₦airaland Forum

Sijo01:
Go for the land.! Depends on the area, you can get x2-3 if you decide to resell in the near future.
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Make sure the land is free from dispute(s) o.

5minsmadness:
Artful dodger, so why were you quickly supporting it if you know you don't do it? Or you sha just wanted to oppose my point of view?



I don't believe you jo. You do stuff like this to your husband. Help us understand why that's all.

TooNoisy:
5minsmadness,

Please learn to ignore trolls and focus on people that make sense!

5minsmadness:
So hold on, so because your husband is the head of the house now, you cannot use your own money to save your own mother?


Freecocoa u see the example of such a woman isnt so far away from you. Bukatyne is such a person. Discuss with her so as to understand her viewpoint.

soonest:
Your husband is the one that wants to break your marriage not his brother.

TV01:
Hello Bukatyne, How far? Agreed on "joint spending", noting that does not necessarily denote equal.

But I'm still going to have to challenge you on this one . Can you show any reputable source that confirms "many" husbands are not the primary bread winners in Nigerian families? Let alone in "most" homes husbands are the primary bread winners in Nigeria?

What you've boldly termed a "NL bourne fallacy" is the real life situation of many in Nigeria. I doubt you'll even find anything to the contrary.
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/67332/Gender-Nigeria2012-summary.pdf

Although things are changing, and the "male as sole/primary breadwinner" model is diminishing, even in the West, men are still overwhelmingly the main breadwinners.

Even if you count households where women are the only provider i.e. single-parent homes, there are still more homes where men are the main provider - http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/30/business/economy/women-as-family-breadwinner-on-the-rise-study-says.html?_r=0

You can do better than these lazy assertions


TV

marenx:
Even the rich like too much sex to the point that they have many girlfriends outside.

Poor people are predominantly villagers and illiterates.

I am poor, but because I am educated, I won't behave as such! I won't repeat the mistakes our parents made.

5minsmadness:
The woman feels it's her husband's responsibility to take care of her mother financially and since he didn't have the money he asked her to do it from her own resources and he will replenish her. He hasn't paid back and now she is withholding sex until he does so.


I have seen it happen. Don't know what to say about that mentality.

FavorofGod:
My hubby and I have had no financial secrets since marriage. He uses my atm regularly and it's almost as though we operated a joint account. This has worked for us until recently.

Now the issue is this: I'm saving for my masters school fees(distance learning) which invoves thousands of pounds. I had to defer it last year due to financial constraints. So from the beginning of this year, I had already started making plans to pay. Hubby promised to assist but each time he puts away some money, something always comes up to make him use it up.

I wouldn't have minded much if it was just that, but he turns around to deplete my own savings, promising to pay when he has money. I know he has no other means of income and cannot fulfill that promise.As it stands now, I've not been able to save a dime, and my fees is due in 2 months.
So I told him he is on his own as far as this month and next month's salary is concerned, cos I'm saving every bit of it. Some money being owed me at my place of work for months now was finally paid me yesterday. I didn't want to tell him at first, but later did this morning.

He said he was disappointed, that I've started keeping secrets from him. That he only spent my money because he was broke and not out of carelessness. I told him there was a cause.

He spends money as he sees it, and does not believe in saving for the rainy day. He is not frivolous, but will start projects he had earlier shelved due to lack of money as soon as he sees money. For e.g, He has been talking about hosting a big time baby dedication, and the whole family travelling to the village next month for holiday, which are all capital intensive projects, when he knows he cannot fund it with his salary alone.

I think he wants me to allow him use my savings, then hope for a miracle to pay my fees. I know he's not commited to my academic pursuits, though he claims to. He once used up money I had saved for a proffessional exam, promising to pay b4 the closing date, only to tell me to forgett about an exam I had fully prepared for a day to the closing date because he couldn't raise the money. I had to run around to borrow and pay that same day.

So, ladies and gents, am I wrong to have barred him from touchingmy money for thisperiod or not? Should I stop telling him how much I have exactly? Share your thoughts.

OdenigboAroli:
If you wanna go the route of unfounded generalisation then count on us to match you word for word. First off,most men are the primary bread winners in their family and we don't have any problem with that and will never complain but soon as a woman starts making her little money ,of which she mmostly use to buy designers items and is called upon to assist in the family financial responsibility all hell let loose. Most women are ffucking selfish and self centered.

DTOBS:
ehya!see wia u finish yaself,na jealousy go kill all d ladies of nowadays...now dt u re dead, shey ur husband no go remarry ni? ladies, think before doing!

cococandy:
why?

babygirlfl:
Well done bukatyne

cococandy:
Tomorrow he will propose and she will agree to marry.

5minsmadness:
Pm me if it's a serious problem for you. We can attempt to correct it surgically.

Do not use alum. Vaginal atresia can result and it's very hard to treat.
P. S kindly ignore the title of my moniker. I penned it for fun.

MarvellousGod:
From all indications, they both tied the knot because the woman got pregnant out of wedlock... The man never really loved her going by all her posts... Imagine telling your wife on your wedding day not to give you trouble in your marriage, telling her that like twice.. On a wedding day that was supposed to be full of joy...
This amongst other hurtful words he told her.

You're accusing your wife of infidelity when you're sex chatting with female friends... You question her for not using her wedding ring when you don't wear yours at all? If wedding ring was such a big issue to you, then why don't you wear yours?
I'm not trying to say marriage is do me I do you but man you're not a saint..

Then the woman is so naive, running to ex for succour... nawa ooo. You need to wise up and do away with those men biko.. you have your husband at home.

That said, I think your marriage can be salvaged if you both learn to communicate well, you lack that openness husband and wife should possess.. I mean that togetherness and free mindedness. .
You should also learn to be wise with words, anger doesn't give you the liberty to say hurtful words to your partner. Words said can never be taken back, learn to control yourself..
And yeah, BOTH of you have to be involved for things to work again.....

All the best, I really wish your marriage can come back alive and better

Nice analysis Buka

Time2Smile:
You are all right. I was captivated while reading their stories a few days ago. Both of them are guilty of crass immaturity, more so the wife. But I get the feeling there is only one person trying to make this marriage work which is the wife, treese. Most of the actions of the husband which seems immature are just the action of a man tired of his marriage. It takes two to tango, Please Mr Freelance777 you need to accept this woman, love her, cherish her, guide her and am sure she will change some of her immature behaviour.

DonTim1:
It takes real love and true friendship to marry som1 who got preggers for u out of wedlock.
Else you'll continually feel you deserve better and in worse case hate you spouse.

Feelance didn't marry his friend, the initial gra gra of love in tokyo has weared of / n prolly he has seen or expeienced a want/like lacking in wifey elsewhr hence all this.

Wife is also not matured enough mentally for marriage n yes dat dude freelance is still a wuss , not always taking respondsibility, how can you put a bad day at work on yor wife or ring? Just imagine employer with a bad start at home comes to work and fires employee claiming he/she was respondsible

Islie:
The marriage counselor has spoken

Kimoni:
Treese, pls let me apologize for quoting you on this thread.

Buka, all the issues you highlighted above are mere symptoms, the real issue persist.

The bolded is the main issue in my opinion. Freelance is feeling trapped in this marriage and he doesn't seem to love his wife anymore or maybe he never did like her gutfeel has rightly told her. When you are being forced to live with someone you don't love, everything the person does will irritate you, laughing or smiling with the person becomes an impossible task. I am only wondering why it took him several months and after the birth of 2 kids for him to realize he is not with the right person. Maybe he actually thought the love would grow sha.

I don't even know how to advise them cuz where there is no love in one partner, where do you start dishing your advice from?

Their issue reminds me of Prince Charles and Lady Di. I only pray they don't end up divorced like the royal couple.

5minsmadness:
Bukatyne did they both deactivate?

Are you in contact with the lady? I might have a solution for her. Kindly reply. Thanks.

Timbuktou:
Nothing in practice. Plenty in principle.

zeb04:
how can you blame the woman for not communicating....didnt you read her story.

these whole thing is very messed up. I cant even imagine having secx through the back door to please someone.

I know marriage takes away some things,I didnt know it takes away common sense too.

cococandy:
I concur.

Ride on bukatyne.