₦airaland Forum

222Martins:
After seeing the viral video of a man whose drink was poisoned while he was happily dancing and merrymaking with friends on 31st night, i decided to put down my experience.

"There is nothing that a chameleon requests from the forest that it doesn't get."

"No matter the crooked ways of the river, the calabash will always triumph over it."

I usually laugh at people who doubt the supernatural. They are usually like fishes that get snapped by a net unknowingly. What most people don't know is that whatever happens to you today, has been known and endorsed already in the spirit realm long before the event takes place in your life. Well, let's leave this talk for another day.

First week of November 2020, a Seer sent me a message that "There is a Plot to Kidnap Me on the 29th December 2020 and if the kidnappers succeed; it will cause irreparable damage." That i should be very careful and trust no one." Note that as at when i got this message, my program for December hasn't been drawn but i sure know that December will be very busy. I told no one the message i got, not even my wife; to avoid sending her into panic mode.

On the last week of November 2020, My Political Adviser informed me that his wedding has been scheduled for 29th December 2020 and i said Haaaaaaa!!!! The reason i exclaimed was because attending his wedding is a must, as it is a way to show him and his family that i appreciate all his effort in the development of my political structure.

As his wedding kept drawing closer, people kept asking this my PA if i will attend his wedding and he said "Sure!!! That if i don't attend, who else will." Come 20th December 2020, as i prepared to travel to my hometown; i made sure that my security detail were re-armed to the teeth. Note, this was just standard protocol because of the festive season and series of events i am due to attend. Secondly, as at this 20th December, i have already forgotten the message of the Seer and was just happily looking forward to spend time with my family.

I arrived my country home for Xmas and there were tons of visitors trooping in right from the day i landed till i left home. However, i noticed that one of my kinsman was so interested in knowing if i will attend my PA's wedding. I told him yes and he pleaded that i allow him join my convoy with his car, so we can go to the wedding venue together. I said till that time comes.

Come 28th December 2020, i attended the burial ceremony of a townsman and a brother. As i stepped into the hall where guests were being entertained, there was a cheer from the crowd and i exchanged pleasantries with those i could reach. This my inquisitive kinsman still came, sat close to me and ask again if i was still going for my PA's wedding, which will take place the next day. That i should remember his offer to join my convoy, i said no problem.

Around 4:30pm, i started feeling uneasy. i suddenly became cold, my left hand was shaking and i was feeling so sleepy. Like, i was struggling to stay awake. I signaled to my team, we left the venue of the burial ceremony. I sent some of them to go represent me in other scheduled programs for the day while i headed home with the rest.

Immediately i got to my bedroom, i fell on the bed and that was all i could remember. When my wife took off my clothes, i don't even know. I woke up in the morning 29th December to see my family by my bed side. I told my wife to inform my team to get ready for my PA's wedding while i do the same. Surprisingly, i couldn't get up from the bed. My wife had to help me to the bathroom to shower and back to the bed.

On that bed, i remembered the warning of that Seer and one of the sayings of my mom that "No matter how dire the situation is, a lion's cub can never be used as sacrifice." I started laughing. My family members were surprised and considering moving me to a hospital. I told them not to, that i understand what is happening. As i was still laughing, I dozed off again.

I woke up in the afternoon of 30th December feeling so strong and much better. I requested for my phones, which was taken away from me by my wife. Immediately i opened Facebook and scrolled, the first major news i saw on the wall of a popular journalist in my state: "Multiple Kidnapping On the 29th December" at different locations of the state; with one happening exactly on the same route i was suppose to ply to and fro from the wedding."

As i was still reading, my father walked in to inform me that my inquisitive kinsman has an accident and wrecked his car that same 28th December evening, after i left the venue of the burial ceremony.

I thank God for overlooking my stubbornness and keeping me out of harm's way. And sometimes, we need to stop fighting setbacks that happen on our very important days; especially when we have made all possible preparation to ensure a hitch free day. You can never tell what God is trying to keep you from.

This is the story i wanted to share. I leave you to pick whatever piece you want from this write-up.

Thank you

jaxxy:
Wicked and irresponsible leaders.

IkengaRussell:
I was born into a Jehovah's Witness family..They sold a lot of horseshit to us.But the one wey hirt me pass,was that i actually believed that only 144,000 witnesses would go to heaven.The rest of the righteous witnesses would inherit the earth(it would have turned to a paradise then)and that there would be no sickness,death or pain any more..Then all unrighteous people(wordlys in their terms)will be destroyed in the battle of Armaggedon and the devil will be cast into the abyss for 1000 years...What a load of bullshit!!!E dey pain me because i spent the best part of the 1st 20 years of my life believing it fiercely and i went around my area with a huge bag full of books and magazines trying to convince people about the "TRUTH"..Mehn!!person don mumu kwanu oo..One of these days, i'll take a stroll to there their new world headquaters in Warwick,New York and leave a few IEDs...Yes,thats how much i hate them!!!!

chatinent:
The news about bloodshed was becoming unbecoming so I decided to spice up your day. Remember the lie sb told you but you later discovered the truth.

Share your experiences.


Mine:

1. Hanty say she doesn't like fufu.. “I feel nauseated by the smell. I can't hold it, I'll throw up.”

Visited her fam house...they were on Ofe Nchawu with achara. I didn't know at the mention of her name at home, all the fufu dobales.

2. Caught the most holy “virgin” church girl in my street back home in our barrack! Funny thing was I met her and told her I was travelling to school. She also told me she was going for a church program in another state.

My room was Block C. She tie wrapper come out Block D.

E choke.

3. Date....


What's your name?


Cloe Davis


(Saved digits, Truecaller tagged her “Bolanle Ogunjobi”)


Fish will swallow you, Bolanle.


4. My neighbour was always claiming sojo. I bin feel say na Cadet as per en papa hold small bar, and e bi like the oga go get connection.

We happen to meet at one party like that...he was all the way in the jacuzzi (all military underwear camouflage).

One flat chest go rebel am.

Wetin I hear na “come out, reason me your indian delta.”

Oga begin beg o.

Beg! I laugh die.


Dem tell am to off am. Bros beg dem no gree. Dem woos am better slaps.

E come dey go house enter bike. Wetin I hear amid tears na “no worry, I swear I will hunt you. My dad is a police. My uncle is the head of Sarz.”

I laughed die.

5. My neighbour girlfriend always lying to me her dad was a GM of FirstBank.

The problem was... I didn't even mind if she was rich or poor; I just liked her.

I was staying with my rich uncles she felt were my parents. She always didn't believe me when I said they weren't. She always thought I was hiding sth.

Two years down the line, I realized her dad was a gateman.

WTF was he doing with a briefcase going to work in suit!

6. Babe bi forming British accent for me.

She alleged to have stayed in Birmingham. Toh, I no even like the girl sha. She was too loud.

She bin yarn me say my job is too poor for her liking.

Mehn.


One day she say she dey go back London say her dad wants her back.


Many months later when I was returning from Maiduguri, we stopped at Enugu and was welcomed by the loud off-key poems of their “buy okpa” poets.

Reluctantly, I raised my head up from my phone to the rear.

Omg, is this not Theresa?

I came down. Called out to her, she took off. I pursue am hold am. She almost wanted the ground to swallow her.

Mehn.

7. One guy in my school was claiming he was an Ex-Boy (ex-student of Nigeria Military School). He would lie all sorts of things like how he is still being paid salary now, and how his father was a Brigadier General.

He was an Igbo guy. He was showing us the photo of his self-acclaimed father one day. I noticed it was zoomed. I collected the phone and zoomed out. Lo and behold, a muslim name was on the tag of the soldier.

Baba had to re-arrange his lie and said his father didn't use his real name to join the military.

E chock o.


All our attempts to make this guy accept he lied was in vain until one exboy who is now a Lieutenant (a lecturer) publicly asked the guy who is father was (chawossing) and what year he passed out from NMS. The soldier obviously got tired of the frequent lies.

Oga begin bite tongue. He literally pee-d. He was disgraced openly later by the man. His father was a Custom Officer. Mehn.

I was like why this guy come dey lie. Abi e no know say I value Custom Officers pass green cap?

8. A guy I respected who lied he was 40 to me.


His body sold his lie. He looked maturer.


I dey respect this guy maka the age barrier. I didn't know what I was searching and saw his original birth certificate with 22years of age on it.

Darkness befell me. I staggered and my arms found a wedge.

I felt betrayed.


I dey call am Oga Martin.

E come inside, I was like “Martin, God go punish you.”

E wan claim activity and all that.

I open en yansh.


My guy laughed me. That was when I truly began to see the underage in him; he was laughing but I was starring at him in disgust!

After two years! Baba even tell me he is divorced with a grown-up daughter in Jakarta who he'd like me to meet.

Mehn, na so my in-lawship died.

And I bin dey give the pastard enough respect.

It hurted more knowing that he was still the same person behind the beautiful girl pics!

Come share yours

Hassanmaye:
What is Shege

mamagee3:
[color=deeppink]Hi all, why would anyone not want to be close to their cousins or their aunts but are close to their immediate family ?

And is it strange for there not to be a cordial relationship between cousins?[/color]

folake4u:
The rate at which Nairaland men create threads about dating, women, marriage these days is quite alarming

Sammy07:
Some of the things I don't do.

I don't date at my workplace
I don't date girls in my church
I don't date girls living around my hood.

lowkeybahdguy:
I've had opportunities to Bleep my office secretaries, colleagues and even my boss's daughter. But my rule has been my saving grace so far. No office romance. if not, things go spoil.

I've had several bosses tell me their lewd adventures with secretaries in the office -even during office hours- and sometimes I'm tempted to have a taste of the cookie.

So far so good, I've been able to stand firm and ignore my current secretary with her invitingly soft bosom and coy smile. smh. Problem nor dey finish!

OfficialZamy:
Samsung S8 camera

MejiLoyon:
May they rest in peace.

Guys be careful of exes. Most especially the ones you dumped. In fact if possible don't dump any lady. Never ever break any lady's heart. Let them break your heart. As in give them the satisfaction of letting them break your heart meanwhile na you break their heart. Only pros know how to do that.

That being said, never have anything to do with them. Use the Mejiloyon principle. Delete ,block and disappear. Some will say we are friends. Ogun kee friends there. Na that one dem dey use enter men. I once knew a guy wey wan chop last kpekus. Na there he die. Leave your exes. It will make your life peaceful. You go get rest,your current babe go get rest, even she go get rest. And if she no wan rest third mainland bridge no far.
I rise

Chinny024:
Long shovel

PlayMaker14:
You guys are really lucky my brother....

That's a Jigawa spiting cobra and it's venom is more potent than that of a black mamba.

Just one bite can send you to the great beyond in less than 20minutes.