₦airaland Forum

God-fearing man

Agreed it means different things to different women and men for that matter.

A man who is God fearing would love his wife genuinely.

And a pastor is not necessarily a God-fearing man. Being the wife of a pastor also comes with some responsibilities not every woman wants to deal with.

I would assume most peeps here are not married else they would know that marriage comprises of many parts and desiring a 'God-fearing' man doesn't negate wanting a romantic, sexually capable etc. husband.

I would say women looking for God-fearing men should develop characters that make them attractive to the God-fearing men.

And there is a difference between God-fearing and religious husbands...... The later make terrible husbands.

@Maga: I have since realised that any man who genuinely loves his wife is a mugu/maga. We complain of men who are brutes yet complain of men who are not.

onojaford:
Sometimes it could be a mixed feeling. But the God fearing man those ladies mean is a morally sound man. It's beyond being religious. Though most of them can't explain in details, but this is the answer.

A morally sound man won't cheat, because he doesn't like cheating, he won't beat a woman. He is morally developed. They use the term ''God-fearing'' because, religion teach people and encourage them to bear those virtues for the fear of God, however, not all religious people have them.

Ladies percieve them. That is why, a lady looking for the so-called 'God-fearing' man may turn down a pastor because they didn't percieve these virtues that are seemingly the attributes of God.

Ladies should be more definite about what they want in a partner. They should define their man in terms of virtues for the sake of clarity, using ''God-fearing'' is vague.
And they should posses virtues also.

Hmmmm...

You sound very perceptive.

Why is Aisha notably absent in the whole welcome fanfare?

I thought she should have arrived with him or be the first to receive him at the airport after months apart? She's absent in the family reunion

God be with them.

Acidosis:
The Nigerian society has been messed up completely.

I gave up on the youths (teens actually) during the Linda Ikeji - Wizkid feud. I could not believe my eyes seeing the manner at which small small boys condemn and describe a woman's genital.

You know when we tell these people to go to Church, they counter you with Atheism. Truth remains that ONLY the Church can deliver the Nigerian society from this mess. I'm not saying there are no bad Church goers, but frankly, the number of stup!d non-Church goers far outweighs the bad eggs in the Church. Go to Sunday School, you won't go, go to Bible Study, you won't go, go for Evangelism, you won't go... Then how do you intend to escape the rascality of the streets?

To the good but ignorant mothers out there: listen! When you train your girls to be good wives, and you leave your boys to take over the streets, God will not forgive you when you pray for a God fearing husband for your daughter and a God fearing wife for your bad son.

The best you can get is a very bad boy to deal with your good daughter since its obvious that your bad mannerless son will beat and maltreat an innocent woman. That's the way it works for most families.

Your son, a Christian, cannot even recite John 3:16 but as small as he is, he already knows all the lyrics from Wizkid, Olamide and Drake.

Others are saying "For God so love the world", yours is saying " Bad Baddo Baddest" at age 7 and you even upload his photos, dressed up in agbada while dabbing for Baddo. How on earth will such a son escape a baby mama? How do you tell that child tomorrow that weed or Indian Hemp is bad when all he watches at home, from his unsupervised street boys, and colleagues in school contain hemp, weed, and alcohol?

@OP, what we see today is the result of what some mothers planted few years ago. Have today's mothers stopped planting evil?

Parenting is hard, but it could be simple. Parenting will always be hard for a man who drinks alcohol, comes home very late and wants to raise a decent God fearing son. You can't give what you don't have.

You know, I never understand how people do not train boys and forget that their princesses will marry an untrained boy/man.

Sanchez01:
Not in the home I grew up in. It was the other way around for me. I could remember being tutored on when to season and when not to season foods. I prepared my first sea food soup at 14, and started cooking for the house at that age. At 16, I had already mastered the art of making eba without a single lump. I was 'burdened' far too early to take responsibilities for my life, not because I was loathed but because I am the only son.

Today, there's hardly a meal, snack or delicacy that I can't prepare, save for the fact that that I hate the food in question.

Elitist parents are worse. I had so many friends who fell into that class as a teenager and I must say that most of them were badly trained. The middle, strict, class family is the only hope to a stronger generation. The lower class and the higher class are not in any way encouraging when it comes to raising kids.

100% true.....

Poor people are too busy making ends meet; rich people think anything goes...

Wonderful topic.

It shows the student is not lazy....

She is venturing into uncharted territory and doesn't have antecedents to fall back on.

She will most likely be the source of several materials she will use for the project.

Now, this is a project!

VargasVee:
I heard about this lady's story some few years back, how she suffered domestic violence for many years before she walked away. I was sorry for her but

Another broken marriage? Is this one also a wife beater? Some of these ladies got to sit down and reevaluate their lives. Ish might be from you

At least if nothing else, think about your kids you keep changing homes for, most of it usually have a traumatic effect on their lives.

Everyone would turn to the man as being the evil one here but there's Abs no need for you to walk into sth you're unsure of, most of you lot should stop playing victims like Tonto and co is doing.

Spot on.

Two divorces shows poor judgement.

baby124:
Stupid woman. It's the woman I blame in this case. How many pregnancies were terminated by this monster and you still stayed trying to actively have his child. A jobless, broke guy with low self esteem for that matter.

I also blame her parents for not raising a child that has enough self worth and confidence that she can confide in them, in this kind of hell. It's telling a lot about the parents of the girl if she will rather stay with this monster than the safety of her parents. It's not only about raising a child to know how to read, but all aspects of her life needs careful attention with less judgment.

I hope this monster gets death sentence.

Would not blame the parents though.

Their willingness to house her when she had multiple miscarriages shows that they wouldn't have condoled her staying with her abusive husband.

Poor parents.

It must have been the woman's destiny.

See how a beautiful thread has gone to waste

@OP:

All these campaigns strike me as scratching the surface.

Constitutionally, nothing stops a woman for contesting a position; winning is another thing.

The foundation is her husband. If her husband doesn't support her, all the campaigns are in vein.

If a woman’s husband says she is not contesting, the same Nigerian campaigning for 'equal' representation in politics will tell her to 'obey' him and forget her ambition.

With the right support from her husband, a woman can be anything she wants to be.

Women, marry right.

Gaggi:
Lol. Nothing more to say if you agree that double stardards exist. It's not a man's fault when he lands his wife an occasional slap, lack of money can make one tensed up. It's not a man's fault when he abuses his wife verbally, it can get tough sometimes at work and sometimes it isn't easy bottling up ones frustrations.
Nigerian women should learn to support their men, it's not a man's fault if he gets worked up, it's the economy.

A poor man wants to add insult to injury to slap his wife?

He must to be a joker!

Gaggi:
He isn't an African man so he is one of them. Actually Nigerian women are loyal, homely, dedicated and submissive if you can provide all her wants. I rarely see a wealthy man's wife clamouring for divorce except it's the man who decides to kick her out. It's funny when the independent and enlightened women clamoring for independence and their rights are usually the partners of struggling or average men. Cheating is tolerated, verbal abuse isn't a big deal, coming home late at night is part of his job, side chicks are the ones chasing after their husband's and not the other way round. It's difficult to take you people seriously, the doube standard stinks. If we had laws where women could take half of a man's wealth in a case of divorce, trust me the stats would have been different.

There is no double standard in your post, it is you who needs to smell the coffee.

A wealthy man provides wealth for his wife; when he is doing galigali, she relaxes in her luxury suite and twists her diamonds.... A poor man's wife with the anger that her husband just cheated still needs to wash his clothes or manage the money she's taking to the market.

Like someone (a frank male) said, life is easy when you marry a rich man. (We were discussing merits and demerits of marrying a rich man who doesn't love you).....

'A rich husband hates you/cheating on you etc. yet you have cars at your command; you have maids to do whatever you want; you wear the latest designers; you have a lot of distractions to take you off his misbehaviour; you have money at your beck and call etc.' ...... friend 2011.

And he is very right. It will be a tragedy to be married to a poor bad husband.

If you want the right to be a bad husband, better be rich.

I know someone who hates seeing his wife when she is in the 3rd trimester/ newly nursing. He sends her to US with helps for delivery and initial nursing... Imagine he was poor and sent her to his mother's place or they are still in same house with him giving her attitude...

This is not even marriage alone, it is life. People will accommodate the excesses of a rich person more than a poor person; excuses will be made for a beautiful girl than an ugly/unattractive one.... even guys sef. I remember people salivating over an handsome murderer... (his eyes put me off though). Imagine he was ugly? I am sure NL would have sentenced him again.

A politician who is uncouth get passes than an average citizen. A rich man's child will get the job a poor man's child is more qualified for.

Is it fair? No; is it right? No.... However, that is what it is.

Money & beauty/youth turns the world round.

@Divorce stats:
I have always maintained that women will not divorce good husbands because of money.

It is the shitty ones whose wives are managing that have something to fear.

Gaggi:
There is honour even amongst some thieves. Not all women are tramps. The essence of this article is simply to point out that the folks we seek to emulate deep down do not like divorce, a woman who is disloyal or a woman who isn't homely. We enjoy using Americans as a standard whilst one of their own is discouraging people from marrying one.
If women become more submissive and homely, I'm sure they will be less 'Mike Tysons' around.

Davide is an Italian; he is not 'one of their own'. African women who do not like divorce and homely are in the majority. As for disloyalty (sexual), can't really say.

Do African women really trying imitate white women(I even have to ask which one because them plenty)? I honestly doubt it. We have totally different outlook to life.

An average Nigerian husband wants an Autonomous and subservient wife; An average white (American & European) wants a dependent and subservient wife..... two different women.

If men became more loving, their wives would submit.

Chicken & egg.

jeff1607:
first and only child?

First of 3.

Jman06:
Lolz..Why u dey laf

The whole convo sounded funny.

It was good laughter!

Regards to your elder sister worth more than a thousand men

I assume that Davide Serra is an Italian....

@American women: according to blogs, European & some American men think they are too fat, not willing to take care of themselves (grooming et al), make up too much, eat too much, not willing to take care of their families and over-entitled. (Which feedback is a result of them not taking trash and which is true is left to be determined.)

Interestingly, some Americans are to the other extreme and believe that a woman shouldn't even work outside the home etc.

It would also be nice to know what American women think of these opinions.

There is every woman for each man & vice versa.

bigcp:
A 9ja girl will only inituate divorce if her stupiid husband is fooolish enough to pull tru with court marriage. ...women go de patient till God touch her husband's heart...if her hubby only agreed to do just church n traditional Marriage

I don't know the churches you guys get married but I know that RCCG; Trinity House and some others require a registry wedding certificate/licence to wed intending couples.

zed7:
Challnges vary from lack of money to non performance in bed to anything couples face. Choose your pick.

I am sure a lot of wives are willing to withstand challenges but will not withstand trash from their husbands.

A job loss/illness is a challenge; a Doro husband or Mike Tyson is not.

Cc: Gaggi

crackhaus:
There are decent, smart girls around..

One has to have a keen eye as well as the patience to get to know a person, you can never tell the difference between the really smart girls who have their lives figured out from the countless money-hungry urchins at first sight.
You might even start dating one who you thought had sense until 6months later then you realize she was just wearing a mask.

Take the time to get to know any girl you're interested in, she might be a slay queen but have a good heart or she might be very decent on the surface but still lack common sense in relationships.

Who is a slay queen?

Jman06:
My elder sis ofcourse.

Lol!

jeff1607:
he is typing as we speak

She is typing as we read

Money can't buy wisdom.

Mother's destructive love for a son; what's the cause?

Hmmmmmm.....

Strong topic.

In theory, no biggie

In practice? I will say a woman with help(s) can win the bread with peace.

A woman without help winning bread? Clears throat.

Deezou:
Hi
Am a Muslim Hausa/Fulani of kano origin

Hello Deezou,

Is it too late to ask for your inputs?

raumdeuter:
^^ Well said

When people say I enjoy my job, I ask If there is no salary, Can you continue doing it?

The only job you can say you enjoy is one you would continue doing even if there's no pay e.g Playing football . I believe a career is to gather enough money as quick enough to pursue your real passion be it travelling, gardening or brewing beer.

With constant practice and dedication you can become good at what isnt your initial favourite subject

I was just glancing through this thread again and I must say than you for the bold.

It just hit a cord and complimented what my husband has saying for a while now.

nerodenero:
The man didn't mess up. I believe the mman would have made his intentions known before now. If that was the case, the lady in question should have stopped any assistance from the Fruit-seller-turned-truck-driver since she knew shed definitely turn down the man's offer.

Verdict- Why smell what you don't want to eat? If she could smell it, then she should be ready to eat it. Karma go fall on her soon.

I am not blaming the man for the help; I am 'blaming' him for neglecting himself.

maclatunji:
You know how you ladies accuse us men of being 'insecure' 'not wanting progress for you'.

Well, ladies this is one of the reasons O.

I don't get this post....

A man not progressing for a woman insecurity?

The man sha messed up; you don't develop someone else at the expense of yourself.

What is their culture as regards marriage?

maclatunji:
We listened to this on Star fm 101.5 and just had to share.

A girl’s parents die when she is 14 and somehow ends up with a young man that is a fruit seller who sends her to school with the proceeds of his business.

Later, he becomes a truck driver and continues paying for her training until she is 26 years old today and is now a lawyer.

Now, she is feeling uncomfortable about this her truck driver benefactor with marriage on the horizon. She feels she is above his level and is looking for a way to tell him.

She is looking for advice on how to do it without hurting his feelings although she is grateful for all he has done for her.

What do you think about this situation?

Source: http://www.opinions.ng/tragic-love-story-lawyer-truck-driver/

The Karma that will punish her is doing press up.

So she can't turn around and train him to 'her level'?

Afhounja:
I can accurately guess that your husband's labour (work) is the means to the bulk of you and your children's comfort and provisions.

"everything else" is nothing difficult. There are many men (bachelors) who work, cook, and clean all by themselves. You don't see them complaining and moaning about those domestic tasks being difficult.

Besides, if you think wives suffer more in marriages, why do you women always look forward to getting married right from your teenage years? Why do you women spend a very extended period of time planning the perfect weddings for yourselves?

Why do brides faint and go crazy upon learning that the grooms are not showing up for the wedding?
It's just like saying that a prospective slave is looking forward to being taken away by a slave owner to be subjected to hard labour, and then feeling bad when the slave owner doesn't show up.

@Bold: Lol!

A lot of women will tell you they find working outside the home less stressful than working inside the home. And all these talk of men 'working hard' to provide... except they work menial/multiple jobs, job descriptions are not gender specific. Whatever 'hard work' a man does at work, there are wives doing same with expectation to still keep their home.

Women are pressured to marry in the society; women dream of their weddings (not marriage) because of the festivities.... Older wives always tell younger wives that dating is not same as marriage...

Bros, study people around you biko.

And in Nigeria of today, a man as the sole provider is an anomaly . Infact, wives expecting their husbands to provide alone are mocked in Yoruba land.

Have you considered why widowers quickly remarry why widows esp with kids face their children and stay on their lane.

Do men love slavery so much to do multiple rounds?

Chimo, all these to a simple question?

Okay, let's go

Afhounja:
1. Marriage is slavery for men. A man gets married under the delusion that he is going to become the "king of 'his' own house". But he ends up becoming nothing else but a work horse---for the comfort of 'his wife'.
This is a key reason why women always want, and are looking forward to, get married: so they can have someone to shoulder all the burdens of providing for them while they do little to nothing, and also have someone to blame when there is a lack of provisions. A man will foolishly get married because he has been told all his life that being a husband is his role and his life is SUPPOSED to be that way.

2. Once a marriage takes off, the wife assumes the position similar to that of a slave owner---managing the affairs of her slave (husband). Using certain psychological and physical tools, she will exploit the husband and make sure he is as productive as possible so that there are enough resources (coming from the husband's labour) for her to satisfy herself with. She also uses these tools to keep him from running away (i.e. divorce or leaving the marriage eventually).

The major tools she uses are:

3. -the threat of starvation (the wife takes over the kitchen and can decide anytime to not cook for the husband if he doesn't do what she wants).

4. -loss of peace of mind (the wife will nag endlessly, b!tch, moan, raise her voice & refuse to shut up, cause deliberate confusion & disorientation, and also throw tantrums whenever something doesn't go her way).

5. -loss of sexual 'privileges' (the uninhibited & heightened sex drive of a man is taken advantage of. The wife will either use sex as an incentive to make the husband do what she wants or she will go on 'sex strikes' whenever the husband doesn't behave according to her wishes and desires.)---making it look like she is doing her husband a great deal of favour by just laying on her back and spreading her legs.

6. -the baby/children (the wife knows to a great extent that a man in his right mind will not abandon a child he believes to be his own. She will use the child as a way of keeping the man from running away and making him work even harder. She will also threaten him with the poor well-being & her refusal to take care of the child if he goes against her wishes).

7. -shaming tactics (in our society, a man is shamed severely for his "failure" to keep 'his' woman. A lot of men fear being subjected to this shaming. So they rather just stay in the marriage, suffer in silence, and do whatever the 'wife' wants.) (men also get shamed with things like: they should "man up" or that they are not "man enough" or that they are "not being a man" if they don't do anything their wives or women want them to).

8. Other tools include: praise, blame, flattery, withdrawal of approval, manipulation of the man's insecurities and fears, the shattering of his ego, e.t.c.


9. *I don't need to define slavery because anyone who knows what slavery means and reads what I wrote above will see no difference between it and marriage.
The only difference is the enabling environment, methods (of reward/punishment), and institution (or 'bracket') under which a successful slave-master relationship takes place.

10. P.S. I didn't write all these solely because I want to reply you. Your profile says you are a female so deep down, you already know that all these are facts. I did it in case there are men 'out there' who NEED some clarity on marriage, might end up reading this post and save themselves from the scam called "marriage".

Chimo, all these to a simple question?

Okay, let's go

1. Lol! ( you will get a lot of this...) a man is a work horse? Using Nigeria as an example, how many wives do you know who truly stay at home waiting for their husband's paycheck? Also, this male work horse, what does he typically do apart from 'working' in a traditional marriage? Who takes care for the daily running of the home and every other thing apart from providing? Who translates the cash to comfort for him? For non-traditional marriages, the wives bring in money + running of the horse... Infact, I have concluded that the only wife who has it 'easy' is one who doesn't work and have domestic staff... Trust me, they are very few. A working wife has it worse. Most women want to be mothers and marriage is the legal route to that. Not the wifery brother; it's legal motherhood in marriage. Now that baby mamaism is less stigmatised, watch more women shun marriage.

2. Lol! again. You are obviously not talking of the Nigerian marriage. Wives are capable of using physiological tools and Iya Risi is still hawking to send her kids to school. A wife can at worse 'disrespect' a non-providing husband; she will still have to double her hustle to pay the bills (whether she decides to leave him or not). I believe this is as a result of plenty African Magic... Take a poll of real people and see how many wives/mothers were able to use 'tools' to force their men to provide. Again, points 1 & 2 are not painting a true picture.... A husband works outside the home; the wife works inside the home (both very busy).... the wife is not painting her nails all day waiting for pay day.

The tools:

3. A wife can only 'starve' a husband that can't cook..... nuff said
4. And husbands don't throw tantrums when things don't go their way?..... Anyways they only beat their wives
5. Sex// threaten a typical Nigerian husband with sex? That would only work for a prinicpled non-cheating husbands. Now count how many they are and we will have a punishment.
6. Fathers don't abandon their children? Really? No comment
7. Brother, I am sure you really don't believe this. Here that a man seemingly loses nothing in divorce? A Nigerian husband shamed to do what he doesn't want to do over time? LOL!
8. These tools might work once in a while.... later, the novelty wears off.
9. Marriage slavery to men? Maybe 'slavery' to sex with one wife (for godly men).
10. This must be as a result of reading many reddit and MGTOW.

Asking married men would help a lot. And any man who feels like a slave should switch positions with his wife.

Even the Bible says 'He who finds a wife finds a good thing'

crackhaus:
That comment is ironic and I should be the one mentioning you in reference to it.
You people are usually the ones preaching divorce at every little thing last time I checked, or have things changed during my absence...

Can you pull up 5 of my posts where I told people to divorce at every little thing?

I am getting older than this shit.

Afhounja:
I tell you, man. Marriage is slavery.

It's just unfortunate that the older men are failing to warn the younger ones because of their ego. They also don't want to be seen as defeated people. So they just suffer and slave away in silence.

One will always wonder why most husbands die way long before their wives do....

Marriage is slavery for whom?

What is your definition of slavery?