₦airaland Forum

I co-sign Kobojunkie on this one.

Leave love matter and focus on her 4th point. You are not yet mature for a romantic relationship.

Erectile dysfunction two months after marriage:

He either had it prior to the marriage and just unleashed the dragon or it is a spiritual something.

Single Nigerian mum of 10!

In today's Nigeria?

She should be evaluated mentally except if she had a child or 2 kids and 8 at the 3rd birth or she adopted some of them.

peleson1:
The move is worth it

He must not live in VI
He can live in mainland around sabo ,onike and commute to vi

Rents are cheaper here and he just moves across the 3rd mainland into v.i

Here rents can go for 3m for a 3 bedroom

In porthahcourt, I'm not sure where he works and stays but he is having a double increase so let him take it .

If he lives in 2 or 3 bedroom in porthahcourt in a decent area , his rent is likely 2m so let him take the v I job and start saving to v an investment that can easily produce money for his choice rent yearly while he quitely look out for a suitable personal residence he can buy or build .

Personally, I will live in sabo or onike and work in v.i
V.i is even ok not like it's leaking


When flooding comes , in ysba area, onike and sabo , u r safe , no flooding can chase u out of ur house.


In porthahcourt, maybe he works in transamsfi , he can live anywhere even
But if the area does not v federal light ,I don't care how cool the neighborhood is,even though it's my private house, I will rent it out and look for where there is steady or near steady power .
Peter odili maybe some area v federal light , transamsfi area has federal light, I know ogbunsbsli used to v federal light back in the days though. Mile 4 has federal light, some part of NTA area has federal light

I am not talking about moving to V/I. Obviously, N2.5m monthly take home cannot take him to V/I.

N3m rent for 3 bed is very ok; I gather that the landlords at Gbagada/ Yaba/ Surulere axis are running crazy.

He still needs to do a SWOT analysis on the move. A higher paycheck might be nothing if his new expenses will rise about it.

jobgbemi:
I have an offer of 2.5m - 2.8m naira monthly at VI, is it okay to accept? I'm just considering Lagos being an expensive city.
I currently earn 946k in PH but I need an upgrade.

Is this going to be worth an upgrade if I take it?

What is your total package in PH (take home, other benefits in cash & kind, current living/feeding arrangements, family support/leverage, cost of living etc.) viz a viz your total package in V/I.

If the difference isn't much however with a high chance of growth/better prospects, you can consider the move.

LeoThaGreat:
The acceptability of the offer depends on the industry standard and the Lagos' standard salary for the role.

You can rent a good 2 bedroom in Victoria Island with 8m per annum as rent, or a 1 bedroom (mini flat for about 5m).
V.I is a nice environment to live in

N8m per annum for rent on a N2.5m monthly salary isn't a flex.

When you consider he is starting afresh in Lagos, cost of living around V/I is crazy, he needs to save, invest, develop himself, fend for himself & family, black tax, etc.

If he is married, child care, school fees, fending for them.

It is well.

Mabuggi88:
Hmmm, what type of work is this? I'm not asking for the company name oo, so no spying here. Just that it will be very rare to see a job of 500k here in Nigeria let alone 2.5m

It is not as rare as you think it is.

Sounds like a Chinese movie title.

Nothing new.

The Church is a major environment that breeds and enables terrible husbands.

Just No freaking Comment!

alanto:
You still blame Tinubu for Oloso matter.
Prostitution is the oldest business.

Only fans are mostly for Americans. Nigeria didnt start the porn industry. We are even insignificant in all these you are trying to wrap around us.

@bold:

No vex sir

I am more interested in what happened to the legs and the head of the third chicken.

Onegai:
Olayinkabank, this is pretty solid advice up here.

I will add this: as your fiancee is willing to compromise and convert to Islam for your sake, you meet up with her family, yours and Alfa and sign a legal document that you will take no other wife except for her (even though Islam allows it, it is not mandatory). Each family should have a signed verified copy of that document.

Compromise goes both ways.

@ Bold: very true

Onegai:
Bukatyne, the way Nigerian Men are terrified of Court Wedding is hilarious. The "Logical" gender has been so peer-and-social media influenced by Western media that they are scared that in Nigeria (a country where even Armed Robbery takes upto 10 years awaiting trial and you can even bribe to have some hapless innocent be switched for you), somehow there are Courts, Magistrates and Judges awarding half of a man's money to his wife, in Obodo Nigeria.

The Alimony settlement cases I've heard in Nigeria were literally out of court settlement and were all very wealthy educated men, the 1%.

They are surrounded by men who are balling and not pay shi shi for child upkeep and nobody can do anything about it, yet scream endlessly about "Don't Do Court Wedding, It Will Not Favour You!".

I honestly don't understand their terror of court marriages.

In addition to the unreliability of our legal system, we are not even a 'let's go to court' set of people. There are very few cases of a wife heading to the courts to claim part of her husband's wealth in the event of a divorce.

What we hear is Iya and Baba Sheriff going to customary court to dispute N5,000 'upkeep money' for 12 children.

I guess anything that seems to check their excesses is a threat to them.

Happy new year to you and yours.

olabrad:
If the girl likes herself, she'll run away from you.

Your parents will make life difficult for her because of religion

@bold:

She obviously doesn't.

What I expected from the OP (in addition to transparency) is which wedding should I add to the court wedding to satisfy both sides.

It is well.

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

Since your wife is not a serious Christian, willing to convert to Islam and you are not a Muslim, then do court wedding + Islamic rites with a neutral reception. That way, all sides are satisfied.

You have bigger issues though; if you are agnostic and your wife-to-be doesn't know, I wonder what else she doesn't know about you.

Then your fear of court wedding; what exactly are you afraid of? You think in the event of a divorce, the woman you chose and fought Jackie chan for is not worth 50% of the wealth in marriage? Isn't she going to contribute greatly by holding down the forth domestically so you have the chance to fly?

Besides, except you are planning to japa (and I don't know if Nigerian laws are upheld in the West , I don't know any Nigerian court awarding a wife 50% of her husband’s wealth).

I hope the wife is also planning for herself financially in the event of a divorce.

It is not a Nigerian man thing though and all the forefathers worldwide will be shocked.

pocohantas:
They learnt it from your forefathers.
So I wonder why same forefathers would be shocked. Or are you in the mood to lie today?

I myself shock!

pocohantas:
Hahaha! Problem is, ladies ain't that interested in their own matter.

So they should maintain their sex so they can help us put mouth for mata.

🤣

SmartPolician:
The number one reason why women stay in abusive relationship is its impact on their children.

They understand that having children raised by both parents makes them a total children. It gives them a balanced understanding of life.

Also, women know that if they raise their children alone, they will likely divorce their spouses in the future, thereby replicating the divorce pattern

Unfortunately not true.

A child raised in a toxic home is worse off to himself/herself and society than one in a divorced home.

@OP:

The issue is not a Nigerian women issue; American women are still lamenting taking shit 30 years after marriage.

And theirs seems to be worse off.

Jman06:
Divorce destroys the society! It should never be encouraged. Ladies should stop marrying jerks in the name of "I love him" because that's how it usually starts. Instead, they should allow parents and relatives to sift potential suitors and recommend good men for them based on thorough investigation of family backgrounds.

If history is anything to go by, the parents and relatives do not have the moral ground or 'expertise' to choose a 'good man' either.

Tuface needs to wash his head in the river 7 times if he is already experiencing domestic violence with his new angelic wife.

Thank you ladies for the advise.

Keep it up and while at it, get a sex change

Savageman247:
Ever travelled a long distance with a corpse without knowing it?

In September, I embarked on what I thought would be a routine road trip from Lagos to Osun State. I had no idea it would become one of the most haunting journeys of my life.

I have always preferred the front seat whenever I travel. Not for comfort, but for conversation. I enjoy interacting with drivers, sharing stories, and keeping the journey lively. That preference changed forever on that trip.

I arrived at the park late. The Sienna bus was almost full, with only one space left at the back seat. Seated there already was a young man and his visibly ill mother. Other passengers had avoided the seat, clearly uncomfortable with her condition.

I couldn’t tell exactly what she was suffering from, but it was obvious she was very sick. Her son kept fanning her repeatedly. She was sweating profusely—far more than I had ever seen in a sick person before—like someone working under the scorching sun at a construction site.

I was the final passenger needed for the bus to move. As I sat beside them, I sighed inwardly and told myself this would not be an easy journey. I had no choice; waiting for another vehicle was not an option.

After the driver settled with the loaders and park officials, we set off.

The odour was difficult to endure, but I managed without a nose mask. I volunteered to lead the opening prayer, praying for a safe journey and also for the sick woman.

Somewhere around Ibadan, while we were still heading towards Osun State, the woman quietly passed away.

Her son didn’t notice immediately.

I did.

I leaned towards him and gently asked if he was a Christian. He nodded. I held his hands and prayed with him—prayers for the sick, and for departed souls. When I finished, I whispered softly, “I’m sorry, brother… your mum is no longer with us.”

He lifted her hand, shook her gently, and looked at me in shock.
“How did you know?” he asked.

I cautioned him not to shout. This was a public vehicle. I explained that she had passed just moments earlier and urged him to remain calm. I told him not to make any phone calls, to keep his phone on silent, and to only send text messages if he needed to inform relatives.

“This is the day you must be strong,” I told him. “This journey must not become harder than it already is.”

Through tears, he asked, “What about the driver?”

I assured him not to worry. I told him I would find a way to inform the driver discreetly. I advised him to reposition his mother carefully and continue fanning her so no one would suspect anything.

When the driver eventually stopped after I requested to urinate, I quietly pulled him aside. I explained calmly that the woman at the back seat had passed on and warned him not to turn around or draw attention.

The driver understood immediately. Acting naturally, he stepped into the bush as if to relieve himself, plucked a leaf, and discreetly placed it at the back of the vehicle—a silent signal and a moment of composure.

The journey continued.

The driver played worship songs all the way to Ile-Ife. No passenger suspected that one of us would not complete the journey alive.

When we finally arrived, I helped the young man with his belongings, offered what support I could, and quietly went my way.

It was a journey I will never forget.

If you were one of the passengers on that vehicle, I am truly sorry. Everything that was done was simply to make things easier for a helpless son in the most painful moment of his life.

Source: https://www.reportnaija.ng/2025/12/how-woman-died-in-same-vehicle-with-me.html?m=1

If this is not a fabricated story,God bless you and will send you helpers you don't even know you need in the time of need.

And God console the son & family.

MobilityMFR:
A "rational" woman prefers to be the second-class citizen in a foreign country to being the First Lady in her country. Strangely, that's how they are weird! Mtcheew!

What are the advantages of being a wife to a Nigerian man versus his side chic?