The first point of your healing is to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice, one that favors the giver. It is for your own good.
Whatever method of custody you both decide on, you will have to see your ex-wife. With forgiveness, even though you see her, you won’t be emotionally stressed and disturbed. You have those feelings because you still hold on to what she did.
Though I’m not really abreast with all the issues, I can imagine your pain through your writing. Please forgive her and permit yourself to heal.
I’m not insinuating that you get back together. That’s a decision you both can arrive at. Probably, get counseling.
Start with Jesus

seborrhic:
u are also a criminal,using money that is not yours.
why didnt u return the money the so calledcultists sent to you?

Exactly and alert the police? Thank God for delivering you but spending the money is not right.
Besides, you don't have concrete proof of their plans so they could turn the table on you. They could claim you were partly paid for a job which you didn't do and failed to refund( that's the fact of the case). If the matter gets to court, you go pay extra for damages.

seborrhic:
u are also a criminal,using money that is not yours.
why didnt u return the money the so calledcultists sent to you?

Exactly and alert the police?

Deeprooted:
Before the interview, I was discouraged by her appearance.

I had to put a call through to the hiring firm, expressing my disappointment. However,so as not to make her feel bad, I decided to ask her a few questions in relation to the job. To My utmost surprise, she said she had never held the position. This justified by anger.
I
Long story short, she was hired.


She was taught her role within few days and that's all! She's now the best worker in all ramifications.


Lesson to all employers, do not hire base on experience alone.

Please share what prompted you to hire her. That would help in the lesson you're trying to pass to employers. Thanks

Drsnives:
My brothers that's how my dad linked me up with one of his friend in lagos.
The man said their company "quest global company" located in Lagos is reciuiting, that am to pay 560k for my training after that i will be employed and that there's every tendency for me to be relocated abroad. According to him the company pays in dollars and they will prepare my international passport with part of the money.
Nairalanders have been confused because I don't want to loose any opportunity through ignorance.
If i may has anyone come across the name quest global company??

Search online for the company. For such claims they make, they should have a solid ground online.
However, no good company asks a prospective employee to pay anything for their training or what not. It looks like a scam where you pay and not hear from them again.
Abeg, #560 no be beans o.
Instead, process your passport yourself and search for job opportunities outside the country. Keep building your skills though.

FullBlastLight:
FG, US Sign Agreement For Return Of Fresh $23.4m Abacha Loot



https://www.vanguardngr.com/2022/08/breaking-fg-us-sign-agreement-for-return-of-fresh-23-4m-abacha-loot/amp/

How much did he loot bayi o? Ha!!! Generational looting leleyi ke

It's C for me o

fasho01:
Na wa o.. Well, since the father has admitted she brings the children to him, what has he done to them? Return them or what? That's the only thing that can exonerate him from this and prove indeed that the daughter has mental health issues

Exactly my thoughts

EngrCHM:


Am interested

@Mikolky, @lincDzinc and @EngrCHM

Pls join this training.

https://www.clubhouse.com/event/my4JAEnO?utm_medium=ch_event&utm_campaign=9YofuwBhzsH-BRkdQAok2A-188036

Mikolky:
Good day guys and I hope God catapults us to our next Level in life

Please, I need advice...

This write up might be long but please bear with me and give your honest, critical analysis and mature opinion(s).

I am a graduate of Elect/Elect Engineering, graduated 2015 from a Nigerian Federal University.
Before graduating I have been doing some Secondary school teachings during holidays and ASUU strike periods.
After graduating, I did some little sales and maketing jobs and teaching as well as I was yet to get my school statement of result due to issues I needed to sort out so I could not go for NYSC
So after I sorted it out, got my result and went for NYSC 2017/2018..I served in an off-grid private electrical power generating company in Ogun state..
After NYSC, a relative who is a top staff(An executive director) of a nigerian tier-2 bank invited me to come work in the bank, so I grabbed the opportunity without hesitation because of the fear of unemployment that has plagued our nation and also considering the fact that I graduated with a 2.2, so I feared that I might experience difficulty getting a job in my discipline
I started with being a contract staff as a sales executive with little pay..he promised that he will help me get confirmed as a full staff in a year but after 1year I only got a little promotion to another job role still a contract staff with very little salary increase so after a few months, I got agitated and wanted to leave but he persuaded me to stay but after some months further I made a very big mistake and did something that questioned my integrity, so I was sacked, the man that promised to help me stopped picking my calls, I became very depressed and downcasted because I knew I had dissappointed myself, my family, my colleagues and even the management since they all saw me as an industrious lad who was doing very well in his role and meeting targets.

I wallowed in depression and self-pity for more than a month before I moved on with my life and got another Job in a Lending company as a Sales Analyst with a higher net salary of about 160k(more than ×2 of what I earn before) but the pressure in the company was too much and stress of going from mainland to Island everyday and this was early last year when 3rd mainland bridge was under repairs, the traffic was crazy.
Due to the pressure and toxicity of the company coupled with the fact that my girlfriend whom I thought was my source of happiness and was doing all I could to please her started seeing another guy, her colleague at the office(fear women).., my self-exteem and confidence dropped drastically so I had to resign from the company after three months just for my mental health...With the advise of friends, I started doing e-hailing(bolt) business but my car(nissan) high maintenance, police, lastma, taskforce etc... even 'agbero' wahala frustrated me and made me reconsider.

Now I am back to my engineering field which I got a job as a Sales Engineer for 75k salary 3months ago . Its a one-man business Electrical Engineering company. although the MD has promised to review my salary since I am doing well at my role..
During the interview, I said I would only accept a minimum of 120k as salary but he said he could only afford to pay me 85k since he was going to train me

Now my serious deliberation is this:

*Should I move back to the finance sector considering the fact that I now have about 4years+ experience or I should continue and grow in the engineering field that I only have a little over a year experience?*

The pay is very little with many expenses and responsibilities ...not in comparison with anybody though but I am 30 already and most of my mates are already married with kids. I am not getting any younger.

Honest advise please

Mods should please help move it to front page...Many thanks

You will get more opportunities with Engineering. Reach me by PM to share some opportunities with you.

Bahamas95:
Lol, my bae was complaining when we started dating but she has gotten used to my system now. There was a day she prepared boiled yam and egg sauce and I told her she would have fried the yam.....She was very angry that day eh.

One secret prayer I always pray to God is that I don't want my children to be selective like me......I go beat dem well well, I don't think I can be tolerant like my mum. Mothers are trying.

Mba o. At least one go be like you. Only that it's your wife it will stress more.

Bahamas95:
I can't, don't like it at all. Am very selective when it comes to food.....I don't force myself to eat anything.


If I give you the list of foods I don't eat you'll be shocked......I gave mumsy problem back then.

Eeyah! I understand. Not everyone will like it. It would have been a healthier alternative though. Sometimes you eat some foods for the benefit it will give to your body, not necessarily the taste.
Mumsy go don hear am for your hand with food o. Wifey go take over later abi...lol.

Bahamas95:
Date.


I don't like it, it's too sweet......I find it very difficult to swallow after chewing it.

Use it to replace sugar.

606thearena:
Good morning Nairalanders.
Please I’m really begging you guys for solutions.
I’m currently in 300 level in unilag . I’m currently In my 4th relationship Because of this issue of premature ejaculation. You lease if you been in my shoes before what did you do to get out of it . I don’t want to be on drugs to have sex all the time I’m just 24 years . I used to masturbate when I was young but I was not a chronic masturbator could that be the reason . Pls guys help with any remedy that will work , my currently relationship is currently shaking because of this issue every other thing I’m blessed with, just this premature ejaculation that is ruining my life and relationship.

Pls Nairalander do not view and pass by any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

I will be waiting for your response Keenly

Focus on your education. Abstain from sex till you get married. Build your life and plan your career. You're really too young for this.

OlawaleBammie:
some even say water cures it

So i Don't know if its immersion or sprinkling

I'm not so sure about water but I know the fridge works. I've also watched a YouTube kitchen hack where chewing gum while cutting onions helps.

OlawaleBammie:
Seriously na this night i told her, onions are my adversaries.

If u know say u go use onions cook for night, slice am for ground before u go to work in the morning, so before u come back for evening the gas don evaporated

Instead, she could put it in the fridge for sometime before cutting.

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

So you expected not to have any disagreements with your spouse like your Papa and Mama automatically? You have a very faulty mindset about marriage then.
I do not in anyway support his shouting at you in the presence of the children but he seems to be sincerely sorry seeing he agreed to go for counseling.
Work on your marriage. Arguments happen. Disagreements happen. The bonding happens too when both of you are able to work through them. In this case, you need help from a third party which is okay. Go through the process together.
Your children might need counseling too.

Also take time to pray for your family. Your prayers will go a long way. Divorce should not be your first point of call in this issue.

sgtponzihater1:
The very beginning:

This is one question I probably know the answer to. I could afford a flat, My cable subscription was on point, I hardly ran out of data, except my smile plug was temporary offline, and I could very well feed myself with all the sort of meals I wanted. I also was far above average for a cook.

I really was not thinking of a wife at all. Ladies came and went. I knew while women can be pleasurable, living with them forever could probably cause a strain. So I avoided them for nearly 30years of my life if not more. I obviously was not a Saint, yet I tried my best to do no harm.

Then the scammers came. I can remember all of them. They saw my good life and wished me suffering. They painted the wrong narrative. "PonziHater, you shouldn't be cooking all this soup yourself and doing the dishes everything. "You need a woman to soften things up", when they found me in the restaurant eating "ogufe", they blurted out loudly that I was just a wasting money when I could have a wife to easen things up. They made vague references men who were supposedly living happier lives because of the women in their life. All these men were disgruntled, but kept a fake smile to sell a false narrative

The truth it was it was all brainwash. I felt good, happy and free. I couldn't afford the best designers, but my shirt were "red tag", and my pants were decent. I could fuel my car, and "afford" any lady on the daily. I truly then did not understand the softening of life that they claimed Marriage will bring, but with their emphasis, I thought of a near heaven, where lovely meals, a lot of sex, children calling me daddy and a wife to walk to in the park. What I found going forward was just like being at the peak of orgasm in a brothel, just at the point when the police were breaking in. It was some pleasure subsequently followed by gross imprisonment. It was going to hell on a 24hours drive, and then returning only to be stopped in the middle of nowhere by robbers. It was the most distasteful experience a man could see.

To be continued

ChiefSgtPonziHater

Hmmm... I'm sorry you had to go through all that. To put it on record, not all women are like you described your wife. Also, there's a danger of a single story as we cannot get your wives side of the story for a balance.

With all due respect, you sounded so immature especially as regards your expectations of marriage. Also, it takes two to tango. What were your own shortcomings? Furthermore, you wanted to keep living like a bachelor while married.

I do not in anyway condone the alleged behavior of your wife but you were also not ready mentally for marriage. I believe that is because you didn't know what marriage is about. Anything that is not understood this days is called a scam.

I sincerely begin to wonder how your parents lived.

Plss take time to read about marriage. It would be better if you and your wife could read together. Also, go for counseling with your wife so you could live the remaining years of your marriage happy.

I could make recommendations on books and a marriage counselor if needed. Just send a PM.

Kingcalls:
Women always think they are right ... what did u do?? Men don't show emotions when they are abused , they can't cry , so they rather will hit, its in our nature ...so y do women think they can just insult men and get away with it... as long as the world dont preach that women should also respect men and dont insult men, men will continue to hit women... they wise women will dodge confrontation to avoid violence , the foolish ones will think they can insult men and expect no reaction....

Domestic violence against women has increased since feminists started preaching that a woman should not be hit even if she abuses the man to the point where he is pushed to the wall... just look at the last 2 big brothers... look at how those women insulted those guys to the point that one of the guys started crying... women like that will easily get hit by a man cis men respond with violence when angry....its in a man's nature and women should understand it... this is y most men don't wanna even get married again...

Your assertion that it's in a man's nature to respond with violence is not true. It's a decision not a nature. The same men will be insulted and chided by military persons or even their bosses and remain calm but choose to respond with violence to their partners.

Violence is a choice. Choose correctly. If it's becoming uncontrollable, seek help fast.

emmanuelbrown26:

Mostly should be females. See, I hv volunteered with an NGO on domestic violence and child abuse for 10 solid months without pay, u did it to know marriage wahala and I know why I left them.
I hv worked with females and males. D issue is not about parents training their sons and daughters, sons heeds to d training more than daughters of eve.
Some daughters of eve deserves better beating before they would understand some certain things. I hv seen a lot in them

You need a whole lot of unlearning and relearning. You're so stuck in your stand without trying to reason out issues reasonably. Try to keep an open heart and reread the article. You'll be better for it.

Solofresh2:
Exactly.Anytime I try acting like a hard guys, my conscience comes to life.Not that am doing something bad oo.For example maybe someone ask me for something but I decided not to give due to genuine reasons best known to me

It would help to begin to live with margin. Your emotions should not control your logical thinking. If you have genuine reasons not to give, stick with it. If you decide to make a sacrifice, all well and good. Let your actions be well thought out and decided after weighing the options.

iExplore:
I met this girl late last year. We got talking and connected real fast. Fast forward to early this year - I asked her out on a date, which she said yes to.

On the date night, I opened up to her about my feelings for her. I told her I love her (I meant it, for real) and would like to be in an open relationship with her.

She giggled for a while, paused, looked straight to my face and told me "I don't do open relationships".

To cut the story short, she reluctantly agreed after I convinced her by educating her of the benefits.
She's a sweetheart, no cap.

So guys, can you be in an open relationship with someone you love?

I


You really do not love her if not you wouldn't propose such.
Love has been so misunderstood and abused in this generation.

Sighs!!!

czarr:
Gbam!

All lies coated so nicely

Dorwadora:
Good evening my Romancelanders and Nairalanders. I hope y'all been having a good day?

Here's the thing.

Due to the ASUU strike I decided to get a job around my school instead of going home because Ekiti has become home for me. I resumed work on Monday, that's 6 days ago. I and my boss have not been having any issue. He gives the command and I get the work done but recently he has been giving me his home key to go and cook for him. The first time I was surprised because giving your house key to someone you barely know is a bit weird to me but since Monday that I've started the work, I've been to his house 4 times cooking stew or vegetable soup. I'm there right now frying meats.

I am seriously not comfortable with the arrangement but I can't say no because I really need to keep the job and save up. He's married but his wife is not staying with him and cooking and cleaning is the job of a wife not a staff.

Please house how can I stop this whole charade without losing the job?

Is cooking part of your job description?
What work did you sign up for?

DaBogu:
Over the weekend I happened to listen nto a radio program and this what was discussed

If one decide to donate semen (sperm) to a married woman who hasn't given birth for 5 years in her marriage instead of engaging in fornication with the married woman as she suggested, is it a sin?

What are your thoughts?

Is it the husband's sperm that is the problem?
Is he aware of this?
Is he in support?

If she went on a frolic of her own, she will still be bringing another man's child home.

It's already in her intentions to commit adultery as deduced above so she has committed the sin already.

Perfecttouchade:

https://punchng.com/three-missing-abuja-siblings-found-police-say-victims-abandoned-distressed/?amp

Praise the Lord

HUSTLER001:
Some of these scrap collectors can be very annoying.I remember the day I kept a spoilt sound system in front of my house and then one just came from nowhere and wanted to carry it.That one didn't even pain me. What pain me was the way he was forming right to own it since it has become scrap.All I just needed to do was to give him a warning eye. Nobody adviced him but himself and he did the needful,hissed and walked away.I.diot!

Na wa you o. Something you didn't need again, why not let them pick it up?

Moz22:
Actually typing this with a heavy heart and so much disgust for what I've done.. wish I had handled the situation better.

My father is the best man I could ever wish for and if I had another chance to pick a dad again in my next life, I'll pick a richer version of him but my mom?? Sigh!

However growing up with them was so stressful in every way u can think of.. my dad was the meek type, soft spoken and slow to react but my mom would always complain about everything, she fights everything and everyone.. never afraid of any form of confrontation, she would complain about my hairstyle, she would check if I sagged my trousers.. she monitored me extremely and always nagged about it.. I'm this typa guy who is well cultured, I wouldn't say I got that from home training tho cos I do not drink, smoke nor womanize... And I think it's d joy of every parent to have child like me, I basically had no friends visiting me then and even up till now. I've got trust issues that's why I don't keep friends.. my mom made my youthful days hell for me, I didn't really enjoy it.. times I spent with her were miserable as she would shout everyday, quarrel even over phone conversations that you would think the person she's fighting with was right in front of her.. and some times I even pity my dad whenever she starts with him. I developed some sorta hatred for her

Lately I've been spending more time with them cos of our last born just so I could keep an eye on him and we stayed close too.. and the way she treats him makes me wonder if she was the one gave birth to him, if I was away when she was pregnant for him and delivered.. I would have argued that she was his mother. There were times that I had to pass the night there and her voice or rants would be what will wake me up very early in the morning just as it used to be when I used to be there...

I used to think that as people grow old, they become calmer but that isn't the case with my mom, she's more violent... She lost her twin sis last year March and I sincerely hoped that would change atleast but iro nio... Her other sisters aren't even speaking to her at the moment. My dad was a musician.. old age won't allow him continue doing music, coincidentally I picked up that barton.. been doing the same music(live musician) all my life but my mom has always been against it.. she was never happy whenever I carry my dad's guitar to rehearse or whenever I bring a piano home.. it was always war...

Been there since last weekend cos of the poor electricity in my area.. we have had power for about 7 days now.. Had gone for a studio session, only to return in d evening and I was greeted with shouting over a very trivial issue, I was so angry that I responded to every of her verbal insults.. and then she hit me and I reciprocated which I felt so bad about almost immediately.. she dragged me by my clothes shouting that I must kill her again, by that time.. my anger had subdued and all I had on my mind was to leave the house immediately. She threatened to arrest me.. She tore my shirt and I managed to pull away from her.. and left without picking my stuffs. All my life, I have never raised up my hands to hit a woman talkless of my mom.. I don't even beat kids when they do wrong, I hate to see tears..

I know it's a disgraceful thing to do. I've got no excuse for what I've done whatsoever. I even avoid confrontations with my own gender sef cos I know what I'm capable of. I'm always quick to say the word sorry just to avoid prolonged issues. I had been offline since it happened, just came here to drop this and I know how much insults I'm gonna get here anyway but we learn everyday and will surely pick the ones that will make me a better person.. no one's perfect

Pls ignore my typo errors abeg

I can see you're really remorseful for what you did. You already know it was wrong, no need to stress that. However, the rage was a build up of suppressed emotions based on her previous behaviours.
As you have been advised, seek the forgiveness of your dad and mum. He also wouldn't be happy with you. Ask God to forgive you too.
Also, for your own well-being, ask God to help you forgive her for all the hurt she's caused you.
Try to see a therapist as well to unburden.

Aonkuuse:


Source: https://salemgists.com/5-children-poisoned-to-death-by-their-mothers-boyfriend-photos/

So instead of walking away, he preferred to walk into jail by murdering innocent children that didn't understand the rift between him and their mother. Ha!!! Really sad

Thrycimacus:
Hello guys I'm in need of a solution. I started dating my babe since last year, and we plan on getting married this year.

Believe me, I'm completely in love with her. Since I met this girl, it's as though every other girl isn't worth my time. I would say that we love ourselves to the best of my knowledge.

I didn't ever believe that my babe was a cheat, so I don't suspect her, neither do I read her text messages , nor even ask who called her and all that.

Something stupid happened today though. I checked my babes whatsapp chat out of curiosity without her permission (please guys forgive me for that). She was working on a project beside me while I was reading her chat.

I noticed she wasnt comfortable as I told her I only wanted to preview her whatsapp stickers. As I spent more time with her phone, she became so worried that she had to get her phone, asking what I was doing with her phone.

I told her I was reading her chat, then she got real angry, that I shouldn't have read her messages. There are contents there she doesnt want me to see.

Pretending as though I havent seen anything yet, I asked her , which content? Then she was already angry and collected her phone.

I tried getting g her phone but to no avail. Then I sat her down. Babe tell me, are you a lesbian ? She vehemently denied, asking why I will even ask her such question. Then I told her about her chat with one girl. She was trying to defend her self that the chat doesnt mean anything. The said chat was actually lesbian related.

I asked my babe, is the girl you were chatting with a lesbian, she said yes. I said fine, give me your phone let me continue reading then if you have nothing to hide from me. She refused.

I told her that her refusal only means 1 thing, and that can threaten our very relationship...

To cut the low g story short, at some point, she began to cry. I told her I knew she was a lesbian from that chat, I only wanted her to tell me with her mouth. She didnt directly admit it though, but she said that she was working on fixing her problem.

Admit it baby, so I know if its something I can fix with you, babe said she will tell me everything tomorrow, that she can't get herself to discuss anything with me today. With this, I had to understand and let her go. Hopefully tomorrow she can confide in me finally about her (I suppose) lesbian affairs.

Honestly I love this babe. Up until today, i have always believed that she loves me too. But this revelation is really threatening to destroy my future with her.

Before she left today , after I must have given her my word that telling me all her dark truth will not stop me from loving her, she said I was saying those just so she can open up. That if I leave her or change my behaviour towards her when she tell me what shes been hiding, it will not be good.

Please guys, how do I face this serious problem now in a mature way ?

Please I'm not here to play, I need mature contributions.

I created a new account for privacy sake

Hmmm... You need serious thoughts on this. Your willingness to assist her is laudable however you must know that it would take a while.
She would need to see a therapist because I believe she needs a readjustment of her mind for whatever reasons.
This could take sometime so you'll have to decide whether you can wait for her or move on.

FERNANDEZISBACK:

Nothing Evil in homosexuality..it's who they are..stop disturbing everyone with your imaginary creature pls...
He has no business with reality....

It's not who they are, its a distortion of the mind causing them to be confused about who they are.

Some are triggered by abuse early in life by either a male or female. If by a male, they may get to dislike or barely tolerate the male gender. If by a female, they may begin to enjoy the practice and continue. These doesn't absolve the fact that they are traumatized and make decisions based on it.

Some others just become unnecessarily adventurous and become addicted to the practice.

Still yet, some others suffer low self esteem and feel they will be better accepted by their own gender.

If they get to see a good therapist, they might be able to trace the triggers.

It is actually a state of confusion that needs some prodding and help of mental health specialists.