shoe some years back but I have to let go of the relationship. I dated this Ibo girl for 12 years and was thinking of proposing to her on our 12th year of courtship when she broke the news of her dad not in support of the relationship and she was asking what is my take on it. I told her bluntly to go with whatever her mind chooses and she went with her father's mandate. As I am writing to you now she will be 31 this year and not in any serious relationship, I am not making gest of her but her father brought this into her life. By the grace of God I will be settling down with my Oyinbo Canada in July. I don't really know what to advise you but do what you know is best for you and the most important thing seek the face of God in this situation and all will be well with you. Goodluck in making your choice.
super story

you are not heling our sister by fabricating stories
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Ooni: 10:36pm On May 26, 2016
MysteriousPrinc:
i am a yoruba man married to an Ibo lady and her older brother is married to a yoruba lady. Prior to that, my late wife was from Calabar. I am a strong believer that for as long as there is love between you two and he shares what you feel then screw the rest of the world. I couldnt care less where my wife was from cause i dont see Yoruba, Ibo or Hausa. All i see is a woman. Some people had things to say of course but thats all they were to me.....things. I see folks saying dont marry him and stuff but then i ask, when will this stop? its only in Africa that we seem to bring tribe into everything. I pray for the day that we can look pass tribe and live life to the fullest, men our nation will be so great. I pray God gives you strength and helps you make the right decision but as far as i am concerned and my opinion is sit him down, talk to him, what are his own beliefs, discuss your fears and get a common ground and then make your mind up from there. Good luck. wink smiley
liar!

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