@OP
I understandwhat u're saying regarding what u feel would potentially be ur home but what you have to understand his,the guy is meant to be the head of the home and when he can't recognise what is important and not and you have to do the thinking for him then you're both not on the same level of thinking and not at the same page.
At the moment his sisters are the most important people in his life not about you guys getting married
A guy ready to get married would stra planing for his wedding or where does he expect to get money fr marriage if all his money hsgone to his siblings,maybe he expect you to foot the bill fr his wedding.
You're feeling sorry for someone that doesn't feel for sorry for himself.
Stop supporting him when he doesn't have,his priority are not straight yet but urs are.
Stop wasting your time with him and his sisters,am sure you've got better things to worry about than him and his sisters.
If he wants to support them let him go ahead and if you don't see any change after talking to him but no fight ohh or nagging,abeg leave the guy and his family before people start looking for your head ohhhh

He's their blood ad if they can't pity him and tell him the truth.


Forget all that babes and if no change abeg leave before people start saying it's since you've maried their brother tha things haven't been well with them,
Abeg lt me leae the topic with my long story.


Just do what is right and am sure u already know but we just try to ignore it with emotions and nonsense dat don't make sense.

Ditch the guy and settle for someone your own age to enoy been young.
He would think you're a gold digger becos you're dating someone almost double your age
What confidence would he have that you're not looking for a sugar daddy
Abeg leave him alone and enjoy your youth first,
This people gan self,

i concur that it the worst joke ever and he pulled it on himself.
How can sying you've got a child be a joke some girls don't like baby father
i for one don't want to date a babay father
Your loss,

@op this basically the problem with men mostly in general.
You tend to pretend and when the girl catches u up or act faster then the slanging match,ranting and name calling and abuses begin.
You have to be honest with people and take ur time to know people,the girls that u dress differently in clubs for might even be better than those u dress moderately to meet which means you can meet ur wife anywhere,there isn't any need to judge people on where u meet them or if you sleep with them on the first night or not.
The reason why naija girls tend to keep a guy waiting for sex is not becos they haven't had sex before it becos when they've had sex with guys,the guys tend to leave them to get married to someone  else.Ofcourse as humans you would be very hurt and used and can't imagine been able to trust,love openly n honestly and the i don't care attitude comes into play which is probably the character of the girls u've been meeting and they feel that even if you leave them for someone else they would think back and feel dat at least they didn't lose total and u wasted has much time and money on them.
Basically,if u don't label a woman and u're really open towards people regardless of what their past is and u're willing to take ur time with any girl regardless of what she ask or not.Every girl just want security and to feel love and protected by their man not used.
If a girl ask you for money you can politely decline and give her whenever you feel like it,nobody is holding a gun to your head and with time u would get to know the person.
Am sure you would have a great personality as everybody has got great character about them but at the same time a girl would probably curse u about what u've done and some might probably want to die before they would date you again.
I think i write from experience as you meet a lot of lying men and if u chase a girl without sex for like 6 month,if u're not really interested am sure u will feel it's a waste of time on her and leave her alone or if you spending on her and you know is basically so u can sleep wih her with no commitment,no guy wants to spend of a girl dat they don't want to marry.
You're expecting 2 much 2 sonn from people that have been hurt and trampled upon by ur species(men).

Ayomifull do the know if the writer replied as that was a very interesting thred and would have love to know how it ended.

if u're scared about calling him,why don't u let a friend call him on ur behalf first and then pass the phone to u to call.When u want to hand out with him always go with a friend until u're comfortable with him and meet his other family then u can disclose urself more to him.

Everybody has tried to put their view across either abusive or not,
What u have to understand is u're talking about marriage
Talking on the phone with the abroad guy doesn't mean he's the man for u,it's so easy to chat up someone over the phone than when you come face to face
I really do think you should know better by now, The devil has ways of wanting to scatter things we've worked hard for ,for the unforseen which is the guy abroad.
I don't really understand why you would want to leave someone that u've grown together and had your ups and down with for someone that u both don't know anything about it each and we're talking about marriage,the people dat have loved each other and known each other are trying to still hold their marriages together talkless of not knowing the person,
Am sure your guy 1 is the perfect person for marriage from your not, U want to leave certainity fo uncertainity,


Have you ever asked yourself this question,
The guy 2 why doesn't he have a stable g/firend that he cn marry where he is and u can probably throw the same question to the guy

I'ill give you the reply
1.He'ill state that girls in u.k are useles
2.He's been 2 busy with work
3.He's just never met the girl

All the ans given are all things that happen anywhere in the world


But g/firend did your bestfriend not know you were already dating the other guy.this where the comment of na wa comes into it, U just wanted a u.k guy but things are not easy and you have to be patient with your first guy and u both would probably be able to visit u.k with time and u'ill see it's not all that and u will be greatly disappointed.


Don't make the biggest mistake of your life,u have waited this long don't make the wrong choice,
U'ill forever regret for the rest of your life,

I hope my message is more informative and hope u choose the first guy honestly

People have stated other examples but that hasn't been urs and u both are still with each other.

The grass always looks greener on the other side until u cross over to the other side,
Put a lot more effort into your current relationship than worrying about the unforseen and expectation of the u.k guy,
If he really wants a wife he should either chose where he is or when he eventually relocates to naija as he intents then he can look for one himself.

i

The way Nigerian behaves other culutre and ethnics and especially from another country would not be able to understand
The same Nigerians do not even understand themselves.
The situation u've found yourself is can happen to even naija woman if the man doesn't have evn future focus or intenetion for her.
The guy didn't see you as someone he can spend the rest of his life with  from a naija view that's why he was able to behave in such a manner.
Not all naija men are like dat but you find that most of them are especially those abroad.
Was there anything that was given to him like u had a stay he didn't or he was infesting himself in your money but you didn't mind.
He just came to chop and run and to stay unfortunately u fell for him hard and bad becos u believed in him to have 2 daughters for him.
That was basically what ify was trying to say but we naija understand ourselves better.
But really it's such a shame that you now got 4 kids to take care of without a father although there is still your ex but no man living or married to you to re

I don't understand some people at times
Do you actually think about a long time goal with this girl
Can u list what you want in a woman to marry and list the girl qualities and u'ill even realise that she's not what you would want in a woman
What makes you love her
she hasn't got any character or behaviour regardless if she was dating someone new or not
She hasn't got any right to treat others like dirt and she even dated you before bullshit and u take such bullshit from her,when u're married who's going to be the husband,her or u.
It's like you haven't got any self respect for yourself becos u've taken such rubbish from her she wouldn't even know how to stop,such people don't change maybe with someone else but not you.
You say u love someone and they don't any quality of a good person.
You should actual kick her to the curbs,

what u've written has made no sense at apart that i think u're a cheat n liar,where u so unhappy with 1st girl dt afer 5 years u felt the need to start dating some else.
Are dey both naija n the second girl is it becos u're illegal n she's legal dat u think she's the ideal woman.
it's really ur life n u have to leave with whatever decision u make.

This story is so sad it's unbelivable,
The mind of men(general terms) are wicked,
Why she no let the guy just go and go and beg her ex-boyfriend,i won't understand
Instead the boy that claimed to love her with his might she lead to his death
I hope when they mean life it should be life
This is when i hope that hanging should be brought back,
A life for life should be this one,
Watching the plan unfold on cctv was just too mean for me
The girl is a murder

Don't u think you should sit her down and ask her to tell u honestly what she wants from you.

This one definitely pass me,
He hasn't got any shame,to come back and ask you for help is can't find the word.
He definitely was very mean,no spirit of God in him to have acted that callous.
You must have even stayed in touch with him for him to now ask you for money.
All those exes u draw far away from them,
For me to say you should help him,i can't ohhh but God said we should love our neigbours.
If na me i can't say becos am a very frgiven person but that much hurt i've never experience so i no fit say,

Can someone get me the link for the first thread.


Cheers

Whao dats some stupid shit on this thread.
I used to so enjoy coming on Nairaland to get info regarding relationship problems and different view but now it turn to stupid thread,
If Obnoxious hasn't got any other thing to write abeg pls ban him from Nairaland until he promises to behave or moderator should even lock the the write up jare,
His post are always very offensive even to me dat he hasn't written anything about,
You should respect women more abi you not get Mama ni and even if you don't then go bury your head in the sand and stop coming unto this thread to write rubbish or maybe the moderators can creat a post for you and also people dat behave like you to write u stupid rubbish,
Naming people's name under the post is too insultive,u know them or not,it totally very wrong Abeg,
Abi u bi small pikin, long hiss,
I think i even know what to do,
if a thread is created with your name i would just not bother to read it becos i can just imagine the rubbish you would write
Writing and creating thread with no common sense at all.
Not that giving info about babes that are very unruly or bad mannered isn't good but terming girls as bitches and other fowl languages are so wrong and labelling people in the forum is the height of disrespect.
Either your joking or not

I quite agree with everybody
U made her feel like you were o.k with everything with all her toaster so she's got all the right to be suprised and upset that you're angry.
Just give her a call and explain to her,it's no big deal really,

This topic has always been quite interest topic to me
Reason is becos i don't know what guys are interested in when they want to marry
I don't think they think of how old you grow with your wife and compartiblity,friendship
I don't understand why u would want to marry someone that u hardly have anything in common with becos u've known a girl for a couple of months then they feel she's the marriage kind and the one they've got abroad is not a worthy enough wife,
Anybody can do as they want,what i understand is my happiness and knowing what i want,need and think of who am compartible n grow old n we can still have fun together.

If all the men abroad go home becos of their insecurities then that's their own probs,

Eh ya pele,it's such a shame that some women have dubious method,all this while knowing she wasn't interested but taking stuffs from you,
Women they can be quite worthless at times, even though am one
Take heart it is well
Leave all to God to judge only it's quite difficult.

Whoa really interesting
At times,i wonder what guys actually look for when they talk about marriage
How would he still keep thinking of someone that he caught in the act with her own blood sis husband
What do u think such person would do to other if they can't even respect their own family,
Love ko love ni,

Ur Babe has guilty conscience going somewhere for her to have slapped you over picking her call from another dude,
Man leave the irl for a while let her realise what she wants jare,
U don't know a good one until it's lost,
Free am

How far gone is she,
If she's still about 2 month then she can get her Gynacocid(am not sure if that's the spelling) but pronounce it that way to the chemist and they would know what u're talking about,if she more than that then either abortion or give birth to the child.
It would be the girl decision at the end of the day.

what ayzone said is true,give him space to sort him outself out,
if you're meant to be together then he'ill always come back to you,
No die ohhh,if u do he'ill just go for someone else and walk on ur grave, lol

Is it becos she's older or what,
I don't understand the reason

Some people just prefer to be safe than sorry.

eh ya,
very tough situation u're in,
u can try and talk to his mum to understand what the problem is,
if she doesn't tell u and instead becomes really nasty then i tell u to take a walk becos son no go leave him mama for u ohhhh,
At least u know u put in all effort.

Honestly dis story doesn't need a reply.Did she tranlate it as in word by word meaning.My girl abu my guy let the girl grown up jare.If the guy loses his job then what happen, shebi she didn't die she for wait or send him text message,

whao,don't even know what to say
How come she neva knew the guy's family before,any it really doesn't matter she can still get married but i think it's better she tell the guy she about to get married to herself.

@secretz

No she didn't want to be with him,she had a finance in naija dat she intended to marry all along,
Dats the chap she gisted me about becos when they broke up she cried so much i felt so much pity so this one came so much as a shock to me regarding that she didn't even mention him once.

@Davidlyan

Thanks all for the response jare
I just needed to know if i wasn't just been unreasonable and been my usual self and not trying but i've just called it quit,

@davidlyan

She isn't pregnant right now,she was pregnant and lost the baby about a year ago so talk another,
Am not a desperado

@ bluespice
Idon't understand ur question
What's my problem like how
they both still leave under the same roof
He still gets her stuff that she need as she said whenever she moans about any particular item either bag or shoes he gets it for her dats before i even knew they had anything,i just felt they must have lived together for so long that they've grown really close.