₦airaland Forum

PaperLace:
Let me ask you a question on the highlighted, you seem to understand these men more. Why do some men think it's okay for their wives to be embarrassed publicly, but the culprit has to be scolded privately?

I'm sure a single firm word from her husband would have easd her embarrassment like you implied.

Honestly, i don't understand what runs through the average Nigerian males' mind.

This thread is unbelievable!

CC: Onegai

AreaFada2:
Imagine the conconbility!

Very sad but funny what replies are here.

How can a grown ass (same age as a married woman) BIL enter a matrimonial bedroom without knocking?

I'm sure he has his own room in the house. The SIL won't go into his anyhow.

Even the BIL should have quickly left the room apologizing. Not still standing there while SIL dives for cover.

The hubby should have said sternly "please knock on the door each time", apology or no apology. The wife's body is not for whole family viewing.

Our inability to be objective with blood relatives is the cause of many marital issues, especially hubby's relatives.

You need to paste this on the wall.

technicallyrich:
I know that. You have banged more than 20 guys before you got married so what's the big deal if your brother inlaw mistakenly see your unclothedness for the first time not that he has been doing it.
That your husband is a matured man and I belive he would have called his brother secretly to caution him instead of doing it in your front.
Most Women always like to chase their inlaws out so that they will bring in their own family.
Loking for excuse to cause problem between them but your plan don fail.

Are you seriously a lady?

Wawu!

johnson232:
The issue here is that u guys aren't seeing what op brother in-law did as a mistake, but as a delibrate act. I am not trying to justify what the guy did, but considering it's the first & we all are prone to mistakes. Making a mistake & being disrespectul are two different things.
I think op should have let go after he has apologized. I see no reason for bringing it up again.

I haven't said the BIL did it deliberately... that's another discussion; It is the fact that

1. The husband did not scold his brother especially in front of his wife to ease her embarrassment and asking her why she is making a issue out of nothing ----- Disrespect

2. The BIL barging into his brother's marital room without knocking ---- Disrespect

The apology is not enough... the fact he never does it again.

johnson232:
The bold isn't true...

Very true.

cuteguy123:
So make him kill he brother Abi quarrel with am because of a wide pussy bitch?

Hell no.

Bros over bitchess.

I am sure you have shamelessly banged more than 10 guys before you got married.

So what's there to hide?

Mehn gtfo

Na wa

It seems your brother in law & husband doesn't accord you much respect.

BIL should have knocked before entering your matrimonial room and hubby should have scolded him.

Anyways, throw it off your mind.... the more you dwell on it, the more you analyze the situation and become more ashamed, embrassed, angry etc.

Just tell your BIL to always knock before entering your room.

dinggle:
We are importing extremism from Sudan.

Extremism how?

Is it the hug or what?

Congrats dear and thank you hubby for putting a smile on her face.

Modified: watched the video and the wife's expression was priceless.

The husband was even able to get his friends to come?

Priceless.

katyamizotta:
Bukatyne, I have drinks, lots of em. DH wants plus peppersoup. Okay I'll ask my help to a make the peppersoup.

It's not about whether he should do oral or not. It's about exploring other means of achieving orgasm for me. I wouldn't be looking for other methods if I was getting my climax. So if he isn't open to helping out then I feel that is selfish.

I stopped the oral since the last time I posted. He has noticed that I stopped it, or if he did he hasn't complained. I don't know where that leaves me.....orgasmless at the moment.
I have also stopped faking....i feel free and less of a hypocrite, but I'm also detached. My body has stopped responding. There is a bit of pain again. I can't tell why....He is very concerned about that.

I want to have another child soon, but I'm scared of being a married 'single mom'. Raising one kid alone has been beautiful but tough. My daughters birthday is coming up soon. I have pleaded that we attend her birthday in school and he says a capital No. That is not his thing. He made arrangements for a big party in school and a tricycle to be delivered there but refuses to show up
Should I still have another baby?

I have the Total Woman.

I will try my best but the journey is more difficult than I ever imagined.

I am sorry I didn't respond to this.

Onegai:
With all I have seen and heard and experienced about Nigerian Marriages, I'm going to spend all my time bringing up my son rather than my daughter. Because it's not our girls with issues, our menfolk simply cannot appreciate a good woman and are not taught how to be agood husbands. There is something so fundamentally broken in the Nigerian Man. You cannot spend 22 years plus training a girl child for marriage and ignore the male child and expect success stories in Marriage. OP's story is so commonplace, it's not even funny. I don't know which married woman in Lagos is not living this life right now. You see them everywhere. You do your best, you pray, you look your best, you cook your best, you smile your best, you bang your best... He acts like he wishes he was in Jericho, bored, selfish, emotionally withdrawn and listless.

KanwuliaJaara was right, don't carry any man on your head and keep "distractions" quietly on the side. It's painful but she was right all these years...

Seriously, Nigerian women, stop denying yourselves. Plenty single guys dey. Be super discreet. It's nice to be chatted up once in a while and at least, you know what's up.

I very much agree with you that there is something about the typical 'Nigerian husband'. I believe it is partly training/ lack of and partly girls who jilted/ toyed with him when he was younger.

I always tell people that the divorce rates are seemingly higher because Nigerian women are no longer doing the pray & endure shit.... the men are angry because they now have to sit up (hence the uproar you see about ' modern' women in NL; like it's not the same saintly mothers who trained the girls of today).

I hear guys seriously discuss and wonder why today's girls are not like their mothers (shit takers)...

I detest the idea of live for your kids.... it breeds terrible mothers in law who can't let go.

I prefer the OP's approach... finding joy in things (her hobbies & friends) than pouring her life for her child.

I wouldn't advise adultery; it is too messy, degrading & a sin.

Are there good men? Yes, they abound. Like I told some babes, find a man who genuinely loves you.

katyamizotta:
UPDATE:
A year and 5 months later

I am a much happier woman.
Much much happier.
Did anything change?
No.
I and hubby don't talk much. I joined a women's group. That takes care of my need for a close friend.
We are more like roommates.
I have successfully killed off the desire for sex. not that when he needs me, I won't be there. I will be. We are married.
But now I can enthrall him with mind blowing sex while making a new beading pattern in my head.
My child makes me happy.
I am a bad ass cook now.
I got a fashion stylist so I'm close to being a diva.
I got more helps. he refused to pay for their services so I pay. I need to take life easy.
I call everyday, he answers in monosyllables. As long as he is fine and healthy I praise God. I have done my bit for the day.
I have learned to worry less about what he thinks of me and engage my mind in several tasks.
Everyone has an area which is broken. For me its my marriage. But I realise I have a right to be happy.
I am no longer unhappy.

It's sad it got to this stage of a 'typical Nigerian' marriage.

All good that you are 'happy' now.

Why the rant?

Are Nigerian men known for domestic violence? Don't you guys justify beating a woman when she errs?

Don't most Nigerian men cheat? Have threads not been opened to advise women not to divorce cheating husbands?

Funny people!

tartarus:
Not every woman is freaked about marriage. Let that sink in bro

God bless you.

lordkit2:
Relationship adviser, Joro Olumofin has shared a story of a disturbed house-wife whose marriage is currently being threatened by a housemaid.

The husband who has been appreciative of the cooking of the young girl surprisingly bought heran expensive iphone to the dismay of his wife.

The woman on her path admitted that the housemaid is a beautiful girl.

Read her story below:


Source: http://www.flexygist.com.ng/2017/06/06/fear-grips-wife-as-nigerian-man-buys-iphone-for-housemaid/


Cc: Lalasticlala

There is something seriously wrong somewhere.

Even if the maid is a better cook, the wife was willing to meet the guy halfway and learnt from the maid.

I don't think sending the maid away will solve the problem.

This is a war room situation.

And why is her mother begging her son-in-law for an iPhone? Neither she, her husband or children can buy it for her?

MonkeyNoFine:
Lazy women with maids. You got her when you were sick?now that you are well nko?send her way simple.

Only lazy women have maids?

Is ok

If I have to consult a website before sending a condolence message, it means I don't sympathize with him/her & I rather keep my N4.

When. Someone is grieving, they don't look at the quality of the message. The fact you reached out to them at all is enough.

Foxie:
Ahhh! Aunty, resume duty till morning? Please na.. Lol

I can see some of the reason my would be hubby is saying we should pass the night In a hotel, so we don't just get home and start trying to fix things... But my fear is, the morning after, when our room will be cleaned up, who knows what mess we'd create... And some other worries... Thanks for your contribution

@OP:

I believe the wedding night (virgin or not) is symbolic and the first legal sex you have in your marriage (again considering the fact that you both have never been sexually intimate and you are a virgin) is extremely important.

Several people might had sex on that same bed... yes, the sheets are fresh however sex is more spiritual than physical and I doubt you want to consumate your marriage (the final step of the joinning) in a public place.

Do home on the wedding night, and honeymoon after thanksgiving. Even if there are a lot of people in your home, they will give you both space.

@breakfast and cleaning.... I don't know the breakfast and cleaning you are doing on your wedding night oh! Get food from the wedding or buy fast food.

Happy married life in advance.

Nice picture

They look like Aisha came for a contract. She should be sitting on the table or beside him.

@Topic:

I thank God I did not marry someone like him... would have been a disaster.

However, he would make a good business partner.... a man of integrity and honest.

nkemdi89:
I slightly disagree with you on these, I believe instead that mothers has failed, most women tend to play the victim cards, even when there is problems between couples, the children should never be involved. When the two of them started the relationship the children were not there, so when issue arises couples should stop placing their children in between especially mothers. Growing up I remember when my parents had little misunderstanding we always want to take sides with mum, but she always remind us not to and assure us that our father isn't a bad man and he is best person for her. Today now we are grown ups and they are the only one at home living together like newly wedded couples. Some people condemning their father has received more humiliation from their boyfriends than what their mother experienced in marriage, yet they stay put to the relationship hoping it will lead to marriage.

The truth is children are not fools and can differentiate between 'minor' disagreements and the maltreatment of their mother & themselves.

I am sure that most peeps don't even 'hate' the fathers for the adultery. ..

It's the abuse (not discipline like flogging or physical punishments) they/ their mothers suffered triggering this reactions.

They also know that their fathers are not perfect and will make allowance for them.

I have seen children who love their imperfect dads and children who hate their dads..... trust me, the difference is clear.

I have an uncle who was 'terrible' to his wife yet visibly cared for his children physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially and his kids love & admired him till his death.

Another relative cared for his kids in poverty & wealth despite his escapades and his kids love him.

I am intentionally picking men who might not be fantastic to their wives yet good fathers (not financial only) and celebrated by their kids.

I know wives who stay with 'horrible' husband's because theit husbands are good fathers.

Do some women play victim? Yes! However, they are the minority.

If husbands/fathers step up their game, their girls would want to marry someone like them.

jagugu88li:
The one thing that scares me in this thread is the realization that daughters dont love their fathers....this much. Very Sad

The relationship between these two people can be so strong even a husband or boyfriend would be jealous of the father. I won't say maybe its because I grew up with only a father, but fathers are a ladies best confident.

My high school graduation, sporting weekends, summer camps, driving, standing with a boy (the yelling that evening ), university, first day at work.....He was there, smiling and bragging about his job well done. He will be there when I get married....and give that dude hell . I can just imagine that crooked thumb he points with when he is about to talk out of line

Soon, just soon, I think being born male will be a problem.

@bold:

Being born male is not as much problem as not behaving well.

Hehehehehehehehehe

'Nigerian' marriages

Kondomatic:
You're not yet ready for marriage

I agree

ModusOperandi:
What's shredded here


This is shredded

Flavour looks better body wise

What a response....

Such wisdom.

Yul, I am very disappointed in you.

If you were addressing a certain case, it might have been pardonable but randomly?

Triple na.

Anyways, as you like it.

doyinbaby:
By God I will try to let my female children complete their academic pursuit by 24.....after that na to find husband o........you can never compare a woman to a man.....how many women can find husband at 45.......but a man can.......there is a age you get to as a woman.....Na divine intervention to find husband

The OP encourages 'early' marriage in men & women.

She @ 25 married a 28yr old man.

So 45yr old men might not have their pick except they are rich & who wants the father of her 5yr old to be 50,

ryut:
I and my wife have separated for some weeks now due to some irreconcilable differences to give ourselves some space and which nobody know where it will finally end and we will not be meeting.However,one of the basic challenges since the separation is coping with sexual urge.In all sincerity i dont want to commit adultery pending the outcome of the separation and nobody knows how long it will last or whether it will finally lead to parting away.I also know that my wife due to her very high sexual drive is not finding it easy as well.Last time She sent my a text which when i read meaning behind it, is more like,that the urge is much on her,cant cope and probably seems like she has messed up(started messing up) with men or started dating other men.However,i want to use this separation time to seek for God's direction especially over the union and one of my challenge is sexual urge.Truly,its not easy,most times,i will be disturbed and some nights i find it difficult to sleep,even though my wife attitude/text message somehow portray that its likely she has already had messed up sexually/started dating another man,but i dont want to fall,atimes i even feel like to masturbate,but it is also a sin to do so.How can one be engaing in adultery and masturbation and yet be praying?.I cant engage in any of the two and yet have a clean mind to pray.My conscience will keep disturbing me that i wont be able to pray or anytime i want to pray if i do so.I have been taking all necessary precaution including keeping myself busy,avoid staying in a lonely place,praying anytime i have the feeling,keeping away my mind from it,stopped going to any place that will make me vulnerable to it,etc,but all to no avail as the urge is still high and quite distracting.Please kindly advice on what you think i should i do.

I am deducing that you both had a wonderful sex life else you won't be aching for each other.

I however wonder what issues you have despite a healthy sex life that could result to seperation.

Please resolve the issues asap and come back together again so you are not tempted.

inemani:
Simple sturv! You guys should agree and meet somewhere, eat yourselves raw; then return to your separation mode!


Let's see if the spirit of separation and divorce won't run away from both of you!

Lol!

The spirits will practically flee.

Lol @ Seun oriented comments....

Seun and Linda could be the next Banky and Adesua

blank:
No more drive. Everything's gone. But I have made my choice to be grateful for what I have and to ensure I replicate it in my kid's lives. They are boys so no stopping them.

Hi Blank,

Will respond to you.