₦airaland Forum

The beauty of life is living it for God and making positive impact in the lives of others.. There is nothing as fulfilling as it.

The man is an embodiment of empathy and bowel of love..

Subtract your expenditures from the income, then you decide what to give based on what is left.

She should be in the picture of both the income and expenditures...

@Guitarlife,

I will say again, shine your eyes and brain very well. Do not let "virginity" becloud your judgement, this is the period to add spiritual searchlight to your five senses.

If a person is given wholly to frivolities at her age, I wonder what will become of such a person tomorrow. The seed sown today will germinate to produce fruits in thousands/millions tomorrow.

Esteeming virginity of one shows the level of moral decadence in this our present age even with the geometric increase of religious houses. It was not this bad during the days of our fathers with no Christian nor Islamic convictions....

Do not be bullied to accepting you are stingy, if she doesn't fit in to your vision, let her go and focus on who will be of help to your destiny.

Emperoh: ACC ke? Which one be ACC again?

Yes, there is ACC shipping line

Two wrongs do not make a right. Never let this action of your dad push to waiting arms of evil. Your boyfriend has no better plan for you than taking for free that thing between your legs.

This is the time for you to make a decision and be determined to breakthrough in life through hardwork and consistency. Face your studies at this moment, develop a focus and vision for your future and also work towards achieving them. If it is possible, you can talk to your dad to explain your disappointment and pains to him. He may probably change.

Whatever you decide to do, please do not run away from home to any guy. It will only result in a bigger regret than this. Forget about boyfriend for now and face your studies squarely.

You should at least appreciate God that he still gives you money once in a blue moon. Some people are ready to have him as their father for the little he is doing.

It is well with you

^^^ You can use Sallaum or ACC.

Guitarlife: Nope I haven't met the parents before.

In that case, you have to assume the girl told a lie here. No morally upright parent will tell a girl in that age bracket to find money from any means. Not even in this period with bad stories.

Meet them first to understand their person before drawing conclusion. Else you commit slander.

"There have been some understandable critics querying why Arsenal need an attacking midfield. In a squad that looks so threadbare, the centre of midfield is an area in which Arsenal are well stocked. However, there is no doubt that Ozil is an improvement on the options Arsenal have in that area of the pitch. Anyone who doesn't want to see how Ozil links up with Santi Cazorla, Jack Wilshere, Tomas Rosicky and others either hates football or just hates Arsenal". - Sam Limbert (ESPN, Arsenalblog).

Guitarlife: God bless you for this post. You seem to understand my fears. I expect a lady to have what I call a sense of pride. What if she was not dating anybody at this time what would she have done ? Where would she have gone too ? All in a bid to acquire something I personally see as luxury.
The my mom part is what got to me post, when the mom knows she is neither married nor working. Which kinda family will I be marrying into. For petes sakes this is her own very elder sister getting married. This is just extreme and I had to hear other peoples opinion before I make a decision.

You cannot be too sure her mum told her that, please do not judge the parents based on her story. she may be telling you lies to get the balance from you. Her mum may also have given her the complete money but looking for more from you. You have to be sure of the family before drawing a conclusion.

It may also be that the mum told her what she could afford and your girl later responded she can get the balance from you or another uncle.. Until you are sure the mum told her to find the balance can you be skeptical about the parents.

Have you met the parents before?

@Guitarlife,

You need to sit down to assess properly what you want in a lady and how you want your future home to be. You need to also evaluate weakness you can live with in a lady as well as the limit you can stand a particular weakness. Nobody can do all these for you except you.

For a girl being a virgin does not mean she has got all moral values correctly. It only shows she has at the moment sense of sexu-al decency.

In as much as sexu-al purity is important in connecting a girl for relationship, the qualities and what you must check are not limited to it. Does she have a teachable heart? Is she an understanding fellow? How does she treat others especially those perceived to be of lower status than her? Is she godly or just religious? What influences her decision making process? What are her life's ambitions, visions and purpose?

These questions and many more are what you need to ask. I may not be able to offer any advice based on the little you wrote about her here but I know that her attitude towards money needs a re-appraisal. Even if a person was raised by the poorest of men on earth, nobody has the right to turn another to money making machine especially when you know he is not in a good position to spend.

You need to talk to her about her attitude to money if that is the only negative you see. If she continues this way, she will want to always be part of the jonesses and this will drain your pocket. Have a serious discussion with her on this issue to finding a way forward.

It is well with you....

^^^^ Hmmm oro pesi je...oro di hun..

I think you both need to go on a long retreat to resolve this impasse and other issues that may come up in future. I believe the situation can still be redeemed. Do not give up on her yet, there is still hope.

You may involve her parents if they are the understanding type with wisdom to handle the situation.

I pray it works out for good for you both in the end..

^^^^ When will you complete the story?

^^^^ Guard your heart diligently, do not let negative news and people infiltrate it.

Surround yourself with positive, strict and focused minded people. He that walks with the wise shall be wise.

delinb: Thanks all. I want to stop eaten her food untill she trust me how about that?

Do not even try this. You will invite more horror to the drama than imagined..

There are better ways to let her earn your trust and food-strike is none of it. Be the man of the house, stand your ground in seeing to the welfare of your son and let her handle her jealousy.

Keep doing what you have been doing that is right.

@Chilli,

Thanks

^^^^ Even if I had no believe in any spirituality, I would have believed that curses of parents on children work wonders...

It reminds me of my final year in Ife. As a student of geology, there is a compulsory course on independent mapping exercise in which all students are posted to various parts of the state (Osun) for 3-4 weeks to conduct an independent (as the name implies) mapping of the region.

My group of four was posted to Iperindo, one of the gold deposit area of Ilesha. There was this woman with 3 children in front of the house we lodged, she never mentioned one good word to her children for the three and half weeks we stayed there.

She wakes them up with curses, send them on errand with curses, correct them with curses. I can't forget one morning as early as 6am, while I was preparing for the daily exercise, I heard her say "eyin oloshi wonyi, se ko ye ki e ti ji" (You these unfortunate fellows, are you not supposed to be awake now). That statement hit me like when USA dropped bomb on Hiroshima. There was no existing and non-existing curse words this woman never used on those poor little children..She even sowed curse words into their future.

I personally observed those children and their behavior was not different from a cursed fellow. So obvious. My regret till date is I never summoned the courage to talk to this woman against this action. Anytime I remember, it pricks my heart and I pray for those innocent children.

I must say I never saw her husband at all for all the weeks we spent there. My group members opined that her curses sent her husband packing.

amarula: I am sadly single, sad because I love to be in relationship, give and receive love.
Currently in a job I don't like with a boss from hell.
And finally I am on d brink of depression.

Amarula, singlehood as well as marriage are both gift from the creator. You will not be single forever no matter how long, so let this be at the back of your mind.... While waiting for the right guy, it will be good that you work on your perceived and known weakness so you can enjoy your marriage.

You know the areas you are very weak that need your attention. Whatever we do not deal with now has a way of dealing with us in the future. For example, if you have problem with anger, get books on anger management, etc and work on their suggested solutions. Pray along for God's help in the process. Study marriages around you and also in the holy books to find a balance for an happy home, so you can start having godly visions about what an ideal home should be.

For example. while living with mum, I hated telling anybody about my movements and I never liked staying at home discussing with family. Will walk out of the house and probably return earliest at 10pm. Sometimes I travel without prior information. My mum complained till she got tired and left me. At a point, she told me her pity is for the wife I would marry. Her words got to me and I had to work on this bad attitude. Before I got married, I overcame it completely. If my wife had married the old me, am sure my home will be a no go area due to no fault of hers but my inconsiderate act.

Your job with your boss is also temporary and you should not allow his evil rants to get at you. About 75% of boss, if not more, in Nigeria are slave-masters with no respect for their subordinates. Keep putting in your best to your work to gain experience for a greater height. He that is faithful in what is not his will surely be rewarded mightily.

The fact that you are alive is a testimony that hope is not lost. A living dog is better than a dead lion. When you start to consider things that are not working, why not devote time to thank God about the gift of life and prayers answered in the past. Whatever phase you are now will soon pass...Nothing is permanent in life.

It is well with you

deols: Q. How important do you think beauty was to your partner while choosing you. Do you think your beauty played an important role?/ most important role? or do you think they would have chosen you anyway(even if you weren't as good looking)?

If beauty and handsomeness was her only criterion, she would have never looked at me twice...... I do not have that striking face to wow a lady.... She saw far beyond temporary measures...

deols: Q.2- If they would have chosen you anyway, what are the most important things about you that you think(not that they said) made them choose you?

This is an ambiguous question... She said I fit in perfectly to what she wants in a man and from life.

Your sister probably discovered that you have chronic disease of ingratitude, hence her insistence on you saying thank you.


You probably may be doing it to others and she is taking it upon herself to instill the heart of gratitude and appreciation in you.

For her action, she deserves a BIG THANK YOU from you. Now go and do it.

How will he visit his son without discussing with the ex...its impossible... Visiting the son is not limited to just seeing his face, he will have to ask a lot of questions about the boy's welfare and development. Infact, so many things to discuss with the ex about the boy.

If what you have described above is the truth of all the actions you have taken, I want to say you have no fault and have done what is needful. For someone this jealous of a boy's mother she never met, how will it be if you take her along with you considering pregnancy hormones running in her. Taking her along to me is not a good choice except you are convinced she wouldn't create drama there.

This is why I do not like women who are irrationally jealous because their insecurity will make everything looks tricky and false. She has to find a way of dealing with her personal issues. As advised, you have to let her trust you too and be secured about her stand and future of the unborn child.

Never ever let her issues discourage you from performing your fatherly roles in the life of that innocent boy. He is in his formative years and he needs you more now than ever.

May God help you...

Your wife will have to deal with it since you never hid it from her from the beginning. Do not entertain fear, the boy needs you in his life as much as your wife needs you too.

It is your wife that needs counselling here. If she is insecure, why did she marry you in the first place knowing fully well of your status. Have you ever brought the child home to spend some weeks or days with you? If you have done that, what was your wife's reaction?

If she reacted and responded well to the boy, it could be that she is getting scared of you playing side games with the boy's mother and if otherwise, she has a big issue called jealousy...

Whichever way, find a way of dealing with your son by limiting contact with the mother if possible and if not, your wife should exercise patience...

Sunshinebrown,

If you have started the greencard process, I will advise that you suspend it till he earns your trust and meet your parents...

sunshinebrown: My mother went out of her way to find some Nigerians in our state to find out how things were supposed to go customarily. So she knew it was customary to meet the parents first. She said if I was a Nigerian woman he wouldnt have done it this way. Now she is under the impression that since he is dragging his feet, he only wants a green card out of me. My dad in his own subtle way has asked me to divorce him but, I am refusing to do that. I made a vow to God not them. And parents or no parents I won't defy my God. I draw the line on that one.

You have married him and I know how it is hard for you at this time with his refusal to meet your parents. The truth is your mother may not be far from speaking the truth. If he were in Nigeria and he actually wants a wife, he wouldn't drag feet from meeting his spouse's parents.

Except he has ulterior motive, why would you have to be begging him to meet your parents. I think you also went about the marriage in a wrong way without involving your parents. Have you met any of his own family members? Do you have enough information about his background and history? These are all what you need to ascertain his sincerity in this union.
I only pray and hope he is not in this union for the green card. It is well with you

betterline: Pregnancy seems to show too early in their family. I have never got to get in my fluid into her. so just did like 10 days ago on her ovulation. she has been showing signs of laziness, body change and what-nots. Hopefully she was. I cud only hope too.

And if she was, using (mesoprostol) would has ended the start of life and if she didn't, the intention is equally grave. I am not desperate for a kid. I had rather wait for a month or two to find out the coitus didn't yield fruit with no qualms. The intended action to abort and the line of thoughts that existed before the act is more traumatic for me than anything else.

Well, you two can still visit the clinic for a clean bill of health. If she was pregnant, some kids are very stubborn and seem to have abortion drugs bullet-proof....

Meanwhile, as earlier advised, when the dust of this settles, you both need to have a real discussion over this issue. She probably may be afraid of pregnancy considering painful stories she had heard. Her business may be only a cover up for this fear. It will be wise to involve her parents if you both failed to reach a compromise.

I pray everything works well for you two...

[quote author=i_am_anonymous]Last year, I was diagnosed with MDD and was place on medications. I felt better and have since discontinued the medication. Recently, I fear that I am having another episode. I feel so terrible, the only thing keeping me is the grief I will cause my loved ones. I have talked to a trusted person about how I feel and I was encouraged. I did feel a bit better after the chat, but the thoughts still creep in.[/quote]I have no idea what MDD is but I know that when we allow the fear of a thing to overwhelm us, it usually happens. You need to conquer this evil thought in you to allow peace and rest of mind in your heart. Subject the thought and be happy with your present good health. Afflictions shall not arise the second time...

Meanwhile, you can discuss with your doctor to find a balance between using and stopping the medication.
May God heal and make the healing permanent.. It is well with you

Godwin Ayo: I have this suicidal thoughts always in me. This as I know is because of insult, bully and the shame when people come to realize that "I DO NOT KNOW MY DAD NOR WHICH PART OF YORUBA HE'S FROM). In this condition, i need someone to advice the best idea to counter this once and for all. PLEASE HELP1

Have you asked your mum about your dad? Let her give you all the info that she can which may help in locating him.

Meanwhile, do not let the tease of others discourage or lead you to committing suicide. Be grateful to God that you still have a mother who took good care of you.

When they mock you of your father, let them know they are not better than you with no father as they lack knowledge and are shortsighted. A lot of people know their fathers but it make no effect on their lives as the fathers are practically useless.
Focus on your dream and visions for life, work on them and become fulfilled. I am very sure when you become great tomorrow, it is your dad that will come searching for you.

It is well with you

betterline: Exactly, She never even mentioned what is it she was going to do when u got out of the house. Now, I am really scared of her. Poor fetus! just a week or so old. My love for her has since gone away with the action. Can't even make love to her again.

If the supposed pregnancy was only a week old at the time, how did you confirm she was actually pregnant? There are more to the pregnancy story than you think.

What if she was not pregnant in the first place but only told you to allow her rest and an opportunity came to reverse the lie.... This is my assumption as am still wondering how you were sure she was pregnant if it was only a week old....

Have you gone to the hospital to confirm that the foetus actually got aborted?

Go to the hospital first to be sure of this before you think of how to handle your wife. I guess she has a lot of issues with you.

It is well with you

DONE DEAL: Mesut Ozil 50M Euros... subject to Medicals in Germany

What is keeping him from meeting your parents? In Nigeria, prior to wedding, meeting both parents is of paramount importance. Without meeting them, the wedding can't take place except you do a run away wedding.

I wouldn't know how to encourage a man who claims to love his wife to meet the parents. Get a date from your parents and also let that date falls with when you know he will be free. Inform him of the date chosen by your parents for him to get prepared. Let the date be a minimum of three weeks away for notification.


I am still concerned about why he is dragging his feet from meeting your parents. Did he tell you of any reason?

Congratulations to you...

Prior to tying the knot, you should separate quality time to discussing issues that may affect the union. I want to believe you understand what I mean. To avoid stories that touch, settle most of the matters now.

Finally, I wish you commit everything in prayers and do not taking a major decision with emotional sentiments...


It is well with you

Is your husband facing financial challenges that he can't relocate to a neutral environment or probably building his own house to move to?

Whatever the case, talk to him that you are tired of the environment and let him get a new place if he has the financial will to do so.. It is not easy staying in a family house..

God help you

You have issues with self-esteem.. Work on it.. Read this webpage for more...

http://www.treatmentsolutions.org/Home/RisingAboveLowSelfEsteem/tabid/645/Default.aspx