₦airaland Forum

herald9:
What do you do during those five minutes of madness then?

saintvc:
I am talking to the spirits

****shifts away from him quietly****

herald9:
No sir!

I ruminate that damn thang bordering me in my head...

Only people that exhibit five minutes madness that does that

Not true!
I exhibit five minutes of madness a lot and I don't do that

egopersonified:
Op, have you seen everybody hates chris? There was an episode where chris' mum was looking at the mirror and scolding herself, I do that a lot, without the mirror though.

But why

carefreewannabe:
Yes, when I need expert advice.

And this is why you never take correction

rawpadgin:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with it

According to studies, talking to
yourself can actually benefit thinking and
perception and boost your brainpower. Giving
yourself verbal messages can help you learn and
perform at your best, increase your concentration,
and improve performance, the studies showed.

Talking out loud is simply vocalising your internal
thought process or dialogue.

Experts are revealing that giving yourself verbal
instructions helps to enhance attention and keeps
you focused while reducing distractions. It also
helps you to be more decisive and allows you to
control your thoughts and cognitive and emotional
reactions, helping you stay on task.

Oh come-oooooonn, this is total bullcrap! You mean to tell me those who speak out loud (like mad men, no insult intended) are actually processing their thoughts better? Link pls.

Dapo777:
Excuse me.

What's the relationship between religious belief And age?


If you say I am too young to be an atheist, Then you must also agree that I am too young to be a Christian, that It's until I am 30 And still remain a Christian that we can talk.

Why do people always believe Dat being an atheist requires 10 years of conviction.

In the next 50 years I don't see myself believing in a sky daddy. It's too fairy tale like to me.

By the way I am not less than 20. I don't know What you have observed to make you belittle my age.

You'll find out in 10yrs time

Sorry, didn't mean to belittle your age.

I almost knocked a guy down this morning on my way to work. He was walking along the street and discussing vehemently with himself. The finny thing is this guy was clean, well shaved, suited up, shoes polished, he might have been a banker for all I knew.
Anyway he apologized and I apologised back and we went our merry ways. But I kept wondering what he was discussing with himself that he wasn't looking where he was going.


I also catch some of my colleagues and friends mumbling amicably and some even smile for no reason


Do you talk to yourself? And if yes, what do you talk about?

Dapo777:
Please is religious belief all that important? What if I find a Christian lady that is ready to marry me an atheist?

Then she's not a smart christian lady and will regret it on the long run.

Or where will I get an atheist lady to marry if religion is So important?

Lol. You are too young to be talking about atheism. I initially put you at 17 but since you said you are 18-24 I'll still guess you are less than 20. There's still a lot in life for you to experience. If you are still an atheist at 30 then we can talk.


All the same it is better to be with someone who shares your beliefs wether atheist or otherwise. It makes marriage all the more smoother.

idu1:
are u doc?

The op can either post the pic or leave it. It's no skin off my nose.

Why all these health topics in the family section?
Anyway op it might be better if you post a picture of the said eczema. Just a part of your face will do.

Sounds like she has inflamed tonsils or sinuses to me. Have your pediatrician /child doctor check her out.

Since you are the only son I doubt if your parents are going to let you alone about the marriage thing. If you don't get married it means your father's lineage will end at you, forever. That's a hard baggage to carry.

Having said that, come on, marriage isn't that bad, don't fill your mind with the things you read online. There are couples that really cant do without each other as in they love each other so much. All these minor minor issues that we read everyday online don't come up with them.

My advice to you is this: Don't marry out of pity, a lot of guys do so these days. They don't love the lady but because they were the ones that 'disvirgined' her or because they have been in a long relationship and don't want to let anybody down, they get married. And then you are in a marriage where you know you don't love the person but decided to marry her anyway out of one reason or the other. That's a bad start.

Be patient. Wait till you see that one girl that you just flow with, that girl who you can talk to freely and discuss everything with, that girl who has the same spiritual /religious beliefs as you do(very very important) that girl who has the same goals as you do. Don't let her pass you by. She will definitely come along and when she does you are the one who will be rushing her to the altar.

This is a story of a little boy name Theo, who woke up one morning and asked his mother, "Mom, what if there were no Black people in the world?" Well, his mother thought about that for a moment, and then said, "Son, follow me around today and let's just see what it would be like if there were no Black people in the world." Mom said, "Now go get dressed, and we will get started."
Theo ran to his room to put on his clothes and shoes. His mother took one look at him and said, "Theo, where are your shoes? And those clothes are all wrinkled, son. I must iron them." However, when she reached for the ironing board, it was no longer there.

You see Sarah Boone, a black woman, invented the ironing board, and Jan E. Matzelinger, a black man, invented the shoe lasting machine.

"Oh well," she said, "please go and do something to your hair." Theo ran in his room to comb his hair, but the comb was not there. You see, Walter Sammons, a black man, invented the comb.

Theo decided to just brush his hair, but the brush was gone. You see Lydia O. Newman, a black female, invented the brush.

Well, this was a sight: no shoes, wrinkled clothes, hair a mess. Even Mom's hair, without the hair care inventions of Madam C. Walker, well, you get the picture.

Mom told Theo, "Let's do our chores around the house and then take a trip to the grocery store." Theo's job was to sweep the floor. He swept and swept and swept. When he reached for the dustpan, it was not there. You see, Lloyd P. Ray, a black man, invented the dustpan.

So he swept his pile of dirt over in the corner and left it there. He then decided to mop the floor, but the mop was gone. You see, Thomas W. Stewart, a black man, invented the mop. Theo yelled to his Mom, "Mom, I'm not having any luck."

"Well, son," she said, "Let me finish washing these clothes, and we will prepare a list for the grocery store." When the wash finished, she went to place the clothes in the dryer, but it was not there. You see, George T. Samon, a black man, invented the clothes dryer.

Mom asked Theo to go get a pencil and some paper to prepare their list for the market. So, Theo ran for the paper and pencil but noticed the pencil lead was broken. Well, he was out of luck because John Love, a black man, invented the pencil sharpener.

Mom reached for a pen, but it was not there because William Purvis, a black man, invented the fountain pen.

As a matter of fact, Lee Burridge invented the typewriting machine and W. A. Lovette the advanced printing press. Theo and his mother decided just to head out to the market.

Well, when Theo opened the door, he noticed the grass was as high as he was tall. You see, John Burr, a black man, invented the lawn mower. They made their way over to the car and found that it just wouldn't go. You see, Richard Spikes, a black man, invented the automatic gearshift, and Joseph Gammel invented the supercharge system for internal combustion engines. They also noticed that the few cars that were moving were running into each other and having wrecks because there were no traffic signals. You see, Garrett A. Morgan, a black man invented the traffic light.

Well, it was getting late, so they walked to the market, got their groceries, and returned home. Just when they were about to put away the milk, eggs, and butter, they noticed the refrigerator was gone. You see John Standard, a black man, invented the refrigerator. So, they just left the food on the counter.

By this time, Theo noticed he was getting mighty cold. Mom went to turn up the heat, and what do you know? Alice Parker, a black female, invented the heating furnace. Even in the summertime, they would have been out of luck because Frederick Jones, a black man, invented the air conditioner.

It was almost time for Theo's father to arrive home. He usually takes the bus, but there was no bus, because its precursor was the electric trolley, invented by another black man, Elbert R. Robinson.

He usually takes the elevator from his office on the 20th floor, but there was no elevator because Alexander Miles, a black man, invented the elevator.

He also usually dropped off the office mail at a near by mailbox, but it was no longer there because Philip Downing, a black man, invented the letter drop mailbox, and William Barry invented the postmarking and canceling machine.

Theo and his mother sat at the kitchen table with their heads in their hands. When the father arrived, he asked, "Why are you sitting in the dark?" Why? Because Lewis Howard Latimer, a black man, invented the filament within the light bulb.

Theo quickly learned more about what it would be like if there were no black people in the world, especially if he were ever sick and needed blood. Dr. Charles Drew, a black scientist, found a way to preserve and store blood, which led to his starting the world's first blood bank.

Well, what if a family member had to have heart surgery? This would not have been possible without Dr. Daniel Hale Williams, a black doctor, who performed the first open-heart surgery.

So, if you ever wonder, like Theo, where would we be without black people? Well, it's pretty plain to see. We would still be in the DARK!

SCENARIO 3: Fed Up with spouse.

This guy is tired of his wife. Literally tired. Maybe she didn't turn out to be who he thought she was in character and behaviour. Maybe he married her out of pity. Maybe she cheated on him or no longer respects h as head of the house. Whatever the reason might be, hubby suddenly finds himself trapped in a marriage with a woman he doesn't like. A quiet man will drink his sorrows away or flirt or get closer to God. A violently inclined man will begin to beat the hell out of his wife. These are the ones you hear that beat up their wives even when they are pregnant. The pregnancy reminds him that he is about the cater for more responsibility, that he is about to become more tied in with this woman whom he has come to hate so much for whatever reason. So he lashes out, slaps her, kicks her in her pregnant stomach. The aim here is to destroy, to cause pain and suffering to the object of his hatred.

There was a couple who got married and three weeks later the man who had never raised his hand against his woman during courtship suddenly started going out to drink, come home late at night and pummel the girl black and blue. Counselling finally revealed that Tue man never really wanted to marry this woman but felt trapped when she announced she was pregnant for him and wasn't going to abort the pregnancy. Two weeks after the wedding she had a spontaneous miscarriage. The reason for his marrying her was gone but he had already signed the marriage certificate. No going back. Even if he wants a divorce he has to wait for two years. The man became uncontrollable and made the woman's life a living hell. In the end the two parties could not reconcile and they had to sepereate pending a proper divorce.


Solution: find the cause of the man's annoyance and see if there can be resolution/restitution.The woman should be seperated from the man to avoid further bodily harm and the man(with the woman's permission) should be reported to the authorities for proper desicive action to be taken. These cases usually end badly. But in some rare cases both parties forgive themselves and move on.

freshdude2:
Did you mean 2 or 3 or 4?
I'll have to disagree with you on change though, waiting on someone who sees nothing wrong in abuse to change is suicidal. It's not even good for the long-term mental/emotional health of the victim. If you went to a boarding school cast your mind back to JSS1 and the general state of mind of your peers. . Having to constantly look over one's shoulder in fear is not good for the mind.

The solution is in relation to the scenario I gave. Just coming back from work #hungrytired

SCENARIO 2: Its a normal thing.

This husband saw his mother being beaten. He saw his sisters being beaten even as adults. He was raised in a violent environment. He sees nothing wrong in correcting his babe with a slap or two. Such a person would have exhibited violent behaviour already during courtship. He slaps his girl at parties. He shoves her about in the house. He punches her when she doesn't tell him where she went to.

Note: This guy loves his woman. He truly does. He just feel that beating is part of the love because he has seen it as normal all his life. He doesn't hide that he beats his woman and wonders why people want to interfere in his relationship with the woman he loves.

The funny thing is that women still follow guys like this. They know he is a beater/boxer. Yet for reasons best known to them they still go ahead and marry these men. Well, God created somebody for everybody. It may not be far-fetched to say such women even like such treatment as it shows they are with a strong, dependable, no-nonsense man. Many of these women are closet masochists.

Some other ladies marry these men for ulterior motives (wealth, desperation, etc) and then start looking left and right for how they will change such a person. And when the pressures of marriage come in, the frequency of beating will definitely increase. Please note also that such men will beat and punch their wives but will never use a weapon against her i.e the intent of the beating is not to kill/destroy but to correct.


Solution: its like changing a bad habit. A lot of patience is needed here. And it might be surprising to note that the wife may secretly not want him to change(closet masochist) but will pretend to want it because of societal pressure.
The man has to 'unlearn' beating. He has to find a way to communicate the hard way---by using his mouth and not his fists. It will be very difficult but a man like this who truly wants to change can do so.

freshdude2:
@5minsmadness, what if this approach doesn't yield the desired result?

Take it to the next level:
Involve an elder/mentor/ counsellor. It could even be a pastor or an imam. These people should be non-judgemental i.e should not apportion blame but rather seek for a solution. Wife should be taught not to provoke husband. Husband should be taught to control his anger.

Taking it to either of their parents/extended family should not be done immediately as this will being bias and emotion into the situation and will pit both families against each other and make it impossible for the couple to reconcile their differences.

Yes, a physically abusive person can change depending on what made such a person become physically abusive in the first place. I'm going to use husbands here as my example since it seems the thread is favouring that direction.


SCENARIO 1.
Some men do not enter marriage with the mind of beating their wives. However as marriage progresses and stress piles up, they become irritable and sometimes frustrated. They realise that they are no longer in control of situations as much as they were before marriage. They feel restricted and the burden of being responsible to the family and society as a married man bears down on them. Such men, if they cannot handle this stress, become perpetually angry and lash out at the slightest inclination.

The situation above is further compounded when such a man marries a quarrelous wife. Coming home from a hard day at the office only to meet a ferocious tiger of a woman who will tell him he is not up to his mates because he does not have a new car, he should stop squeezing his face and provide 'chop money' for the house, he should find money to give her to buy that new high heeled shoe that costs n70k, his mother is the one disturbing them because she is a witch etc etc, will further depress his psyche and make him want to lash out. Some men might 'walk away' at this point with the woman screaming behind his back that 'he is not a man'. But some other men would have had enough at this point. He might scream at her to shut up but she'll simply scream back that he should make her shut up. The tirade will continue until the man gets physical and slaps her. Suddenly he is a physically abusive husband. Nobody wants to know how it came about that he slapped his wife, all they know is that he is physically abusive because all men are potentially physically abusive.





Solution: He should talk to his wife. Let her know the way she talks to him vexes him. Explain to her how she can pass her message across without being verbally abusive.
He should also learn to control his temper. Realise his wife is prone to being verbally abusive and let her know when she starts using hurtful words.
Both couples should realise they are facing the challenges of life together. It is neither of them's fault that they are going through these challenges. A united front will make the challenges easier to overcome.
Communication is the key. Sometimes people misunderstand what other people mean when they use certain words. A colleague of mine says 'don't be silly!' to almost everybody at the office. He means it as a joke but a new person might take it the wrong way. Communicating with and understanding your partner leads to less friction between you two.

LewsTherin:
Througout my growing up, there was always someone or other staying with my family. At one point, there were 25 of us living in the same house.including the helps and driver. During my service year, I stayed with my sister in her home. The friction and tension my family went through while I was growing up, the fact that there were so many people and so few resources that till date, there os no close relationship between my siblings, parents and myself are the reasons my Lady and I took that decision. I actually expected to be the obe hit more by that decision when we discussed it. But I am determined not to put my own family through the same lifestyle I went through.

As for the future thing, I can only work and pray towards it but it doesn't change my outlook. My home is now and by the grace of God will remain me, my wife, our daughter and that's it. No house helps, no extended family. But that is just me.

Seconded.
I have had situations where a relation stayed for too long and it turned to quarrel in the family. No one is saying the op shouldn't help the wife's sister but it should be for a limited time abeg. Familiarity breeds contempt.

So what finally happened?@amandaluv

bukatyne:
If you have a problem with they, Biko call them out for them to answer.

Don't quote a post directed at me to lash your them

Thanks

U r creating a mountain out of a mole hill.
U asked me a question. I quoted u in reply.
I'm not looking for quarrel.
I'm not lashing out at anyone.
I just feel its high time we discussed the matter instead of quoting 'textbook replies' like freshdude rightly said.

pickabeau1:


5minsmadness
How u dey


Meanwhile how far with your zombie story na

Will update in the early hours of tomorrow.

Talon05:
Brother, I honestly do not know where you're going but please its never cool to beat a woman no matter the level of insult she hurl at you.

This is my opinion though.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. You haven't answered his question bros. And with all due respect your statement is false. There are some situations when you want to beat the hell out of the woman. Some factors can be involved. What is it that drives a sane man over the edge to raise his hand against his woman and what can be done to prevent such situations?

bukatyne:
Who are the 'them '?

If you are curious for the answer, call the 'them' from their homes to answer

This is the third time as far as am aware that this thread is coming up. Before anybody can say anything 'they' will come and start yapping:
He's a beast
He's a bastard
Its not cool to hit a woman.


We know all these things. What we want to find out is why they do it because whether we like it or not they do it. Let's find the reason it is done even though we don't agree with it, then maybe we can find a solution. Shikena.

^^^^^@freshdude dem neva still answer u? Na to dey type anybody that does that is a beast, anybody that does that is an animal dem sabi.

And I'm finally here!!!!!
See girls opening thread for happily married men after driving all the real men away
You girls better create another thread for 'happily single but searching' men and make sure not to gang up on them with your acidic tongues . all these men with 'lovely' comments are already taken





Matthew Briggs I hail boss
Pickabeau1 how far, they don't want their thread derailed but are quick to derail other people's thread


Learning a lot here. Good work guys.

We go around receiving ourselves that these things shouldn't happen; well they do and the sooner we find out the reason instead of cussing them out the closer we'll get to solving the problem.