₦airaland Forum

lilyheaven:
Yes, it was childish, to me. Besides my guy knew I was sharing flat with them , he was also a medical doctor, n he was my friend and gossip friend too, I used to gossip with guy every thing,
as stupid as he was each time my guy come visiting he will be the one that will go down stairs to drag his bag

Therein, my friend, lies the difference.

That lady concealed that fact. Were you behaving suspiciously to your guy? No picking phone calls, video calls when your guy knew you were free/not at work? I guess not.

Most of us have shared accommodation with the opposite sex. Some decent, some silly and others very ready to "mingle".

That lady clearly isn't "legit". Na counterfeit.

Gourdoinc:
oga please address her properly. OUR FIANCE. also is she aware she is your fiance. because alot of you men go about saying an olosho is your fiance. what exactly made her ur fiance ? when and how did she show loyalty to demand you engage her for a life time journey. foolish boy

Imagine the conconbility!

I surprise o. How can OP lay full claim to something in which you're only a shareholder?

Divay22:
For the bachelors get household items..
Cook your meals, stop going to restaurant or mama put

And stop buying irrelevant things, to impress people you don't know ......

My take is that the occasional eating out or take-away is not a bad thing.

A man should sometimes take his wife & kids out for dinner. Even if once in three months. A woman not having to cook one day but just enjoy with her family and be served is nice.

We are not taking money to heaven when we go someday.

raker300:
Africans are seen as underlings

Always accepting hand me downs and donations

If only we used them well over the years, by now we would be handing down things to others.

Accepting is not a problem, but doing so eternally is sick.

They will most likely end up being used to transport corpses as usual.

Papiikush:
Nice one bro.
Another on you should add

BUHARI/YARADUA Both seem different but they have lot of similarities. They were both sick while ruling Nigeria.

Kikikikikikikiki.
Weyrey niyen!

Considering how Nigeria started in the 1960s, this is how those villages should be like now. Complete with clean water, steady light, internet, roads, health centre, community hall, etc.

Nice

bettercreature:
Real father wouldnt sue anyone.This father is a big thief
Is he going to be happy spending the money?

It is a civil lawsuit. Criminal case will not work in this case. That is the only option he has. The man may have wanted to see the late girl help educate younger siblings, other relatives and assist him in old age. Civil servants' pension is not even regular.

Some set up an NGO in the name of their late loved one from such money.

You cannot question the motive of a bereaved dad exploring his only option to register his case with the government.

Hmmmmm. Na wa.

Very nice.

I see plenty babies.

This is simply evil.

Very bad. Culprits should be found and punished.

No reason to attack women an children.

eyinjuege:
AreaFada2

Look around You, woman are in the work force, and giving men a run for their money.
Most is borne out of necessity. You cant say their husbands didn't send them to work. Face reality, the men cannot adequately provide for their homes anymore. The women cannot watch and sit at home while their children are being chased out of school, landlord keeps knocking on the rent for owed rent, their own parents who managed to raise them also have needs, they also have their own needs to be met.
If a woman's husband was meeting her financial needs adequately, I can bet you that most women would gladly be housewives. The men are not meeting this traditional responsibilities, so don't automatically expect the women to be able to meet theirs. The time these woman are out there doing the men's responsibilities could have been used to do their own traditional responsibilities at home. It's cause and effect .
Circumstance hasn't allowed them.
I cannot blame the men too because na condition make cray fish bend, so of you cant blame the men for leaving their responsibilities to their wives, you shouldn't blame the women for not being able to perform theirs.
Hope you know we have family men, who are graduates earning 30K in Nigeria. If their wives were not working, katakata go don burst. Hunger is no man/woman's friend.
Regarding house helps, they make life easier for both husband and wife. Unless of course as a man who's wife is working same hours as you and probably brings in more to the table , you want to come home from work and start cleaning dirty dishes and making dinner before your wife comes in.
I don't support underage children being used as maids.
If you're raising another person's child, of course it's expected they will help in the home as your children would too. But sadly a lot of these children are abused by their caregivers (both the madam and the oga in the house). Don't think its only the madam that abuse their help, and even those homes where the husbands don't abuse the maids, they are usually complicit in the abuse because they're aware and keep silent over it.
I believe most Nigerian women are super women combining work, with home duties. Most are still very traditional and don't even request their hubbies do house chores despite bringing in money for the home use.
They should be appreciated, and not vilified.
Reasonable men always help with chores and childcare. If both husband and wife could help themselves at home, there wont be need for househelps most times. Abroad, Nigerians have managed to do without househelps. Men do chores and childcare like kilode. They haven't died.
Most men's "financial secrets" are being kept by their wives, otherwise a lot of men would have been humiliated and exposed as "incompetent and infidels" who can't provide for their immediate families.

So the fight to protect children shouldn't be pushed on the women alone. It would be good for the men to even take an active role in this. In most societies, people listen to men more #fact.
Men are capable of loving, of reasoning, of being involved. Protecting the children/advocating against child abuse should never be seen as a gender thing.

Anyway, I talk too much. Let me come and be going

.
Hmmmmmm. A Nairalander with common sense, talking about subject matter instead of throwing insult at someone who may be nearly twice their age. A species facing extinction on NL.

You made some salient points.

But in our 9ja environment gender roles are more defined. Women do not tolerate men meddling into certain aspects of running the home. Like how to manage the housemaid or the shopping list. Fact. A man is easily tagged "controlling" or even "stingy". It will be subject of talk with her female friends.

Child care and other duties are not unique to Nigeria. Worse even in the West where the system holds parents to a greater standard of responsibility over kids. On the threat of the social services taking your kids for good. Also rarely grandmother or aunt or other relatives coming to help.

Surely many hubbies earn little or no jobs at all. But these should be considered first before beginning a family. How to balance earning with raising a family. People do it in other climes. Plan first.

Note that for every family who's "financial secret" is preserved by the family, there are probably 50 where the man remains the sole or main breadwinner. A large number of women work and keep their money. The issues that arise between couples stem from men losing their jobs or the woman finally earning more. Then many of those women begin to disrespect the man. Women like to rob it in. Even a girl friend you assisted through school can suddenly begin blowing you grammar the minute she gets a decent job. Just normal.

That you still mention financial secrets kept by women means it is still novel and seen an "aberration". In climes were sharing domestic chores & responsibilities have become the norm, nobody mentions that anymore.

As for reasoning, well men have used "reasoning" to developed technology, medicine, aerospace and the modern stuff we have now. It all needs super logic.

donofdons:

Look at this mugu. She lied for you so that she can dump you like the dustbin you are. She saw that you had no future, potential or even past and decided to do the needful but like the kind hearted bitch she is, she had to give you a soft landing so she lied that she is a lesbian. And you foolishly accepted it been that you are a sweet, harmless boo boo who couldn't hurt a fly. Pussy liker like you

Lol.

You talk like you were there or you know her.

Well, I know the relationship she's in now. And we remain close. Not to mention her oyinbo mum to whom I was close while courting.

Only that there is no reason to talk down on people. Simple home training. Especially when you're speculating.

I do not believe you'd have more success with women than me. Back in the day when I was still in the game. Especially in an environment where women earn their own good dough. Where you cannot just use your little change to attract small jobless girls like your likes do in 9ja.

Estharfabian:
Awwwwwe. this is beautiful.


I'm thrilled that You supported her all through...you didn't play the judgmental card, Call the police, or poured her gallons of Olive oil to rid her of the nonexistent evil spirit dwelling Deep inside her.

you're the Real MVP jareh.

Hahahaha! @ drums of olive oil.

If anything I needed deliverance for not sensing the subtle signs. But maybe I was so much in love to notice.

As difficult as it was to stomach, but knowing how amazing she was, I could never be judgmental.

I had to try see how difficult it must have been for her trying to love me.

Imagine her anguish over how coming out would hurt me. How many times she must have lost the courage to tell me in the last minute.

One's views definitely change after that. Realising that lesbians/gays do not have 3 heads, 5 legs or a tail. Just normal people who may have to struggle to accept their sexuality. In a way that we heteros cannot even even imagine.

SirMichael1:
Yeah but if anyone finds himself/herself in any relationship, just try be your real self and be good.

True. But therein lies the problem.

Such people do not have the basic things to be good in marriage.

One party can be good, the other can negate all the good efforts.

Estharfabian:
This isn't news actually. this is the Mutha'Effing Reality! many Gays hiding in closet end up Marrying heterosexuals. making poor heteros Suffer at the end.


that's what the country gets, for criminalising something as beautiful as homosexuality!

Nne, I nor know about "the beauty & the beast" of the thing o.

But I sure know that at some point we've got to stop doing the ostrich.

The day my former love interest summoned the courage to say she was lesbian was when the penny dropped.

She was an amazingly pretty person & a beautiful soul, the very sweetest species of humanity. A super intelligent legal babe. So cute we "courted" for a year without ......sex in conventional sense. Yours truly is normally not the type to faff around any babe for long. But she was worth waiting for.

If it was in the African environment, after convincing herself that she was truly gay, she'd not have accepted that reality. I might be married to a lesbian as we speak.

Luckily she summoned the courage. Heartbroken she did the right thing.

SirMichael1:
NL never fails to surprise me by creating counter threads

A man doing all these doesn't matter, if the woman is thoughtless, bad, evil, or unforgiving, she'll still do what will make the man use bottle and break her head (That was a joke)

Point is, both parties should fight earnestly for their marriage.

Fact is some men were never meant to be husbands and some women never meant to be wives.

No matter how nice & lovely their spouse is, they will always be ingrate & mess up. QED.

bsideboii:
These guys trying so hard to bring homosexuality to the mainstream ,even in cartoons. With time our children will see nothing wrong with a man getting married to a man.God help us all.

Well considering how traditional marriages are crashing, no surprise that many such marriages were "forced" by society.

Maybe finally hetero will marry hetero & gay will marry gay. Better to finally face reality. Just imagine marrying a coded lesbian who actually does not fancy sex with you or not in love with you?

Kukuma sef, marriage may become obsolete. CR7 is currently blazing the trail.

eyinjuege:
Nothing stops men being in the forefront of advocating for violence against underage children/ rape of underage children.

I'm surprised to see quite a no of men above whining against child labour/ violence/maltreatment/rape of underage children and are not even actively doing anything about it but are pushing the responsibility towards the women.

Nothing stops anyone from crying out against the ills of the society, and definitely gender shouldn't be an excuse preventing you from speaking against evil.

The children are human beings too.

Men can equally take the initiative on the abuse of minors (dont forget even the men in the households where children are used as servants equally abuse them physically and rape atimes).
Women cannot fight the ills of the society alone, it's impossible.
The walk is an awareness initiative against domestic violence. I'm surprised people are advocating beating their spouses, and are against the walk.

The men are often too busy trying to make money or be told " go and make money like your mates or you are a lazy man" by the very same women. While protesting/marching is good, they should also be honest to themselves as to their own failing too. Like bad mouth or evil tongue.

Any form of violence is not justified but the vast majority of women see DV as man abusing woman. Whereas about 40% of victims are men. Let nobody fool us, all those Tontoh and Mercy basically see DV as men only being culprit.

Tontoh was not marching against her pushing her ML to the floor, attacking her hubby and her servant.
What I cannot stand is the hypocrisy around it.

Yes women should take the lead in protecting house help because they are majorly those who chose to ignore the traditional role of home making to work instead, request for house help, control him/her and by and large abuse them mostly. They are the ones who also need educating that the poor house help also have rights.

Marriage is a traditional institution (though mostly a shame these days), if you cannot play the traditional role that goes with it, then it is not by force to marry or have children.
Be aware also that a large number of men do not even know of the abuse house help go through in the hands of the wife.

Even some women who do not work still hire house help just because her man can afford it.
What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
Yes abuse is abuse, sexual, physical or whatever. Whether rape or putting pepper in a maid's private parts, pouring not oil or hot water.
All equally condemnable.

We can decide to pick and choose what tickles our fancy but any serious attempt to bring proper awareness and profer solutions has to the holistic. Including decoding the root causes. Not just a glamorous March under the hot sun.

A very good initiative.

But surprising that these people who are mostly mothers too have never organised a similar match against brutal/inhumane abuse of mostly underage house help (ekaette) in Nigeria.

They won't because those house maids have no influence and the culprits are usually women.

At least most wives are adults and have the option of leaving the marriage. What options have under age domestic servants?

He punched well above his weight in football, more than much more talented people.

Growing up together in football Julius Aghahowa was far more talented than Yak those days.

Julius got stuck in Ukraine due to bad contract. Yak was much luckier in Israel, able to leave to UK earlier in his career.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 comes to mind.

liftedhigh:
Oops


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXAVEjpmzb4

Mama yo!

Good.

liftedhigh:
Cool


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVyKAFznQU8

Very bad.

There was a country!

@Op, sorry for this situation. If all is true as you narrated.

But sadly many people out there face the same.

Your wife has several issues. She needed therapy years back. Before the kids came.
Stress of raising kids has only made it worse.

That she cannot maintain cordial relationships: her siblings, mum, hubby points to a type (cluster) of personality disorder.
Then she's not considerate or remorseful.

She cannot change on her own. But you will really struggle to convince her to get professional help. Since the kids have not mellowed her, nothing will.
Because at this stage she should focusing on you both raising your young kids in a positive & harmonious environment.

Possible way forward:
Make up your mind on what to do.
Then talk to your family & her birth family.
Arrange a meeting of both families.

Make it clear that the marriage is not working & it has become a toxic environment to raise kids.

Demand that she seeks help to sort herself out.

In the meantime you will want her to be away from the family.

If things improve, you both can come back together. Otherwise you cannot continue because something sinister could happen.

Ensure you have made arrangements for child care beforehand.

Being on her own suddenly could jolt her to seek help to change. Or worsen her situation. But she would be out of your home by then.

masada:
and they complain of overstretched workforce
not able to pay salaries wages and pensioners
this is more of political compensation to dem political patrons

That's it. We already spend lots of money on recurrent expenditure/overheads. But remember this is first term in office. You have to keep party members happy against securing second term.

To most party people it is not about taking the state or country forward but getting a piece of national cake.

masada:
oga
probably the daughter of one political godfather

Obaseki made a mass SA appointments lately.

Many have no actual record of achievement or reasonable work experience. Most are kids/relatives of party members. I know some very well. Patronage stuff. Worrying considering the large pool of experienced people the state has. Anyway most actually have no job to do, therefore no work experience needed.

For a start, many Nigerians do not use relationship names properly. We even make up some like cousin brother or cousin niece.

This story sounds made up, but let me pretend.

Even if that woman in her 30s is not his blood relative, shagging that woman right under your nose, sneaking out of your bed into her room, makes it extremely bad. In the future he can sneak into the toilet to shag your sister, cousin, house girl, neighbour or anyone while you are in the sitting room watching TV.

If it is his niece for real, is it your niece, cousin, sister, friend that is safe?

You know what you should do but perhaps he's well to do and you are weighing the comfort you might lose.

Has somebody blamed Goodluck Jonathan for it today?

spectator2001:
There is no cry baby double standard here. I only responded to the immediate connection to the subject post. However, every other persons you mentioned didn't just loot the nation silly, those greedy b.astards plunged that country into an irredeemable unfortunate state!

I support 100%, the solution proposed by you with respect to defragmentation of the existing cesspit called Nigeria where a Danjuma is a billionaire without any visible means of livelihood except for the oil present in the backyard of the Niger Deltans who are suffering despite accounting for everything that makes Nigeria to be considered a country outside this country!

Hahahahaha! Bolded shows that you are very young.

During the first Gulf War combining Operations Desert Storm & Desert Shield, from 2nd August 1990 to 28 February 1991, IBB made about $12.4 Billion dollars from crude oil, because Arab countries had problem supplying oil. The price surged. That money has never been accounted for. And that was within a few months. AND IBB spent 8 years in office. Are you saying he used all that money to do Third Mainland Bridge, that was already budget for separately? Do you know what $12 billion dollars could have achieved for Nigeria?

Just in case you do not know, the worthlessness of the Naira began during IBB's time. The crazy inflation you see now began with IBB's Naira devaluation. Pensioners who worked and saved money over decades saw the money suddenly of little value. IBB is one person if given a chance I will NOT think twice before stoning him.

Now for OBJ, there was $20 billion budgeted for roads/infrastructure, what happened to it? Just one example o. And similar sum for electricity. Remember he was there for 8 years too.

Abacha's money is still partly stuck abroad (US, Switzerland, etc) and several in foreign courts on forfeiture/repatriation hearing, othershave been repatriated in batches of over $400 million dollars, billions already returned. And a separate $1 billion return deal with Abacha's family.

And in your mind these monies were not silly looting? Haba!

Just because bigoted SW media turned on Jonathan & born-to-rule North (who know not what to do with power in over 40 years of having it, not even almajiri schools) vilified him does not make propaganda true.

People should just shut their mouths and let us focus on going our separate ways. The marriage is dead.