₦airaland Forum

rickiross: Hi my fellow Nairalanders,



Before I left Canada I had a gf, whom i think I like and NO am no looking for papers (as i said am comfortable). The thing is she has a kid and she's not ready to move down here. And am not ready to move to Canada fulltime. What do u ppl think is the best course of action for this relationship? (Plus we have nothing in common, no shared vision/value, but somehow we been dating for 3years and going good I guess)

.

I do not have enough time to respond fully, will do later but the bolded is a red flag. Why be in a relationship with someone that does not share same life values with you? The relationship is a disaster waiting to happen.

You don't have to live your life pleasing anybody not even your parents. Your mum has lived her life, you have a choice to live yours too. Though I do not know if she has a condition that will require your presence by her side, except for that, do what pleases you in as much as you are not hindering the progress of another.

Live your life to please God (if you believe in one) and add values to the environment/society you find yourself. Your people will sort themselves out.

Being accountable to one's spouse is a good thing that breeds an healthy relationship. However, individuals must understand boundaries by not infringing on each other's privacy that do not affect the union.

You actually didn't paint a right perspective of your wife's attitude about question she raised. Does she do it everytime or she just asked for this one time? Are you a careless spender that do not take the needs of the family into account before lavishing money? What exactly was her point for asking?

As much as you can be accountable to your wife does not call for her to monitor how you spend your money. Since you have been indulging her before now, sudden stop will cause friction in your relationship. You have to talk about this issue with her and register your displeasure about her habit of questioning your spendings. Let her understand you have the interest of the family at heart and you are wise with your spending, there is no need for her to question you.

With wisdom and tact, discourage and kill this habit of hers. It is well with you.

@Op,

Are you the man in question trying to change your wife's phone number, hence your coming here to validate your decision? I may not be able to deny that its not happening because stranger things have happened but not yet heard of a man insisting on changing his wife's number by force.

You said such practice is prevalent even before now? What exactly is before now? As far as I know, mobile networks came into full existence in our land in 2001/2002.

For what exactly will a man change his wife's number?

Why did he marry her if he doesn't trust her?

To prevent all these stories that touch, there is need for the national assembly to come up with bill against estate take over by husband's families except there is a will from the man handing over his estate to his family.

How will somebody have a wife and children, yet the wicked family will be thinking of taking over his properties at the expense of the children's welfare. I wouldn't blame them, how on earth will a grown up man still be living in a family house with his siblings and parent.

The husband's eldest sister even said Mrs. "Anything I say on this matter, I will rather say it in Agnes' presence or at least one member of her family. I don't want to talk to you alone. "Also our lawyer must be present. We have not collected anything from Ahmed's employers; they didn't answer us.".

They didn't answer them, meaning they wrote to the company to release the guy's entitlement to them. What a great shame. She is a woman, I hope she understands that she also could be in the same situation anytime. Shame on all of them including the weak dead man.

joywendy: yeah am about entering 200 level.thanks. I really need people I can talk I have tried and thought possible times of taking my life.

What about your parents? Do you guys have any kind of close relationship?

If you do, please you can also talk to them. You need them more now.


It is well with you.

Money, Women/Men and Power do not change anybody. They only bring out the true nature of anybody that encountered them.

Joywendy,


Reading your initial posts and advices given, I want to urge to digest the core message of the advices given to you before now and work on them.


Just to add little to what have been said, do not allow the fear of tomorrow ruin the joy and happiness of the present. Today is what is sure that you have, savour the moment, enjoy it and stop being anxious for nothing about tomorrow.


From my shortsighted understanding of demography, I think it deals with social statistics..I.e population, census etc. You should understand that the present day Nigeria and even the world is dynamic, you can work in almost anywhere in as much as you have a good degree you can defend. If you are keen on working with demography, you can work with World Health Organization, National population commission, as a Lecturer in the university, work with NGOs... etc.. work abound my sister. Please stop disturbing your joy and peace with thoughts of tomorrow. God will take care of that. Face your studies now and get the best out of it.


About friends, making friends is not that difficult but you need to ask yourself why you need friends and for what do you need them, what vacuum are u feeling in your life to believe it is friends that will fill the space?


You can only make friends with people that will add value to your life and help bring out your strength and not people with myopic view about life. Never let anybody make you feel inadequate and do not subject yourself to youthful exuberance and peer pressure with no long term importance. Once you can identify people with good values about life and who can make your life better, you can easily walk up to them and appreciate the qualities you see in them. From there, you start to build friendship.


Lastly, never ever compare your life with another. You will only do yourself a disservice if you do that. You are a unique being designed for a unique purpose. Above all, commit your ways to God's hands and develop a relationship with Him.


It is well with you.


I am sorry if what I typed is not coherent, I am in a bus on a journey.

^^^^ Nobody here has condemned people that employ services of house helps. Your conclusion is the same with what people have been saying. Treat your house helps well with the same treatment you would want to be treated if the table were turned.


Please, I do not think anybody here had intention of making anybody feel guilty.

I thought AES is a freight forwarder or is it same with Sallaum?

To what end are you asking this ridiculous and controversial question?

^^^^^^

These three letter words, "I AM SORRY", should be a personal motto and recitation of every individual irrespective of gender and status. Saying and meaning it when said, can heal broken hearts, mend broken relationships and restore lost hope. As rightly said above, unprofitable ego is a cancer that kills faster than the real disease in any relationship.

Communication is not limited to verbal utterances, it also includes the non-verbal actions and studying your partner to understand his/her unspoken words. Each partner should invest time in studying each other's body language and non-verbal actions. It helps in forming a close knit and resolving conflicts.

@, check this link for information about emotional blackmail

http://www.examiner.com/article/emotional-blackmail-101-defining-and-detecting-it-your-love-relationship

When he finds enough reasons to trust you, he will open up to you.

Be yourself and do your best in making the relationship work. Men do not have that skill of pretense for too long, if he is pretending, you will surely know with time. You will see the red flags. If it is his nature to be quiet, then he is putting you under test to be sure he can trust you with everything.

Patience is the key, do not rush him to start opening up to you if the relationship started not long, he will see you as being desperate or with ulterior motive.

In summary, learn patience and take things step by step. It is well with you

She can sue the family in court and also ask for protective custody against the family members seeing her life is in danger and under threat.


This is what happens when a man runs a weak structure in his immediate family allowing intrusion of the extended family in his matters. I know of a woman whose husband's family came to chase her and the children out of the home same week the man died. It took the intervention of the residents on that street and the husband's employer to prevent the eviction.

We live in a terrible and difficult time.... The heart of a man is desperately wicked

You are not getting the point am making. I never said fatherless parents should get desperate for a father figure in their children's lives but where such is available it is highly recommended. The roles played by both gender in the lives of children cannot be over-emphasized.

@YPP,

Yes, not everybody can have a father figure in their lives but saying that the male gender is not important in the lives of children does not hold waters.

I grew up with no father figure too. I thank God that my mother did all she could to make me who I am today with God's help but I know that there was a vacuum she couldn't fill which only my dad could have filled. Your mum did her best but if your dad had been alive, you would know that her best can't equate the roles of a father. In years to come, you will see difference between you and your kids (May God spare their dad to nurture them to maturity) with their dad in their lives.

^^^ Male role models can be a trusted immediate family member, a teacher with record standing, a leader in the church or mosque whose life is worthy of emulation.

The mothers of those without fathers can do well to help their children get a male role model (mentor) who can serve as a father figure in their lives.

I want to recommend a book for all parents. "Questions kids ask about SEX, honest answers for every age". By the medical Institute for sexual health. Edited by Thomas Fitch with Melissa Cox.


What I like about the book is the practical and real life presentation of events which cut across race. It is not a typical western writing, it meets the moral and spiritual demands of all. They have sections devoted for the two sexes separately. Below is an excerpt from the book.


"At the same time, a father's love is primarily one of protectiveness. It's mostly experienced as affirmation and protection as a young woman grows up. The more time a father gives to his daughter, the more he teaches her that she's valuable and that she can have her needs met because there's a man willing to offer his love and affection to her. It's not hard to understand that when a father's love is missing, a young woman will look to other men to meet her relational needs. In doing so, she may become seductive, Flirty, or even sex-ually active at an early age because she desires and needs the protective, affirming love a father gives.

The greatest gift a father can give his daughter is attention, affection, and affirmation".

The people who serve God wholeheartedly also know themselves. Even the devil knows them.


Its not that difficult identifying a godly person. By their FRUITS, you shall know them.

Positions freely shared in church does not make anybody to be God-fearing.


We know how it works in today's modern churches with no hunger for incorruptible things.

@Guitarlife,

Did you read her post in its entirety?
I still cannot see where she said she will commit adultery.. Her concern is legitimate and within the scope of her marital vows.`Please let us not condemn people that willingly seek for help.

If I am to condemn anyone in this situation, it is her husband who is nonchalant to finding a lasting solution

The Cheerleader,

Do you mean like the one below

So sorry madam, a man that has been cheating probably before you married him is difficult to stop. Habit die hard.


Sincerely, I do not know how to deal with such without application of violence. Except he encounters divine touch and transformation, stopping is an herculean task. Your patience and prayer will have to increase on a geometric progression.


God be with you.

[quote author=°°°mixedchic°°°]oh ok. maybe I mixed up the 2 states.[/quote]Alright.. My mum had twins but she never put herself on any special diet. If she is so desperate for twins, why not see a gyneacologist for a professional advice

goodbobo: But the question is didn't u know all these about him before saying I do ?

How will this question help her resolve the present challenge? It is not as if the husband is impotent or sterile that we can say is "hopeless". The situation is not something that has no remedy or situation, the only challenge is the husband allowing his ego to take over him instead of seeking solution.

I do not know anything about diet for twins conception but I know that your statistics of Ekiti having the highest number of twins is wrong. That record belongs to Igbo-ora, Oyo state.

jidegirl12: NURSE

A nurse costume is by far one of the sexiest costumes to try in the bedroom. Nurses are typically known for their nurturing nature. They are people who are there to help you with sickness and overall provide care for you. Men love that caring part especially. A hot nurse costume lets him know that you are going to take care of him in the bedroom. So, try this one out, and prepare for a steamy night!

Is this why most guys I know associate Nigerian nurses with a sex freak?

The one with the grandma will like sleep too much....

^^^ It is a familiar scenario... Spurs are their own enemy...

I read the thread attached and this sequel, I can't but shake my head for you.. You are not yet married to the guy, you have a conscience leading you to what is right and you are still here asking what to do.

Probably your eyes will be opened when he is done with you and push you away. You have the opportunity to leave now or remain miserable forever. I am not even suggesting you leave based on the stuff you put up here but the other thread. His attitude, if what you wrote is true, is enough proof that you are only an avenue to achieve something in his life and not because he loves you.

Why don't you have a place of your own to stay?

Hey, turn off chat for the dude and stop disturbing yourself