Jarizod look at what you've caused, i have headache because i've been laughing for too long.
Nice thread!

edoziebobbyyahoocom:
Jarizod look at what you've caused, i have headache because i've been laughing for too long.
Nice thread!

Wow..longest monicker ever

Jarizod hafar na? Longest time....... Happy new year bro


Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 50 pounds

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume, "I'm the bus driver!"

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your t*ts dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He asks her, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."

"SIR" keh? Na you be my oga oo , sir jarizod

I no go argue with you jarizod

Jarizod:

You slept on the same bed with your friend and in the dream, you saw him/her chasing you with machete while you're running for your dear life.
You suddenly woke up and found him/her looking at you and the next thing that
Comes out from his/her mouth is "for your mind, you sabi run abi? "...
What Will You Do

"all safeties disabled, kombat mode engaged"

Baba.. Lemme add a joke here

Boyfriend and girlfriend talking..

The boyfriend said.. According to his dad, the girls b00bs go thru 3phases:

"On her 20's they are like melons, round and firm.. On her 30s-40s still nice but bit droopy...
And after her 50s they like onions.. They makes u cry "

The girl replied "ooh really? "

Then she said, according to her mum, guys go thru 3phases too...
"On his 20s, his Willy is like an oak tree.. Might and hard..
On his 30s -40s it's like a birch tree, flexible and reliable..
And after he's 50s it's like Christmas tree...

The boyfriend was wondering & asked her "why"?

Then she quickly replied:
"Dead from the root up and balls are juz for decorations "

The boyfriend got mad


Cc

SmellingAnus

TrapQueen77:



Baba.. Lemme add a joke here

Boyfriend and girlfriend talking..

The boyfriend said.. According to his dad, the girls b00bs go thru 3phases:

"On her 20's they are like melons, round and firm.. On her 30s-40s still nice but bit droopy...
And after her 50s they like onions.. They makes u cry "

The girl replied "ooh really? "

Then she said, according to her mum, guys go thru 3phases too...
"On his 20s, his Willy is like an oak tree.. Might and hard..
On his 30s -40s it's like a birch tree, flexible and reliable..
And after he's 50s it's like Christmas tree...

The boyfriend was wondering & asked her "why"?

Then she quickly replied:
"Dead from the root up and balls are juz for decorations "

The boyfriend got mad


Cc

SmellingAnus

nice reply from the girl boo

SmellingAnus:
nice reply from the girl boo

Yeh? See name " smellinganus " hahahahahahahahaha









****You know you are going to jail if Segun Arinze is presented as an eye witness ***Some pretty girls are just evil... They will fart and look at you to the extent you will be suspecting yourself...
***Ibadan rappers be like My Blood is full you can call me bloody fool..
***Lil kesh's album should be used for school's riot..so much noise!
***If you think you are having a bad day...just remember that there's an Ibadan girl trying to pronounce 'parallelogram'..
***Things that confuses me I've never seen a mad Hausa man before... Abi Dem no dey mad?
***You'll just be eating hot eba watching Empire next thing two men will just start kissing each other and the eba in your mouth will turn salty..
***Person will lost phone and be lying that "no be the phone dey worry me self, na my contacts" Ur nyash
***Dangote's daughter cheated on me and you say I should break up? Don't you know that Love is all about forgiveness. forgive and forget...
***Some people are blessed with Wickedness .. How can I beg u for salt n u tell me your mum has counted it...
***One idiot used''GUNSHOTS'' as his ringing tone ...His china phone rang in the bank today, for over 1hour now we are still looking for the cashier and two security men ...
***A baby is never a mistake or surprise! You had sex without condom... What were you expecting?? iPhone 7 or Range Rover .....
***I cried for 2 hours when she told me she took 1st in her WAEC result.. ...Some people can lie ehn!!!
***I miss those people in primary school that use to say ' if I give you one dirty slap, you will fly to America'... Come and slap me now ooo
***I heard a king in Kenya is referred to as 'His Royal Darkness'... I'm trying to cry but I can't... ..
***Since Buhari became President, you cannot even see N20 on the floor again.. ***I remember back in Nursery school My girlfriend broke up with me just becos I sharpened pencil for another girl..
***DSTV is advertising DSTV on DSTV to people who have DSTV....... What's Their Problem??

[b]
My name is SULE. Back in Primary school, I was
very poor in
maths.
During exams, I’d get between 2% and 8%. The
results used to
be announced sequentially, that is from the lowest to the
highest marks. So I would always be the first or
second to be
called out and flogged.
One day, the maths results were announced and
my name wasn’t among the first to be called out.
The teacher got to 30%, 40%, 50%, 60% and 70%,
still my
paper had not been called out.
Everyone in the class kept looking at me asking,
SULE what’s up? How did you pass this exam?” And I was like ... "Well, na God o"
By the time the teacher got to 80%, I was already
grinning in
excitement. When he got to 90%, he had only one
paper
remaining. I then asked myself, could I have scored 90% in
maths? I was feeling very anxious and happy now.
It was
obvious my dreams and prayers have been
answered.
The whole class was amazed as everyone kept looking at me.
It was unbelievable.
Finally the teacher looked up and said,
“One silly student here did not write his name on
the paper
and he scored 0%. Who hasn't received his paper yet?”
The whole class echoed:
SULE, na SUULEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!oo
In fact, I was hospitalized for 2weeks
[/b]

Lol nice

Jarizod:

When a girl post a nice pic, her ORIGINAL BOYFRIEND would mostly just "like" the pic and maybe drop a brief comment and go away....
it is the ASPIRING BOYFRIENDS that would be shouting wow wow wow like #AMBULANCE
.
.
.
.
#receive_sense bro

lol quazy bro

lhawarl1:


lol quazy bro

About 4,000 years ago:

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!
Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a #1000 note* God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!