O boy! if no bi comedy and entertainment, eeh my guy Mr Bright Okpocha (aka Basket mouth) for dey sell igbo for Okokomaiko - lagos. But I love the guy's talent. He has forced me to laff several times even when i dey beef well well.

Sam Milla: I stay in onitsha and i dont believe there is anything like environmental protection agency here.

...There is state and Federal Environmental Protection Agencies in every part of Nigeria. There is ASEPA in Awka, and FEPA too (i.e. Anambra State Environmental Protection Agency & Federal Environmental Protection Agency). Most Nigerians suffer due to inpatient and non-knowledge of their rights and privileges in the society. If you don't have the time for them, get a human rights lawyer and or an activist; they will be glad to do the job.

amyg: Are You prompted to marry cos:

1.You've made enough money to run a home
2.You've met that wonderful someone
3.your parents are on your neck
4.Your bestie/bro just tied the knot,you are the next in line
5.You just got that job of your dreams
6.You just hit your target age
7.She is preggy(lips sealed)
8.Your lady is a hot market,you might loose her 2 another guy
9.Political aspirations
10.You are travelling out of d country
11.Other(pls state)

12. When you begin to feel guilty after fornicating with her...having spent weekend together. lol
13. When she has hooked you up by introducing you to all members of her family, friends and church members.
14. When you look back and see that you have really invested on her and the best thing to do is to own her before you regret it.

Tonto dey smoke like die.

Shollypopz: None! They are all the same to me apart from my own tribe of course, which is Yoruba.

Travel and see!

May 10 is mine; I already have two birthday mates; Mr. biola olanrewaju and Miss Bukola Akinola; I need more.

napa: i need a candid gift suggestion for my mother inlaw. tired of d usual foodstuffs and cloths

Please buy mama a Bold 5 and wrap it with recharge card designed and personalized - best mum-in-law. Merry Christmas.

Parcel it and send it by FEDEX to 54 Ashante Close Off Bombay Crescent Apapa. Those 'Ashewos' there can gladly accept it for re-use. Mind you, after re-use and many more re-uses, they throw it into the carnal besides their fence. Then Mallam cart pushers picks them again sell them to Lebanese in Omode Close Apapa, who will cheaply transport it to an undisclosed factory in Ilupeju belonging to indians, who in turn wash, dry and repackage the same sanitary pads for you to buy in any nearby retail store. IT IS A CONTINUOUS CIRCLE. Good luck.

@poster, there is likely something you are repeatedly doing that he does not like. You (the wife) may be the nagging type and your man would rather give you some distance than being found arguing an issue with you. Most men whose wife does not easily respect their opinions are naturally taken to 'let you be' instead of being seen as a regular complainant. Search yourself, pray and love him. Do not try to please him. JUST LOVE HIM.

egift: I just heard announcement over the radio (Dream FM in Enugu). According to jingle, if you throw banger, the Police will arrest you. They also ask people to report and if they come where its was thrown, they will arrest everyone until you provide who committed the "offense". Signed by the Commissioner.

Question: Do you support that knock-outs should be illegal this season?
_

...that will only happen in Enugu state, because Mr S. Chime (The Governor) is on holidays "infinitesimal". Come to Lagos precisely Bornu Crescent in Apapa Lagos, Lebanese, Indians, Prostitutes, Police, Area Boys have started throwing bangers since December 1.

ogaemma: INJUSTICE IS WHEN PEOPLE ARE TREATED DIFFERENTLY. IT IS A TIME BOMB WAITING TO EXPLODE IN NIGERIA.
(All animals are equal but some are more equal thanothers).

Today is the fourth day that Nkiru Sylvanus, The Special Assistant to the Imo state Governor on Public Affairs and Popular Nollywood Actress, has been under the custody of dare devil kidnappers. The governor of the Imo state is yet to move to her community to lead the man-hunt himself, The inspector general of Police is yet to flood her community with thousands of eagle eyed detectives, up to 65 people have not been arrested, that is if any has been arrested.

The president is yet to visit her family and give them assurance of his release. The news papers and television houses have barely given the news any attention and all activities seem to be going on normally. The Kidnappers seem to be "LEARNERS KIDNAPPERS" as they demanded for just #100Million, they may not have known about dollars and pounds, but till today the government is yet to pay the little ransom or get her freed.

If we balance it on a sheet, more effort should have been made to free Sylvanus more than Prof Okonjo Iweala because the kidnapper may have little or nothing to do with Prof Iweala at over 80yrs, but one could not but imagine what will be happening to the mirror skinned, beautiful looking and young actress in the den of kidnappers for 4days. I refuse to have the dream of this imagination. Anyway, some may argue that it is still the 4th day. By the 5th day, if she is not freed, then the government may have to explain to us why her own case is different from that of Prof Iweala.

It is really worrisome, one can imagine the danger of molestation, rape, rough handle and general abuse those devil incarnates will be melting on the one of the most attractive young lady. She must have cried out all her tears. My question is WHAT IS IMO STATE GOVERNOR DOING TO HELP THIS LAD OUT OF THE KIDNAPPERS' DEN?

Verily, Verily I said unto you, this world will soooooon come to an end.

Teaching is a calling. It is not all those who know or are good in their disciplines that can transfer the knowledge successfully. Impact of knowledge should be considered. To a large extend, this observation is agreeable to me because not all graduates are teachers. It takes a teacher to be able to teach i.e. transfer knowledge.

zinfly: I need suggestions please. i am getting married soon and would like 300 guest maximum. i have already been advised by a few friends that they will be bringing their friends.

Firstly i find that rude as i understand weddings are meant for close friends and family.

I am considering getting bouncer and security.

Is this acceptable in Nigeria.

My sincere mind....If you are Yoruba by tribe, if the wedding is taking place in Lagos, Ibadan, Ijebu Ode etc you have to face it. It is one of those things. I guess you didn't grow up in 9ja...too bad. If you are from other tribe; say Ibo, Kogi, Edo, Fulani, Hausa etc. This is the solution (You need not to hire bouncers; fix your wedding on a Monday morning and choose any of the following as wedding venue 1) Rally Ground Maiduguri, Bornu State 2) Asa Dam road, Ilorin 3) Opp Uniben Maingate Ugbowo-Benin City 4) Besides Bridgehead, Asaba, Delta State 5) Otu-oke community primary school, Otu-oke Bayelsa state(GEJ Village) 6)Unilag Lagoon front (Unilag) Lagos 7) MFM Prayer City i will be back ok?

too much book...na she marry the husband. QED.

comm: is she married, what and where's the husband name. Is it 'Okonjo Iweala'?

epini abi afu kobo they will not get. Everyone should be calm. Let them keep the woman, feed her till they are tied then they will release her. If they decide to kill her, it is appointed unto us all to die. She is over 70 years and has paid her dues. She has children and grand children who are professors and have made success in their respective career paths. If she die no wahala. Aunty Ngozi, pls do not give them any money. I know uncle Jona will be panicking by now and may give you unspent 2012 budget. please ma, there are people who need the money not those wicked mother fuckers who took your mum away. Not to worry Queen Mother will soon be back. Ogwashi Uku people no dey fail. lolz

...How much is the Angolan currency found on this dead dude? and...who took custody of the cash. Trust Britain, they will tax Angola for the cost of those flowers and watching the dead body. For my mind, the hero should be given royal burial and make a monument for him.

I like to marry Princess (The Comedian)...But I need to know her outside the stage first and foremost.

[quote author=teebiz]The reasons why i am a Jehovah's witness:

“Every good tree produces fine fruit, but every rotten tree produces worthless fruit.”—MATT. 7:17.
JESUS said that those falsely professing to serve him would be distinguished from his true followers by their fruits—their teachings and their conduct. (Matt. 7:15-17, 20) Indeed, people are inevitably influenced by what they take into their mind and heart. (Matt. 15:18, 19) Those who are fed falsehoods produce “worthless fruit,” whereas those who are taught spiritual truth produce “fine fruit.”
2 The two kinds of fruits have become clearly manifest during this time of the end. (Read Daniel 12:3, 10.) False Christians have a distorted view of God and often a hypocritical form of godly devotion, whereas those having spiritual insight worship God “with spirit and truth.” (John 4:24; 2 Tim. 3:1-5) They strive to display Christlike qualities. But what about us personally? As you consider the following five identifying marks of true Christianity, ask yourself: ‘Do my conduct and teachings clearly harmonize with God’s Word? Do I beautify the truth in the eyes of those searching for it?’
Live by God’s Word
3 “Not everyone saying to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into the kingdom of the heavens,” said Jesus, “but the one doing the will of my Father who is in the heavens will.” (Matt. 7:21) Yes, it is not the professing of Christianity that pleases Jehovah but the practicing of it. For Christ’s true followers, that involves their whole way of life, including their attitude toward money, secular work, entertainment, worldly customs and celebrations, and marriage and other relationships with fellow humans. False Christians, however, adopt the thinking and ways of the world, which have become increasingly ungodly during these last days.—Ps. 92:7.
4 Accordingly, the prophet Malachi wrote: “You people will again certainly see the distinction between a righteous one and a wicked one, between one serving God and one who has not served him.” (Mal. 3:18) As you reflect on those words, ask yourself: ‘Do I blend in with the world, or do I stand out as different? Do I always strive to fit in with my secular associates, whether at school or at work, or do I remain firm for Bible principles, even speaking up when appropriate?’ (Read 1 Peter 3:16.) Of course, we do not want to appear self-righteous, but we should stand out as different from those who do not love and serve Jehovah.
5 If you see room for improvement, why not pray about the matter and seek spiritual strength through regular Bible study, prayer, and meeting attendance? The more God’s Word becomes a part of you, the more you will produce “fine fruit,” including “the fruit of lips which make public declaration to [God’s] name.”—Heb. 13:15.
Advocate God’s Kingdom
6 Jesus said: “To other cities I must declare the good news of the kingdom of God, because for this I was sent forth.” (Luke 4:43) Why did Jesus make God’s Kingdom the main theme of his ministry? He knew that he himself as King of that Kingdom, along with his resurrected spirit-begotten brothers, would deal with the root causes of mankind’s woes—sin and the Devil. (Rom. 5:12; Rev. 20:10) Hence, he commanded his followers to proclaim that Kingdom until the end of the present system of things. (Matt. 24:14) People who merely profess to be followers of Christ do not engage in this work—in fact, they cannot. Why? For at least three reasons: First, they cannot preach what they do not understand. Second, most of them lack the humility and courage needed to face the ridicule and opposition that may result from sharing the Kingdom message with their neighbors. (Matt. 24:9; 1 Pet. 2:23) And third, false Christians do not have God’s spirit.—John 14:16, 17.
7 Christ’s true followers, on the other hand, understand what God’s Kingdom is and what it will accomplish. Moreover, they give the interests of that Kingdom priority in life, proclaiming it worldwide, with the help of Jehovah’s spirit. (Zech. 4:6) Are you having a regular share in this work? Are you trying to improve as a Kingdom proclaimer, perhaps by spending more time in the ministry or by being more effective in it? Some have tried to improve the quality of their ministry by making better use of the Bible. “The word of God is alive and exerts power,” wrote the apostle Paul, who made it his custom to reason from the Scriptures.—Heb. 4:12; Acts 17:2, 3.
8 When in the door-to-door work, a brother read Daniel 2:44 to a Catholic man and explained how God’s Kingdom will bring about true peace and security. The man responded: “I really appreciate your opening the Bible and showing me what the scripture said instead of just telling me.” When a brother read a scripture to a Greek Orthodox woman, she asked a number of good questions. In this case too, the brother, along with his wife, answered from the Bible. Later, the woman said: “Do you know why I was willing to talk with you? You came to my door with the Bible, and you read from it.”
9 Of course, our literature is important and should be offered in the field. The Bible, however, is our primary tool. So if it has not been your custom to use it regularly in your ministry, why not make it your goal to do so? Perhaps you could select a few key texts that explain what God’s Kingdom is and how it will solve specific problems that concern people in your neighborhood. Then be prepared to read them as you preach from door to door.
Proudly Bear God’s Name
10 “‘You are my witnesses,’ is the utterance of Jehovah, ‘and I am God.’” (Isa. 43:12) Jehovah’s preeminent Witness, Jesus Christ, considered it an honor to bear God’s name and to make it known. (Read Exodus 3:15; John 17:6; Hebrews 2:12.) In fact, because Jesus proclaimed his Father’s name, he was called “the Faithful Witness.”—Rev. 1:5; Matt. 6:9.
11 In contrast,

Haba, this is two much na; did you study History or Literature? We expected not more than two sentence answers to the question i.e. the name of your church and your reason for the choice of that church...not epistle for publication. Meanwhile, I thought I they say Jehovah Witness is not a Church? am curios anyways.

danduchi: Happy birthday to my Mentor.

..mtcheewwww; a remote MENTOR I suppose?

1. A place where I get education and marketing network for automobiles sales
2. A place where Igbos and Yorubas abuse themselves
3. A place where Seun Osewa and co put Tonto Dike on front thread
4. A site where Nigerians abroad get on-hand information and latest gossip in an entertaining manner

I don't know about others, Helen Paul is found of cracking my ribs anytime any day. Have u tried her? For princess...I refuse to rate her, for Lepacious Bose...no new jokes; she keep recycling them...My personal opinion anyway.

I remember back in my primary school days. I lived with my grandma in the village and attended a Local Authority Primary school as it were. Rain was our best friend then. We pray for it, run around in it all through. We just remove our school uniform and would be left with rainbow colour (Mr Okafor) everlasting pants....hahaha.

In those days, we wear pants for months without washing....

In the village primary school especially at resumption, we go hunting for all kinds of insects; grasshopper, praying mantis etc and eventually did nothing with them.

Please do not laugh over these:

We use to eat rice and stew only on sundays or when the fufu supplier disappoints my grandma....she will be sad but i will be happy cos i will have opportunity to eat rice.

Back then, when we eat foods like yam, fruits, bread, we hardly wash our hands before and after meal

I will be right back...

GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED! An average Anambra Businessman's middle name.

Everyone in this Nigeria(except PDP members, DSTV, MTN, GLO, Etisalat, Airtel etc)including me is ready to go on strike for one reason or the other.

jamp: My fellow NL, Could it be said that buying and selling on a sunday is a sin since the Bible said remember the sabbath day and keep it holy.

If is a sin that means almost everybody is committing the sin cos we buy fuel on sunday or enter taxi to visit friends/relations on sunday.

Let's reason together on this

Hmmmm, Sunday is not even a sabbath day to start with. The pastors who preach it produce their messages on CD/DVDs and sell immediately after service (Some of them advertise their books and sell from the pulpit before they start sermon. My take: Make sure you attend service and worship God. after then, if your business can operate on a sunday,,,,go ahead and buy or sell. I use to have a pastor who owns a petrol station, fleet of trucks and buses; these ventures work 24/7 including sundays and the MOG will be angry if i am on duty on a Sunday morning in my own place of work. He will totally condemn working on Sundays until I summoned courage to challenge him...since then he called me a rebel and i had to leave his church for him. Lets be wise man.

With due respect, this is a stale news nah!!!!!! Seun please and abeg remove and comot this thread to you achieves.

honeric01: Which banks were robbed in Akowonjo last year o? abeg make i hear o

Recall that the then Bank PHB (now Keystone Bank) Cele Bus Stop, Akowonjo was robbed and the ATM tempered around 11pm sometime last year, a security personnel (A yoruba guy) was strangled to death with rope while his partner was said to have gone to buy something. It is sad. It borders me, when the police authorities catches and punishes a Robber Cop...what is become of him after serving the punishment/jail term. DO NOT FORGET, he has connection, experience, possible police fake ID and or uniform. He is usually angry and would want to pay back. Security is an issue in this country.

Thanks for this tips...helpful to me as a young dad. I have two boys (7 and 5yrs respectively) can be naughty at times but i love their company.

lol...this thread makes me remember a man who use to work at Global Fleet Group (Jimoh Ibrahim Farm).. The man addresses himself as.....DR LAGBAJA SOMEBODY PhD.

...They are not for Benin / Ore Road, Nigeria QED.