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Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Beetee1(m): 11:20am On May 26, 2016
In a simple yoruba adage " Omo buruku se fe, sugbon Aano buruku o se ni " shine your eyes girl. Your boyfriend can capitalize on that later in future saying " ... and i was warned by my parent not to marry u. ... the foundation is already bad but still i may wrong. it is well with u dear

6 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Saintmary(f): 11:21am On May 26, 2016
Hmmm, love
I know 5 years is a long time
But compare 5 years to the rest of your life
Assume you are going to spend 70 more years
Assume you are going to spend 60 of it with your husband
In this case your current fiance
My dear, marriage does not change people
Its only a formal occasion
If your fiance is not undoubtedly sure of you now, don't expect marriage to change him
Do you want to sacrifice a lifetime of peace and health all because you want to be married as soon as possible?
You might not know it but you are already stressed up and this is not good for your health in the long run
Mother in law trouble, do you want it
Have you resigned yourself to the expectation that you will never find someone else?
Its not easy to let go of what we have now because it is not easy to believe that something better may come along
I feel a lot for you
You should be the most important person to yourself
If you love yourself, do you want to spend about 30 years knowing that your MIL doesn't like you?
Take some time to think
This is not the end of you
May you live long to remember today with no regrets
If you have thought well about these things with a positive answer, then go ahead with no regrets.

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Shinelle(f): 11:21am On May 26, 2016
OP... ild advice you to simply move on.
Igbo people have a special "penchant" for yoruba.

it's never too late to move on !

P.S: It is your mum's right and duty to do your omugwo ehn, so that shudnt bother u incase u go ahead with it.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Odunharry(m): 11:23am On May 26, 2016
PresVA:
If your fiance's parents are learned, they may eventually come around... but if they're typical traditional Igbo people, no 'Jupiter' can move their stance, they are even ready to disown their son.... My dear, you may just have to move on if his parents are so adamant except you won't be coming to the village after marriage. .then, God forbid if anything happens to the man after marriage, hmmmmm lipsrsealed lipsrsealed

Then, what's your fiance's stand thus far? Is he shaky?

Whatever decision you make, I will advise he gets his parent's approval before proceeding to marry you. . Forget about his siblings who are indifferent about the whole thingy, they'll take their parent's side eventually if all of you don't come together to agree. ...
All d best...
The truth is bitter...
God forbid something bad happens to the man tomorrow..
God knows what she will eventually go thru in the hands of the family.

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by flokii: 11:23am On May 26, 2016
@OP there will be issues.. No doubt

It's left for you to decide if you love d guy & can handle them or you end up like his sister

If you av other suitors ready sha.. No problems
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Xano(m): 11:24am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:
Hello fellow NLs, am at a cross road here....I have been dating this Igbo guy for over 5yrs now, am Yoruba tho but we both didn't see it as a barrier what matters to us is the love and connection between us.....he is well known by my family and accepted too but the problem is his parents...his brothers and sisters are indifferent about it...but his parents frowns against any of them marrying outside Igbo...his kid sis is over 30 and still single cos of this issue.


Wont I be treated like an outcast?? My kids?? Whose MIL or FIL doesn't show up for their son's wedding?? She won't show up for my 'omugwo'??

A part of me thinks I can handle the situation, but then another part is asking me to move on.

Words of advice pls....I really love this guy

This happens. They(his parents) have heard stories of others' unfortunate experiences. They would not want such issue in their family. Acceptance of you and your family will take time.

Do your siblings like(accept) your boyfriend's siblings?

If your boyfriend's siblings accept you and your family, his parents will eventually do so. It will take time(not soon), but eventually they will grow fond of you.

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 11:24am On May 26, 2016
My igbo brothers are the most tribalistic folks in the world, especially Anambra men. The Imos are more flexible, the Abians too.

@op, please leave that guy because he will not marry you.If he is an Anambra guy, better run because he will NEVER marry you o, except by the spirit of God and his angels. As an igbo gurl from Anambra sef, I already have huge restrictions as to where not to marry from.


If you are an foreigner dating an Anambra man, better remove marriage from ya head except of course your in laws to be are dead!

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Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Kobicove(m): 11:26am On May 26, 2016
kaziblake:
You are just a tribalist

What makes her a tribalist?

Love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage, period!

Don't marry someone from a different tribe if you can avoid it ...the headaches you will face in future are just too many.

Marrying someone from the same tribe but from a different background and upbringing is challenging enough, so why would you want to complicate things by throwing tribal difference in the 'mix'?

I'm from the south east and I almost made that mistake by marrying a lady from the Niger Delta area.

Trust me, it's not worth it!!!

4 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 11:26am On May 26, 2016
Shinelle:
OP... ild advice you to simply move on.
Igbo people have a special "penchant" for yoruba.

it's never too late to move on !

P.S: It is your mum's right and duty to do your omugwo ehn, so that shudnt bother u incase u go ahead with it.

Not all igbos o, for say na Anambra men, make she dey run . Imo guys marry yorubas more .They are more open minded. Imo gurls marry outside igbo land more than their Anambra sisters.

4 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by sammied(m): 11:27am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:
I am getting bored of another Yoruba crying over igbo not marrying them


This is becoming a daily occurrence and it shameful....i rarely see Igbo open up thread lamenting that other tribes are not marrying them


We should at least respect ourselves .....this is shameful


Woman go and sort yourself out and stop disgracing yourself anf tribe here



Outta here




You're a green snake tribal idiot... my fiancee is igbo and we're presently going through the same issues. my Yoruba parents and siblings have accepted her with overwhelming love.... yet her tribalistic igbo parents have not done the same by accepting me....very shortsighted igbo folks....

Putting her under undue pressure, treating their own daughter as though she's a commodity... thank God she's madly inlove with me and I have been the best man she will ever dream of... she has stood her ground, it's either us or nobody else for her...

so we should throw away 2 years of our life together cos her igbo parents cannot get over their myopic tribalistic views? in this 21st century...

in choosing who to marry.... You all should know that as important as your parents are, they're simply your past not ur future, your intend hubby or wifey is your future and you have the choice either to get Stucked with the past or move on with your future....

It's a pity in this part of the world that bad things that has been long abolished in other countries is still been celebrated here....

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Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by CSTR6: 11:28am On May 26, 2016
colli247:
His parent approved the marriage cos they are well learned and aren't tribalistic likewise her parent too...Tribalism is mostly common among the illiterates.
Restricting your daughter from marrying from a certain group of people is not illiteracy. There are very few ethnic groups in Nigeria i would support my daughter marrying from. That is because i love her and i know what is best for her.
The japanese, isrealis and a number of super-ethnic nation states have it in their constitution very stringent and unusual rules on marriage to foreigners by their citizens.It is a means of preserving the social order, and protecting their nation from strange foreign influence which can change due to a combined action of genetics and upbringing.

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Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Shinelle(f): 11:32am On May 26, 2016
femmefetale:


Not all igbos o, for say na Anambra men, make she dey run . Imo guys marry yorubas more .They are more open minded. Imo gurls marry outside igbo land more than their Anambra sisters.

ofcourse I can't possibly mean All igbo people......
I mean alot... even here on Nairaland.
I for one can marry Kanuri, TIV , Eggon.... name them before Yoruba , and I am not from Anambra.
Experience is the best Teacher... if precedents have been good; then I'm sure her bf mum n dad wouldn't have been refusing.

On the other hand, I'm sure there are igbos whom gave had the best of dealings with yorubas in their lifetime and will gladly support such marriage.

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by johnsonjosbles(m): 11:32am On May 26, 2016
CSTR6:
Then stay away from igbo women. The parents don't want you for reasons best known to them, then it is incumbent upon you to respect yourself.
Not everybody in Nigeria wants to be Nigerian. It is not tribalism if they don't see themselves as Nigerians in the first place.
weyrey what is this one saying

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by jornie(m): 11:33am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:


Love isn't enough in marriage

Move on

What if your son disobey you in future


He isn't the only man ....there are tons of Yoruba men that will marry you


Take this advice
Really? Must she marry a Yoruba guy? Just because she is Yoruba, right? What if she falls in love with someone else .. It's a pity tribalism/discrimination is still as strong as before... I don't even know what to say again... I'm shocked beyond words...

10 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by codemaniacs: 11:33am On May 26, 2016
Shinelle:
OP... ild advice you to simply move on.
Igbo people have a special "penchant" for yoruba.

it's never too late to move on !

P.S: It is your mum's right and duty to do your omugwo ehn, so that shudnt bother u incase u go ahead with it.

What do u mean
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by CSTR6: 11:34am On May 26, 2016
sammied:





You're a green snake tribal idiot... my fiancee is igbo and we're presently going through the same issues. my Yoruba parents and siblings have accepted her with overwhelming love.... yet her tribalistic igbo parents have not done the same by accepting me....very shortsighted igbo folks....

Putting her under undue pressure, treating their own daughter as though she's a commodity... thank God she's madly inlove with me and I have been the best man she will ever dream of... she has stood her ground, it's either us or nobody else for her...

so we should throw away 2 years of our life together cos her igbo parents cannot get over their myopic tribalistic views? in this 21st century...

in choosing who to marry.... You all should know that as important as your parents are, they're simply your past not ur future, your intend hubby or wifey is your future and you have the choice either to get Stucked with the past or move on with your future....

It's a pity in this part of the world that bad things that has been long abolished in other countries is still been celebrated here....
How exactly are the igbo parents shortsighted? Yoruba men have very poor record when it comes to taking care of a wife.
What happens to their daughter when Nigeria divides, or when the yoruba man as usual decides to take a second wife or impregnate one bisi somewhere.

4 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 11:34am On May 26, 2016
I was almost exactly in your situation. If you don't mind, PM me and I will tell you how I got over mine. But I have to tell you now that it is not going to be easy at all
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by TBankxx(m): 11:35am On May 26, 2016
Mindfulness:
It's always better to have the support of both families but I wouldn't throw away a good relationship with a loving partner because of this.
There will always be some challenges, this is yours, can you handle it? Will he support you?


Well put 2geda. Dunno ur gender yet tho, not displayed else would gone further thats if ur "f"
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Noble11(m): 11:35am On May 26, 2016
Am igbo though am not sure if I can marry outside south east,but trust me they will come around,you might even end up been the best daughter inlaw,just be yourself and respect your mother inlaw,
My big sis is married to Edo man and he is loved by all


Goodluck!!
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by banme1(m): 11:36am On May 26, 2016
Let ur parents marry u then. Am from ND my wife to be is a yoruba girl.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 11:37am On May 26, 2016
Shinelle:


ofcourse I can't possibly mean All igbo people......
I mean alot... even here on Nairaland.
I for one can marry Kanuri, TIV , Eggon.... name them before Yoruba , and I am not from Anambra.
Experience is the best Teacher... if precedents have been good; then I'm sure her bf mum n dad wouldn't have been refusing.

On the other hand, I'm sure there are igbos whom gave had the best of dealings with yorubas in their lifetime and will gladly support such marriage.

My dear, I'm In an inter tribal relationship presently and my man sef is already castigating where I'm from. It's not easy calming him down. I'm from Anambra, he is from Akwa ibom, and all he says is that the igbos hate to marry from his place. I don't find it funny at all, because he always rings it like a bell bin my hears ALL THE TIME.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by sammied(m): 11:40am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:


To you am a tribalist and that is not a bad thing
But to me I am a realist and that is an awesome thing



Everyday here in Nairaland people will complain igbo this igbo that ...it's becoming shameful
They will complain that Igbo won't marry them , therw parents won't let them marry them.

This is sickening and despicable


How many times have you seen an Igbo man or woman cry that the other tribe won't let them marry them




This is such a shameful thing...people throwing their selves on igbo....igbo are just human and this whining should stop




you see.... other tribes are not as myopic as igbos...tribalism is the reason igbo have produced no quality leaders in Nigeria, the world is a global village, when you cannot easily relate and accept others, you automatically lose out... all the shout about been segregated in Nigeria by igbos... what has it produced? nothing!

most of this tribalistic igbos does not even know their village, if not for the open minded nature of other tribes accepting them into their lands they wouldn't have amount to anything....

the earlier igbos wake up from their tribalistic snoring sleep... the better for them....

14 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by udoka2: 11:40am On May 26, 2016
i will Segregate abit here... please pardon me.

If he is from Anambra... my advise is please move on. They love marrying themselve.

if Imo or Abia., the will likely accept you if you behave well after marriage. l trust typical yoruba woman to appear humble whether they mean it or not. You will get the love of an average igbo parent with typical 'yoruba attitude of humility'.


This is just an option, please dont nail me if you are from Anambra, there is always exception to the rule.

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Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by codemaniacs: 11:40am On May 26, 2016
k

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by CSTR6: 11:40am On May 26, 2016
johnsonjosbles:
weyrey what is this one saying
It flew over your head, innit?
That is why that igbo parent did not find you good enough for their daughter. Because you are indeed not good enough.

2 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Trendishine: 11:41am On May 26, 2016
IkpuMmadu:



Tell am....i am...i have shouted and she won't hear

I am married for over 6 yrs now

She still won't hear
o boy, just shut- up. u are worst dan a loudmouthed loose woman. even if u intend to make a point, u talk or type like a senile pri.ck.,...... control ur irrational self. and stop being craftily or rather sentimentally silly...with stewpidity spread over ur undertone.
i have been watching u. wat silly question arr u goin abt asking her. "y she must marry am igbo guy or frm an igbo tribe, like "are no yoruba guys from her yoruba clan, she can marry, bla bla bla. what silly questions are those. are they d direct solutions to her dilenma or puzzzled mind.?... u must be a real ipku-madu.

16 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nature129(m): 11:44am On May 26, 2016
OP, you should quietly move on

I don't blame our dear Igbo parents though - they can never forget what "Nigerians" did to them during the Biafran war. Sadly, they are even passing the hate down on us the younger generation.

Had it not been that the Igbos are being "forced" to stay with Nigeria, I don't think we would have been answering Nigerians today because, obviously, most of our parents in the east don't like it.

Yes, they remember the immeasurable losses ( human beings, properties, wrecked lives, etc) they suffered during the war, and they tell us every day...smh

OP, move on or stay back and fight a losing battle

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by blessedqueen(f): 11:46am On May 26, 2016
Neverquit:
My advice to ladies of marriageable age: if you are dating that guy for more than 1 year (and you see a future with him), you need to start discussing the future. If he sees you as overbearing or pushy (etc.), he might not be that into you. You need to start taking to your legs to waka o (also be prayerful to meet your best friend/soul mate.

The talk is just to table any obstacle that might be in the way...to know to road map...in order to avoid stories that touch after 5+ years of dating.

@ legalspice, how is your man handling the whole ish? Have you picked a date, or is he stalling. If he's stalling, don't be surprised if he breaks up with you and marries that igbo girl after only 2 months of the breakup.


Really I dnt know y one will date a man for so long? U r so right my sister

1 Like

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Nobody: 11:46am On May 26, 2016
TBankxx:


Well put 2geda. Dunno ur gender yet tho, not displayed else would gone further thats if ur "f"


Gone further to where?
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by Sweetguy25: 11:47am On May 26, 2016
legalspices:

Amen my sister... my father is cool with us..just his parents and I don't have a mum to come for my omugwo...the dudes parent threatened to disown his sis if she marries outside Igbo...who does that?

Which state is he from?

That aside, I think and believe everything is going to be fine. You have to find a way to warm yourself into his mothers heart. Call her during special days, visit her, spend time with her and his sisters etc. Let them know you're a nice person. Learn to speak some igbo too, e.g Nne kedu ka imere, idi kwa mma? Lol

Don't throw away five years of love for nothing.

Finally, tell your man to man up.
Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by danxzy: 11:48am On May 26, 2016
if the guy is a man enough to stand on his decision, no matter any situation the relationship will not stop oooh instead it will take some few time. my dear if u truly love the guy i will advice u to stand for where ur heart belong. tribe is nothing in marriage, non of you is outcast so u re free to go into ur marriage. pray to GOD to open ur eyes and see if the guy is ur real husband


I WISH YOU THE BEST

3 Likes

Re: Ethnicity Difference: Should I Stay Or Just Move On Already?? by codemaniacs: 11:49am On May 26, 2016
sammied:





you see.... other tribes are not as myopic as igbos...tribalism is the reason igbo have produced no quality leaders in Nigeria, the world is a global village, when you cannot easily relate and accept others, you automatically lose out... all the shout about been segregated in Nigeria by igbos... what has it produced? nothing!

most of this tribalistic igbos does not even know their village, if not for the open minded nature of other tribes accepting them into their lands they wouldn't have amount to anything....

the earlier igbos wake up from their tribalistic snoring sleep... the better for them....

Its tribalism against the igbos that has made it difficult for them to produce a president.

Igboland was booming before ironsi and ojukwu's greed messed them up and now they are bouncing back strongly.

Northern men are more tribalistic than igbo men. Women don't really bother themselves they just try to honor their families.

1 Like

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