₦airaland Forum

What about the man that was raised by this type of single mother who didn't teach her son anything?

Do you think the man will be good for marriage too?

What advice would you give a close female relative if she brings home a man brought up by a 'supposedly irresponsible single mother'?

Fiscus105:
If a man marries a lady from single mum, I will advise him to have big endurance, because, ladies that usually brought up from single mum, normally lack experience of how wife do take care of husband and submissive in marriage.

....... she might not know, how "not" to welcome different visitors at home, male inclusive (cos her single mum she knew, normally do it)

She might not know, how to buy good/replace husband dishes that they used to serve food (cos she never experienced that her mother served her dad food before)

She might go out and come back home whenever she wants (her experience from her mother,who is not under any man)etc

Salon money no be moin moin for there o . I no sure but most of them no dey too go salon.

The money is used for something else.

ahnie:
Why do they always look haggard n unkept after jetting out of NAIJA?
As for the men,they either keeps bushy or dirty dreadlocks with oblong forehead

The women they always have wide mouth, flaccid lips and dirty hair?

Good day madam.

If she has a soft scalp, please get very mild shampoo and conditioner for washing. And, replace her hair lotion for Shea butter. For now.

STOP WASHING HER HAIR TOO FREQUENTLY.

Once a month is enough! And, wash gently with lukewarm water. Try not to scrub hard.

Stop doing all these wonderful plaiting and kneading. Just get small and soft ribbons and pack into small knots. You can then weave the end and put clips here and there to beautify.

She will outgrow it eventually.

Sometimes, even the small knots will give her those. Just be patient, apply Shea butter and don't worry much.

I had similar experience.

All the best

Very true! "We only closed doors because of goats"

IndianRomeo:
When life was so peaceful, and people were not after earthly materials. The good era when we only closed doors because of goats

@ the bolded, are you from Ilorin?

FreeStuffsNG:
They will be alright las las.

The God of Nigerian tax payers whose money was used to train them before they abandoned the country after their training is a God of justice.

Many of them were misled ,ignorant and too self-centred by thinking they can cheat the tax payers but they can not cheat and go scot free. Imagine leaving Nigeria here as a healthcare professional , when you are not 'oloriburuku masanfaani ,only to be a slave overseas ? No be juju and curse be that?

They better come back home and pay their debt to Nigeria before they die in slave camps and get buried in unmarked graves.
check my signature for free stuffs!

Sanu anty Fadila...
Hmm...
Here is the thing: the first step to having and living a long happy life is by accepting and loving yourself. No matter how it is. The way you are going, from your posts, you will end up damaging your body and your soul.

With your supposedly level of education, formal and informal, you should allow your body to be in it's natural form. The one that will love you for who you are will love no matter what.

If you don't expose your body, who would know you have a scar? Who cares about them? You didn't put it yourself. It got there because your life had to be saved!

Women have different scars on them, internal and external, and they carry them with pride. It's a reminder for all that's good. They are alive and well! Who cares?!

Please cover your scar, your beautiful naturally given assets and love them as you should. Be proud of you! Then, you can complain less...

If people get to you because of your body, it's because you allow them. Love you and carry yourself with pride and see how you will be respected and loved.

You got food to eat, clothes on your back, roof over your head, beads to buy, school fees paid...my dear, love you! And be happy!

I understand where you are coming from- the pain, the disappointment, the disgrace, after all the sufferings and expectations! It's very painful!

Being Muslims and getting to know your daughter has a baby before her dowry is paid, can be very excruciating. The knowledge can be very devastating for your parents but you must tell them now and not later.

It's her responsibility to tell your parents everything but because she is not home and you are close, you may come in for her. But, please do so in the presence of someone who is closest to your family, someone who loves your family. And you need to be very tactful and careful with your words. It's important to let them know Allah has the final say on everyone's destiny...

Encourage them to be forgiving. This will prevent further calamity. Please pray about it too.

All the best

Wow!!!

It's settled then! Once the husband too starts complaining because he has so much on his mind, tired and not in the mood, he doesn't love her anymore!

Are you talking about an 11 months old marriage or 11years?

Is this about women who only gets in the mood once or twice in a month? Men, who go out all day, come back wasted and fall asleep at dinner? Or those who just got married? Abi, the ones who have to pay over a million naira in this hard time for kids school fees?

I don't understand o. Sex is important in all marriages but if it's not enough, in a marriage that is as old as methuselah, sensible couples would find a way around it. We should not go around to tell people, "your spouse does not love you because you are not giving it, how and when he/she wants it".

I pray we can all stop, for once, in trying to separate people. Rather, we should encourage them to find a way around it, spice up their relationships and make it better.

What am I even saying? Marriage no be child's play nah. Na for people wey ready and matured to face am.

Peace.

odinson1:
The simple reason is, she doesn't love you bro. She married you only because she had no other option at the time. Know this that a woman will break all rules, raise hell if she has to, to have sex with a man she likes. If she's constantly giving you excuses for an extended period of time, or making demands before she allows you in, it means you're sexually unattractive to her bro, she settled for you.

Women will come on this thread now and give nonsense excuses about her being tired, depressed etc but for how long can one be consistently tired that she only has sex with her husband once in 3 months?

Why are you men just so blind to reality? Damn! You'll jus rush into marriage because of love without making sure the person you're marrying isn't settling for you. You'll give her a comfortable live in the marriage, she'll deny you sex and you'll come to Nairaland to ask for advice.

Women will tell you to continue treating her right, talk things out with her etc. But it never works, trust me. If your wife settled for you, she'll deny you sex and use it to control you. When she needs a new handbag that is very expensive, she'll deny you sex and wait for you to buy it for her first before she allows you in.

Then she repeats the process for another demand and so on and so forth. Is that how you want to live the rest of your life as a man? Begging and paying your WIFE for sex. I'm tired of you men really, y'all lack balls and that is why women use Sex to control you.

Take heart brother. God be with you

Thank you...

Kingkum:
THANK YOU

If I could, I would like this comment a thousand times. God bless you over and over.

thoollz:
No one should cry about the government, I detest this govt as much as majority of Nigerians currently, but let's look inward as a people.

How can you go to another man's country and be causing havoc, chaos and even threatening their citizens and expect the Govt of that country to welcome you with open arms?

I saw a video of the recent happening in dubai and I knew something like this will happen.

NIGERIANS, stop denting our image abroad and coming online to cry when actions taken against you seem hostile. We can do better than this, we can't be barbaric. Most countries already tag Nigerians as criminals.

Drug, prostitution, cultism, fraud in countries that opened their borders to you. Yet you pay them with evil. A country that has more religious worship houses than hospitals, yet filled with criminally minded people.

We blame the Govt, are the Govt not Nigerians?
We need to do better.

May you be blessed for this response

crackhaus:
Hii...

Come back in about 60years, we'll see what you still think about this. I pray God keeps us all alive.

I am sorry, 40 oC and you are asking if Africa can survive that! Have you been to Yola, Zaria, Bauchi, etc. I have experienced 46degrees in Yola and those Fulani girls are still beautiful.
Plus, in my secondary school days, to sleep on top mattress sef na wahala. Northern Nigeria is hot o. Don't play!

Ejiakusmith:
this is crazy I have been seen it on CNN at my office

even Spain too is over heating ,,,,,,,, and CNN reporters said over 1000+ have die due to this over heated temperature.........


40c the said .... God forbid ooo,,,.. will any African countries survive that temperature

It's nice to read the story again. A very good read, I must say.

dregmaster:
Saw this somewhere. MIL no suppose dey fight DIL.


“Barely three weeks after my son’s wedding and honeymoon, I noticed a rather unusual pattern of him “stopping by” my place on his way home in the evenings. I thought he was just missing his original home. I asked him why but he gave no reasonable answer. He always asked for dinner when he came around, which was rather odd for a newly married man.

On his fourth visit, he came with one of his friends who was well known to me. I confided in his friend, who simply told me that his new wife “cannot cook”. In fact, on the days he doesn’t stop by, he eats at that friend’s house or he eats out.

This was fire on the mountain, the choice was between me encouraging him to eat outside at another household and risk ending his marriage or save the day. I opted for the latter.

When he showed up again on Friday evening, I told him to tell his wife to see me on Saturday morning, we needed to go somewhere together, it was a woman’s thing. She came as I requested and I told her I was entertaining my Church Society members and needed to cook for them. She was to assist me with shopping for the cooking. I noticed the fright on her face.

After returning home from the shopping, I told her she wasn’t cooking because the people involved had very peculiar tastes, she was however to pay attention to all that I did in the kitchen. We finished (or I finished) all the cooking in about four hours. I made four different soups that I knew my son loved, made different stews with chicken, fish and beef and steaming jolls of rice.

After finishing, I told her to divide everything we cooked into two equal portions. She was surprised when I told her to take one portion with her when she was going home. I knew the food would last about six weeks, and as predicted, my son did not show up at my door until week seven. I knew the food had finished. So I repeated the same process again, telling him to tell his wife to see me when he got home.

By the third time we did this, I let her do the cooking whilst I supervised her. I never mentioned anything to her. By the fifth time, she had gotten a hang of things, even better than I imagined. On her way home, she hugged me passionately and said “Thank you Mum, you saved my marriage and you never even scolded me.”

I am told that with my son’s encouragement, she is now contemplating on opening a restaurant.

Rather than being the catalyst to scatter my son’s marriage, I opted for encouraging them in love for them to attain a better and deeper understanding.”

Encourage someone in love today, you just might be saving something very fundamental.

What do you think?

My first, I couldn't bear the smell of some things - Petrol, cooking gas, cooking oil. I didn't fry one thing for nine months, you can't refill generator where I was o. Husband was almost fed up. The minute he arrived home with fuel, I begin my shouting and screaming. It was as though I was suffocating. It was bad.

The second was one week one ailment for the whole of the first trimester. I could be cold and be shivering one week and the other week, would not be able to sit down. Husband was like, "what kind wahala be dis?". We were always going to the hospital. Even if I said no, he would drag me. The pain was much. I didn't know how I survived it. By the second trimester sha, I was as fit as a fiddle

Islandlady:
I do hear many stories about pregnant women having many silly and wierd cravings or fantasis ranging from foods to their funny choice of dressing, hairstyles e.t.c I haven't gotten pregnant before so I can't relate for now!

Not until I witnessed my auntie own who is 5months pregnant and her own wierd cravings is that she loves the smell of Fuel(petrol), she now move around with the gallon of fuel and she now wears her husband's clothes and slippers without touching her own clothes it's really very funny!

Share your own story of pregnant women and their wierd cravings

This goes both ways in most cases...I will advice that you study her. Don't be blinded by love. At least, that's what courting is all about. All the best!

Puskas:
Any attempt from you to discipline the child will not always go down well with her. She will be seeing it as a hatred for the child because the child is not yours

God will bless you for this!

One month in to the marriage, they become alarmed after spending double of what they used to spend and then wahala starts.

Darlingme:
This is exactly what most of you said, but in reality, it's not true. When she ask you for money for everything in the home, the same you go about complaining.
She has no fianancial source of income, but because she's naive, humble and you foresee submission ability in her, you married her.
When marital responsibilities set in, you begin to desire a helper, a supporter. You begin to long for a wife, who will buy Maggie, pepper, pay children school fees, subscribe electricity, buy gas, make nice meal without bothering you. Why? Don't you consider all that before you marry her?
Men need fianancially equipped woman to survive. She must be earning something.

Don't mind him fa. Let him come

yjgm:
Please come to the north and bag yours.

Wow! My Alma Mata! When you said, "it was tough", something told me it was ATBU. Thank God for you dear. May God continue to lift you.

Aarrebaba:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2040922672743521&id=100004774243453

God go double your blessing ma'am. Pele

I pray they hear ooo

Redpillar:
After spending all your youth doing boyoyo and claiming men are polygamous in nature, you return to your virtuous wife in retirement. Woman that didn’t enjoy you when you were healthy and energetic, you na want her to spend her own retirement nursing your failing health? Smh!

Please, don't do that! If you are still pained, don't help at all. You became successful because God wants to teach your aunt a lesson. Do not tell your Creator that He didn't do well by placing you above her. Just leave her and her children.
However when you decide to help, God will double your blessings. Just be careful how you help and who you let in. Simple!

heniford2:
Low mentality in Africa is the problem,i Remember back then when i lost my dad i went to ask loan from my Aunty who my dad helped, i remember her coming to visit my old man than my late old man will empty everything we have in house i stop my primary 6 then just because p man wan help her beloved sister then he died what my aunty opened her stinking mouth to say to me after my dads burial"hey come here, see if you think my money or any of us will give u guys any penny your dreaming right i owe u guys nothing likewise my brother and sisters so if u like go and hustle" it shocked me because we just buried his brother that day i saw her crying why this vaxation i thought she was joking till i went to ask for money to pay my school fees i saw the shock of my life Never hope on anyone Not ever your own blood brother make plans for yourself and your children, right know she's asking me to help his son to come over to germany guess what i will Bleep them up in a very big way will allow the boy to come over then set him up they will lock him up or deport him for illegal stay and position of drugs

Between a husband and a wife, there should be an unwritten, an unspoken agreement to support eachother!
It doesn't have to be spelt out. If the wife gets more pay and decides to pay the school fees, so be it! If the man is the better cook, fire on! There is an understanding that nature and our beliefs, as Africans, have separated some roles, yes, and if the couple decide that's the direction they want to head, no wahala. All I believe is no one is a slave and no one is a master. Mutual respect and understanding is all we need. Simple!

Vision101:
@Amopeekun

What's wrong with being a partner?!


@me
Do you mean partner in somethings or all things?

What's wrong with being a partner?!

Wow!!!

NwaAmaikpe:




The crack and other hard drugs must have really destroyed you for you to ditch a younger girl to go play daddy to a 7-year old and her older mom at 27.
What better way can we confuse dumbness for love.

Have you ever considered that you were an inexperienced 20year-old when that lady was spreading her legs wide in a labour room to push out a fvcking baby?

Only you can help yourself.
You know your triggers and you know your weaknesses.

From what I've read, being broke makes you a monster and it is only when you are broke that she starts being shitty.
But the beauty of this fvck is that you get broke from catering to her and her kid and not from living your youth to the fullest with other viable ladies.

But we shouldn't blame her for being shitty, you're just her fvckboy who pays the bills and plays dad to her child whose own father doesn't want anything to do with.

Yet you're emotionally at her mercy that your world revolves around another man's outcast.
Biko ditch that girl and look for an asset.
She's not just a liability, she's a master player and you my friend are her pawn.

Assalamu alykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh.

I really appreciate this write up but I must pen it down that it is a half truth:

It is very hard to find a broken home where the husband is blamed for a divorce, it is only the 'wife's fault'. It is because she is not brought up properly (parents' deficiency), or that she is not patient enough, or that she nags, or that she can't cook, or that she is not contributing to the welfare of the home, or that she is laid back, or that she doesn't have children or that she doesn't have male children or that she doesn't respect the in-laws or that she is not neat, or suddenly she is not enough or that she doesn't satisfy the man or that...the list is endless.

Chai!!!
Please don't mislead people. How many Kwara schools do you know?

BKayy:
CAN doesn't even know KWARA.
Hijab has been compulsory in their schools since God knows when. All these recent noise is just to make it official.
There you dare not show your hair, whether Muslim or Christian. Muslims wear traditional hijab while Christians tie scarf

Thank you! Just as it very risky to collect loan for the husband talk less of a boyfriend...

lilvicky68:
Even for your wife self it's risky to collect loan talk less of girlfriend..

Babe, no one can explain exactly how you feel, no one has been there. But there is a reason why you are still here and you can make it a better reason.
Keep growing, and keep getting better. One day, you will be our pride.

Please, don't take your life.
Put your number up, let us call u, abeg.

I hope she's ok o

It is a common and popular area in Ilorin. A hive of activity.

nams77:
Thanks for your response. The challenge I was referring to is a place. I keep hearing challenge. Is it an eatery or a relaxation spot

I am based here and there
The only challenge in Ilorin, presently, is within the APC. The town people are not concerned in the least. I don't even know where they get these news from sha. As regards the influx of the destitute persons, I hope the government takes action soon. Seriously, there isn't any wahala.
There are nice places to visit..pls, visit the internet.
The cost of accommodation depends on location. You can get a self contained apartment for as low as 75k -85k with water and reasonable hours of electricity supply. Others can be higher or lower.
A two bedroom can go for 250k - 400k. It's a choice.
We have the Asa river. Ilorin is a very peaceful place to live and the cost of living is pocket friendly if you know your way. I hope this helps.

nams77:
Are you based in Ilorin? What is this challenge I hear about?
Is there any resort around?
Whats the cost of a self contain and a two bedroom apartment.
Is Ilorin peaceful?
Are there rivers around Ilorin ( I saw something like that in one your pics).
Is cost of living fair?
Don't mind my plenty questions. E get why
Tnx

Cc: amopeekun and oyatz