₦airaland Forum

Two lawyers standing before an Irish judge got into a fierce argument.
At last one lawyer lost his temper and shouted, "Sir you are the biggest fool that I have set eyes on."
"Order, order," said the Irish judge. "You seem to forget that I am in the room."

Incomprehensibly, the last coach of the train on a normal route kept getting smashed up by vandals. A porter came up with an idea.
"Why don't we leave the last coach off!"

O'Connell was staggering home with a small bottle of wine in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"

A couple of hunters in Ekiti are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."

, There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"

Nick the Dragon Slayer was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts,but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put it into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer could have cared less, and knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King shooed him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's loincloth. The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer,

MORAL OF THE STORY
Pay your bills.

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried,
we still couldn't get the jar open."

Next Time he should tell her the prisoner is on parole.

Interesting discussion now. What we dont expect to see here, rationally, is one of you agreeing that his own faith is subservient. we cant expect to win any arguement on supremacy of religious belief. Likewise we shouldnt portray any faith as barbaric or uncivilised. We are talking about what millions of people passionately believe in. Just like 4Get me may not understand why sharia can be a code of behaviour, in a million years i will not understand why suddenly Virgin Mary Son (Prophet Eesa, May peace and blessing of Allah be Upon Him), become our new God, and the more miraculous birth of Prophet Adam does not attract a much better recognition for that singular honour.

However, what i have learnt over the years is that, no two people are the same. And you can force anybody to see things the way you see them. Issues of faith sometimes cannot just be explained. People will always believe what they want to believe. What we can do is to understand that our friends have their mindset as well.

Finally, 4Get me, i so much like your arguements. but you give a typical and precise christian point of views in a passionate way. i understand why you present such points. But i will also like to let you know that Prof is also giving a definite islamic point of view. His arguements might lack some tactical appeals but as a moslem i totally agree with him. In islam every aspect of life is already defined by our basic codes The Quran and the Sunna. there is basically little room for personal opinion. However, when we mingle with our christian brothers, we also need to understand their point of views as defined by their own religious dogma.

We are not looking for a winning religion here, but Da vinci code has as much impact on Islam as it may have on Christianity.

Babymine, u r two days early. its 30th, nice round figure

Like it or not Arsenal are probably the best youth team in the world. Check out their average age. i believe in gunners and forever i will.

Psalm 23 in Pigeon English,

1. The Lord na my shephard, i dey kampe.
2. E make me sidon for where betta dey flow and come put me next to stream make mai bodi thermacool.
3. E panel beat mai soul come spray am white, come dey lead me dey go through express road of righteousness sake of Hin name.
4. Walahi !, if I waka pass where arm robber, 419 and juju people boku, come even join okada reach valley of the shadow of death sef, mai bodi dey inside cloth. Your rod and staff nko ? Na so dem dey like back bone dey comfort me.
5. You don prepare Egusi and Pounded yam make I chop. All mai enemies dey look waa waa. You rub me for head wit vaseline intensive lotion. mai cup na River Niger wey overflow hin bank.
6. True true, betta life and mercy go gum mai back till I quench. And man pikin go tanda for God house from lai lai to lai lai.

GOD ALMIGTHY NA YOU BIKO
AMEN.

A Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour into the river".

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour into the river". And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if i had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river".

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, let us sing hymn #365,"Shall We Gather at the River".

Ivan was a dirt poor Russian peasant. One day while walking through the countryside he discovered an old lamp. He started to polish it and out came a genie who told him that for freeing him from the lamp he would grant Ivan one wish. Ivan thought for a minute before declaring, "I am a poor simple man with simple needs, therefore I wish that Ivan pee vodka!" The Genie exclaimed that Ivan's wish was granted and disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Ivan runs home and bursts through the door yelling, "Wife, bring two cups, tonight we drink vodka!!!" He pees in the cups and sure enough, it's the best vodka either had ever tasted. They drink into the wee hours of the morning.

The next night he comes through the door and again hollers, "Wife, bring two cups, tonight we drink vodka!!!" This continues all week until Friday night when Ivan comes in the door and exclaims, "Wife, bring me one cup!!!"
His wife is upset and asks, "Ivan, all week you say bring two cups and we drink vodka, so why tonight do you only ask for one cup?"

Ivan smiles and replies, "Because tonight wife, you drink from bottle!!!"

4get Me, i am touched.

That was a superb post. it was so nice of you. This will surely earn a lot of respect from me. We need to always understand ourselves and move forward. we dont need to waste time on trivial issues.

Thumb up, my guy.

4Get me, despite your insistence on being cautious, your statements carries a lot of insultive and abusive messages towards the moslems. i want to believe that your anger is specifically targetted at the prof but somehow you just managed to cross the boundaries of religious tolerance. please i would suggest you handle your latest exchanges personally via IM and lets be more friendly here. I am a moslem and will forever be one, but i have nothing against Christianity. Religion is a matter of choice and everyone is free to choose his own path. The Lord is the final judge and we shall be hold accountable. I rest my case.

Guys, just stay out of trouble. GSM is a facilitator not a destructor. Be faithful to your partners

u know what? i think guys flirt just to give ladies the desired complement. havent heard of a lady that wants to be ignored yet.

I have carefully tracked the various arguement on a topic that started as Da Vinci code message but somehow degenerated into a very nasty misconception about Islam. The fact thats very clear here is the conserted effort by everyone to out do one another in portraying the wisdom or lack of it in our choice of faith. Guys , we are missing a strong point here and we are moving on the precipice of ignorance. We should avoid issues about supremacy of Religion.

It has always being obvious for ages that lot of christian knows very little about Islam or what it stand for. The fact that The Holy Prophet of Islam Muhammad (SAW) sent his people to a christian ruler for protection when they were persecuted in their native arabia is a strong poiter to our historical brotherhood. The Point is whether we like it or not, there is only one God. He created all of us to serve him. He forbids evil and encourage good deeds. We are all going to die one day and account for all our actions here on earth.

The availability of internet services and search engines give no room for ignorance. Personal opinion and hasty judgement about issues of faith are at best myopic. we shouldnt limit our intellectual horizon just to portray the practitioners of other faith as wild and hopeless. we should seek for religious knowledge and keep up with the trends. we should learn to steer clear out of  making statements that may end up ridiculing us.

The word "Islam" means "Peace". Thats what we need here.

the fox (33), aom119 (32), jobalo, dynamo (21), moses bank (26), nikky77 (28)
These are the folks that share my day. there r still many more cos its a special day. its exactly halfway thru the year