What Are Your Views On Divorce? - Family (6) - Nairaland
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| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by ono(m): 9:33am On Apr 05, 2006 |
@Chinani, Going through your explanations, using color coded words from Kasali's post, I've been able to glean out some facts. 1) At the root of all divorce cases is selfishness and intolerance. I've stated this before. You must understand that there's more to marriage than just wanting to satisfy yourself in that union. One thing you must understand is that Kasali's explanations applies to Christians couples at most. Now there are Buddhist, Atheists and people with other form of beliefs on this forum. His posts may not apply to them. Just like chief2b. If you're a Christian and you have divorced your spouse, know that you're going contrary to what you claim you believe in. And if you have a conscience, it will continue to trouble you till you do it right Red: Successful Marriages, as implied in Kasali's write up is not about what makes you happy in life. There are several other things that makes one happy (depending on how you feel about yourself) out there. Happiness in life is a relative thing. Some folks smoke and feel happy, while other resent smoking. So, you see, you got the whole essence of the post wrong in that regard. Kasali (to the best of my thinking here) is referring to homes that have not been broken by divorce. He's saying that homes where love reign and thrives, where every member of the family is appreciated, often enjoy health, wealth, satisfaction and success Blue: You can get past affairs, betrayals, disappointment, boredom and burnout and come out better and stronger than before. Your explanations on this one (Right & wrong) is pure stats on US cases only. Anyway, dig down a little about divorce cases(even in the US) where a cheating couple had to let go. What led to one partner cheating on the other? Maybe one is refusing the other what he/she wants and he/she sought for it elsewhere. Why go a-cheacting? Answer: To satisfy yourself (urge) first, not minding how your spouse will feel about it. When you have an affair outside your home, selfishness rears its ugly head. When you beat your spouse so much for any little misdeeds, intolerance and selfishness rears their ugly head. When you can't sacrifice your time to please, communicate, show affection, spend time and play with your spouse, selfishness comes knocking at your wicked heart. Personally, I have been through a lot of seminars on marriage and family life that I believe at this stage in my life, I cannot go to any marriage counsellor to advice me on how to resolve personal affairs with my wife. We will sit down in our closet and resolve it amicably. That's why marriage is for matured minds. Not for kids and shortsighted people, who need counselling to move ahead all the time. Now, you can get past affairs, betrayals, disappointment, boredom and burnout and come out better and stronger than before. This is true, if you're willing and humble enough to convince your grieving spouse that you went astray. This can be done prayerfully. Green: Do you have any problem with Biblical vows? If you're not a christian then back off from Biblical vows. God's word is law in christianity. And when you take the sacred marriage vow, know for sure that you're in that marriage till death parts you from that your spouse. I believe you must be in high spirits when you took the vow. Keep that high spirits all through the marriage. Purple: You need to grasp what that passage means. Wealth here means more than the physical stuff you see around to grasp from your spouse. But I will agree with you that parting with money to get good health in a marriage is good. But when you divorce your spouse and re-marry, you sin against your soul and spirit by sharing that body with another person. Your ''health and wealth'' will diminish by more than half. Your selfworth will be cut off. And you'll carry a heavy burden all through your life, especially when you have kids in your former marriage. Go and ask and see. Now, I can say, a word is enough for the wise, the right way.  1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by eveseh(f): 1:27pm On Apr 23, 2006 |
find another man to married you |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by eveseh(f): 8:00pm On Apr 27, 2006 |
nothing,i'll just waiy another man to married me  |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by Oracle(m): 6:24pm On Jul 26, 2006 |
well, i heard, know and read that divorce is only acceptable if one or the two parties have indulge in INFIDELITY [img]http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:ypX7f89vcUyMyM:http://www.fotf.ca/familyfacts/images/divorce-main.jpg[/img] |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by Nia: 9:24pm On Jul 26, 2006 |
I hope and wish I never get a divorce. My parents have a wonderful marriage and I hope I have the same. When I was younger I used to find this really annoying and sometimes I still do, cause they act like they just got married or something even though they been married for gazzillion years. These days, I pay attention to them though, to try and find out what makes the marriage works and hopefully, I too can have a long-lasting union like that. (So far i've concluded that humor and the ability to laugh at themselves and at difficult situations and even dumb things is a key ingredient in their union). Also, maintaning a good level of trust and respect between each other. However, I also understand that this is not the case for many people, so there's no reason to criminalize people who get divorce. Marriage should be 50/50, somewhat. Every now and then it might be like 40/60 and maybe even 20/80 but things should even out eventually. Meaning majority of the time, things should be fairly balanced, otherwise it will quickly put a strain on the person being taken advantage of. I believe in doing your best to make your marriage work, but things like infidelity, mental and physical abuse, etc, will definitely make it difficult to continue a marriage and we all have different levels of tolerance, not to mention that these things weaken the trust and bond between the two people. Again, I hope I never get a divorce but I know that things and people change and these days, divorce is not too far from reality. And I believe people who have been through divorce can sometimes be more discerning and careful when they get married again. |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by IAH(f): 11:18pm On Jul 26, 2006 |
Nia: Wow! I loff this part of your post.  1 Like |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by Nia: 8:53am On Jul 27, 2006 |
IAH: um, IAH I hope you know sey i be female o. And very straight. Cause that your kiss dey one kind sha. j/k   |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by felia(f): 8:08pm On May 01, 2007 |
Nia: |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by spoilt(f): 12:40am On Jun 10, 2007 |
The message here is that no matter what you are passing through in your marriage, you have no excuse to want to leave your spouse. You are in thesame boat and you've got to swim or sink together if that boat capsizes. Except you're not married to that man/woman, you cannot leave him/her. @ ono i do not completely agree with your post. physical violence is a deal breaker. your mum got lucky because your papa got 'saved' and the beatings ended. women are fragile and there's so much the human body can take. he could have hit her and like a bad dream she could have died! and she wouldnt have been the first woman to have died while trying to "make a marriage work". i like to think of myself as long suffering. but i can only make my marriage work if i am alive to work at it. you see what i mean? |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by minniepoe(f): 12:03pm On Jun 25, 2007 |
@ ono if you ever read my post i will like to have a word with you. i mean chat. i have somethings i will like to ask you, please reply to this post |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by Nobody: 3:39pm On Jun 25, 2007 |
I am sure Ono is only speaking for the Xtians.  |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by kingsleyi1(m): 6:00pm On Jun 25, 2007 |
Divorce is an ill-wind that blows no one any good. |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by katchy(f): 10:08pm On Sep 05, 2007 |
i hate divorce, full stop |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by BABEELOVE(f): 10:53pm On Sep 05, 2007 |
@Topic A bloody wastage of time, money and energy!!!!!!!!!!! Who says you can't have ya cake and eat it toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by holythug(m): 1:54am On Nov 24, 2007 |
if u no wan stay make u GO |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by almondjoy(f): 7:39am On Nov 24, 2007 |
Divorce should be mandatory for cases of physical abuse/domestic violence. It is better to be alive and divorced than to be dead and ---- still married. Yeah right! Till death do you Tupac-capuT! If marriage is the chief source of unhappiness and depression in your life--you berra gerrout of it! No marriage is better than an unhealthy one. Who will you be trying to please be staying in an unhappy marriage? |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by ifyalways(f): 1:20am On Nov 25, 2007 |
if you cant stay in simply stay out  |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by geegee(f): 8:39am On Nov 25, 2007 |
not like i im in support of divorce but why stay in a marriage and suffer when both parties are no longer happy. |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by stag: 2:47pm On Dec 01, 2007 |
where divorce is not advisable seperation(living apart) is an option. some talk about the children suffering without a father.which is better for the children to live without a father or to live under a retarded beast for a father. hearing,seeing and learning all sort of bad manners from him who beats up their mother,cheats endlessly on her etc.many single parents bring up useful children.so what the heck! |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by stag: 9:29am On Dec 03, 2007 |
@ 2cantango. bless you. aint chewing ur head off rather a pat ur head. |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by BeTrue: 5:38pm On Oct 01, 2008 |
for me divorce should not be legalized, no offence but i am going ask this? what is the main reason why many marriages didn't work? probably the answer is bcoz, the husband is abusive, the husband or wife is cheating, or may they they found out that they weren't inlove each other or other side wasn't inlove anymore, thats the most reasons i've heard, and my second question is''why all of these are happened? lets discuss for first reason'' abusive husband'' , well maybe there are all abusive husband in the world, the question is, why they abused their wife? well maybe maybe their wife is cheating, tactful, all is want is money money money and only thinking for herself not being a married person, getting married is not only about sex and happiness, there are lots of consequences that happen that he /she need to be consider.in other side , lets say the wife is very immaculate wife, give everything to her husband and cherish him too much, but the husband still abused her, why? because too much can kill, in marriage it should be 50-50, give and take, don't let your partner take advantage with you and don't take advantage to your partner, 2. cheating---- it's not a big issue. i have heard lots of story about this.being a wife if your husband cheated you don't be a tactful, don't feel insecure, he is only having fun with other's, you are lucky that you are the one he brought to the altar, instead of of being tactful and deciding to divorce. talk to him and explained that what he did is wrong and what's wrong.we are only human living in a very sinful world and temptness is always there.any problem always has a solution, don't let your pride dectate what the best you need to do.if you are a man and your wife cheated you, well its a big slap on man ego's, but ask her why, talk the problem not talk about devorce.if the God forgive us all of our sin, who we are not to. 3.found out not inlove anymore; Love is always there. thats why be sure yourself that you really inlove with this person before getting married.If it's happen anyone in here, don't think to go for divorce, all i can say is you are stupid.sometimes we felt bored,unhappy or whatever and sometimes we felt we don't like our partner anymore, but the question is, are you really willing to loose this someone you give you vows infront of the altar, maybe you are not sure, if you say yes, i won't believe you, all i can say is you are only giving your full attention to your lifestyle out from your home or marriage. you want somethoing different that you can't find in your marriage, something that you can say perfect,  ?? you are stupid cos you are expecting a perfect life in this sinful world.the person who said that his /her love is gome for that some one is implausible, Mybebe you only forgot your responsibility being a married person, or maybe you forgot your limitations being a married person, whaever happened try to work out the marriage in a civilize way not in fighting and shouting way and try to throw your pride away, thats all |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by Nobody: 5:42pm On Oct 01, 2008 |
BeTrue: Change your pusher! |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by BeTrue: 5:54pm On Oct 01, 2008 |
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- where divorce is not advisable seperation(living apart) is an option. some talk about the children suffering without a father.which is better for the children to live without a father or to live under a retarded beast for a father. hearing,seeing and learning all sort of bad manners from him who beats up their mother,cheats i agree with this one, divorce is not advisable seperation maybe living apart is one of the option, but other wants divorce bcoz they ca marry again, what for? how did you know that this new man in your life is immaculate, what a heck? wherever you go if really destine to happen in your life it will be happen, prayer is the number one key to be succesful in marriage. is anyone here pray for their marriage to be successful or pray everymorning and say thank you God that i am still alive and for all the graces you've given me.and sorry for all my sins, maybe not bcoz they are too busy of her social life in this sinful world and they forgot who creates them. you have lots of sacrifices, try to pray, but dont ask anything you want, just let the GOD to guide your life, thats why people always a hard time bcoz they want to go with their own way, |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by abujabooks(f): 12:44am On Nov 05, 2008 |
Divorce is NOT an option! |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by TOYOSI20(f): 12:45am On Nov 05, 2008 |
It a scarey and life changing experience. . . .  |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by desthan(m): 6:09pm On Nov 06, 2008 |
well in my own line of reasoning, i feel a broken relationship is better than a broken marraige |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by MsLurker(f): 6:35pm On Nov 06, 2008 |
If it won't be able to work. Divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy. |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by chessguru(m): 7:56am On Nov 11, 2008 |
avoidable---and should be a last rsort only if life is threatened |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by Angolobabe(f): 5:03pm On Nov 12, 2008 |
well as much as i love my hubby i will divorce him if he cheats on me,abuse me emotional or physical.life is too short to live unhappy. |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by desthan(m): 5:02pm On Nov 21, 2008 |
The Phrase ''I Do'' means more than it's easy to say. This phrase could also be intepreted as RESPONSIBILITY. THere is a lot to be considered before this phrase ''I DO'' is uttered. You must first understand the word ''MARRAIGE'' Marraige is a convenant committment to love an imperfect man / woman uncomditionally for the rest of your life. and why is this, because marraige is a vacuum and QUALITY is determined by the people involved. Love is not a feeling, rather its a choice you make to be committed to someone knowing fully well thats there's no perfect man or woman. Now because of these imperfections in human being, sometime we find ourselves dabbling blindly into marraiges for reasons like lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from family and others or a low self esteem. Hence divorce is a leeway, i guess when u find yourself in such predicaments, i mean, thats when u've realised that you weren't really prepared for this voyage. Ordinarily, i do not subscribe to divorce, thats why its advicable to date for as long as you wish, get to know who and which family you are gettin involved with and for crying out loud, always ask GOD to guide you in your every step you take & decision making |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by saraj(f): 5:42pm On Aug 25, 2009 |
I live in a Western Country that only legalised divorce in 1996, and that also has the lowest divorce rate in Europe and highest birth rate. Despite the legalisation of divorce in Ireland, It is quite difficult to obtain a divorce (you must be seperated for 4 yrs) I think that Ireland is one of the few Western Countries that are very family orientated and respect marriage and family. We never lost our tradition of huge families and I think that reflects in our divorce history and statistics. So it should be said, that all this bashing of Westerners is ignorant as every country is different. I am sure Nigerians would not appreciate Westerners comparing their crime statistics with South Africa just because they're both situated in Africa. |
| Re: What Are Your Views On Divorce? by Fiona0007: 10:20pm On Aug 25, 2009 |
@topic As long as there is marriage there will still be divorce. Because some marriages work, and some don't. |
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