₦airaland Forum

coolsammy: but while this lasted, the man promised to get her an apartment and buy her a car since i collected her car frm her. bt after her relative intervention she promised nt to repaet such again only to come up last week that the man is still going ahead to buy her the car and hope i will not be mad when she collects the car,
Though i never responded to her request. i pretended not to hear wat she said but waiting for her to collect the car and use that as an evidence to whatever happens after.

I came here to seek advice most especially from the ladies as to wat could be going wrong and if any has ever experienced this and a way forward as well

Can you please invite the man and conduct an holy matrimony between him and your wife. Your wife is the proverbial lost dog that will not listen to hunter's whistle.... She is on a journey of no return.

I wish her eyes can be opened to reality. When the inevitable happens, the ex will deny her and her eyes will be cleared.

[quote author=baby_123][/quote]The guy may have acted and married the lady out of hot emotions in the past. Its all in the past and his eyes are cleared now. However, he can remedy the present situation before the lady arranged him to be with her ex.

[quote author=baby_123]Oh, the guy is still married. So in essence this guy is her former sugar daddy. hmmm. Na wa for this matter o. Sammy. Please can you honestly tell us the circumstances behind how and why you decided to marry her knowing all this. . Did you beg her to marry you? Was the feeling mutual? Or were you the one who forced yourself on her. Be honest.[/quote]

coolsammy: : The issue of a forced marriage does not occur here. It was a mutual thing we had for ourself bf we married. we courted for more than a year bf the marriage. she even told me bf we married that if her parents object to her marrying me she is ready to disobey them, that is cos we are frm a different tribe. bt luckily her parents welcome me wholeheartedly and she was very pleased.
in d middle of all these, i even sat her down to ask her if she had her way, wether she would have married her ex over me? and she said no, i asked why? she said (1) her ex is older than me and nt as presentable as i am (2)that the ex-was even married as at wen she came across him then, so there is no way she could av settled with him. why she wouldnt desist from this act of hers is what still baffles me.

^^^ She is 30 and still behaving like a little kid?

I think it is high time you read her riot act. What is it she is missing from her ex. Have you asked her before?

Is this for real?



I want to assume that there is something about the ex which your wife "is not seeing" in you? Does she complain of sex-ual dissatisfaction?

I do not have enough information about your wife to be able to give a definite solution. She is definitely undermining the union and showing extreme lack of disrespect. You have to stand your ground and be decisive over this matter. It seems you have been pacifying and begging her to stop, reason why she is not taking you serious.

Be the man and ask her to choose either her ex or you.

PS: I am not against "exes" keeping in touch but there should be a moral limit to everything. It shouldn't be at the expense of an home being threatened or if one of the parties involved see it so.

livethinme: I agree with you but isnt it ironic given how religious many Nigerians are that the country is without morals and in need of a value re-orientation?

You noted religious. We are only religious but not godly.

Pataki: Thank you, very well written. I remember earlier this year when I decided it was time to visit Nigeria after few years of staying abroad, I boarded a BA to Nigeria.

When we finally left Heathrow for Lagos, trust some Nigerians to be Nigerians. They started arguing and debating about Nigeria. The argument got so intense, two dudes practically removed their shirt inside the plane with only their singlets on and were sweating profusely arguing and shouting energetically about Nigeria (the pros and cons).

I don't hate Nigerians in Nigeria, and neither do I hate Nigerians abroad. But the reality is that we Nigerians are the own architect of our destruction. We know the right thing to do, but wanton greediness and selfishness is killing us all.

The bolded is what I have been advocating for a long time. Our problem is not government but ourselves. When individuals start to do what is right irrespective of incentives involved, we will experience a great deal of positive transformation.

^^^ Is that what you use to deceive yourself thereby sweeping iniquity under carpet?

You religious folks need to actually understand the bible before bringing up threatening passages. First understand the intent of Mariam and co in that passage you quoted.

Do not let anyone put fear in your heart or intimidate you from not speaking the truth.

WhyAWhy: Are you being serious about "admission issue"? What stops you from making online application yourself . It amazes me the way people think that people abroad can "hussle" admission for you that are in nigeria. The same way you will apply yourself is the exact route the person will go through in an online application . You are better off doing so yourself oh. I remember a couple of friends beefing me because of admission related issue. Who told you anyone can give you admission?

You need to be able to identify sarcasm when you see one....

The principal problem of Nigeria still remain Nigerians.

The custom officer who molests travellers at the airport is a Nigerian. The police collecting bribe on the street and killing those who refused to pay is a Nigerian. The permanent secretary of a ministry who sits on government contract and colludes with minister to divert funds is a Nigerian.

The civil servant who demands a tip before doing the job he is paid for is a Nigerian. The mechanic who cheats a car owner in order to get more money from him is a Nigerian. Students that are supposed to be studying to become better in solving problems in their country but are busy finding a way of short-changing the system are Nigerians. Pastors sweet-talking their congregation to collect the members' hard earned money are Nigerians... Bankers diverting customers' money are Nigerians.

In all the above listed, I have not mentioned the evils of government because the government of any country is a reflection of the followers.

We need a value re-orientation in the country to kill this get-rich syndrome that has eaten deep into the heart of everybody including religious houses.

Only Nigerians can save themselves from themselves.

yellowpawpaw: Just from my bank now. It has been ratified but I don't trust those people. They know what happened.
Nothing showed in my statement of account.
Me think its a chain work.
That money can comfortably buy a house in vgc and u will hv plenty remaining.

For the past two weeks or so I've not received any alert from that account and money has been paid in and withdrawn from it.
Just got alert when I withdrew on sat and what I saw made me check my balance.
Anyway,na dem sabi. My hands r off and at least I can eat and sleep well now.

Thanks lovely people.

It is the reason why I suggested you send a mail to the headquarters along with lodging complain at the branch. That is how they move money out of the bank to feed their greed. The headquarters can trace the account, though its not showing on your system. It is still not late to do it, this is the little we can do to cleanse our country from bad eggs that keep destroying our collective integrity.

Please send an email to the headquarters of the branch for a proper investigation. You can narrate how it all happened and how it can't be traced to your account again.
Thank you

Alright... Enjoy your ride in peace

To the two posters above,

Does this not look like fraud to you? You are looking for cheap stuff bah

^^^ That is the best thing to do and it is what separates a godly person from a religious person.

Do not mind your colleagues, I will not be surprised if it happened to them and they share testimony of God's miraculous provision in church. The money-hungry pastor too will in-turn ask for his percentage of the largesse....

People that should have advised to do what is right are there condemning you. No wonder an arrogant Briton can write nonsense about Nigeria and Nigerians..

^^^ How much did you pay and what was the port of discharge?

What to do is to do the right thing even when nobody seems to be watching.

Walk into the bank, check your statement of account. If you have internet banking, check it online how the money got there. If it is not from anybody you know, call the attention of the bank manager and please keep a copy of the record for future reference.

If it is one of the staff trying to be smart with people's money, then the bank can take appropriate decision. While reporting to the branch manager, you can send an email to the headquarter of the bank for strong follow up so as to prevent cover up of the fraud.

The above is what I would do if I were in the situation.

Mistake most parents make is isolating a language at the detriment of another. There is nothing stopping you from teaching them both at the same time.

Children can learn different languages at the same time while growing up before they reach a certain age and language becomes a problem. Teach them all the languages you want and you will be surprised that they will learn everyone of them perfectly. although, there may be little confusion at the beginning but it will phase out with time. I am teaching my boy three languages at the same time.

How on earth will he not learn his native language.

Attack is proof of divine favour? Gbam!!! Word!!!



In essence, attacks against Buhari are proof of divine favour come 2015

May his bosom rest in peace......


They should have killed him than killing the man in him... So sad

Changing your surname is inconsequential to him sending you packing. If you wouldn't mind me asking these questions.

How long have you been married prior to the separation? What led to the separation? What efforts have been made within the 4months of the separation to resolve issues? What kind of man is he and you?

If you can answer all these questions and give an idea into what led to the separation, peradventure you may get good counsels here to resolve the impasse and win your home back.

May God help you and restore your home

Tinkybabe: Marriage is full of uncertainties-that is the gamble.If it weren't, why would you need to work at it?You don't know what the end result would be but you work hard at moulding it into your spec trusting it would turn out just right.

The uncertainties do not make it a gamble. I may not know the end result but I know He who knows the end-result. That is enough for me not to gamble.

Of course, even the marriage made in heaven requires working at it. There is nothing under heaven that does not require to be worked on. Efforts to make it work do not amount to gamble but can be likened to watering a garden so that it can keep blossoming and flourishing.

If you are yet to marry, follow the basic principles of the creator of marriage and you will be happy for it. It is well with you....

@Op,

If you can get the services of a godly professional counsellor, do it fast. You need a face-face discussion with someone who you can pour out your heavy heart to.

Meanwhile, you have the opportunity to approach the throne of grace to find help in this time of need. Bible says, "Cast your burdens upon Him, for He cares for you." Take upon you the yoke of Christ for it is light and easy. Pour out your heart to God in prayers alone and I assure you that He will grant you peace. I have tested and proved that it works...

Honestly, if I have a way we can relate face-face, I would do it. You can send me a pm if you care to talk.

It is well with you

^^^ Marriage is only a gamble for those who do not understand its purpose. If things are done the right way, the right results will be achieved.

are you being affected by the constant fights between your parents?

If that is your problem, you have to realise that it is their life and that is how they want it. Have you ever discussed this action of your dad with him? If you are conversant with your bible, open the areas that speak directly against his actions to him. Tell him to address the root cause of this constant battle in his home.

Learn from the mistakes of your parents and be determined to have a healthy marital relationship.

The funny thing is that some of these pastors can go to any length to start a church. I once had a priviledge to have assess to a case involving a pastor and a top executive in an international company. This top executive is a member of a prayer group that comprises of pastors.

One of the pastors in this group planned starting his own church but had no fund to start. He colluded with some boys to start placing threatening calls to the executive. Of course, he gave them all information about his family and because of this depth of information, the man feared for his life. He eventually succumbed to these threat calls and paid about Two million naira to them. After one month, they started the call again because they found an ATM machine in him. It was at this time the man reported to one of the law enforcement agencies.

The guys were caught and investigation revealed that it was the pastor who was behind the whole scenario. When the pastor was asked why he did it, he said because he wanted to buy land to start a church and he had no money so he had to do what he did.

People need to understand that you don't just hand over all your family's information and details to a pastor except you have the gift of discernment to know who is who. A word is enough for the wise and foolish alike..

This is why I hate religion with passion. It achieves nothing but destruction both on earth and in eternity.

Sometimes, I see old women using overall veil, I begin to ask myself, what beauty is left in those old women covering their faces? whether a woman covers her face or not, it won't stop her from being promiscuous, physical act does not solve a spiritual problem.


Ladies need to start shinning their eyes and stop taking life decision with emotions. A violent man will end up becoming an abuser both violent and emotional.

Alright, thanks for the tips.

Identifying the right person to marry is not as difficult as people claim it to be. Firstly, you have to understand the purpose of marriage. When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.

Secondly, understand the purpose for which God created you. What are you on earth for, why are you here, what does your creator wants you to fulfill on His behalf and in what way are you going to fulfill this core assignment? Ask yourself all these questions and get answers to them from Him who designed you.

When you understand your own purpose in life, it becomes easier for you to identify the type of men to attract. It was said in the garden, it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him an helpmeet. When men propose to you, finding a balance in what way you can be an helpmeet to such men becomes one of the criteria for elimination. Of course, the man too must understand why he is here on this planet. This is important because you have to join ship with the person you have about the same platform to fulfillment of destiny. With this, you can effectively serve the purpose of being an helpmeet in the assignment committed to him while you at the same time is fulfilling that of yours.

You will also want to understand the visions and values of the guy. He must be godly and not just religious, this is important because it will help build your home on a solid foundation of trust and faithfulness. How does he treat his peers and people below him? How does he treat the opposite sex, is it with respect or with disdain.. these and many more are things to watch out for in men.

PS: Please, never let riches and wealth be the factor you consider in a man. You will end up with regrets if you do so. I am not saying you should marry a lazy person or poor guy but money is the least among qualities to check out for. If a man has vision and determination to succeed, that is enough reason to prove that he may not have money now but he will surely get comfortable with time. Meanwhile, not everybody will be rich but everybody can be comfortable if we all can be contented with what we have.

[quote author=$ugardaddy]My cousin is the very religious type, the type that would normally obey any Pastor without questioning. You need to jolt her back to reality most times.[/quote]That means your cousin doesn't really understand the faith she practices. She is only practicing religion. I personally hate religion. She needs to start reading her Bible to understand the fundamentals of the Christian faith. It does not hang on any pastor.


If a pastor calls my wife in the middle of the nite and he has gut to do it again, he will understand that he is only human and not a tin god. I will call him to order with stiff rebuke.

^^^^ Calling a married lady in the middle of the nite for what?

Well, the guy allowed it in the first place. Its good to have good relationship with your pastor but every relationship has a boundary.

How close is relative and also depends on how spiritually susceptible a person is to "pastor's" gimmicks.


From the story, the pastor has no fault, what if he felt the misunderstanding is not something he can meddle with? Not all pastors are skilled with conflict resolution. He understands himself well, it may end up becoming more tragic if involved. If the period he gave your cousin gift is around mother's day, then he has a genuine alibi