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Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by johnsonjosbles(m): 10:57am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:
Hello fellow NLs, am at a cross road here....I have been dating this Igbo guy for over 5yrs now, am Yoruba tho but we both didn't see it as a barrier what matters to us is the love and connection between us.....he is well known by my family and accepted too but the problem is his parents...his brothers and sisters are indifferent about it...but his parents frowns against any of them marrying outside Igbo...his kid sis is over 30 and still single cos of this issue.


Wont I be treated like an outcast?? My kids?? Whose MIL or FIL doesn't show up for their son's wedding?? She won't show up for my 'omugwo'??

A part of me thinks I can handle the situation, but then another part is asking me to move on.

Words of advice pls....I really love this guy
op, run 4ur life, I'm yoruba man married to hausa lady, I never experience any problem but you see igbo brothers are too tribalisic about everything, they will do everything to frustrate ur life if u insist. Trust me.

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Beremx(f): 10:57am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:


Oga what is meaningless


Let us start encouraging people marrying their likes ...it's not a nive thing disobeying parents just to marry

We will all be parents someday so why will you advise somebody to disobey

And why should a lady throw herself on a man that his family doesn't want her...there should be dignity

Why can't the lady simply walk away and let the man sort this thing out of he really wants


This is shameful a lady comes to public forum to lament about Igbo man not marrying her...for Christ sake sue can find men in her tribe or is her tribal men not marriage material


This is shameful ..and for a lady for that matter ...we know husbands are scarce but there should be dignity NAA


A man should be the one doing the chasing .....
you should just remain in politics section. you're not good in giving marital advice.

19 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by johnsonjosbles(m): 10:58am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:
Hello fellow NLs, am at a cross road here....I have been dating this Igbo guy for over 5yrs now, am Yoruba tho but we both didn't see it as a barrier what matters to us is the love and connection between us.....he is well known by my family and accepted too but the problem is his parents...his brothers and sisters are indifferent about it...but his parents frowns against any of them marrying outside Igbo...his kid sis is over 30 and still single cos of this issue.


Wont I be treated like an outcast?? My kids?? Whose MIL or FIL doesn't show up for their son's wedding?? She won't show up for my 'omugwo'??

A part of me thinks I can handle the situation, but then another part is asking me to move on.

Words of advice pls....I really love this guy
op, run 4ur life, I'm yoruba man married to hausa lady, I never experience any problem but you see igbo brothers are too tribalisic about everything, they will do everything to frustrate ur life if u insist. Trust me
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by johnsonjosbles(m): 10:58am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:
Hello fellow NLs, am at a cross road here....I have been dating this Igbo guy for over 5yrs now, am Yoruba tho but we both didn't see it as a barrier what matters to us is the love and connection between us.....he is well known by my family and accepted too but the problem is his parents...his brothers and sisters are indifferent about it...but his parents frowns against any of them marrying outside Igbo...his kid sis is over 30 and still single cos of this issue.


Wont I be treated like an outcast?? My kids?? Whose MIL or FIL doesn't show up for their son's wedding?? She won't show up for my 'omugwo'??

A part of me thinks I can handle the situation, but then another part is asking me to move on.

Words of advice pls....I really love this guy
op, run 4ur life, I'm yoruba man married to hausa lady, I never experience any problem but you see igbo brothers are too tribalisic about everything, they will do everything to frustrate ur life if u insist. Trust me.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by banmee(m): 10:58am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:



But God told isreal to marry from isreal ...is God not enlightened?


Give the young lady a realistic advice

When an individual cooks for the public....the public will eat it comfortable
When the public cooks you can't eat....

Which cave did you migrate from?

15 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by freeborn76(m): 11:01am On May 26, 2016
I know I will be dubbed tribalist, but I will say it anyway; Igbos are the major tribes instigating tribalism in Nigeria, period! In all my adult years, nearly all the cases of ethnic contestations in marriage have involved one Igbo or the other. Either the family do not want HIM to marry a non-Igbo, or they detest HER bringing an outsider. Even more worrisome is the fact that it occurs amongst Igbos; an Anambra man will find it difficult to convince his family to accept an Nsukka or Ebonyi bride, how much more Hausa or ndi ofe mmanu. I don talk my yown. Girl, pray and seek God's face...or...

17 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by OkoNDOoBo: 11:03am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:


Tell am....i am...i have shouted and she won't hear
I am married for over 6 yrs now
She still won't hear
Tribalist get off this thread

7 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by evelynakin: 11:04am On May 26, 2016
MY OWN ADVICE IS FOR YOU TO MOVE ON. BECAUSE ITS NOT ABOUT D NOW BUT THE FUTURE. I BET IT U CANT STAND THE CRUCIFITION THAT FOLLOWS. BUT U OUGHT TO KNOW THIS BEFORE NOW. 5 SOLID YEARS IS NO JOKE

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Odunharry(m): 11:05am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:


Abi she wan form day she know know
Lol.. not everyone knows that... once they are in love, they fail to reason logically.

I trust my parents n siblings and I know they won't object me marrying a lady My heart long for as long as im happy and once they know I am really serious and make my findings right.. The issue is don't go back to them to complain.

If the family of my wife to be object our coming together to form a union after effort to make them see reason, who am I to force myself on their daughter??

It's best the op move on with her life..
The problem with many people is starting all over again, thinking no one else will love them Or even accept them.

9 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by feaworaoja007: 11:06am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:


U really do get my point...he can be easily manipulated even by others talk less his parents and thats my fear...wat got me more scared is he can just call me,sit me down and start telling me how he is scared of me not being accepted, how I night end up lonely....hmmmm
hmmm...his fears and concern are genuine...the parents fear,might also be that in future "if" you start feeling lonely,and maybe "god4bid" he's not around,you"ll normally take the kids and start gravitating towards your own family side i.e yoruba and the kids won't now know their rightful place in their root which is their fatherland thereby leaving their kinsmen and leaving their roots void while other kinsmen that got married to their tribe will take over and your kids won't even care of know the implication of losing ther heritage and roots...it's a tough one,but in the long run,i'd advice it's safer you guys see if you can live with alternatives,know the kind of background you come from and see if you can deal with what's @ stake against all odds...if not,i suggest you let it go,cos in the long run,if it goes wrong,the mockery and taunting alone will leave you guys regreting 4life! all d best!

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by colli247(m): 11:06am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:

Amen my sister... my father is cool with us..just his parents and I don't have a mum to come for my omugwo...the dudes parent threatened to disown his sis if she marries outside Igbo...who does that?
His parent approved the marriage cos they are well learned and aren't tribalistic likewise her parent too...Tribalism is mostly common among the illiterates.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by alexmaye(m): 11:06am On May 26, 2016
for me if ur fiance is ready 2 marry u den u guys should follow ur heart nd put his family in prayer.after all no be im parents go marry u ABI!!!.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by evelynakin: 11:07am On May 26, 2016
johnsonjosbles:
op, run 4ur life, I'm yoruba man married to hausa lady, I never experience any problem but you see igbo brothers are too tribalisic about everything, they will do everything to frustrate ur life if u insist. Trust me.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by SailorXY: 11:09am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:
I am getting bored of another Yoruba crying over igbo not marrying them

This is becoming a daily occurrence and it shameful....i rarely see Igbo open up thread lamenting that other tribes are not marrying them

We should at least respect ourselves .....this is shameful

Woman go and sort yourself out and stop disgracing yourself anf tribe here

Outta here
Oga cool down & speak maturely abeg

7 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by CSTR6: 11:11am On May 26, 2016
Wouldn't it be nice if everybody married from his /her own ethnic group?

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Gbanj11: 11:12am On May 26, 2016
Tough dear, but such is life. I'm sure everyone has a piece of wisdom to offer, but just remember this. If you need "US" the online community to help you make a decision..then it's not a choice you are ready for.

2 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by stancod(m): 11:12am On May 26, 2016
We ibo people still dey far from inter-marriage. That's why there is unity between them.hmmm yi'ibo!
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by skywalker001(m): 11:12am On May 26, 2016
[quote author=Nyceguy92 post=45973099][/quote] Yea datz true... Love only is not enough when it comes to marriage
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by hausameat: 11:13am On May 26, 2016
Rubbish thread. We should tow the line of Buhari. Right now Buhari has succeeded in deviding the country. Voting, appointment etc are based on tribe and religion. Going by that, face your tribes ladies or men. There is no way you cannot find your choice of lady or man of your tribe. If you disagree, then a day is very close when you as a south south man, a man from the east will regret marrying a Fulani or a northern woman or man vice viser. Buhari will finaly shut this country. He almost did in his military days. .

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by mizlovette(f): 11:14am On May 26, 2016
richyblink1:


Oga, you make it seem like marrying an Igbo man is world war 3. The point you listed there are all meaningless if the man have balls and stand his grounds.

I am igbo while my better half is Akwa Ibom. Yet the sky isn't cracking . The man in question should be able to talk to this parents and make them understand where his happiness lies. My dear people really won't understand wat d parents are fighting for now until later, its best u marry from ur own ethnicity. I mean there are loads of barriers, firstly d family won't welcome u, ull always be that one forced ur way into d home, secondly u can hardly associate well with he's people in terms if meetings and all. Ur kids may end up loosing sight of their fathers language and a whole lot. D man may even end up not being far from he's people, d lady in question will only be accepted By d husband what if something goes wrong?. Am an Igbo girl and I know how our parents can be in issues like this. Guys may do it and get away with it but d girl being married into d family will always be in a battle field. Mothers tend to have their way with their sons. My advice forget him and move on cos he may still side with he's family against u tomorrow

Let's stop encouraging tribalism and encourage one another to resist it gently till it's corrected
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Originalsly: 11:14am On May 26, 2016
I think the guy is key in this situation. He must be the one to decide if he is going to stick with you or let his family make that decision.....after all.... a husband should leave his family and cling to his wife. Take this as a sign of what kind of husband he would be...... if when married he would be consulting with you... or his family to make decisions in your home. If he can't stand up now...don't ever expect him to be in your corner when his family members attack you...and they will. Move on if he can't make a firm decision. Hmmmm..... I wonder if his family would have the same problem if you were an American citizen.

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by onlyHim(f): 11:15am On May 26, 2016
Follow your heart, I myself, an ibo girl married a yoruba guy though it wasn't easy. This year we celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary and we are still going strong.

6 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Coldfeets: 11:17am On May 26, 2016
Frankly speaking, you might want to consider leaving the relationship.

Staying in a marriage where you are not truly and wholly accepted is bound to be a very hectic task.

Think of the criticism, the caricature, the blames, the shaming, the rejection and all that, that will certainly be targeted towards you.

Although I don't actually believe this but the fact that these parents are ready to still allow their 30 years old daughter to remain unmarried just because of ethnic difference should tell you a lot.

You may decide to damn the consequences and carry on with the relationship

But...

Remember, you'll always have to deal with that issue of HAD I KNOWN.

Sorry.

4 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by IRserveMyComent(f): 11:17am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:


U really do get my point...he can be easily manipulated even by others talk less his parents and thats my fear...wat got me more scared is he can just call me,sit me down and start telling me how he is scared of me not being accepted, how I night end up lonely....hmmmm
My dear i can really see your fears now. If he could tell you that it means he is also very confused and helpless. But it doesnt mean he does not love you. Sit him down and ask him to make his decisions. He should sit his parents down and convince them as a man. He should fight for his love as a man. The earlier the better so he doesnt go ahead to waste your time.

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by CSTR6: 11:18am On May 26, 2016
johnsonjosbles:
op, run 4ur life, I'm yoruba man married to hausa lady, I never experience any problem but you see igbo brothers are too tribalisic about everything, they will do everything to frustrate ur life if u insist. Trust me
Then stay away from igbo women. The parents don't want you for reasons best known to them, then it is incumbent upon you to respect yourself.
Not everybody in Nigeria wants to be Nigerian. It is not tribalism if they don't see themselves as Nigerians in the first place.

5 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by tbliss22(m): 11:19am On May 26, 2016
As a yoruba guy, my take is can u handle the heat? If YES then I wish you the best.

But I will suggest you back out to avoid story that touch, what if this guy backs out later and goes for another lady from his tribe.

I use to chike one Igbo girl but she told me clearly that she likes me too but her people will never accept a yoruba guy as her man.

Some will say "fight for love"but seriously its crazy when there are millions of single sweet looking girls everywhere.

7 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by femi4: 11:19am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:
Hello fellow NLs, am at a cross road here....I have been dating this Igbo guy for over 5yrs now, am Yoruba tho but we both didn't see it as a barrier what matters to us is the love and connection between us.....he is well known by my family and accepted too but the problem is his parents...his brothers and sisters are indifferent about it...but his parents frowns against any of them marrying outside Igbo...his kid sis is over 30 and still single cos of this issue.


Wont I be treated like an outcast?? My kids?? Whose MIL or FIL doesn't show up for their son's wedding?? She won't show up for my 'omugwo'??

A part of me thinks I can handle the situation, but then another part is asking me to move on.

Words of advice pls....I really love this guy
In Simi's voice:

Shey na u foolish
Shey Yoruba don finish
Wetin you dey do with Okoro

8 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Odunharry(m): 11:19am On May 26, 2016
Mindfulness:
It's always better to have the support of both families but I wouldn't throw away a good relationship with a loving partner because of this.
There will always be some challenges, this is yours, can you handle it? Will he support you?
Honest post so far..
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by adorablelove: 11:19am On May 26, 2016
My find ur way!!!!!!!!! De earlier the better!!!!!!!!!!!!.......why didn't dis guy mention it to his family all dis past yearss!!!!!!!!!!!!!...... Now dey are saying cock and bull story!!!!!!!!!!

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by TBankxx(m): 11:19am On May 26, 2016
Check ur self before u wreck ur self.

Tribalism is Nigeria's biggest problem especially now the IPOB group aint smiling. If u're ready to change it fine but if not save urself this heartbreak 'coz his family wil torment u black & blue
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by streetzdreamz(m): 11:19am On May 26, 2016
Legalspices,the best piece of advice came from jaygrl i mean she has said it all,when your man hits a nerve or goes astray,who do you call upon to correct him??his parents who wasn't in support of your union?love really aint enough and your man seems like the wavering type,he aint solidly behind you,trust me someday he will take a walk if you dont,he will bow to pressure from his family,there is no other way around it,ikpu equally had nice points,he was just too raw and factual making him sound like a tribalist,there are men out there who will value you and adore you,whose parents will take you as theirs,take a cue from jaygrl,told you she has said it all!! Ur guy aint the last igbo guy,and neither have you met all yoruba guys,forget the 5yrs relationship,marriage is for a lifetime.............. Funny thing is,you still wont take heed,cuz your mind is made up with d guy,i wish you luck.

9 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 11:20am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:


U really do get my point...he can be easily manipulated even by others talk less his parents and thats my fear...wat got me more scared is he can just call me,sit me down and start telling me how he is scared of me not being accepted, how I night end up lonely....hmmmm


it all depends on the guy. he has to be his own man (not discounting the fact that the family made the man) and make his own decisions. Suggest to him the idea that he should try and win over one or two influential individuals (as far as decision making is concerned) in his family. this is a delicate issue. you need the cooperation of some people on his side, as I don't believe everyone in his family will be totally against it

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