₦airaland Forum

Iyaqueen: welllllllll said, I'am a mother of 2, i dont have papers, i buy stuff to send to 9ja, £1 to max £5, primark and all, she should look out just for SALES item, cargo and sell, then she can support her mother.

pak: I don't know why guys are judging this story after hearing from only one side.

I am a guy and based on the little that has been said I FULLY STAND BY THE WIFE.

The reasons are stated below.


1. I send money to my mum every month. I believe that's the least I can do for her after everything she's been through. and I will be surprised if anybody thinks otherwise.

2. Retirement benefits and pension system is rubbish in this country, I mean so much fraud everywhere and If this woman is a widow, then where in the world do you expect her to get money to survive from, if not the children that she raised.

3. The issue of her mother having other children is out of it. I have always performed my filial obligations without waiting to find out if my siblings are doing same.

4. The OP stated clearly that the wife is not working because she is takin care of the kids ! Sacrificing for the family ! I have never abused anyone on Nland but I will now - If this story is true, You are such a selfish Dolt ! And yet you complain that she request that you send money to her mother ! You must be crazy ! maybe its better to watch her mother starve to death.

5. Now as per the issue of comparing her to other men and opening a shop, I think that's not the issue. The point she's trying to make is that if only she had a means of getting an income, she wouldn't have had to bother you ! This is a sign of someone who is willing to be industrious for crying out loud ! Which leads to my last point . . .

6. Indeed you are most probably treating her like a slave. You are fulfilling your dreams getting married, having kids, pursuing career, while she just sits there as a fodder for you own dreams while hers lay in tatters to the extent that she can't even on her own support her mother. And yet you have never at any point deemed it fit to see if you can in anyway see what you can do to help her achieve financial independence either by encouragement, finance or education. All you know is that if she works, they'll tax you more and there will be nobody to raise the kids ! and yet you run to Nland when its time to provide basic needs.

I mean we are not even talking of providing for nephews or cousins here - her mother ! and someone has the guts to call her a leech !! ridiculous. I mean the man should even treat her as his own mother now !!!

If I get married today, and any foolish girl tries to stop me from providin for my mum ! I can assure you, that will be the very end (that's if I dont throw her down from the tenth floor balcony first)


@Debrief - I've always followed your post on Nland and hav always been very impressed but for once this is too disappointing, being the first poster you have shepherded the remaining guys in the same direction.


@poster - You most likely have a good wife but as I said earlier, you are must be a selfish person, apologize to your wife, appreciate the sacrifices she has made and she's making and do the right thing to your mother (I intentionally did not call her your mother in law)

armyofone: your lady should get a job. You should assist in connecting her with some flex job. Helping her mother esp in old age is not a bad idea maybe old mama needed the money for medicine. Not a bad idea if you have something to give.

money and everything in this life is vanity.

vanstanzy: Are u a fine babe? then come-on over and lay all ur burden (UR PUNNY) on me (MY SCHLONG) and i shall give u twins.

afrikanns: sarap iboman u be full, nd na jelousy go kill u; only beta thin wey una fit do na jibiti animals

dirtymoney: with due respect.
what's the relationship of your post and the topic?

Abagworo: What of Igbanke in Edo?

Igbanke is of the Ika tribe in Africa which constitutes Agbor, and up to the border towns of Alifekede down to Umunede. According to Omoregbe Nwanwene,

“six villages constitute Igbanke: these are Umoluah, Igbontor, Idumodin, Ake, Olije, and Ottah – all migrated from different places.”
It is also the case that the foundation of history of Igbanke indicates poignantly that for many centuries after the different villages of Igbanke had been founded, the Igbankes enjoyed absolute independence because they were not vassals of any other people. The name Igbanke arose from a combination of (the names of) two villages: Igbontor and Ake, after a thorough historical supremacy was established.

The government of Igbanke is presided over by the Eze, Enogies, Odioweres, Ndichies, Dikens, Okhiolors, and Okhialis. Each of these heads has his jurisdiction The jurisdiction could be stratified into three: The family level, the clan or hamlets and the villages. At the family level, the Okhilor (he is usually the oldest man in the family) presides. At the village quarters, the Okhilor is the head, while the Eze rules over the entire village. Igbanke is chiefly a patrilineal society and as such its women are seen as performing passive roles. The language spoken in Igbanke is Ika: It is a mixture of Delta Ibo and Oredo languages. Given that Igbanke has a mixed culture, its mode of conflict resolution includes influences from Edo and Delta.
Before any conflict could be managed or resolved, its cause is examined. In traditional Igbanke society, most conflicts have been triggered off by issues regarding Land, Power, and Money. Land is a primordial asset of the Igbanke people and so, there is often the die-hard feeling of ownership and attachment to it. The quest for power is mostly common amongst title holders and seekers. Power struggle could also be found within families. The causal factor of money cuts across all strata of the Igbanke society.A Case of Divorce Settlement
Marriage, in traditional Igbanke society is considered a very sacred institution. However, the culture permits polygamy. Cases of divorce are not rampant due to the patrilineal nature of the society. Nevertheless, cases of divorce are resolved with a great degree of traditional protocol which ultimately forestalls the practice of divorce. Procedures for divorce settlement are as follows:

Most of the time, the woman goes back to her family at the height of a crisis between she and her husband. Her refusal to go back to her husband has little or no effect to the divorce process. Except for cases of murder a woman will always be forced to go back to her husband’s house.






For settlement, the man’s kinsmen usually summon the woman’s relatives to the man’s house. The woman is asked first to narrate her case. She is given ample opportunity to "cry out" her emotions. The husband is thereafter asked to give his own side of the story. Depending on the degree of the conflict, the eldest in both families mediate the issue. In Igbanke, emphasis is placed on the values of society which glorify peace and harmony. Their minds are drawn to Iyiolor (a family deity that promotes peace in the family). An interesting aspect of conflict resolution at this level is that the couple is not asked whether they want their marriage, rather, they are told (by the mediators) why their marriage should continue. At the instance of a resolved conflict (divorce settlement) the woman is expected to prepare pounded yam with Ujuju soup (this is a special of the Igbanke people). Often, it is expected that her husband feeds her while she kneels in front of him under the watchful eyes of the elders. At the end, they are bound by nso (abominations) of Iyiolor; they are also bound by the sanctity of their marriage and their joint upkeep of their children – this becomes the agreement for peaceConflict management at the village level
Land is said to be a major asset in traditional African society. Conflict over land could arise as a result of problem of inheritance, farmland, settlement and boundary dispute. A major war that ensued between the Igbanke and Agbor people in 1895 was as a result of land. Omorogbe Nwanwene narrates the story accordingly:

"The genesis of the war dated back to early 1895. It started like a grain of mustard seed. It started due to accusations of land encroachment by the Agbor indigenes at the border lands. All these got to the apogee the moment an Igbanke woman on the border land(s) was abducted."
An Igbontor man known as Mgbako went to Agbor to get back his wife who went to farm and never returned. On getting to Agbor, he also was taken captive. The cause of this tragic phase of man’s inhumanity to man – taking a man’s wife illegally and then taking the husband prisoner for daring to ask for his wife is on something material: land. The news of this high-handedness spread over Igbanke with incredible rapidity.

First of all, an Igbontor general, Ojei, nicknamed Orimatun, went to Agbor on a friendly mission to get the release of Mgbako. He too was caught. Unable to kill him by any means, the people of Agbor asked Orimatun to go back to his people and tell them that they would never gain the release of Mgbako. All Igbanke leading men met and took a decision to send all Nwobu (untouchable) priests to Agbor to secure Mgbako’s release. But the people of Agbor killed them all. All overtures of peace from the Igbanke people of Agbor were turned down by the Obi of Agbor – Obi Osagbobu. Cosequently, the Igbankes regrouped with their warlords and war was declared on Agbor in 1895. The tumultuous war raged on until both villages saw the need basically for some reasons: The sacredness of life in the traditional religion; the intermarriage that exists between them; the long relationship that had existed between long before the war, and the need for peace.

The move for peace started with the Obi of Agbor extending fresh palm frond leaves to the Eze of Igbanke. Usually, the item is dispatched by a young lad (believed to be very harmless), clad with Ekwo-ochan (white traditional apparel). The lad is escorted by two warriors up to the boundary where he is left to deliver the item to the emissaries of the king at the other camp. If the other king is in support of peace, he accepts the fresh palm frond and sends the lad back with two of his servants bearing a white dove or a cork. But if he refuses, the lad will be sent back with a red cloth, or he could be killed. But in the case of the Igbanke-Agbor war, the peace move was taken. The moment the white dove was sent to Agbor, the war stopped. Delegates of both kings met at the boundary, performed the necessary sacrifices, killed a he-goat, spilled the blood in a hold right there at the boundary and planted a kola-nut tree right there. Till date, the area is still called Ogidon (a corruption of Ogi-udon: kola nut of peace).Igbanke is one of the biggest villages in Orhionwon Local Government with a very old traditions and one of this traditions is the Egwu New Yam Festivals. The Igbanke egwu new yam festival is a celebration of traditions, its takes place between the months of August and September every year.

The new yam festival starts with the traditional clearing of roads in the town by the youths. this roads are believe to be used by the spirits of the dead (Ndi Nmo) who are visiting the town for the festival. Also this roads are used by the title holders in going to the town shrine to offer sacrifices to appease the gods of harvest and for peace of the town.

The next step heralding the festival is the traditional painting ofthe walls with native chalks and red earths, (in this time all homes in the village is painted) and then the "Eka Mno" ceremony, the traditional announcement of the commencement of the new yam festival.Eka Nmo ceremonies are held at the palaces of the enogies of Ake, Idumodin, Omolua and Igbontor, on this day, the enogie invites sons and daughters of the town to witness the occasion, during the ceremony he announces the beginning of the annual festival and the announcement gives the title holders the permission to eat from the new yams. (Before then, title holders are not allowed – permitted to eat from the new yam)

During the Eka Nmo ceremony different musical groups are invited to entertain visitors. One of the features of the egwu new yam festivals is the "Oroko Dance",this is a group of traditional dancers made of men from all work of life and of all ages. This dance group goes from house to house in Ake and Obiogba and in each compound dances are held for a few minutes and the householders offer present ranging from palm wine to kolanuts and money as the occasion demands. The Oroko dance is the highlights of the festival as it is the delight of both old and young. At the last dance night where the stars do not sleep, all the dance step are repeated and the audience are keep in awe till day break.

Another major features of the festival is the communal eating together called the "Nil Ugwa", in this day every household cook pounded yam with different type of soup decorated with meats and dried fish. The villagers goes from house to house eating and offering prayers, among the meat presented by the household, a part is taken to the home of the oldest man of the town where everybody assembled in the evening to share it among one another according to age, it is an abomination for the man who is sharing the meat to leak his finger in the process. If by mistake he does, he need a special sacriefies to clean him of any anger of the gods. The "Nwa Ubu" Priest after the traditional announcement of the festival do not sleep in their normal rooms but outside in a hut build for this purpose till the end of the festival (on the Iha Ogugu day). This hut is decorated with native chalks and all sorts of carved images, here he receives his visitors and family members. Nwa Ubu is a god of harvest and the protector of the children of Igbanke town. (Nwa-Ubu nigbo, Ori Nkehin ne Oriewinke).

The other highlights of the festival events is often on saturday "Eke Market day", this day the town is agog with activities and different faces are seen along the road and in different house, almost every compound is filled with son and daughters of the family, visitors from far and near, this festival acts as opportunity to meet old friends who are in Oru-Oyibo in far away land.

The priests are to travel to the "Land of the Unknown" to appease the god of the spirit of the deaths, but before they embarked on this "hard" but joyful journey dances, exchange of native chalk powder (Nzun) and offering of prayers are held. The drummers bring out their best drums and entertain visitors and men and women dance to their satisfaction. The children are not left out of the show as they add colours to the day with the fire work "Kakados", a wooden stick with iron filled with matches like gun powder.

The priests left the shrine at about 4.00 p.m. and before this there is a little shower of rain an indication that the gods has washed their hands and accepted the offering given to her. The priests and their family members and visitors alike walk to a certain point and then only the priests have to go further to the "heart" of the valley where they bring back native chalks believe to be the heart of Nwa-Ubu god. This native chalk is believe to be the protector of the people of Igbanke

The Igbanke Egwu new yam festival is a festival worth the effort tovisit, when next you are near between the months of August and september, ask for the next date of the celebrations, you will be welcome.

==Conclusion An attempt has been made so far to demonstrate the process of conflict resolution in the traditional society of Igbanke. The efficacy of the traditional method cannot be ruled out by the day. The emphasis of the traditional model is on truth. It focuses, not on the practice of law, but on the course of justice. Conflict, at the traditional setting is not merely managed, but it is concertedly terminated. This is possible because so much emphasis is placed on the values of the community which strongly upholds peace and harmony. Nay, the Western model may gain from a true traditional African model of conflict resolution.

Lol! Abeg dis ur copy n paste no b small somtin. R u a history "tisha"? Lol. Anyway tnx for educatin me sha. Ii will still read thru it again to understand beta
The Igbanke Egwu New Yam Festivals

pato station: What amazes me and sometimes annoys me is the attitude towards the Igbos by certain 'Igbos' found in Rivers, Bayelsa, Edo and Delta States. How could someone bear Ibo names all through, practice Igbo culture and speak Igbo language as his mother tongue, yet he claims he is not Igbo? To me some of this attitude has to do with the loss of Nigerian civil war by the Biafrans (no one wants to associate with a loser). To me these ones should simply change their names to Kwame, Osama or Mugabe or something else. For crying out loud, there is no Nigerian ethnic group called "Ikwere" or "Delta Ibo"

Eko Ile: Lmaoooooo. This okorosha is a clown. Only in AGIPA land...

Ramcie: Kudos to PSquare? I love twins Dear Lord plz bless me with a set of twins but they should be successful and Productive dear Lord . I don't want naughty and troublesome twins dear Lord.