₦airaland Forum

i bet the lawyer was only doing his job

In A Murder Trial,

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way: The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Little Johnny’s mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train.

Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember that there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the BITCH in the kitchen!"

A blonde reports for her final college exam, which consists mainly of true or false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the paper for five minutes, and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes a coin out of her purse and starts tossing it.

She marks her paper true for heads and false for tails. Within 30 minutes, she's all done, while the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies, "and as I have more time left, I'm rechecking my answers."

A blonde reports for her final college exam, which consists mainly of true or false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the paper for five minutes, and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes a coin out of her purse and starts tossing it.

She marks her paper true for heads and false for tails. Within 30 minutes, she's all done, while the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies, "and as I have more time left, I'm rechecking my answers."

Little Johnny and his girlfriend were playing golf together when his girlfriend was badly stung by a bee. Little Johnny quickly ran back to the clubhouse, looking for a doctor. "Come quick!" he said. "my girlfriend's been stung by a bee."

"Where was she stung?" asked the doctor. "Between the first and second holes," shouted Little Johnny.

"Wow," replied the doctor, "she must have a very wide stance!"

Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother he said, "You are so obsessed with eating you've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom: "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

Do you know how to embrass an Archeologist?

Just show him a soiled ladies sanitary pad and ask him

"can you please tell me which period does this come from"

i would love to agree with you, sir.

I think the second one about the train is the greatest fool. who do you think?

we are still waiting for an Ekiti man to shade more light to our story

"We are the only club in the world with three teenagers at the World Cup - Theo Walcott, Cesc Fabregas and Johan Djorou.

"When they come back, they will be stronger and that will be like new signings and then over the summer, we will try to sign at least one or two more quality players."

Arsene Wenger

:d ;d :d ;d :d ;d

cool

How about this for the weekend?

diddy4dt, try be creative yourself or just ignore any joke that did not appeal to you. next time i may not be so diplomatic. so be warned

i[b] guess its obvious the casualties on the part of the palestine is by far greater than that of the israels. i believe both stand condemnable. No innocent soul s suppose to die callously.[/b]

;d :d ;d :d

If only you know about a running nigerian TV programme called "Want to be a millionaire", it d probably ring bell.