Talk about misplaced priorities; destroying people source of livelihood in a nation ravage by unemployment in the name of beautification of a city. This coming from a governor that is supposedly a SAN: It goes along to show the mentality of the so called elite and educated, as these are actions you would expected from military government nay the demolision of maroko. What options is left for these traders- Armed robbery, 419, ritual killing, kidnapping etc. To the everyday lagosian, the beauty of lagos should not in the landscaping or scenery but in it being a place to make a source of livelihood and live with security of lives and property.

Where in the world is this acceptable for man to live with girl not related and sleep on same bed? this being wrong will ultimately lead to wrong moves that can be initiated by both parties. There is a difference between crashing out on a few nights but living together in a room; for a few nights it is very possible, have done it loads of times, the temptation will be there but self discipline will prevail; but living constantly in same room is another matter, after a while no matter how self disciplined you are, your defenses will be broken.

@ Poster; the problem here is not that her friends hate ü because in my books they dont count; but the fear of losing you girl to her Ex; This is what you need to discuss with your girl not about her friends, ask her if she wants to go back to her Ex; If yes, Let her go and U move on, If No then tell her that you cannot restrict her going out with her friends but you would prefer her not ending up at her Ex´s place or partying with the Ex; if she truly want to stay with you she will relay this to her friends and change. If not U better move on; there is nothing worse then having distrust or suspicion of ones partner hanging on your mind.

@ Poster; sometimes is not just the money; it could be the thrill of hanging out with one; some girls just like bad boys; or streetwise guys.

@ Menace 21; if you call nigerian girls gold diggers; what would you call south african girls diamond diggers- Oh and they encourage their SA men to be armed robbers.

@ Crossroads, I think you problem is more of loneliness; as you never felt this way about residing in the Uk when you had your friends and colleagues from nigeria around. Do you have a Partner; I think you need one excerpt you have one in nigeria then i can see the additional reason behind your wanting to go to back to nigeria. If you dont have; try going out in london e.g clubs, parties, churches, mosques etc and when you a meet a nice nigerian girl to keep you busy and make friends with others you will feel partly if not largely at home.

No; it is not good; as a ardent believer in freedom, for those that think it is good wait till you are at the receiving end of it, then u will find out that it is not cool. Being a jealous lover shows signs of mistrust of ones partner, and disguised insecurity

just walk away; and if she does it constantly leave her

@ Poster; no need to look too far; go to this topic "Stock Market Tips For Nigerians" you will get all the information you need especially if you endeavour to start from the begining of the thread.

Married Men do Cheat;
Married Women do Cheat;
And both do it Wearing or Not wearing a ring;
Some Guys are just not into jewellery; A some lock it up safely at home for the fear of losing and facing eternal nagging on the fact that they lost their ring.

@ Adetina; I would like to start by apoligising in respect of the abuse and insults you have been subjected to on this thread; this ones do not represent the nigerian people and your opinion of our people should not be based on that- as we are very friendly and welcoming (hence your interest in our brother), because just as you guys have gang bangers in the hood; we have a small portion of people who dont have an issue raining insults and abuses. Also there is the issue of foreign women taking our good men; just like african american women have issues with white women taking the few available good black brothers. so i hope u understand.

On the Issue @ hand; am happy at your response to the questions i had asked earlier, the bottomline is you will always get differing opinions but the decision lies with you:
I seriously suggest that if he´s status is an issue to you that cannot be overcomed by u; well in fairness it is better you call it quits on the relationship and explain to him that u are unable to continue due to his status.

@ All; to those blasting the guy based on his status- bear in mind that he is not illegal- he is legally studying in the US. And Note that he has options open to him: worst case scenario he has to return to nigeria; a us qualified engineer has a damn good chance of being gainfully employed; and in relation to earning with weakenning dollar seriously doubts he will be worse off.

@ Sienna & D-reloaded
You guys need to be careful about the negative perception we create for brothers; we hear about how nigerians are disliked in SA; even Ghana. Imagine meeting adetina @ the US homeland security desk at an airport in the state would you expect her to be welcoming; she is more likely to scrutinize whatever nigerian document you hand to her with suspicion.
Nuff said

I will not attend regardless of how cordial our relationship is after we stopped seeing each other or the nature of our split; it is not borne out of bitterness but out respect and consideration to her and the guy she is getting married; on that day, am the one reminder the guy would want to see.
This still apply even if i have met the guy and cool with him; just sending my gift and best wishes is best. She only sent out the invitation out of courtesy and i think courtesy demands i do not attend.

@ Poster; This is great; thanks for appreciating us; your effeort is well appreciated. And we do appreciate u sistas even though admittedly we dont say it so often. This is a good breather as all well normal get is nigerian men bashing.

@ Poster; Maturity should not be confused with age; there men in their thirties and forties that still behave irresponsibly, so age counts for nothing. The Age at which one gets married is first and foremost ones choice; as we are free willed humans we take that decision; this issue can only be seen on individual merits; note girls get into the relationship business alot earlier than we guys and mostly start by dating guys years older; so if a girl starting dating her now husband since she was sixteen; having finished Uni etc at 22 do you expect her to wait till she is thirty to get hitched.Hence the law permitting people above 18yrs to get married.It is a matter of choice and an Individual; some girls dont want to hear marriage at that age.

@ cybersleek If u started out to sow your wild oats @ 15 by the time you hit 26 you would probable have seen it all.

I would advise you friend to stick to girl A; being a man; he needs his wife to love Him; because when he screws up; (as men are known to do) he could count on her love for him to save him. Also your friend has said he would be happy with them both and been the girl A for 12 years; many marriages does last that long.

From what I can perceive girl B; being proud and money conscious does not presently feel that your friend is upto her level yet but does see the potential in him-only bidding her time to see if the potential materialize or if a better suitor comes along . It is clear that girl B does is see your friend as mr right- but if time is running out she may take him on as mr right now; hence the chasing for 9years. (It´s mostly female thing- but can't blame her, as your friend is ofcourse borrowed from her books)

Also how is your friend able to keep this going for such a long time?

It is simply because most girls would have done it before; so the guys sees it as if you have done it before with someone else why should i wait to say `i do´ before doing it with you. Most guys would be willing to wait if the know or are Convinced [/b]that their girl is a [b]virgin

@ Adetina; do not allow people myopic and vindictive opinions to sway your reasoning; from what you have said about this guy; he seems a good guy; and you love him- there is no hard evidence that he is using you or intends to use you. There are no guarantees in relationships and i think with his level of education he knows what he is getting himself into;
Points to consider
1) If he had his paper and you met him and he´s discussing things like settling down, having kids with you; future etc would You have an issue with that ?

2) That he did not initiate sex -should count for something; and that he is involving he´s people should as well

3)That He wants to have kids with you; knowing fully that if he bails out on you ; he will spend the next 18 years earning paying out on child support; most guys that wants to do a runner or wanting paper prefer to do it without the involving the implication of having a child.

4) Like someone earlier pointed out if he was after the paper; it would be easier for him to do the arrange marriage business as it will probable be cheaper than him spending his money and time with you.

5) If you really love; then forget about the paper stuff; dont let the paper thing get into your head as it has done for many to the peril; if you are prepared to love him and cherish ( counts for both) nothing should come between you, dont now use it as a weapon against him. Sister ur citizenship is no big deal; as he has told you it can be bought.

What is wrong with people these days; what is wrong with someone finding a person he loves and she fufilling all his requirements in everyway. If you are in hes shoes wont you pray to meet a (1) nigerian lady; (2) who loves you and (3) helps to get a pernament residence. Those eager to blast him on account of him working; please he is doing paper rounds probable in the cold as well; no big deal; there are worse things he could engage in.

@ Poster; when you decided to propose to #1 girl; you must have seen something in her and some reasons lead you to make that decision; if those reasons are still there; they stay with the devil you know as they are always better than the angel you dont know; with you help #1 can get better and earn better. Mind you the size of the paycheck does not matter but the happiness that you both enjoy is paramount.

@ Poster; I think you are better of relocating permanently to nigeria; try and make you wife understand the reasons behind your actions if though they were selfish; also upon having relocated or transferred your business & investment to nigeria; then explain the your first wife that you cannot be with her but you are willing to take care of your child and you going to prison will not do any of the children any good; given time if she is reasonable she will agree; if not just try and maintain communication with your daughter whilst in nigeria and forget about stepping foot in US.

@ Poster; my advise to you is to attempt to sleep with this corper; whatever the outcome of this attempt please kindly report back to the house; and not forgetting to your fiancee. because only then can we ascertain the true intention of both parties.

@Poster: He treats you like a Queen and You compare (Treat) him like a turtle is that is not crap; sister what is. You should treat him like a king, and deny him nothing.
Am not in anyway attempting to disrepect you- It just that i dislike people giving out what they wont accept: He is a brother and he´s invested heavily (emotionally;timewise etc) because to treat a woman like a queen is not an easily task

kconfused:

Please explain what crap he's taking. Should he rush me into having sex? Yes He should; after awaiting for almost a year; that would not count as rushing you into sex by anyone ones standard.
Should I jump into bed with him because he treats me well?
Yes you should ; As you have admittedly jumped in bed with other less responsible men who had treated you badly; Explain yourself!
Does sex automatically mean that this relationship will work out? No: With or Without Sex; No relationship is guaranteed as you know it; even your mr right (God forbid) could turn bad later; there are no guarantees. People get married and after 40 years divorce.

Has it crossed your mind that him not pushing sex with you could be as a result of him getting it elsewhere (no strings attached) whilst waiting for you to open up.
Also if you are to findout that he´s is been doing that what would you say or do?

Most Guys i know; have no problem helping out in the house; as most male growing up in past 20-30 years are trainned to partake in the house work by their parents. They only have an issue when the woman decides to allocate part of the house work to him as a duty that must be done or u get it.

Also women tend to request you to do stuff round the house as and when they want it not minding that u may just been getting ready to watch a game that u have been looking for to all week.

@ cute_ass; most guys will definately want to hang around their wife/girl whilst she is in the kitchen but your suggesting that he is not required to do this all the time he is around; ask the sisters the one time he sits in the living room watching a game- she will complain. So fellas you must be consistent

@ Poster, you asked for a miracle; when the miracle came you are asking yourself if you are qualified for the miracle; instead you start preying into miracle to find faults. To find a man with such qualities as you have started, takes nothing but a miracle; and no matter he´s turtleness he should surely have women running after him, than for him to put up with all the stunts you are pulling.
The only other thing maybe that the guy feels inferior due to he´s turtleness that is why he is willing to take your crap and settle for a not divorced but single mother. Is he nigerian and Is he for Real? Does he have friends or Family- u need to check he might just be a ghost.
Am surprise that the females in this forum are not giving you a blasting; well it is not usual we only get those when a nigerian man has supposedly treats a sister bad

@ Poster; You seem to have gotten involved in this relationship as pronounced in your prevoius thread " Love letter to my wife". Well as you wife is getting romantically and emotionally attached to another man and denying you sex and you have seemingly gone ahead to get it from another woman; I think it would be better if you be a man about the whole issue and call it Quits, now becaúse if your wife finds out she would be the one asking for a divorce and no one will believe that her earlier actions contributed to your situation.
Also Office affairs is a no-no; is falls under the same category as sleeping with your Housemaid; wife´s friend etc. get your kick somewhere else.

I don't blame the so called 419 victims- blame our govts, because until our govt start national affairs seriously nobody will take us serious. I don't support 419ers in anyway but the so called victims should be prosecuted as party to commit fraud, as their Intent is to defraud a nation and in pursuit of that goal got outsmarted. EFCC should make it their duty to investigate any case of 419 and where the supposed victim is seen to be culpable of Intent to defraud the nation should be prosecuted. It is mostly criminally minded persons that will fall prey to 419s- for a foreigner that only see Africa portrayed as a place of human sufferings and poverty by CNN; then decides to connive with people to smuggle out rediculous sums of money - is indeed heartless and criminal; and should not be pitied. This is the answer i give to colleagues over here when they rise the Nigeria & 419 issue

@ poster; yous hould be greatful to her; she did not leave u broke as you are not complaining that she spent all your money and left when the money was finished; her loss she didnt see the potential in you. Hey and dont generalise- there are good ones out there.

kconfused:

My best friend seems to think that I have issues with the fact that he is nice and not manly enough. If he looked the way he looked but acted tough maybe I would be attracted to him but he's very quite and accommodating

Well going by the fact that no one will know you better than your best friend- I would say that she is right; this just goes to prove that nice guys - are seen as weaklings and not being manly by lot of girls. If at almost a year; you still dont feel for him, it is best to leave him and explain to him that he is too nice; very quite and accommodating. I feel sorry for the next girl that comes along his way.

@ Poster; The Handwritting is on the wall; leave the Prick- This is the time u need to be close to your family; confide in them; i can bet you my top dollar that your mum will rather lose face amongst her friends than lose her daughter.

@ Ettehgate- Hope you will advise your sister to do the same

Do you mean u never had sex with a girl or you have never been out with a girl- because the two are different; so please explain

@ Britgirlee, I do understand the post; in my last post i had used the first paragraph to debunk claims and views aired here that the level of Education or Intelligence is correlated to having the 2nd wife. I also stated the reason why Men (Not Just Nigerian Men) have a 2nd wife varies-therefore cannot be narrowed down to Culture and is Not Modern day Infidelity as 2nd wife is different from having a Mistress. Modern day Men rather practice Infidelity than take the 2nd wife option- the benefit of this option is a different debate. The Key Element here is Choice, freewill.

As posted by Justgood "Infidelity does not necessarily equate polygamy. Infidelity is worldwide and not unique to Nigeria, neither is it unique to men".

It obvious that you have a fascination for Nmen; that is quite understandable as we rank @ the Top amongst the black men.

I disagree totally that the 2nd wife option is down to under education as there are well known legal luminaries, Economists, Accountants highly educated & intelligent men of high calibre who had or have more than one wife due to reasons (eg posterity, status, religion or culture) best known to them.
Do some research and you will find the above to be true; it is not unique to Nigerian Men see King Mswati III of swaziland- kindly stop bashing Nmen

@ Poster : It is a personal choice which i see nothing wrong in it as the existing wife can ask for a divorce and the new wife is not forced into marriage. It is a choice and conscious decision of all involved parties. Just as some females choose to remain single for reasons best known to them that this is not acceptable to you or me does not make it wrong or does it ?