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The simplicity of getting married. - Romance (5) - Nairaland

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Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Nobody: 1:59am On Mar 17, 2017
lefulefu:

when u say background check hope u not talking about checking on her family? i am asking cos hope u do know there some female undergraduates whose parents are pastors and deacons but they engage in runz.


Haha LOL, this one seems loud.

1 Like

Re: The simplicity of getting married. by ABEngine(m): 2:02am On Mar 17, 2017
Society will always lash out when you are percieved to entertain an opinion different from theirs or the consensus, fortunately the OP is right.

Choice is amongst the top crop of human abilities, one that sets us apart from other life forms in nature.

With this ability, our distinguished needs may be defined but most human choices aren't processed by yet another tool, the ability to discern.

It is a choice to get married, it is a decision to stay married and there are no specific set of reasons why one should/should not adopt a firm resolution to embark on this journey with another individual but that borne out of discernment.

The time you spend learning your prospective spouse has no direct correlation to the success of the union; marriage in itself is a lifelong class with complex paths and incessant trials.

We often get off on the wrong footing by not acknowledging human differences, making provisions to accommodate uncertainties, dwelling more on hopes and ridiculous expectations from humans and thinking we are perfect all by ourselves.

In simple terms, find someone whom meets >60% of your fleshy, intellectual and spiritual criteria, work the deficit towards achieving perfection. Marriage is not about the ceremony but milestones measured in "happy years" thereafter.

I belong to the school of thought that honors matrimony, that encourages committments to each significant order, that tarries regardless, that aims for perfection and not vain pursuits.

The growing trend of the non-conventional unions e.g single parenting/co-habiting/baby daddy & mummyship has the potential to destroy rich societal values our parents hitherto enjoyed and handed on. I was raised in a very happy union (there were bad days too) but I pray to have a happier one.

However, it is only benefical to watch before you leap. Don't be compelled by peers, for you are a lord in your own timezone. Find love, it costs the least. Take a decision, make a committment. Build your tolerance for one another together, for we are only humans in weaker flesh.

Dont give in to excuses nor make provision for blames, take absolute responsibility where it matters. Flesh will appeal on first sight but character will overrule moments after.

Remember, leave abusive relationships alone, dont expect miracles.

5 Likes

Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Toks2008(m): 2:12am On Mar 17, 2017
stagger:


You are obviously not married. I did a long courtship and I can tell you that my wife and I have achieved great things together with more to come. Marriage is a great institution if you make the right choices.

I guess it's high time you guys dropped this "are you married" line...

Apparently if I have not had a marital experience I won't come to the most populous online social interactive forum to write stuffs about it.

Some nairalanders are ridiculously myopic and intellectually stunted that they lack the fundamental ability to discuss the subject matter but would rather attack the writer and this is indeed pathetic.

There is always an exception to the rule dude. some court for 100000years and could remain married for life while some court for 1day and equally enjoy marital bliss but the common denominator is the willingness for both party to make it work and it's never about the long or short courtship.

Marriage is a risk we all must be willing to take and it does not take you forever to decide on a business venture....same is marriage.

Take the risk or keep goofing. ..
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Toks2008(m): 2:18am On Mar 17, 2017
ItsQuinn:
Sorry I can't date or have a courtship less than a year. Kolewerk! undecidedMine is 4 years at least before tieing the knot. smiley

This piece is not for teenage girls or girls who just want to grace the beds of guys for the fun of it but it's for adults who are focused and ready for marriage.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Nobody: 2:19am On Mar 17, 2017
ItsQuinn:
Sorry I can't date or have a courtship less than a year. Kolewerk! undecidedMine is 4 years at least before tieing the knot. smiley

4x-4 = -16 shocked
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Toks2008(m): 2:24am On Mar 17, 2017
OkoYiboz:
The OP is like an agbero in this area. He's an unmarried bachelor n his 40s[s] who has never married.

His advice hasn't helped him in life, don't be a guinea pig.
Take marriage advice from him at your peril. [/s]

Now put your left hand on your head, raise the right one up and repeat these words after me very loudly like one who is shouting for help after being kidnapped by boko haram..

"MY FATHER MY FATHER,every enemy of my life preventing me from having common sense...die by fire"....

1 Like

Re: The simplicity of getting married. by loyaltygame(m): 2:28am On Mar 17, 2017
dacblogger:
Marriage is a huge scam...pple just do it for the sake of the society and reproducing.
hmmmm I smell frustration cool
dacblogger:
Marriage is a huge scam...pple just do it for the sake of the society and reproducing.
hmmmm I smell frustration
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by rose54321: 2:29am On Mar 17, 2017
Well said, though i am a strong proponent of coursthip.

Methinks there are certain things you cannot know in a few months, it's a normal human tendency to "form", we all do it.
On the first few dates we are conscious of what we do, say, and how we act. So rather marry the "formed up" version of someone why not take the time and break that formality.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Toks2008(m): 2:33am On Mar 17, 2017
rose54321:
Well said, though i am a strong proponent of coursthip.

Methinks there are certain things you cannot know in a few months, it's a normal human tendency to "form", we all do it.
On the first few dates we are conscious of what we do, say, and how we act. So rather marry the "formed up" version of someone why not take the time and break that formality.

What you can not know in months of courtship may never be known in years of courtship.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by TheBillionTeam: 2:49am On Mar 17, 2017
dacblogger:
Marriage is a huge scam...pple just do it for the sake of the society and reproducing.

Well to you, its ur own opinion. Its a choice to believe based on your past experience. You might be right or wrong. Do what makes you happy and live a happy life. Have fun everyday.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Idy95: 3:10am On Mar 17, 2017
Wooow
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by AreaFada2: 3:11am On Mar 17, 2017
dacblogger:
Marriage is a huge scam...pple just do it for the sake of the society and reproducing.

True.

But there are few genuine ones though.

Most do it because religion and society demand it.

For others it is a meal ticket and supposedly offers security.

Facts is things change. A healthy person can be ill tomorrow. A rich person today can be poor tomorrow.

How many are really ready to keep the "in sickness & in health, for richer for poorer & for better for worse" bit of it? cool

Some think they are too good to settle for less. Without being realistic about what they themselves bring to the table.

1 Like

Re: The simplicity of getting married. by watered(m): 3:49am On Mar 17, 2017
Toks2008:
Each time I hear people talk about getting married as one big task I just shake my head at their ignorance.

Ask any single guy or lady of advanced marriageable age why s/he is still single and you are certain to hear words like..."I'm taking my time,can't rush in and rush out,I need to be sure I'm with the right person...." but the question is ;"Does the fact that you are extremely careful in choosing a spouse guarantees a happy marriage?

Getting married is the easiest task anyone can accomplish and far easier than complicated courtship but we tend to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

You can't be too careful or careless when it comes to your choice of spouse because there is no good or bad choice but what we have is "YOUR CHOICE". Good people can turn very bad and a great courtship is no guaranty of a great marriage so take the risk and stop wasting your time in the name of "being careful"

So if you are a man or lady who is really interested in getting married then read this.

1.For the guys :

Ask yourself some vital questions about the type of woman you want,her tribe,physical attributes as well as inherent attributes and so on and don't just try out every lady in skirt.

Understand that whatever pleases your eyes will inadvertently please your soul so go for a lady that catches your fancy physically, ask her some basic questions about her persona,do a quick background check on her and if you are ok with your findings just take the risk as long as you can feed yourself and one more person and also have a place of your own.

If you can afford a lavish wedding then go ahead but if not talk to your woman about doing a small wedding by paying her bride price and going to the registry while you both plan for a bigger wedding.

If she refuses then help her foolishness by enjoying wify duties from her while she continues to wait but if she accepts your plan please go ahead and marry her and try to work out your differences...

Remember that you can never know a woman but you can only try to understand her gradually only when you start living together.

And remember that though GOD hates divorce,there is always an option of walking away from the marriage if needs be.

2.For the ladies:

Save your self the bull poo of dating and courtship...it's a total waste of time cos it's no guaranty of a happy union.

Except you are a teenager or in your adolescent when dating is mostly just for the fun of it,if you are really interested in a purposeful affair then you don't need to court any guy for more than a year.

If you see a guy you have strong desire for and he says he wants you,...do a quick background check on him and if you are ok with your findings..take that risk and go for it...

Stop complicating your life about doing an expensive wedding by fire by force...you can always do that latter but if the money is available then go ahead with the wedding of your dreams

I have seen many guys and ladies despite their over Sabi and meticulous courtship still break up with their spouse so why fool yourself.

If you like continue to waste your time looking for the ideal man and fooling yourself in the name of courtship while actually getting used by the guy.

Dating and long courtship is for boys and girls who just want to catch fun.
No matter how hard you try and how long you court a man, you can never truly know any man until you start living with him and a guy that truly wants you as a wife does not need any yeye long courtship with you.

Marriage is overrated so stop killing yourself trying to be in the best marriage...just take the risk...if it favors you,stay and if it becomes unbearable,take a bow so why waste your time trying to be too careful when you can never be sure of getting an ideal man or woman no matter how careful you may be.

My take.

Re: The simplicity of getting married. by mikkyjagga1(m): 4:28am On Mar 17, 2017
ignorance
[quite author=Toks2008 post=54267463]Each time I hear people talk about getting married as one big task I just shake my head at their ignorance.

Ask any single guy or lady of advanced marriageable age why s/he is still single and you are certain to hear words like..."I'm taking my time,can't rush in and rush out,I need to be sure I'm with the right person...." but the question is ;"Does the fact that you are extremely careful in choosing a spouse guarantees a happy marriage?

Getting married is the easiest task anyone can accomplish and far easier than complicated courtship but we tend to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

You can't be too careful or careless when it comes to your choice of spouse because there is no good or bad choice but what we have is "YOUR CHOICE". Good people can turn very bad and a great courtship is no guaranty of a great marriage so take the risk and stop wasting your time in the name of "being careful"

So if you are a man or lady who is really interested in getting married then read this.

1.For the guys :

Ask yourself some vital questions about the type of woman you want,her tribe,physical attributes as well as inherent attributes and so on and don't just try out every lady in skirt.

Understand that whatever pleases your eyes will inadvertently please your soul so go for a lady that catches your fancy physically, ask her some basic questions about her persona,do a quick background check on her and if you are ok with your findings just take the risk as long as you can feed yourself and one more person and also have a place of your own.

If you can afford a lavish wedding then go ahead but if not talk to your woman about doing a small wedding by paying her bride price and going to the registry while you both plan for a bigger wedding.

If she refuses then help her foolishness by enjoying wify duties from her while she continues to wait but if she accepts your plan please go ahead and marry her and try to work out your differences...

Remember that you can never know a woman but you can only try to understand her gradually only when you start living together.

And remember that though GOD hates divorce,there is always an option of walking away from the marriage if needs be.

2.For the ladies:

Save your self the bull poo of dating and courtship...it's a total waste of time cos it's no guaranty of a happy union.

Except you are a teenager or in your adolescent when dating is mostly just for the fun of it,if you are really interested in a purposeful affair then you don't need to court any guy for more than a year.

If you see a guy you have strong desire for and he says he wants you,...do a quick background check on him and if you are ok with your findings..take that risk and go for it...

Stop complicating your life about doing an expensive wedding by fire by force...you can always do that latter but if the money is available then go ahead with the wedding of your dreams

I have seen many guys and ladies despite their over Sabi and meticulous courtship still break up with their spouse so why fool yourself.

If you like continue to waste your time looking for the ideal man and fooling yourself in the name of courtship while actually getting used by the guy.

Dating and long courtship is for boys and girls who just want to catch fun.
No matter how hard you try and how long you court a man, you can never truly know any man until you start living with him and a guy that truly wants you as a wife does not need any yeye long courtship with you.

Marriage is overrated so stop killing yourself trying to be in the best marriage...just take the risk...if it favors you,stay and if it becomes unbearable,take a bow so why waste your time trying to be too careful when you can never be sure of getting an ideal man or woman no matter how careful you may be.

My take.[/quote]
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by johntaiwo123(m): 4:34am On Mar 17, 2017
K

Re: The simplicity of getting married. by watered(m): 4:38am On Mar 17, 2017
johntaiwo123:
K
Go and work hard to make real money and stop living in fantasy. Only hungry people ask your kind of question. "What if" Alright "What if not"
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Inferno17: 4:42am On Mar 17, 2017
Comot from here!
Toks2008:
Each time I hear people talk about getting married as one big task I just shake my head at their ignorance.

Ask any single guy or lady of advanced marriageable age why s/he is still single and you are certain to hear words like..."I'm taking my time,can't rush in and rush out,I need to be sure I'm with the right person...." but the question is ;"Does the fact that you are extremely careful in choosing a spouse guarantees a happy marriage?

Getting married is the easiest task anyone can accomplish and far easier than complicated courtship but we tend to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

You can't be too careful or careless when it comes to your choice of spouse because there is no good or bad choice but what we have is "YOUR CHOICE". Good people can turn very bad and a great courtship is no guaranty of a great marriage so take the risk and stop wasting your time in the name of "being careful"

So if you are a man or lady who is really interested in getting married then read this.

1.For the guys :

Ask yourself some vital questions about the type of woman you want,her tribe,physical attributes as well as inherent attributes and so on and don't just try out every lady in skirt.

Understand that whatever pleases your eyes will inadvertently please your soul so go for a lady that catches your fancy physically, ask her some basic questions about her persona,do a quick background check on her and if you are ok with your findings just take the risk as long as you can feed yourself and one more person and also have a place of your own.

If you can afford a lavish wedding then go ahead but if not talk to your woman about doing a small wedding by paying her bride price and going to the registry while you both plan for a bigger wedding.

If she refuses then help her foolishness by enjoying wify duties from her while she continues to wait but if she accepts your plan please go ahead and marry her and try to work out your differences...

Remember that you can never know a woman but you can only try to understand her gradually only when you start living together.

And remember that though GOD hates divorce,there is always an option of walking away from the marriage if needs be.

2.For the ladies:

Save your self the bull poo of dating and courtship...it's a total waste of time cos it's no guaranty of a happy union.

Except you are a teenager or in your adolescent when dating is mostly just for the fun of it,if you are really interested in a purposeful affair then you don't need to court any guy for more than a year.

If you see a guy you have strong desire for and he says he wants you,...do a quick background check on him and if you are ok with your findings..take that risk and go for it...

Stop complicating your life about doing an expensive wedding by fire by force...you can always do that latter but if the money is available then go ahead with the wedding of your dreams

I have seen many guys and ladies despite their over Sabi and meticulous courtship still break up with their spouse so why fool yourself.

If you like continue to waste your time looking for the ideal man and fooling yourself in the name of courtship while actually getting used by the guy.

Dating and long courtship is for boys and girls who just want to catch fun.
No matter how hard you try and how long you court a man, you can never truly know any man until you start living with him and a guy that truly wants you as a wife does not need any yeye long courtship with you.

Marriage is overrated so stop killing yourself trying to be in the best marriage...just take the risk...if it favors you,stay and if it becomes unbearable,take a bow so why waste your time trying to be too careful when you can never be sure of getting an ideal man or woman no matter how careful you may be.

My take.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: The simplicity of getting married. by omhor(f): 4:45am On Mar 17, 2017
Serious brouhaha dey o between ObinzyRoyEmeka and Alesandese......if dem eventually see each other ehn, I no knw wetin for happen o. Gbeghen dey o.....who go settle fight??
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by deolumike(m): 4:50am On Mar 17, 2017
dacblogger:
Marriage is a huge scam...pple just do it for the sake of the society and reproducing.
this comment of yours conflicts with the caption in your profile. The ONE that loves you to whom you pray was the ONE who instituted marriage. You disagree with Him and disrespect Him by this comment.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Bridget95(f): 4:54am On Mar 17, 2017
dacblogger:
Marriage is a huge scam...pple just do it for the sake of the society and reproducing.
Marriageis no scam.My parents marriage was fun and bliss all the way.when you and your spouse are in Christ, marriage becomes bliss.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by 989900: 5:28am On Mar 17, 2017
Too many childish comments in one thread.

My advice for y'all: life ain't math -- quit the formulae; use your head, what worked/works for John, may not work for Johnson.

QED.

1 Like

Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Klington: 5:36am On Mar 17, 2017
This is one of my best threads so far.. Whether anyone likes it or not it's quite. encouraging... Thanks for this op.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by kateskitty(f): 5:38am On Mar 17, 2017
dacblogger:
Marriage is a huge scam...pple just do it for the sake of the society and reproducing.
I don't believe you are a Christian because if you were you would't be saying Marriage is a huge scam
Even Jesus himself attended a wedding and performed his first miracle there
Telling us two things
1. He supports marriage
2. Marriage is a sacred institution
So please stop calling marriage a scam
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Korrection(m): 5:41am On Mar 17, 2017
You are contradicting yourself....
Toks2008:


You can not die in marriage cos of children sis.

If things get awful you try to work it out and if it becomes too hot you leave.

I hate divorce but would you rather be with a violent man and lose your life?

1 Like

Re: The simplicity of getting married. by itunesgiftcard(m): 5:47am On Mar 17, 2017
stagger:


You are obviously not married. I did a long courtship and I can tell you that my wife and I have achieved great things together with more to come. Marriage is a great institution if you make the right choices.

Different strokes for differnt folks bro what worked for you might not necessarily work for me.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by steve6: 6:02am On Mar 17, 2017
Hnmm...
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Merceline(f): 6:02am On Mar 17, 2017
marriage is not easy op. me sef it gets to a point where I dont even know what I want again. because it is the future that matters to me the most not even the present.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Sexina851(f): 6:03am On Mar 17, 2017
Amarabae:
Its very easy in the mouth saying it. Choosing a life patner is a process a lady shiuld apply carefulness to.
don't make it look as if a girl should marry anyone she sees, desperations sometimes lead to regrets.

Yes, I have dis sister dat has been applying carefulness since 1977.but she is no longer careful, now she is desperate.
Re: The simplicity of getting married. by Chigorkizz(m): 6:11am On Mar 17, 2017
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