₦airaland Forum

Y'all read this.
Nearly passed out laughing ma friggin butt off.

papermoon:
MY MOST EMBARRASSING DAY, damn, i was staying with my dad while he was recuperating from chemo,and well it had been a while since i had YOU KNOW, i was missing my boyfriend, so we decided to have some phone intimacy, anyhoo, we were in the middle of things and it had heated up real bad, and i was in the highs of ecstacy stark naked, rubbing myself and screaming, SPANK ME YOU son of a LovePeddler etc, my phone was on speaker to allow freedom of movement, i assumed daddy dearest was already in bed snoozing(LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN), SO I GOT TO THAT POINT and started screaming yes, yess, im coming, oh muthaf&*ker im coming, and just as i was hitting it, whose face did i notice by my door rushing in cus he was scared something was wrong YES, my dad, who had been calling for about 20 minutes, because he needed some tea, but when he didnt get a response, the poor bloke had to wheel himself to my end of the house and he heard his "LITTLE ANGEL", screaming for some guy to spank her silly,
lets say it was a VEEEEEERRRRYYY quiet morning the next day at breakfast, i couldnt look my dad in the eye, WHY , cus i had a bleeding Love Machine in me at the moment he walked in, damn, im sure that wasnt one of the things the doctor ordered for his recuperation,

yimiton:
if the guys find us attractive, it's allowed for them to air their views. Thus, it is erroneously believed that we don't find them attractive (because we keep our cool) and they find us attractive (because they're brought up to appreciate us without a sense of shame or guilt)

Aptly put. yimiton, u rock.

_{I'm allowed to say that.}

1. My mom
2. Prof Olikoye Ransome Kuti
3. Chief Anthony Enahoro
4. Dr (Mrs) Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala
5. Gen. Tunde Idiagbon

Body odor n' halitosis are a big no-no as far as I'm concerned.
What's most difficult 'bout 'em however is communicating it to the offending party.

How d'u tell a girl she/her breath stinks? . . . . . and that without making her wannna commit suicide?

   Thank God I never met one but it'd be nice if someone can come up with a brilliant way of putting it across with minimal damage to his/her self-esteem afterall we must admit some peeps do have this problem.

godslead:
Since she has decided to stay ,she had better learn how to fight back o

Yes oh! And it's never too late to fight back.

@diva_naija

If he's giving u d eye, u give him the eye too now. Preferrably a black one.

Funny. Never occured to me though but hey! why not?
Afterall my very first "girlfriend"(/mom) used to wash my "undies"(/diapers) with the shit, piss n' all back in
the days.
Y'all need to give it up for our women, they too try.

@Topic
That is one part of womenfolk that still holds me befuddled.

benit:
I attended a sad burial weekend. A lady hit/killed by her husband.

OMG! Pls tell me u kidding. . .

Because we men have conditioned them to.

See what civilisation has done. You're there making mouth.
In the good ol' days I for don settle your papa with 2 truckloads of yam.
Before u know it fiam!! my boiz don capture u with all the grammar u sabi blow, come deposit u @ my hut.

. . .Because of the small small children on the forum I won't describe what follows thereafter. .

Harsh as this may sound but I believe majority're victims simply bcs they choose so to be.
It's really astounding how intellectually endowed a woman can be only to fall in the hands of
some real creep in the name of love.
I'll never forget an incident in which a particular guy (son of a 2nd Republic politician) so battered his new wife (they were barely 6mths) that she had to be rushed down to the hospital on account of the head injuries she'd sustained and guess what?. . . .she lied that she'd fallen down the stairs.
Guess what again? she happens to be a qualified legal practitioner . . . . not a village girl.

I really wish ladies cld enlighten me on this endemic malady.

If u know how much I paid baba for it u won't talk like that.
All these my investments on you yet no dividends. . . . . . . yet

iice:
Bolarge. . .if water dey very near. . .i maybe tempted or not!

You prolly not aware of my latest acquisition. . . . . . ^{*whispers: The magic lamp*}  

Now u see we gat da world @ our feet baby. Just u&I.

iice:
Was it that okada you showed muki? I loff it

Mwwaah! Knew u wld.
Sure beats that outdated broom I sent u sometime ago which u never used by the way.

Seatbelt dey masef.

Na only crash helmet I go need to buy for you because me i no need am.
My skull na natural crash helmet. Tested and trusted.

iice:
Muki. . .lol. . . am getting there
Bolarge hmmmm what muki said. . .yeah, winged okada?
Does your condo have the view of the ocean?
Close to water? Or even unlimited supply of water?

The only thing missing sweetie, is ur presence.

@yara
Ol' boy that girl is a fraud. Gbabenchi.
There are no two words for it. Don't pay any air fare.
Take it from me there's no hope in this rl'ship. Decent girls don't begin rl'ships with incessant demands.
She'll prolly even go all the way n' marry u once she's certain her financial life is secured in you. . .and then make your life miserable.
My guy take time out n' clear ur head sharp sharp.

Mukina,
u wan try?

iice:
I dey oh!. . .not having a soo good day
Idiots have been on my nerves

Eeeeyah!
Feel free to come n' take sanctuary in ma condo.

My bad.
But u ain't got no problem with moi.
My Jincheng okada rides like the wind.

Girl: Nooo, I say I no wan do. . .

Boy: (Edoho style) . . . Is that your final answer?

_{As if boys ask in the first place. . . Just start touching. . .}

It is not necessary but hey! I guess that's where we're wired differently.
Can't wait to start breeding them "Bolittles".

H- to da -E- to da double -L- [size=14pt]NO!![/size]

Happy buffday girl!!!

Wish u all u wish yourself!!

_{Where's it sheleing?}

And u happen to fall in which bracket?

Yes, and will.

@Topic
Why not? Very welcome idea if you ask me.
In fact for a spendthrift like myself we'd both be heading  for financial insolvency if
she doesn't have a stoically firm say in my finances. I would strongly advocate a joint account where 70% of
each partner's income goes. Both should be signatories to the account of course. The remaining 30%
can then guarantee each individual's independence. That way nobody feels choked.

BTW, the joint account shld be that which requires both parties to sign should the amount
about to be withdrawn exceed an agreed sum eg 30% of the total balance. ^{Make kasala no burst.}

Have you considered that the problem might just be you and your indiscreet choices?

As u command, your Highness.

_{Takes a bow and exits.}

His grave.

sillyboy:
good to know that. am from Ilesa to be precise.

M'from Ipetu-Ijesha.
Na u guys dey always feel like say u tap pass us no be so?
I don get your number. I go report u to Owa Obokun if u no deliver the goods.

sillyboy:
Am on the "job" right now

Do it well abeg. My Nairaland destiny is your hands.  

Deal.

_{Good t'know u're Ijesha by the way. Same goes for moi.}