₦airaland Forum

bis7: maybe i will prefer WU

Western Union is a good idea but to save commission cost maybe PayPal will be better.

Seems you are high on something or you think the people here are Santa Claus.

Wish you goodluck in your quest

So the community can now take justice in their hands. Is their own action not worse than what the said wife committed.

The last time I checked, the wife didn't do anything against the constitution of the country nor infringe on the fundamental human rights of any. It should be strictly between her and the husband.


So pathetic, not better than animal kingdom

Please help check this VIN

1HGCM66847A053064

Thanks

@OP,

Marriage is a good thing between two right individuals contributing their all to make it work. The summary of it is two becoming one being help meet to each other. Being help meet can be likened to two people on a boat/ship on a voyage to a planned destination. The voyage is is bound to be associated with different kinds of troubles such as the tempest sea etc. In the event that the boat capsizes, the one that can swim will be there to lead the other to safety.

That being said, it is imperative to note that nobody should be cajoled nor be in a rush to enter matrimony either because of peer or family pressure. Do not compare your life with another. Everyone is unique with unique destiny.

You have been with your boyfriend for about six months, this is the time you should be assessing his character, reaction to troubled issues, how he resolves conflicts, his passion and vision for the future, his weaknesses and strengths. If after openly and critically checking all these and you are convinced you can live with him for the rest of your life, only then can you say yes if and when he proposes. If on the other hand, you know you can't live with the result of your assessment, its better you do not be joined with him.

On a final note, never let pressure, environment and opinion of people rush you into marriage. Be patient, apply wisdom, pray and exercise your five senses. May your prayers be answered speedily.

It is well with you

In every issue, especially this one, there are two sides to a coin. You have told your story but only gave details of the guy's wrong doings but no hints about how and what led to the violence. However, will try to work on the little information you gave here.

There is a saying in geology which is very useful to life, it goes thus "The past is the key to the present." I want to believe you guys courted. If you did, was there any sign of violent behaviour towards you or he was always nice to you? If there was no sign, you will need to try and reminiscence to trace when this violence started and why if he wasn't the violent type. Is his financial situation dwindling or he is getting frustrated from lack of children yet? Is there anyway you have altered or battered his ego to descend so low to resort in using violence to take his pound of flesh? These are the questions you need to ask and check. I do not and will not justify his violent reaction under any circumstances, however, you also need to learn in dwelling with your husband with respect and courtesy. There are times silence is required when he is angry, exchanging words with him at that point will yield no positive or beneficial result.

Now that you are separated for a while, I want to believe he has realised you are important to his life, hence his calling for reconciliation. Firstly, since he called your mum he was no longer interested, he has to show his sincerity and repentance by talking to her about his renewed interest and that he will stop battering you. You two also need to sit down and discuss on the way forward. Let him show and give you assurance that he will no longer resort to violence in resolving problem with you. If possible, let him give you a written agreement on that (though this may not be feasible). Invite both parents (yours and his) to a family meeting in resolving this, he can give his undertaking of turning a new leaf in their presence and am sure, they will also advice him.

After all these are done, you may go back to him (you need to play your part too in letting peace reign in the home). If he reneges on his vow and keeps beating and battering you, my sister, I will advice you stay away from such man before we hear another Arowolo's story.

It is well with your home.

vivianc: And To be honest, I don't Think se..x beTween inTending couple is a sin. I don't, bible sef is conTradictory o.
Pls for the sake of learning, can u throw more light on ThaT porTion of the bible where st. Paul implied ThaT when an inTending couple have sex, its no sin? Pls..........

The first bolded, do you mean it seriously?

The second, don't get it twisted, if its the portion you intended to say, It says if a person cannot hold body, he/she should go and marry. From the bible I do read, I am yet to come across where it says its free for all intending couples.

The number does not depend on the nation's economy but the individual's economy. Nevertheless, change is the constant in life, a good personal finance today could become bad tomorrow and vice-versa.

However, one should be able to set a standard from the go of the number he wants and can comfortably raise whether the situation is favourable or not. Hence, the number is left for individuals to determine. Some can comfortably provide for as many children as possible but prefer to have maximum of two children while some who cannot even fend for themselves prefer 8-10 children.

It is left for an individual to determine what he wants.

I remember that my wife's cravings are usually in the midnight. We had to pack food beside the bed because she must wake up around 12-2am to eat fruits and all sorts of junks available.

There are times she craved for garri with very cold water. This was during extreme cold weather condition. Thank God the garri was available else na real war it would be.

bettymafy: Looking at it from the religious POV, sin is sin! Whether one sins by mistake (overtaken by emotions) or by wanting to test drive, it is still sin. The reasons for indulging doesn't come into play here. There is no sin greater than the other and non can be justified.

By the way, thanks for being honest.

Thank you too for your contribution. There is no justification for sin but there are graver punishment for someone who already devise a plan to sin. Search the scriptures, examples of the two abound. In all, He is a merciful God.

coogar: but many have done this with fasting and praying and still got their hands burnt! i think we over-depend on God too much. he's given us all that is necessary to put ourselves out of any imminent danger.

5 sensory organs, limbs, a functional brain, etc are enough to navigate us from damaged goods. i know fornication is a sin but how does one become so sure the one you are about to sign a life-contract with is what she says she is?

if you work as a banker, do you just accept any document from a stranger based on blind faith? do you just employ people based on blind faith? do you just give out loans to applicants based on blind faith? why is marriage different?

I understand your point and do not agree less. However, questions need be asked from those that did it with prayers and fasting and got it wrong. Yoruba adage says "ki a se bi won tin se, ki o ba le ri bi tin ma ri" (Let us do it as it is done so that it can give desired result). If we want to go by biblical way, we must go by it by its standard.

Yes, there are many wolves in sheep's clothings in the church and the best way is still asking God specific questions. Infact fasting may not be necessary, God will answer the issues of marriage same way He answers other issues asked. His word does not fail, if I have not tested and proved it, probably I may not be bold enough to say it. God's answers to my questions had saved me from doom in the past. Would have entered wrong union on several occasions but He was always there to save because He knows that I deal sincerely with Him.

Try it and confirm what I mean, His directions will not only be useful in marriage but in every areas of life.

biolabee: nice one @bellong... i guess the issue came when some posters became too extreme in defence of a line of thought

Some constants have been laid out

Pre Marital sex is wrong .. how can we obey divine injunction and still meet with avoidance of potential issues

The bolded is what I have been trying to explain and not whether somebody did it or not. Like I said earlier on, from Christian perspective, having a relationship with God is paramount in any thing we do. The relationship and guide we get from Him in our daily lives does not exclude the issue of marriage and intimacy in marriage.

The easiest way to know is to be sincere and ask questions from God. He is the maker of the person in question, He has his manual and plans for life. He will reveal everything in darkness. The spirit of God can search the inward part of the belly to expose every hidden things. I have tested that on many issues of life including marriage without intervention of any pastor.
Thank you

biolabee: Nice post but could you answer bettymafy question

I didn't see the question before. We need to understand that I only stated my opinion and did not attack anyone's opinion or resolve. The question was strictly about how to confirm as a christian without testing. If I had a foreknowledge it wasn't going to be sharing of scriptural principles and experience, I wouldn't have contributed reason I always choose what to contribute in this forum. Nobody is an island of knowledge, we are learning daily. I have learnt some stuff on this forum and will keep learning. If I see any deficiency in me addressed in any thread, I try as much as possible to adjust and turn a new leaf than trying to cook up reasons why I am engaging in them. If my opinion has angered anybody, I cannot apologise for that because the OP stated clearly in the opening post on ways Christians/Muslims can confirm meaning asking for godly and religious counsel. If it is otherwise, I would have given another dimension to it.

To answer Betty's question, is there any point I said I was a complete perfection, at a point emotions got hold of me, yes I hugged her and held her tightly while hugging. I do repent from that and will never give excuse for such behavior as exemplified in some posts. I never made the mistake because I wanted to test run even though I knew what I was getting.
My friends know about this slip up because am always open and ready to amend from mistakes than giving excuses to my fault.

I do not have problem nor grouse with anybody that chose to test-run or even over-drive, I only stepped in when it became a discussion from spiritual point of view. The fact that someone made a mistake should not be a yardstick to measure what is the right thing to do and should not even be the scale to weigh everyone. Know what you believe and follow the rules as stated therein.

If the OP or anyother creates a thread asking for mistakes we have made as Christians and how we moved away from there, maybe I can talk more about my individual mistakes as a believer. All I know is the question is about how a christian/muslim can confirm without testing, so I see no big deal in all the fuss created for the practical and personal opinion of one.

BoboYekini: now this is so wrong. [b]Do you know how many repressed young men would read this your misguided fevered notions and take solace therein to perpetuate their unfortunate inexperience? [/b]You suck bruv

I do not understand the bolded. However, I gave an example from my personal experience which is true for all if done the right way. I am not misguiding anyone. It would be better if you point out the grey areas confusing to you.

In between, thanks for the compliments.

On a final note to clarify points and settle the unsettled. I still reiterate that the question is solely based on profession of faith and not on natural/lustful instinct.

If an atheist or any other person who is not a Christian does not believe in FAITH, he/she is excusable. I wonder how a Christian called faith something blind and foolish and yet such christian want to have faith in God's blessings. They are not mutually exclusive. The way you can trust God for a miracle is the same way you can trust God for answers to the question of marriage. He is interested in every areas of our lives.

I have tested and found to be true not just in marriage but in every aspect. I only need to ask the hidden things in prayers and I get results. I try as much as possible not to quote the bible when I engage in a public discussion, I prefer citing real and practical experience. I got the answers I needed, there was no need to test run. If the answers were not favourable, I would have made a U-turn.

@, there is a difference between a religious and hyper-active church goer and someone who sincerely follow the Lord and not religious dogma or church traditions. The mistake most people in Christendom make is having their Pastor sanction who to marry or crucial decisions of life. You can only say that the brother was a devoted church member but can't vouch for his personal relationship with God. How are we sure that he was even sincere in his choice or he just saw a fine lady attending church and he felt she is right for him. My point is no sincere person in issues ever missed the road, there will always be divine intervention at the last stop before entering into bondage.

We as Christians must understand that every christian brother/sister is GOOD for marriage but not every one of them is RIGHT for individual. The question of who is right can only be answered by the creator only if we go to him in sincerity and tender our heart desires. He will surely give us what perfectly suit us. He doesn't make mistakes nor error. Albeit if someone prays to God with a set mind of getting rubber stamp but not willing to hear what God has to say, when problem arises who is to blame? To paraphrase a passage, ".....An highway shall be there, the wayfarers though FOOLs shall not ERR therein..." No sincere person who wholly trust God will miss it, except there is something he is hiding. He knows the sex-ual and other needs of everyone and will surely meet our expectations even more only if we SINCERELY aks.

I asked a question before with no response. How do you test drive other hidden areas of life apart from sex that may shatter the marriage in a future partner?

To Christian singles, it is a good thing to develop a healthy and good relationship with God so you can get answers to all your questions without intervention of anyone even the Pastors. In marriage, whatever the pastor tells you is supposed to be a confirmation of what you already know or an addition to what you know. Pastors should not be turned to seers.

I can imagine why there are thousands of churches springing up in every corner yet with no life and power as experienced of old.

In summary, you either do your marriage in God's way trusting Him or you do it in your own way trusting your human capabilities.

It is well with everyone.

Good news brother. You will enjoy it better and I know your wife will be happy for it. Above all, heavens are rejoicing over your decision.


It is going to be a long and hard road but the grace of God is available to see you through it. You also need to be firm in your decision and flee any appearance of evil.

Do away with any material, site and event that can weaken your decision or resolution. It is now time to hold on tenaciously to your wife and instill this new value in the children.


It is well with you

slimyem: Ha!!
I came late to the party. Pre-marital sex huh??
God,please bless me with the kind of faith and trust Bellong had in you and your choice for him before walking the walk without test driving.

This I ask through Christ our Lord.

donchris999,please don't make a mess of this beautiful thread.

The grace of God is available unto all, its left for us all to tap into it. I have made mistakes in life out of ignorance and rebellion as well as not completely trusting God. I understood better later.


God is readily available to reveal unto us whatever things that are in darkness and hidden unto us.

Not to derail the thread, I want to share a short experience of my profession. I was once engaged to a lady who by our physical and open eye assessment was more innocent than virgin Mary. Everybody in church at the time can defend her innocence piety. Although I never prayed about it, I just felt she was good enough as a chaste and respectful Christian sister. Along the line in the relationship, God told me to break the union and I will understand why afterwards. It took me time to obey but I eventually did. Not long afterwards, she confessed to being possessed and she had destroyed destinies of a lot of people in school via sex. She told me she tried adding me to her ranks but she couldn't tell how I escaped. I remember a day that I didn't know the force that came upon me, I nearly went down on her but by His grace I took cover. She told me that she had completed her spiritual assignment to bring me down that day but she didn't understand how I escaped it.


In essence, there's nothing God can't reveal to us only if we are sincere and truthful with Him. He is our Creator, He knows and understands our needs including sex-ual desires. He designed it in the first place. If I had test driven the said lady, I wouldn't know where I will be today.


That doesn't mean am perfect or a walking Jesus but I will always admit my mistakes and weakness rather than conjuring reasons to defend them.


It is well with you.

spoilt: Those who so hotly advocate this abstinence should bring it closer to home for it to make meaning. Quoting the word is fine but did you live it? All the way? How did it work out for you? Some have admitted they ate the fruit and decided to embark on secondary celibacy. Others made it to the marriage bed intact and confessed it wasn't easy. To those who are quoting the Bible and pointing to spiritual paths are you voicing what you know to be right but didn't keep to yourself? Has it been easy? Has your partner been supportive? Are you in agreement? Are you a hypocrite? No comment? Lol. Some people have their spouses and people that know their nairaland Id here. Honesty is not in their best interest. Online forums provide anonymity and real life should be tendered with Bible quotes.

There's no hypocrisy anywhere. Anybody that knows me on seeing my moniker will know who I am. Its not a case of hiding under faceless forum.

Like I said before, I didn't test drive before entering because I knew what I was getting. The maker revealed everything I asked. There's no hard and fast rule to it. We can either decide to obey God or not, its individual choice. I never condemned those who did it the way they thought best for them. Just stated my opinion.

If after testing and the guy is certified okay in sex-ual issue, how do you test drive issues of the future and unknown events?

ceetee: Hello friends, pls how long does it take Grimaldi to schedule a vehicle for shipping at this time of the year. Thanks.

There's no specific time frame. Its on a first come first serve basis. You could be lucky to be loaded immediately and could take 2months

babyosisi: How else can a Christian woman make sure the commodity she is buying dey alright especially since we are taught that se.x before marriage is wrong.
Is it a conversation the couple should have I.e size and performance for those who want to wait till the wedding night?

Sincere responses please

I am going down on a long post which may look incoherent. Pardon my penmanship, am no good writer.

I initially took the topic as a joke hence my initial response. This is my sincere take on the issue and wouldn't mind if called an hypocrite.
How can a Christian confirm the correctness of what she is living with for the rest of her life? The keyword here is a Christian and I believe none of us was cajoled to becoming one, we all made an independent decision at one point in our lives to become one. For every organisation, there is a bounding rule and punishment accorded to breaking of such rule by any member. So also, God has a set standard that He operates which cannot be broken.

Christianity is an individual and personal walk as well as relationship with God that has its guidelines from the originator which determination and willingness to obey all is a key to attaining perfection. Permit me to say that if someone truthfully and sincerely serve the Lord, there is nothing secret that will be hidden from the fellow. God will bring every issues and darkness to limelight.

God is interested in every aspect and areas of His people, hence asking God about this important issue will surely give you answer without test driving. This is what I have tested in every areas of my personal life and confirmed to be true. Why not ask your maker, who will not just reveal the sex-ual deficiency but also expose grey areas of the person for you to pick race.

I would rather advice young people to have a healthy, close and friendly relationship with God so that when they reach this bridge, they will cross it from personal divine revelation. I did not test drive because I already knew what I was getting and how the journey will be. This is what I have tested and handled of the word of life to direct my part in revealing blur and grey areas. I needed not to test drive to unravel the mystery.

To those who want to test drive, it is their choice and I believe adults are big enough to face consequences of their choices either good or bad. However, how many men or ladies will they test drive to reach their destination?

It is well with you all

DFranklyn: Tennis First, Then Other Sports.
I Never Take The Time To Watch Football And I Don't Play Too. It Is A Game Of Dirt And Danger.
Tennis Is What I Play. You Can Kit-Up For Tennis And Have A Good Sport Without Getting Blood Wounds Or Rolling In Dirt.
A Very Neat Sport.

Really? Do you know the injury in Tennis is more severe than football?

ROSYL: TEAM SERENA
TEAM DJOKOVIC




Federer is just too dull.

Can you define or explain the bolded?

The players complained about the tax percentage at the wimbledon last year, any resolution to that?

stillwater: Lol, my boyfriend has a grouse with virgin men. He thinks they are terrorists like Mutallab in the making, lol cos that's the only way they can release the tension. And I know the fact that I say there's no difference between a virgin man and non virgin vexes him well well, I do it on purpose lol. And you are right it's the willingness to learn. It's not by the number of partners you've had, have you fine tuned your touch?

LOL.. Fine tuned will be an understatement..

bettymafy: Our forefathers upheld chastity mostly for women and not for men. Men in those days were free to sow their wild oats.

Again, we are talking from the religious point of view and not cultural.

The religious and cultural POV are intertwined. Story passed down to me did not excuse the males from infidelity as both the male and female would be banished out of the society if caught in the act.

They did that due to their religious belief and not culture.

bettymafy: This topic is centred on how a christain lady can "confirm it" without have to sin. And the truth is, there is no way! Whether u are seducing him to bed or just to confirm, it is still a sin! So u either confirm by sinning (by seduction, kissing, smooching, oral or the main deal) or not confirm at all. There are no two ways about it

I get your point. The best way is still via communication which he should be sincere enough to open up. At least our forefathers were not christian, they held chastity in high regards and were not put to shame in this area. Why? Because they were sincere in their dealings involving marital relationships.

bettymafy: ^^^ Is seduction not a sin? Remember that even to look at the opposite sex lustfully is a sin and there is no sin bigger than the other.

Op, there is no way a christain lady can confirm "activeness" of JT before wedding. All she can do is have a heart to heart talk with her man concerning issues partaining to sex, hope and pray that she doesn't get a surprise package on her wedding night.

As for me, that is a risk I'm not willing to take. I rather "sin" and confirm the goods before purchase and ask for forgiveness later than thrive in uncertainty.

Yes seduction is a sin as well as lustful thinking. However, the action suggested is not to seduce the guy in question to bed but to confirm if what he told you is true or not. He may have lied about his status. The intention is the key here. Not to derail the thread, how can one be forgiven if the person willfully sin?

Why is there increased rate of sex-ual distrust in marriages today? It is left for individual to determine what works for him/her and be ready to face the consequence later.

Since you asked for a religious point of view, I will try as much as chip my understanding.

A sane and healthy relationship is based on trust, sincerity and truthfulness. No matter the selfish end or satisfaction someone craves, God's standard/words cannot be broken. If we all live sincerely and truthfully by the rules, this world will be a better place to live.

A guy that knows that his power house has no source of life to perform, is bound by sincerity of a relationship to tell his fiance about his problem. If on the other hand, he fails to tell her and she kept to the book. She is at liberty to divorce the man for non-performance because the union itself is based on deceit and therefore cannot stand.

I know as a guy, you should know if the engine room is active whether you do it or not. There are so many signs given by the hungry and thirsty giant to show his prowess.

How does someone who decides to obey the books she reads to wait till after marriage confirm if her fiance's JT is active? Many ways to arouse a guy especially when with his fiance he never had a taste of. Occasional brushing of his back with the frontal power house runs life to the engine room beneath to stand at alert waiting for what to devour. Touching and rubbing his neck is another way to keep him at attention. I believe the ladies know the act of seduction better. Upon all these actions, the guy gets as cold as water from polar region, I guess, there is fire on the mountain.

The fact that someone has been randy and wayward does not make him better in bed than a virgin whose JT is active. The most important thing is readiness and willingness to learn new things. There are many books, websites and blogs for that. Pre-marital sex has actually caused more harm than good all in the name of testing before buying.

To any lady who discovered that her husband is "engineless" only after the wedding, you are at liberty to divorce him.

Lady, life is a roller coaster full of unplanned and twisted events. The husband in question I believe never thought he will get to this stage in life where the wife caters for the family.

In all of the two years, how is the wife relating or conducting herself with her husband. Did she at anytime out of frustration bruised the man's ego thereby sowing a seed of bitterness and resentment towards the wife. In as much as the husband was not like this prior to losing his job, something must have gone wrong somewhere.


Let the wife look back to identify the pointolder where the unseemly ingratitude started. This will help in having a heart to heart communication with him in a bid to resolve the problem.


No sane man in trouble situation rejects a candid and useful advice especially from a loved one except there is problem. How does she present her advice? Does it even come like advice or words from a frustrated mind.


She and the husband can still remedy the situation with appropriate communication. It is not time to give up.


It is well with your home.

kulyie: because the older children dont have their own personal 'bukata'.they dont have wife to take care of,house rent,electricity bills and kids school fees to pay.

We know how the nigerian system works.many nigerians are hypocrites in almost everything.even if he is their sibling they may not remember the younger children exist till he becomes someone to be reckoned with.that is when they will remember he is their kid brother or sister that they used to take to school and change their diapers when they were all young

The older children can help clean up the mess created by their father. I honestly hope those innocent children get sincere help because its none of their fault for the foolish greed of their mother.

chaircover: I hope so too but since its almost certain that these are the children from other wives, its possible, that they will only end up as glorified slaves in the older siblings homes all in the name of sending them to school.

It is a possibility. I just hope the older siblings will be kind and sincere enough to help them.


If their mothers have been good to the older siblings, this is the best time to reap the reward. Unfortunately, a lot of women in polygamous setting sow seed of bitterness and discord in their own children rather than trying to re-unite them and establish family ties.

I can remember that step-children of my maternal grandmother can't do without her. Anytime the one out of country lands, he goes straight to see her. I asked my mum how she was able to win such love in a polygamous home. My mum told me that when they were growing up, her mother took all the children like her own. Most times, those children eat from her because their own mother will hide food from them. So many good stuff. She reaped the kind gestures till her old age of 110 when she gave up the ghost.