₦airaland Forum

My heartfelt sympathy. I really do not know what soothing words to say to you and yor wife. The good lord will comfort you and repalce your loss with more than you heart desires.
I suggest try talking to "madam" takes it easy so she can recover well. Make sure she`s in good company so as to take her mind off it for now.
God will make you smile.

Become partially blind, deaf and dumb.

I don`t wear mine. Reason? I`m not a jewelry person. Like I say, marriage or being married is a thing of the mind and how u carry yourself. My spouse understands this better now cos she gets toasters and even proposals from other men (married and single) who know she`s married as evident by the wedding rings on her fingers.

The ring to me its just an outward symbol, but the mind is where the real marcoy is. (my opinion)

eeya my apologies bro breathless

Accepted. All contributions noted so far. Question on my mind now is how do you do a background check on these people without them knowing? Will their past employers be willing to cooperate? Will it be "wise" to involve the police? (in 9ja). Are there any method(s) you use to scoop enough info to safeguard yourself and family?

So many questions, so many.

L W K M D o o oo o ooo o

They are not proud of their status and who they are married to.

have left the house once to go to a friends place when i got tired of his rantings only to come back and get beaten up while i was 4 months pregnant

WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?

That's a no no no no no no no no . . . . . . . , .

Almost passed by, but felt a need to say few words. Hope they make sense and save your marriage.

Truth be told? Your hubby still got feelings 4 his ex. A couple of things have played out which thet seem to be trying to get back on, but marriage has posed a great obstacle. Sister, for no reason should you leave him for another woman to take. Seems you love him enough to entertain his silly excuses. Device a means or strategy to occupy his time and give him enough to take off his mind from his ex and the other girls. (Get pregnant)Hope I'm wrong, but he may just have cheated or will sometime in the nearest future. Ask him how he'll feel if the reverse was the case. Find out from him if its a problem he's trying to deal with and offer to help sincerely. Let him know you need him more than ever now as you've made sacrifices too.

Beyond talking, express your reservations and tell him point-blank were his actions will lead to. Make him realize he'll lose out more cause he started the whole thing. His actions shows he's not ready for marriage and he should grow up and face the challenges. Nobody ever said marriage is a bed of roses. And you, do a self check and figure out where you may "aided" him to become like this. Maybe through action or words or some other ways. Be the "chick" he was dying to marry or did you force him to? (I pray not).

All the best. Cheers

(my sister, It is the Grace of God.) Madam Chaircover, that should read `my brother`.

All responses so far has been great. Some with comic relief. Fair enough, I know I`m humane in my dealings with people. The decision to hire their services was borne out of necessity (as always). Our younger ones living with us gained to the university and had to relocate, a relative tactically left unannounced, other family members and relatives considered did not fit in. One we had sometime was discovered by our neighbour to me harsh on the kids (she did not last 2wks), another ended up destroying my daughters clothings, and when asked why she did it, she said "nothing". (thank God for the exposure). This was inspite of the fact that they are treated humanely and well catered for.

Both the nanny (who is a grandmother) and live-in maid we have, are only restricted from our bedroom (which is locked when we are out). I make them know immidiately of any conduct I`m not comfortable with. I`m more tougher with my kids than them (cos they are humans) and make them realise that`s my prerogative. I`m more concerned with for my kids and most times I implore to be of good conduct in their presence as they are still in their formative years.

Most times we ask the nanny to close before time and the maid to go to bed on or before 10pm max(depending on when we get home) irrespective of whether she`s done with her chores or not. We restrain her from doing all the chores herself as we also participate actively. I sometimes bathe and feed the kids, fix myself a meal and return the plates to the kitchen, iron my clothes, that of my spouse and kids, wash the car etc. so they do not think we are helpless with out them. My spouse has assumed the role of an "underground cover agent" (cos she understand yoruba) by "playing" along with them while I keep a straight face though noting all that happens around (when priviledged)

In all, I still keep praying for God`s mercies and favour with these set of people.

Pardon me if this topic has been posted and thrashed before. I would like to know from the those who have househelps and nanny(ies), to what extent you trust them.

Listening to the radio sometime ago, a woman narrated how all indication pointed to her househelp drowning her 1 yr old daughter. It seems she had 2 househelp and one travelled and the second wanted to travel as well, but she insisted that she waits since the 1st one was yet to return. Only to be called back 15mins on her way to work one morning to come to a nearby hospital. Doctors pronounced the baby dead from drowning. When asked, the househelp said the child fell into a 20 litre paint bucket that was half-full. She said she noticed the clothes of the child was different from what she wore earlier and were dry.

So many stories abound of awful and gory experiences with these househelps. Ranging from stealing, poisoning, witchcraft, kidnapping, killing, abuse and molestation of children etc.

I`ve been more than prayerful since we got the services of these people recently as I never grew up with them. I do not hesitiate to express my reservations about their conducts whenever the opportunity presents itself. I`ve told the nanny to get me two referees/guarantors (one must be her pastor) amongst other info requested.

With three kids, the youngest been 6months, to what extent can one trust them?

Contributions from experienced Nlanders are welcomed.

That man is a local govt.

@ Poster. You`re right about your suspicions. She`s got an agenda and You might just be a means to an end. For me, I don`t bother about confrontation(s). Tendency is that you may likely have a rethink and accept her "explanations" when she starts crying and asking those close to you to prevail. Cut off communication in whatever form, get yourself busy with whatever took you abroad and I`m sure you`ll find someone truly yours.
All the best.

Forgive and forget HER. There's more from where that came from. Just imagine if you find out she has a child during her teenage years. I'm just saying. Bruv, that girl aint for you. Wish luck on your future search.

Guyz dis guy Lucky, is just being used in my opinion to twist his Daddy's arms in Edo politics its nothing more than that. If daddy plays along baby boy will be let off the hook (remember Ibori, 3rd term bid, and exconvict saga) and the matter will gradually fizzle out. E dey pain me sha.

Good thing you said "in my opinion" cos you`re entitled to it.

If only you know the extent to which he stole, you`d probably have a rethink. This may not be the appropriate forum for that. His father is lobbying now becos he knew all that transpired. The govt of that state was practically ran from his house.

That family is cursed.

No wan. Fire down. But tell Bros make e hold im mind. Even Whitie 4 waffi dey hold ground enter ground. Some dey even collect deve.

Anyway, do am how e want am. Na respect. Una safe journ.

Baffi (benin) is not free from any of the vices mentioned earlier. But as proper warri babe, u no suppose shake na. E b like say jamo don dilute ur blood.

Where u don hear say dem thief hawk pikin? E no possible na! Those ur children suppose know their roots, culture and tradition. Come Blend dem wella 4 waffi. Infact, relocate come Enerhen junction make dem dey see activities. U go surprise to see dem dey happy all over the place.

Ojuju no dey flog ojuju. shou? Biko bring dem come warri. Nuthin dey happen. Enuf kpiance full baffi. Anyhow e be, ogoron must jump and abaka must fly. Nor rish.

Safe journey.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I will. But with some moifications

Simple. Marry who you love or love who you marry.

Just 2 months of marriage and u `re considering walking away? That sound like a loser`s choice (no offence). I`m sure you would have moved out if cheated (which I don`t wish). Marriage is more about what u bring to the "table" and not d other way round. Madam, work on yourself 1st, I can assure you, you`ll come here singing praises of the "best " hubby in the world.

[tt][/tt]"Welcome on board and enjoy your flight"

Ans 1. They are making it compulsory becos they know there are many hurdles to cross (including settlement) shld u decide to go ur seperate ways.
2. The fate of the boy is in God`s hands. The mother not legally married shld not cos u any worries.
3. Your next of kin is your lawfully wedded spouse. However, draw up a will and state your wishes in it.
Just to add, try make ur son n wife be best of friends. She should not see ur son as a competitor, but rather love him like hers. Also, know where to draw the lines and put ur feet down when necessary. All the best.

Poster, support your man in anyway you can. Na condition make crayfish bend. I pray the Good LORD to sustain you both. It shall be well with by God`s grace. Amen

Tell his parents. What they do with him thereof is their biz. By doing this, you will end up sparing the society another demented serial rapist in the making. I guess you `re still hesitating becos your matured sister could deal with it. I imagine by now you would have done worse than reporting him if you have a daughter of his age (GOD forbid) that he attempted it on or succeeded.

Tell his parents. What they do with him thereof is their biz. By doing this, you will end up sparing the society another demented serial rapist in the making. I guess you `re still hesitating becos your matured sister could deal with it. I imagine by now you would have done worse than reporting him if you have a daughter of his age (GOD forbid) that he attempted it on or succeeded.

Poster, if know wats good 4 u, by now the heels of ur feet suppose dey touch d back of ur head by now. Dem no dey tell deaf man say market dey burn.

Becos they NEVER truly luv with their hearts.

MIL leaving wt u 4 5yrs? Wife emotionally involved wt anoda man? U left home n dem no send u? Bruv, yawa go gas u if u no take DRASTIC action. Anyways, my ways of handling issues fit diff frm u.

Guy, return base sharp-sharp. Apply d quote that says "those who make peaceful change difficult, make KASALA inevitable". no send anybody cos u av a marriage 2 protect n make it work.

However, I see a gang-up btw d 2 women in ur hse. Dat combination na D.I.E. U go apply wisdom. If nid b, invite ur own mama come d hse. Shuo, u leave hse wey u dey pay rent ontop wetin?

Bros Poster, hold ground enter ground. No bulge o. Let her bone u 4 as long as she can. Na u know ursef. No gree. Better b called names here n collect insult than cos ya sef monumental & humonguous yawa l8r. All d best

I called the number few minutes ago and the person responded that he is based in owerri but not currently in owerri as he goes around to deliver.

If the situation warrants it, no probs. For instance, when my spouse delivered at the hospital a few months ago, I was the only one around to look after her before the mother came, I washed for her including undies.

Ha, Poster u get mind no be small. Infact u no fall hand, na d entire body u fall. Thank God u re not married, u wld av bn messed up. A woman dat cheats wt other men at d slightest provocation is worse than d deadliest virus around. Truth be told, ur life is not safe. Leave her fast, it may hurt 4 a while but u will eventually get over it n be better 4 it. U obviously are one of her "MUGU". She`s not urs