Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,194,844 members, 7,956,170 topics. Date: Monday, 23 September 2024 at 06:43 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Jarizod's Book Of Jokes (49979 Views)
Huncho's Book Of Jokes / All New Sort Of Jokes. +updated+ / Chronicles Of Jokes (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:02pm On Oct 29, 2016 |
You lavish 300k in a club and give a prostitute 15k. But you give your girlfriend 1k after washing your clothes and cleaning the house for you then you say you're testing her to find out if she is after your money. Brother, the thunder that will fire you will be like Drug prescription; 3 in the morning, 3 in the afternoon and 3 at night. Sho lo ya wehrey nii 9 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:36pm On Oct 29, 2016 |
Jarizod:hahahahahahahhahahaha and that thunder must carry solar power too 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 6:38am On Oct 30, 2016 |
You are 33yrs old and ur role model is Emmanuella;You see how d devil is using ur life 2 play nairabet? 5 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 6:39am On Oct 30, 2016 |
This economic recession is no longer funny o! See women pricing school fees: "Aunty, how much if we remove geography and Physical Education, I want him to become a doctor, not a traveler." What if he comes to school only Monday, Wednesday and Friday will you reduce it 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by DarkRed(m): 4:42pm On Oct 30, 2016 |
Jarizod:Hahahahahahahaha 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 10:55pm On Oct 30, 2016 |
Jarizod: lwkmd hahahahahaha, i will try it also 3 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 7:56pm On Oct 31, 2016 |
The biggest example of corruption is a wedding ceremony where people will spray you and your spouse only 200 naira and still eat rice and chicken and drink which sums up to over N1500.. The worse is they will wrap broom and packer, plastic hand fan or even comb for you as a Gift So I've decided on my wedding day when my baby and I will be dancing, people won't spray us directly... In a single file,like offering time in church,they will put the money on a tray for all eyes to see and at that point, you'll receive your food as follows: NO MONEY: Pure water and toothpick N200:White Rice without meat + pure water. N500: White Rice + head of fish + coke N1000: Jollof Rice + Meat + a Malt N2000-N4000: Fried Rice + salad + chicken + chivita and bottle water N5000 and Above: Please Serve Yourself.. No cheating!.... 9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 12:46am On Nov 01, 2016 |
Jarizod: nice one bro 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:56am On Nov 01, 2016 |
lhawarl1:thanks padi 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:07am On Nov 01, 2016 |
Jarizod: This got me |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:25am On Nov 01, 2016 |
skarlett: 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 11:39pm On Nov 01, 2016 |
TEACHER: Who is the President of Nigeria? CHILDREN: (They all chorused) Lamido Sanusi! TEACHER: Correct! Who is the Minister of Defence? CHILDREN: Asari Dokubo! TEACHER: Good! What is the capital city of Nigeria? CHILDREN: Enugu! TEACHER: Very good! Who composed the National Anthem? CHILDREN: D-Banj and 2face! TEACHER: Excellent. What do you call people from Moscow? CHILDREN: Mosquitoes! TEACHER: Perfect! How much is 2 + 5? CHILDREN: 25! TEACHER: That’s great! You’re going to remain like this until your Governor release my salary!....Una never see anything... 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:02am On Nov 02, 2016 |
You'll never know you are a fine boy until you are caught in the market stealing then you'll hear people saying "ehen so this kyn fine boy na thief..ehyaaa" 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:25am On Nov 03, 2016 |
[b] They say, "the fastest way to get a man to marry you, is to cook his best meal and serve it with a chilled bottle of coke" - okay, nobody said that, i just totally made that up. But, if it was true; then Nneka would never get married. Nneka, was my church crush - church, in the sense that we attended the same church and she was in the choir - so yeah, church crush! But you see, she wasn't like any other choir girl you know. Forget those "head-tie wearing, Ankle skirt" girls you're probably imagining. Nneka had class, and ass too - not sure which was more, but both were in abundance. Her figure eight ( shape wasn't helping matters, not to talk of her clear American accent - Mehn! Angels had to be made this way. So yeah, we eventually started dating after I broke forcefully out of the deep shackles of friend zone I was submerged in - *middle finger village witches* During the course of our dating, she kept complaining about the money I spent eating out and buying junk food. I never really had a problem with this cos' I barely had time to cook for myself, with my 9 - 8 job and all. - Yeah, 9am to 8pm! My boss was directly related to the devil himself. Anyways, she offered to cook and insisted on spending the weekend. She was going to "spoil me silly" with different kinds of dishes I had never tasted. I knew right then, that I had found the one. No more cornflakes and indomie for one week - goodbye carbohydrates; Hello protein!! I fell deeper in love. Saturday finally arrived, and I was treated to a huge plate of Egusi soup - Everybody's favourite. I'm not much of a Bible story kinda guy, but after first taste, I knew instantly that soup must have been inspired by the story of Lot and the Pillar of Salt. My Egusi soup was filled with the missing parts of the Pillar of Salt. I'm not joking, I might have as well, ordered a salt solution instead - heck! it felt like it. But I let it slide, maybe she was just nervous cooking for me for the first time - Love, really is blind. By evening, we had Beans - or should I even call it that? Beans used to be my favourite food, until Nneka catwalked into my life. Now all I see when I think of Beans is horror and battlefields. You think I'm lying? Okay, picture David and Goliath. Yep, remember those stones David picked before the fight? - yep! those ones. They were present in my dinner plate. Actually, I think I had more stones than Beans for dinner - but then again Love prevailed, I let it slide. It was when I saw her washing the rice with soap and sponge the next morning, I knew that I was finished. "Blood of Donald Trump!! ", I shouted! But deep down, I was certain the end was finally here. At that moment, I knew my village witches had won the battle - they were probably twerking to a Gospel beat sef at that time. It's been two weeks since that weekend and I've not had the mind to return her calls or texts. Please, how do you arrange your lips to tell somebody you're not doing again? Brother zone has never felt more perfect to me. I willingly zone myself. I give up abeg, I'm not doing again joorr [/b] 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:12pm On Nov 03, 2016 |
Jarizod:hahahahahha. Tru talk ma guy... All d while u dey come market dem no see say u fin. Hahahahaha |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:17pm On Nov 03, 2016 |
Smallville10: Na so baba |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 5:25pm On Nov 04, 2016 |
[b] DIFFERENCE BTW AN AMERICAN POST AND A NIGERIAN FACEBOOK POST. AMERICAN POST: Hello, my name is Sandra Stone, I am from New York, I love my husband so much and I can do Anything to please him...But recently I am falling for his cousin, what should I do? COMMENTS: *James silva : I think u need to talk to your husband because marriage is all about communication. *Sarah water : Oh my dear,sorry abt that.. Have been in your shoes before, I had to wake up and face the fact that I am married. *Michael paper : well just remove your mind from him and make your husband do the things you like in his cousin.. NIGERIAN POST: My name is Talatu, i stay in Abuja, married with a kid, I think I am falling for my husband's cousin! What should I do? NIGERIAN COMMENTS: *Dayo muyiwa : Fool, love na food? *Nkiru joy : You are a disgrace to womanhood..sham e on u, *Idris kunle : Any news about ASUU strike? *Toheeb sule : If u want to fall for me too, call my no 0708312455 *Funmi Leye: I no blame u at all, better go find something do with your life, fall koor, stand nii *Richard oke : Abeg who get bb charger(pin mouth) *Mallam Audu : Allah ya tsine miki anya ke yar musilma che kuwa? Allah ya kyauta *Bashir Bigboi: Gaskiya ur so cute pls Add me *Amaka Achebe : Ur a prostitute, u need deliverance ! KAI NIGERIANS!!!!. 9ja of life - i hail thee [/b] 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 5:27pm On Nov 04, 2016 |
Jarizod: The bashing you go receive ehn... 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 5:47pm On Nov 04, 2016 |
KissChrix:I dey tell u 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 8:37pm On Nov 04, 2016 |
Jarizod: bro how you doing na, |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 8:52pm On Nov 04, 2016 |
Jarizod:after nigerians swear for am finish, her head go correct straight... |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by donblade85555(m): 9:57pm On Nov 04, 2016 |
Nice jokes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:20pm On Nov 04, 2016 |
Smallville10: Nigerians wey no get chill |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:27pm On Nov 04, 2016 |
lhawarl1:fine boss..u? |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:28pm On Nov 04, 2016 |
lhawarl1:fine boss..u? |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 5:34pm On Nov 05, 2016 |
donblade85555:Thanks bruh.. |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 8:27pm On Nov 05, 2016 |
Jarizod: am fine too bro, am not a boss yet, |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 9:09pm On Nov 05, 2016 |
lhawarl1:smiles I hope yo day was perfect? |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 7:54am On Nov 06, 2016 |
Jarizod: no, it wasn't, i hope today will be. |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 8:57am On Nov 06, 2016 |
lhawarl1:Amen |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:35pm On Nov 06, 2016 |
An Israeli doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks." A Canadian doctor says: "That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks." A British doctor says: "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in 2 weeks." A Nigerian doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way behind...... We just took a man with NO brain, made him President, and now the whole country is looking for work. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 6:11pm On Nov 07, 2016 |
Abeg where Idris? Make e come sing Nigeria jaga jaga remix. How will someone put garden egg inside egg-roll. And when I complained she boldly told me "egg na egg" 2 Likes |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (Reply)
Imagine Getting This As A Christmas Gift / Typical Example Of A Nigerian Girl Facebook Status / Say What? One Customer's Bill At A Lagos Nite Club Yesterday. (pic)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 71 |