₦airaland Forum

Handwriting
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.


Bathrooms

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


Going out

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup,


Shoes

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.


Mirrors
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.


Jewelry

Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.


Direction

If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there", and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store".


Nicknames
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.


Source: http://baetzler.de/humor

clemcykul:
abasifo i hope u well small sha

why do u ask
or do i sound like a mad person

[center]
THE ORIGINAL QUOTE
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was,

THE NEW VERSIONS R,

Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ,
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ,
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ,
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ,
If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free ,
If she doesn't come back,
continue to wait until she comes back ,

Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ,
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat ,

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love( m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom

Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable
anyway.

Schwarzenegger' s fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person :
If you love someone
don't set her free.

MBA :
If you love someone set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously

Psychologist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market
But before i leave, Here, i SAVE the Last Dance for You[/center]

what will u do if u are invisible 4 2 hours 19 June 2008 10:38:20
That is a strange question. But I think I would like to find out what my enemies are planning against me if I know when and where they plan.

Visit Aso Rock and talk some sense into Yar'Adua's Head right in his bedroom

[img=http://img379.imageshack.us/img379/6730/3rdworldig3.th.jpg][img=http://img379.imageshack.us/images/thpix.gif]





So apparently internet is not for EVERYONE. O.K., don't get me wrong, I admit, Romania is not the bee's knees or anything but, what the hell, isn't this a bit much?! I guess World Wide Web just lost it's meaning.

He should help me through my Education

Grant me Wisdom,Knowledge and Understanding

Also Retentive memory

And the zeal to follow his word.

because his word is LIGHT.
i want God to give me my desired accomodation
so shall it be AMEN

:
10. She french kissed once, but never again
She slipped her tongue on you, but didn’t ever again. It could be that you’re much to eager with the tongue,
9. Makes excuses when you go to kiss her
She says, “I have to get up early” or “I need to floss my cat”. You might need to reevaluate this relationship, you might have ruined it. If she’s not making out with you periodically, then you don’t know how to kiss a woman.

8. She’s tired when you want to kiss her
If she’s constantly yawning when you try and lay the smack down, then you need some improvement when you kiss a woman.

7. She wants to get busy with other parts of your body
This isn’t that bad. But you still don’t know how to kiss a woman, try and improve it, so you can complete the intimacy.

6. She never starts kissing you
If she doesn’t initiate, then you did something wrong. No girl no matter how shy, wont want to make out with her lover.

5. She doesn’t give you compliments
If she doesn’t say something like, “you know how to kiss”, or “I’ve never felt like kissing this much” chances are you don’t know how to kiss a woman. (or if she doesn’t make some noises)

4. She suddenly springs up “Let’s be friends” after the first kiss
You need immediate attention. See Double Your Dating.

3. She pops breath mints
If she’s popping breath mints, it could be a good sign for kissing. She might be self-conscious about her breath, or it might be yours. Always come prepared and pop them when you’re about to kiss a woman.

2. If her lips are the signs of Jolies!
Try chewing on them less, and let her lips heal so she doesn’t get some weird disease through an open wound with you.

1. She’s cheating on you
You need a lot of help so refer to number 4, then bitch slap her for being a LovePeddler. j/k

:damen

A rolling stone ……… na person push am. A stitch in time, …, dey prevent further tear tear. Birds of the same feather……… na the same mama born dem. One good turn……… na power steering be that. A bird in hand……, na christmas chicken food be that. He who laughs last……, na mumu. Why him no catch the joke at the first time and laugh when other dey laugh? The patient dog……, Na hunger go kill am

WARNING
HELL And The LAKE OF FIRE Are Waiting For YOU!
Don’t let this happen to you!
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, described HELL as:
# The place after death where MOST will end up (Mt. 7:13,14). [Dear reader, if
you are like most, YOU will also end up in this horrible place!]
# A place of outer darkness where there will be weeping, wailing and
gnashing of teeth (Mt. 24:51; 25:30).
# A place to be avoided even if it means losing the physical members of your
body (Mt. 18:8,9).
# Prepared for the devil and his angels (Mt. 25:41 cf. Rev. 20:10).
# A place where the fire is not quenched (Mk. 9:43-48).
# A place of regret, torment in fire and no water (Lk. 16:19-31).
The LAKE OF FIRE (second death) is:
# A fiery lake of burning sulfur (Rev. 21:.
# Where death and Hades will be thrown (Rev. 20:14).
# Where the smoke of those tormented there goes up forever and they find no rest (Rev. 14:11).
Hell Is NOT:
This present life, a myth, real only if you believe it exists, a figment of one’s imagination, a place where you will party
with your friends, the grave, or just for people like Charles Manson, Adolf Hitler, bank robbers or murderers.
Who will be thrown into this ETERNAL FIRE?
# Those who do not have their names listed in the book of life (Rev. 20:15).
# The cowardly, unbelieving, vile, murderers, sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, idolaters, liars,
adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, slanderers, and swindlers (Rev.
21:8; 1 Cor. 6:9,10). See also Gal. 5:19-21.
# Those who are not Biblically born again (Jn. 3:3-7).
# Those who didn’t forgive others who sinned against them (Mt. 6:14,15; 18:22-35).
# Those who begin with Jesus, but don’t remain in Him because they afterwards believed and accepted a
wrong plan of salvation (1 Jn. 2:24,25; 2 Jn. 9; Gal. 5:2,4; 1 Cor. 15:1,2).
# Those who don’t produce fruit (Mt. 25:14-46; Jn. 15:5,6), endure to the end (Mt. 10:22 cf. Jn. 6:66) or don’t
continue to believe, but “fall away” in time of TESTING (Lk. 8:13 cf. Mt. 13:21). [Persecution, in one form or
another, is a TEST that comes to ALL godly people (2 Tim. 3:12; Lk. 6:22; Jn. 15:20).]
# All who receive the mark of the beast and worship his image during the time of the Antichrist, which includes
those previously saved who do NOT patiently endure and remain faithful to Jesus (Rev. 14:9-12; 13:8-10).
# Everything that causes sin and ALL who do evil (Mt. 13:41,42).
# All who are self-seeking, reject the truth and follow evil (Rom. 2:.
To Get Forgiven and Escape ETERNAL TORMENT:
Turn from your sins and place ALL 100% of your TRUST in Jesus Christ for your soul’s salvation (Lk. 13:3,5;
Acts 20:21; 26:20). Strive always to keep a clear conscience (Acts 24:16). Follow Him unashamedly in this wicked
age (Mk. 8:38). “We have come to share in Christ IF we hold firmly TILL THE END the confidence we had at first” (Heb.
3:14). Shut the TV off, read and reread the New Testament adjusting your behavior and values accordingly.
BELIEVE THE BIBLE OVER ANYTHING YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT! The Bible is FINAL AUTHORITY AND
COMPLETELY SUFFICIENT for all that God wants you to know, including salvation (2 Tim. 3:15-17). YOUR
ETERNAL DESTINY IN HEAVEN OR HELL HINGES ON WHAT YOU DO WITH THE MESSAGE OF THE BIBLE.
People in Hell right now would give anything for the chance that you have at this moment to get saved. Don’t
let this chance slip by! PREPARE FOR YOUR DEATH TODAY. Tomorrow may be too late. Ask Jesus now for
forgiveness and wholeheartedly follow Him until your death.
Jesus Christ is the ONLY Savior, Mediator, Hope and Way to the Father. If you reject Him or turn away from Him to
follow Him no more, you surely won’t escape Hell. If you were once saved but turned your back on God, repent
and reverse your “lost” condition (Lk. 15:24,32). You CANNOT be saved from eternal fire by church membership,
Lodge membership, being a “good person,” water baptism, Saturday Sabbath keeping, the Ten Commandments, Mary,
etc. THE BIBLE ALONE IS GOD’S WORD—not Sacred Tradition, the Book of Mormon, Koran, Bhagavad-Gita, Avesta,
Angas, etc. There is NO reincarnation, Purgatory, second chance, annihilation of the wicked or soul sleep.
Forsake Your Sins—Trust CHRIST 100% Today!

Super Eagles Vs Sierra Leone:
nawaho 5 - 1

pls. oooooooooooooooo
i need you help
WHY women are SUNDAY-sunday christain
i mean on sunday you would see plenty of them
But weekly activities only few of them
pls. help

[right][/right]

come wtin dey happen
are you the only[pre][/pre][list]
[li][/li]
[li][/li]
[/list]
ok ok ok u no get work
have u being 2 church 2day?

sorry gab
because ur've been used. b4
lol

WTF
heheheheheheheh
hahahahahahahah
hohohohohohoho
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
i no feet laugh
lol
NEXT person PLs

Here's to the ladies who pump
Lube it. Grease up your areolae with lanolin before you start. It will help create a good seal within the cones and will reduce irritation from the friction. Do this every time; the difference when you don't is noticeable.

Soup up your collection kit.

If your cones are uncomfortable you may need a different size. Older collection kits come with only a single-piece unit, so if that's what you have you might consider switching to a newer set; Medela has now moved to a two-part system that allows you to swap out the cone as necessary.

Speaking of swapping out cones, the Medela SoftFit breast shields, which are made of some kind of flexible space-age polymer — okay, silicone — are infinitely more comfortable for me than the standard hard plastic set.


Go hands-free. I do this by the simple method of pulling up the cups of my nursing bra enough to hold the cones in place. There are more esoteric ways of doing it, ranging from special bras to the rubber band trick. If you want to move around while you pump, these methods are a better bet than mine, but I spend my time pumping in front of the computer, so I don't need the cones to be all that secure. Note that the SoftFit breast shields are not compatible with Medela's hands-free pumping rig; you'll have to engineer your own.


Acquire multiple collection kits. Stock up especially on the membranes, which do wear out eventually, acquiring little tears that will compromise effectiveness. I don't mean just one extra set, either — I have four and still spend more time cleaning parts than I'd like. Which brings us to,


Throw your rig into the dishwasher. Every part of the Medela system is dishwasher safe except the SoftFit shields and the tubing that connects the collection kit to the pump itself. Even the tiny white membranes are dishwasher safe, but I haven't come up with a good way to contain them within the dishwasher so that they don't get lost and mangled. However,


You can use a collection kit more than once before washing it. Some women use the refrigerator trick, where they put their pump parts into a Ziploc full of water then refrigerate; it keeps any remaining droplets of milk from spoiling. I, however, live dangerously: since breast milk keeps at room temperature for up to 10 hours, I don't bother. I usually use a setup twice before washing. Since I'm pumping every three hours, I stay well within that time limit. Plus,


Reduce the number of parts in play by pumping directly into the bottles you feed with. I'm using Avent bottles, which are incompatible with Medela pumps, but I bought a set of couplers that allow me to pump into Avent bottles, eliminating Medela's collection bottles entirely. I cap those and refrigerate; when it's time for a feeding I just clap a nipple on the bottle and go.


A manual pump is probably insufficient for more than just occasional use. While I get my highest yield per pump with the Avent Isis — man, is that thing comfy — it takes much longer than a double electric and makes my hand and shoulder sore to use it more than once a day.


Conventional wisdom says that if you're going to be pumping exclusively, you'll need a hospital-grade pump. I don't know if this is because they're more efficient and extract more milk, or because they're heavier duty and won't wear out like a pump made for occasional use might. I have both, a rented Lactina and a Pump In Style, but have no opinion about which is better for my milk supply. I prefer the Lactina only because it is much, much quieter — you'd be surprised how grating that wheezing noise can be at 4 A.M.


If you have a choice in hospital-grade pumps, the Medela Symphony rocks the motherfucking house. It has two independent pump actions so that if you lose suction on one breast — say your jury-rigged hand-free arrangement slips — the other side keeps pumping unabated. It also has a gentle letdown cycle; on other pumps you can mimic that by manually adjusting the speed and suction, but in the dark of night it's nice not to have to.


Don't make yourself suffer with low

Is it normal to throw up every time you get your period?
Every month whenshe get my period she throw up.she can't take meds because they will just come back up. she can't eat anything so all she throw up is yellow bile. Sometimes it goes on all day & other times it goes on for a few hours but no doubt it happens every month Is there anything she could do to stop this?she get dehydrated, the chills (shakes), fever & cramps that are unbearable.

I want to give you some very useful advice now.

Ready? Come closer,

Here it is:

[b]IGNORE THESE PEOPLE![/b]

And more importantly, NEVER copy what porn stars do.

It doesn't work with your or any other girl for that matter.

I think men make the mistake thinking porn sex is real sex. It's
not! Men in porn are chosen because they aren't the norm. They're
larger than life, if you get my drift. Quite frankly, faced with
what they have in real life, most women's eyes would water! And NOT
from happiness!

They don't want that, and they don't want you to behave like they
do in porn films.

Those guys work their way through the Kama Sutra in about five
minutes. In real life, that's just boring. It doesn't impress them
if you change positions all the time.