₦airaland Forum

chukwudi44: Bros I knew him but heard he died of surgery to remove brain tumour.This is the first time I am hearing about the eye accident.

The surgery was not for brain tumor but corrective eye surgery. That was the attempt to cover up their recklessness to make it seem like a tedious surgery.... The brain tumour is a lie....

mrsincredible: hello, please is size also involved in getting a partner?

As in?

ileobatojo: My understanding is that this is the rate of harm for children in all cohabiting households (inclusive of 2 biological parents and 1 biological+1 unrelated partner cohabiting). Would you agree?

No, the statistic is for two biological parents cohabiting while 1 biological and 1 unrelated is estimated to 57.2/1000.

ileobatojo: I find this highly engaging. Thanks a lot Bellong. (why didn't you participate in the debate!). I will certainly check out that paper.

The schedule was not friendly. I thought it was going to be a day thing and for only one topic but didn't know it has series. I have been very busy these past few weeks, making the debate became impossible. Thanks

ileobatojo: I can definitely see this.

How about the rate of harm in children living with two unmarried biological parents?

Could you please give a better explanation of this question. I suppose two unmarried biological parents are cohabiting, if this is what you mean, the study gave 8 times more than married biological parents which can be estimated to 54.4/1000.

Please clarify if I got your question.

ileobatojo: Stunning numbers. Any theories from the study as to why this is so in these two countries? Is there a certain profile of women that choose to cohabit that puts them at increased risk to be abused? And the men? Why are they more abusive in cohabitation arrangements than marriage?

I don't know how to attach a PDF document here for the full paper but find below the link to the full paper.

http://www.toddkshackelford.com/downloads/Shackelford-Mouzos-JIV-2005.pdf

From their study, they are of the opinion that the Differences in demographic characteristics between those persons in cohabiting versus marital relationships have been flagged as a possible explanatory factor. For example, persons in cohabiting relationships tend to be younger, have lower education, occupation, and income levels, and are more likely to misuse alcohol.

Although cohabiting couples are less likely to reside with children than are married couples, when children are present, they are more likely to be stepchildren (the product of previous relationships). They emphasized that this is an important difference because research has identified that the presence of stepchildren increases the uxoricide risk.

Another explanation focuses on the relatively tenuous nature of cohabiting relationships, suggesting that this may account for the greater risk of partner killing faced by cohabiting women. Cohabiting relationships have a higher dissolution rate than do marriages.

Finally, An evolutionary psychological interpretation of this difference suggests that men in cohabiting relationships might feel less control over their partners and more threatened by intrasexual competitors. Menin cohabiting relationships, therefore, might be more likely than married men to use threats or violence (which might sometimes result in death) to establish and maintain control over their partner.

Harmful effects of cohabitation on children..... summary of researches on the subject....

1. A report in 2010 on child abuse by the Department of Health and Human Service that found that children living with two married biological parents had the lowest rates of harm, 6.8 per 1,000 children, while children living with one parent who had an unmarried partner in the house had the highest incidence, at 57.2 per 1,000 children. Children living in cohabiting households are 8 times more likely to be harmed than children living with married biological parents. (Abuse, Neglect, Adoption and Foster Care Research, National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect, NIS-4, 2004-2009, March 2010, Office of Planning, Research and Evaluation.)

2. Children born to cohabiting versus married parents have over five times the risk of experiencing their parents' separation, showing an exponential increase in relationship failure for couples currently or ever cohabiting. (Smock P, 2010)

3. In 2000, 41% of all unmarried-couple households included a child under the age of 18. This is up from only 21% in 1987 (U.S. Census Bureau: March 2000).

4. One of the major risks to children in cohabiting households is the high rate of breakup. This leads to many personal and social difficulties for children as they face the loss of the security found in home life children (Just Living Together: Implications of Cohabitation on Families, Children and Social Policy. New Jersey, Lawrence Erlbaum Associates: 2002).

5. Several studies have shown that children living with their mother and her unmarried partner have more behavior problems and lower academic performance than children in intact families. (Social Forces 73-1: 1994).

6. Fully three quarters of children born in cohabiting parents will see their parents split up before they reach age 16. Only one third of children born to married parents will face a similar fate (National Marriage Project, Rutgers University: 2002).

7. Child abuse is a major problem in cohabiting households. The number of reported abuse has been steadily rising over the past ten years (National Marriage Project, Rutgers University: 2002).

8. Evidence demonstrates that the most unsafe family environment for children is one in which the mother lives with a boyfriend. (The Heritage Foundation, Washington, DC: 1997).

9. Among children who did not live in a consistently intact family through age 12, those whose mothers cohabited at some time experienced a higher level of family instability, measured by the number of transitions in household structure, than those whose mothers had not cohabited, 2.6 vs. 1.4 for white children, and 2.0 vs. 0.7 for Black children, (Journal of Marriage and Family: Vol. 66, February, 2004).

10. Anne-Marie Ambert, the author of a study that reviewed hundreds of research papers that examined the social, emotional and financial effects of cohabitation and marriage on women, men, children and society, concluded that cohabitation is inherently unstable and carries a high cost on children's physical and psychological development.
Ambert noted, "Commitment and stability are at the core of children's needs; yet, in a great proportion of cohabitations, these two requirements are absent." (Vanier Institute of Family, "Cohabitation and Marriage: How Are They Related?, 2005)

11. In a study of 149 inflicted-injury deaths during the 8-year study period children residing in households with unrelated adults were nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries than children residing with 2 biological parents (adjusted odds ratio: 47.6; 95% confidence interval: 10.4-218). Children in households with a single parent and no other adults in residence had no increased risk of inflicted-injury death, Schnizter, PG, Child deaths resulting from inflicted injuries: household risk factors and perpetrator characteristics. (Pediatrics. 2005, Nov;116 :687-93)

I have not had enough time to join the debate but I quickly want to summarise some findings about the demerits of cohabitation from various journals that dealt with the issue.

1. A 1992 study of 3,300 cases found that coupled who cohabited prior to marriage have a risk for divorce that is about 46% higher than for non-cohabiters (Journal of Marriage and the family: February 1992).

2. Annual rates of depression among cohabiting couples are more than three times what they are among married couples (Journal of Health and Social Behavior: September 2000).

3. Women cohabiting relationships are more likely to suffer physical and sexual abuse than married women (National Marriage Project, Rutgers University: 2002).

4. The more months of exposure to cohabitation, the less enthusiastic couples are about marriage and childbearing (Journal of Marriage & Family: 59, 1997).

5. Cohabiting couples report lower levels of happiness, lower levels of sexual exclusivity and satisfaction, and poorer relationships with their parents (Journal of Family Issues: January 1995).

6. Cohabiters tend not to have an ethic of commitment that is as strong as non-cohabiters. This could explain the high rates of divorce among couples that cohabited prior to marriage (Journal of Marriage and the Family: August 1997).

7. Cohabiting unions tend to weaken the institution of marriage and pose special risks to children (Just Living Together: Implications of Cohabitation on Families, Children and Social Policy. New Jersey, Lawrence Erlbaum Associates: 2002).

8. By 2000, the total number of unmarried couples in America was almost 4.75 million, up from less than half a million in 1960 (U.S. Census Bureau: 2001).

9. Cohabitation increases acceptance of divorce among young people (Journal of Marriage & Family: 59).

10. Cohabitation can contribute to selfishness and later a lack of openness to children.

11. Respondents who cohabited after divorce or cohabited with their partner in a subsequent marriage reported, on average, lower levels of happiness in the remarriage than remarried respondents who did not cohabit at after the initial divorce (Journal of Marriage and Family: Vol. 68, Number 2. May, 2006).

12. Compared with peers who had not cohabited prior to marriage, individuals who had cohabited reported higher levels of depression and the level of depression also rose with the length of cohabitation. (Alabama Policy Institute: August 2006).

13. The longer couples cohabited before marrying, the more likely they were to resort to heated arguments, hitting, and throwing objects when conflicts arose in their subsequent marriage. A longer length of cohabitation was linked to a greater frequency of heated arguments, even when controlling for spouses' age. (Alabama Policy Institute: August, 2006)

14. Women in cohabiting relationships are nine times more likely to be killed by their partner than were married women. Within cohabiting relationships, middle-aged women were at greatest risk of being killed. (Shackelford, T.K. & Mouzos, J., 2005. Partner Killing by Men in Cohabiting and Marital Relationships: A Comparative, Cross-National Analysis of Data from Australia and the United States. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, Vol.30, number 10, 1310-1324.)

VivianC reminds me of the day I wished never came. November 21, 2012. I lost a childhood friend to the negligence and unprofessional conduct of doctors at Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH).
He had a minor accident which affected his sight, few months after he wasn't seeing well, he was being guided to move. The hospital recommended a corrective surgery for the eyes which he settled to do at LUTH despite some friends kicked against using LUTH as we have no confidence in the hospital. OAUTHC was recommended for him but considering some other factors known to him, he settled for LUTH. He entered but never returned alive for an eye surgery... The surgery was successful but they failed in the after surgery management, that was what took him.

His death shook me to the bones, I was more like a walking corpse for many months after because his wife was only four months pregnant at the time. Like VivianC, he was a promising, hardworking and passionate young guy on whose shoulders the responsibilities of his family lied. We grew up together in Mushin, attended Ife same period, he studied Pharmacy and at a point squatted me when I couldn't secure accommodation. A week before his death was his birthday and we had a lot of stuff planned to do when he is done with the surgery but little did I know that our plans were only for discussion sake.

Abiodun Yusuf Adeyemo..... I miss you always... Your mum wouldn't allow us fight your untimely death with LUTH, she said she was leaving them to God. Left to me, the doctors and management would have paid dearly for their negligence. Rest on my brother and friend... You are always remembered. Your son you never lived to see is doing very fine and healthy.

Vivian Chinaza, the last time I laughed at you was when you gave statistics of promiscuous females to be about 98%, never knew the thread will be the last we will contribute together. Rest in Peace and may God grant your family fortitude to be the loss.....

To those still alive, bible says "better to be at a burial than at a joyful celebration" (paraphrased). This is because it calls our attention to the vanity and frailty of life so we can always set our hearts to pleasing the maker.
"for me to live is Christ and to die is gain..." It is well with us all...

tunapa2009: Mr bellong na 2 in one na... 2 flesh becomes one(everytin becomes one)..loool.. Ride on barr. bello(honorary SAN)....

Thank you my brother... Don't mind damsel, she wan cut short my star....I no go gree

deols: and she is also a geologist..thats cool.


I have plenty siblings..I shld start adding their honors to mine..then you and I can start competing as lawyers

Let the competition begin. For now I don add your medicine join my own....

She is all of the above yet you married her?

No no no.....

In what ways are you developing yourself for the future. Rather than waiting and looking for husband, use that energy to better yourself by adding values and skills.

Read books treating marriage and understudy marriages too to prepare for your home. Above all, begin to sow seed of prayers inthe your future home

cdamsel: oga bellong u be geologist or lawyer?clear me up abeg

I am a geologist and my wife a lawyer, so I am two in one.....

mysticgal: happybirthday ypp,long life and prosperity to you,about geology,I've got a cousin who is a geologist and believe in God,if anybody can explain the myth abouth not believing in God,cos they only do rock,mineral resources.

Geology is more than rock and mineral resources

serubawon: @bellong. Do you still practice? I gave up long time ago and went into the banking sector to make money jare. Unfortunately, here in the states, getting a job as a geologist, without the required experience is like impossible. I lost the love for the profession long time ago and I don't regret it one bit either

Yes, I still practise geology. I specialise in low and high temperature geochemistry. Working more on geothermal energy.

I love geology with passion. If I am to choose another profession, will be caught up between medicine and law. Love to help people and fight for rights...

^^^ I have met a lot of frontline geologists who believe in God. Most of those guys in historical geology are the die hard atheist.

deols: @bellong, I only caught the part where you called someone else a fellow geologist.

Do you geologists really get taught to not believe in God?

If there is an award for "professional religious" people, geologists will be on the frontline to win it. The complexity and processes going on both on the surface and beneath the earth are enough to know it requires the working of a supreme being. Not even talking about other planets. Although science try as much as possible to give explanations for all the processes but it can't still explain where the original material for the big bang came from.

I am a geologist...and I believe in God. I remember my days in Ife during the history of the earth lesson. The lecturer bamboozed us with so many scientific theories and as a green horn with religious mind, I started throwing questions at the guy. When he got tired of my questions, he said I was not asking scientific questions

salsera: @bellong
me sef i be god na so all join make dem dey angry i go chop dey go. The Original Oga at the top don give go ahead everyother person na mumbler

I am the resident priest of this room, so na only me be the Oga at the top....Except you want the gods to impose an heavy fine on you. Ask Cdamsel, she will tell you her experience

@Serubawon, fellow geologist...how's the preparation going? May heavens bless the union and make you both fruitful in all areas.


@Salsera,

You are craving for the food of the gods... don't let the gods get angry, the year is still young..

@YPP,

Happy 16th birthday to you... May your days be filled with joy, peace and the glory of God. You will live to fulfill purpose and raise children that will move the world positively.

For the party, I have ordered two full trucks of drink from Nigeria Breweries. I wouldn't know if it is maltina they will bring or star....

@Cd, no vex, me sef no dey for some days..... The gods have forgiven you your old offense...

@Efe, I do not have enough English nollywood in my archive except you want Yoruba mainframe movies. They are subtitled in English.

Thanks

onegig: Ok. But if its becoming too bulky and stressful . My hands are always ready to help. Shouldn't be a lot of trouble. I got google by my side. Lol.
We should be expecting some positive news from here soon. https://www.nairaland.com/1470031/nairalander-achieve-educational-dreams/4

Sure....lool... The guy sent me a mail about it. It will surely end well by God's grace

onegig: Am fine. Thank God for his mercies.

You? Been a while you were online. I hope you are Done with the programmes and projects you had?

Yeah, been a while... Not yet done, just taking a break for today..

onegig: I guess she forgot babies are worse sleepers.

She probably doesn't know anything about babies...

How are you bro?

I thought there are no good fathers in Nigeria is the general opinion of females on Nairaland...


@Op,

May your dad prosper and live long to see his children children....

Daddy Kofsy,

For being a great dad to Kofsy and also sent her to Great Ife, I pray that God will grant you long life to see your children's children. May you spend your days in pleasure and God's prosperity...... You will live a fulfilled life....

Happy Birthday sir......

4tunebest: Telling him would not keep him in check neither would it change him in any way. Even if it does, for how long? A true prophecy would come to pass no matter how tough both parties fight it to prevent it from happening. Fate happens... That is if the prophecy is truly from God and not a figment of the pastor's imagination. Yorubas call it Akosile...

In other words, whether the prophecy is true or false, telling him doesnt change anything. She should decide which one suits her best, either to tell him or not, the result is thesame

Sis, the bolded is a false understanding of prophecy. Even if it is from God, not all prophecies get to be fulfilled depending on circumstances and conditions attached.
Some prophecies are meant to be averted, example is that of Jonah to the people of Nineveh. Infact, all evil prophecy can be averted if one truly turns to God and do what is required.

He is not a wicked God to intentional bring evil one's way. The gift of prophecy is to establish one's faith and nurture in the faith and not for destruction.

deols: Thank you thank you. The prayers are just too sweet!!!

Whatever it is, I join others to pray for you... May it pass soon and you will share your testimony....


It is well sis

Victosin09: Onyema, thank you. I realised i missed fellowshipping, that was why i couldnt lay to sleep. Now i sleep like a baby!....best advice so far.

You sleep like a baby?

You are not yet sleeping

So who is getting married?

Guy,

you posted this same stuff in the fun room....

I wish you Godspeed and goodspeed in your adventures

bosslife850: Any interested woman seeking a 100% discreet relationship with a young , educated and matured guy should contact me for meet up.
You can call text or add me on bbm... 08065099377, 08167950172, 21CAD793.. Any location in Nigeria.

Guy, get a life...... This will only bring you temporary pleasure and benefits but long term damnation, guilt, emotional bondage, wreckage of destiny and to crown it all, you may jam a woman ritualist that will cut short your life....

There is great joy in making an honest living no matter how small...