₦airaland Forum

Didn't the man do something like education trust fund for his children knowing the uncertainty of life at his old age.


I hope the older siblings will help them out.

What course are you studying in school? Are you not supposed to be on summer internship to learn practical stuff in your line

of study instead of thinking about parties and boyfriends? There is time for everything under heaven girl. Your mum is

treating you this way because she believes you are yet to exhibit maturity she craves for in you and probably to save you from

some of the mistakes she made at your age. Be patient, it will soon pass.

While at it, try and get another part time job or a summer intern placement to make small bucks for yourself. Get books that

treat public communication and relationship, you will know how to relate with people better. Above all, always act and exhibit

maturity in all you do, your mum will start loosening up for you.

Get yourself together and think about what you want to make out of life. Get a vision and run with it. Trust me, you will forget about parties and boyfriends for now.

It is well with you

Whatever story is true or false, the girl's reputation has been battered with false/true rumours. She will need extra strength and courage to live through the already peddled rumours.

Hope she gets all the help needed for her corporate/private image.

It is well with her and the baby.

We did not even give our baby opportunity to be strapped to the back knowing he may become addicted to it. He is used to being carried in the hand before he sleeps.

He has to sleep very deep in your before putting him down else he wakes up...

The danger in that innovation is that it requires monitoring because an active baby can roll it over.

I am not based in the USA but I lived in Berkeley, California for three months. So I think I can give small piece of a general advice.

Since your husband is looking for greener pastures, I will suggest that there is no point killing off the business in the UK to go start afresh in the US. He can keep the business in the UK going and first visit the US for few weeks/months to assess possibility of having a branch of his company there.

Tell him to go and do feasibility study of the requirements needed to set up a branch of his company in the USA. If successful, he can start his worldwide network of branches from there. It doesn't make sense to completely shut off the UK company where he is already gaining ground.

It is well with your family

dayokanu: Those are the founders of DSM in OAU when it metamorphosed from SCAP to DSM

More or less the terrorists of those days...lol

dayokanu: Who are these DSM guys without mentioning Tony Fash, Saint, Legacy, Tomi, Burkina, Maxwell etc

They may not know those guys except for passed down story... These guys probably got admitted around 2002 upward.

SniperInADiaper: The ring is a symbol of your relationship. By taking it off you are implying that it isnt important. I think it should only be removed if the relationship has ended.

Commitment and faithfulness are true symbols of any healthy marital relationship not a jewelry sold to amass profit. Good for those who can religiously use it.

I have never been a fan of that small thing called ring. It makes my hand uncomfortable. I tried wearing it for two weeks

after wedding without success. It is comfortably sleeping in my laptop bag. The ring is no sign of any matrimony to me. I do

not believe in the invention of the west to sell jewelries. My grandfathers did not use it and I will not remove that

landmark set by my fathers.... Only bought to fulfill all righteousness but not to use.

[quote author=Pink!]Yes you're right to a large extent especially in the OP's case guess I was so riled up at the guy that kept on trying to pick holes in the op's story. On the other hand where you to transfer to a totally different course say medicine to accounting or mass comm you may have to take the UME because there's no middle ground.[/quote]You still do not need to take UME, because you must have taken some general courses in year 1 while in year two, you will take some courses from part one to make up.

@OP,

Lest I forget, I hope when you grow to become a MIL, this will be a great lesson for you not to police your son around and make the home hell for your DIL.

The fault is not solely on your MIL. You need not blame her completely for her actions though some of her actions may not be right and conducive for your home. None of us know what she went through for that particular guy who is your husband. His own case may be different totally from the other children. Very emotional mothers are like that and it doesn't make them a bad person.

As for me, the big problem is with your husband who at this stage of his life cannot differentiate between a wife and a mother and who still want to be sucking from two bosom without sound knowledge and wisdom of balancing the equation. He is the one who is supposed to detach himself (not completely but reasonably for peace in the home) from his mother and set unwritten boundaries without compromising the affection and love he has for his mother.

If he has trusted friends he listens to, let them help him to restore his sense that he is now a married man. As far as I know, there is nothing you can do to that woman to change except her son subtly and with wisdom remedy the situation.

As suggested, you can become mama's friend too if you care to. If you win her trust and friendship, I believe with wisdom, you can also remedy the situation. Meanwhile, I believe you were not paying close attention during courtship, you would have noticed this easily.

I am the last born of my mum and the favourite. I detached myself from her and learnt to be a man long time ago even before I became an adult. Your generalisation of last borns is wrong.

It is well with your home

Jeez... going by what I have read from the beginning, if your friend didn't sell this to you, the car could have sent him to early grave considering those dangerous wiring....

This is the pathetic level of our lazy mechanics who refused to upgrade their knowledge. People also need to be cautious of who they give their cars to work on.

Kudos to you bro..

nikkykay: This is not true
My baby started mixing with pple at 2mths 2wks and i can tell you that she behaves like ds as well but has reduced now.
When she sees new face, she clings to me but after like some minutes and person is still around, she tries to associate with him or her.
Altho she is a very shy girl

taryour: CAPITAL NO. This has got nothing to do with babies staying indoor or not. All babies do that. Even kids of beggars living under the bridge or road sides cling to their mothers. I am a caterer and my son clings to me or his father at all times, he is in skull and follows me to every event and dosnt allow anybody except I or his dad to carry him. My son as traveled places,not the indoor type cause my business takes me everywhere and he goes with me. I think you should just wait and have a baby(if u haven't) then you will see how clingy babies can be.

I read that part in babycenter forum. I may not have put it rightly but I believe it is true. When a baby sees a strange face at first, he/she tends to cling unto mum or dad or any familiar face around. This is more than carrying the baby for nine months, its security on the part of the baby. The baby becomes more secured with known face than unknown. After some minutes, the baby may become friendly with the stranger. It is a proven fact.

@Taryour, do not be hasty to conclude. I have a baby and he is still under 7months and it is the reason I have an idea of the above. Meanwhile, my baby is not an introvert nor a quite baby. He mixes with people but he reacts to strange faces at first attempt till after some minutes of familiarisation.

Most babies that are always kept indoor do that. This is because of the fear of strange faces. It is advisable by children psychologists that mothers should be taking their babies out to mix with crowd once in a while to make them familiar with their environment and other people.

Since you will still need help after delivery, I will advice you make this website a friend www.babycenter.com

You can get all the information needed for both pre and after delivery including things you need to buy.

Wishing your wife a safe and trouble free delivery... It is well with you

You gave an ambiguous and not too detailed situation. Can you calmly try to describe the real issues you are battling with your husband? Is it mainly sex-ual starvation or total lack of affection/attention?

I will advise that you both see a marriage counselor together for a proper counsel especially about sex-ual matters. I do not want to ignorantly deduce that the big problem with you here is about lack/inadequate intimacy with your husband. I do read Funmi Akingbade's column on Saturday Punch, I think she will be in a good position to help both you and your husband out in this area.

You can get a Saturday punch and check sex and sex-uality section for her contact details. Get counsel and I believe you will get a solution.

It is well with your home.

Sometimes parents adopt the same style in dealing with all their children. The fact that something worked for a first born does not mean it will work for the second.

Some of the problems experienced in wayward children is as a result of the rigid training adopted by parents. It is essential that parents study each of their children and approach them differently. Some parents do compare one kid with the other even from childhood, that alone is enough to sow a seed of bitterness, hatred and rebellion in the child thereby turning him to a "terrorist" to the parents.

In all, parents alone can not be blamed for every wayward children but each case should be treated on its merit while examining the genesis and root cause of the problem so as to find a lasting solution.

#This is a response to Yomieluv who thinks parents alone should be blamed for every children turned miscreants#

It is well with us all.

Disowning a "rotten" child will not make him/her become good but will harden the child to continue with his atrocities. The best bet in dealing with such children is endurance, patience, wisdom and prayer. Above all showing them love that will one day catch up with them to change.

However, lawyers should help answer the question if there is a legal provision for disowning an erring child.

Since the wife is a regular on NL, the best bet is for her to come here and give her own advice anonymously. That will solve the situation.

Dear wife of OP, please wherever you are, come here and advice him on how to make you happy for a new and happy home.

Thanks in anticipation.


It is well with your home.

Wish I could also say all these nice things about a dad too.... Hmm NO.. He meant an avenue for bringing me to the world. For that alone I appreciate him. After that, nothing more to talk about him.

May his soul rest in peace.

Like I said earlier Polygamous home can be a happy family or vice versa. However, it saps too much strength and energy from those in it whether happy or sad. The experience I had with my polygamous father will never lead me to such brouhaha...

From the bible, majority of those who practised polygamy never saw peace in their home. It was full of rancour, evil plotting/scheming, wives plotting for their children, children trying to backstab their step-siblings etc. Examples abound from Jacob to David, etc.

Nobody will be happy sharing emotional and romantic affection. Hence, pitfall of polygamy.

orgy: Me, I no undastand all these grammer and yarns una de yarn here o on top of grimaldi.
I am not a car dealer, but i have so far bought three personnal cars through some heavy nairaland car dealers here (i will not mention names) and none of the cars reached me not less than 6 months after paying the dealers...actually, in one occasion, i waited for up to 8 months for me to get a car that i had paid for, intended for my wedding, to reach me. Ofcourse d car arrived months after my wedding. This time arround, on April 25th 2013, i saw a car that i liked in the internet (infiniti fx) i contacted dealer and finished payment on the 30st of April. I contacted a friend there in Maryland to assist me for the shipping and we chose Grimaldi, and i was informed that the ship leaves on May 16th. On may 16th, the ship left. on june 4th, i was informed that the ship done enter 9ja and on June 7th 2013, my infiniti fx was packed safely and intact in my compound in Lagos. My guys, if i had known, i wouldnt have been quarelling with the car dealer here listening to excuses why an ordered car can stay up to 8 months before it could reach me. Those were not funny experience, and i give it to Grimaldi and also my Agent that dis a classical job of clearing it on time and delivering it to my house even say i no dey lagos.....my one cent...

Sometimes, you could be lucky to get your car shipped as scheduled. The problem with them is they have a lot of bookings, so they end up not loading your car on the booked date. However, 8 months is an exaggeration. You may not be lucky next time. You can try it the second time to confirm.

jennykadry: The man has been disturbing me. He has always had the American Pali and a few months ago he found it hidden in my closet and accused me of hiding it away from him . I honestly didn't even know it was there, I bet you he completely forgot he'd left it there. I have told him I did not hide it and he knows this but has told me he would only forgive me if I agree to travel to the states with him to appease the country of the Pali I hid.

His parents are there at the moment and he wants us to leave the kids with them and travel around. I am still thinking about it abeg

WIth this arrangement, VEGAS is it.. However, whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...

coogar: marrying 2 wives is not advisable....
marry one or more than two. besides, there are plenty of men with multiple-wives management skills. if you can't manage 3 wives, how would you manage a conglomerate or a country?

He managed the three wives perfectly well until he added three more making Six. That was the point he lost his management skills, many thanks to the scheming of the latter three

babyosisi: You have spoken more on the unhappiness in polygamy
Would you prefer a monogamous home or a polygamous home with just the 3 happy wives ?

I prefer the polygamous home with the 3 happy wives as they were as a child. But for me, I can't practise polygamy because I do not have that skill to make two women happy at the same time without jeopardising the interest of the other. There will always be preference. However, my dad was able to do that for the first three wives before he met his waterloo.

My dad had SIX (6) wives and only God knows how many concubines.

There is possibility of having a happy polygamous home if the man involved does not bring in "a wounded lion" to destroy the unity of the happy family.

Before my dad brought his 4th, 5th and 6th wife, the first three wives were like sisters and so cordial that you will never believe they were "orogun(s)". They loved each other and the family was so peaceful until my dad became a "female emperor" by being weak in controlling that thing between his legs. When the other wives came, they broke the fabric of what they met and destroyed the family. The last wife was the worst. She was the one that finally scattered the home and gained control of my dad. The children of the first three wives till today are cordial and they carry on the friendship of their mothers.

My take is, a polygamous home can live happily only if the man can successfully get good women of like mind and who will work together to achieve a common goal as a family while the man responsibly balances affection and attention with them.

Advice your friend to stop being paranoid and focus on her working for the betterment of her home.

The SIL will not stay in their house forever, hence no fear about influencing the coming kids negatively. If they have enough resources, they can settle the said SIL in a place of her own. That will reduce her coming to their house if its her presence making your friend uncomfortable.

Ask your friend, in what way or what has she done to positively influence her SIL for the time she's with them. Some people can be transformed for good by mere expression of love to them and making them valuable irrespective of the "bad" life they live. For the temporary time she stays with them, let her make considerable and conscious effort in talking with her SIL and see how she can help her live a good life. It is not enough to condemn someone especially when you have not done anything to help the person to live positively.

Whatever she believe in, let her in conjunction with her husband always be prayerful and be spiritually conscious. Fortifying her home with prayer.

Meanwhile, you need to edit the part you mention her name. Its not appropriate to do.

It is well with her.

biolabee: Hmmm.....

No father will die 'happy' or fulfilled that he tried his best and he lost his child(ren)

At least not ME

Remember the shephard left 99 to get back the ONE

As humans we will try but God blesses the efoorts because destiny stealers abound every where

I agree

Sorry about your sister. The deed has been done already, there is no need crying over spilled milk. Let you sister gather herself together, forget about the guy (its not an easy thing to do but it can be done) and move on with her life.

Since she is not legally married, I am not sure if it is possible to get a court injunction for the upkeep of the baby (lawyers can help with that). If the court is not possible, let her see a way of making gentleman agreement with the man concerning the baby's upkeep. Meanwhile, she should be prepared for the negative from the man, because he may not come positive.

If your parents can change their minds and be supportive including you, let her relocate from that area to ease the psychological stress a bit. Change her environment and start planning for the new life of motherhood.

Finally, next time, she should do her thorough research and findings before spreading her legs for any man irrespective of the sweet talking. Importantly, better to get a ring before opening the moon.

It is well with her.

Simple advice: secretly put surveillance camera in your house #only advisable if you can handle whatever comes along with the findings#

2. Plant bugs on your wife to monitor her movement #If you do not trust your wife enough#

3. Plant bugs in your brother's house to monitor if your wife do pay unholy visit #At your own risk, not recommended#

The recommended....

Be patient and tact, you will eventually find out IF she is having extra-marital relationship. Meanwhile, If the case is true, be preparing your mind on what you will do to handle the situation well so as to result in a win-win for both parties.

It is well with you