₦airaland Forum

pickabeau1:
I don't know
You tell me

You said a man's libido increases till mid 30s

What happens after mid 30s?

TV01:
You have lost track somewhere. My OP specifically states monogamy. And the piece you referenced by truckpusher is a man with 4 wives.


TV

His example was about a fourth wife. I actually quoted him because of the reference to Oshiomole.

Truckpusher:
Women are already devicing several means on how to neutralize that shiit. You'd be waiting for eternity for your magun to catch her.

Lols

The Magun actually kills the concubine depending on the type sha.

pickabeau1:
Its actually the other way round.... men libido is high up till the mid 30s

Then what happens after mid 30s?

What happens when a 35yr old marries a 25yr old?

TV01:
They are married to women who percieve them to have higher status than them. Or do you see many graduates with Bus conductors !


It's not a myth Edwife sef said it !


Empty pocket no potential is always a deal breaker. The potential sef must be obvious ! Reminds me of a great testimony I once heard in church. A woman testifies how she met her husband when he was penniless and how thye've endured, now that he's doing well, he earns so much that she didn't have to work. He's a top consultant in the UK, his wife met him at uni in Niaja, when he was laready in midical scholl and well known as amongst the brightest students .


Please tell us more - a place where men prefer to marry women with kids otver those without? ATBE??


I enforce nothing, just relaying tried and tested observations. You cannot equalise everything, no matter how much you try to deny reality.

How many bus conductors did you consider . Why not??

TV

How do people marry empty pockets?

Empty pockets is always a deal breaker for marriage or how do the couple intend to survive?

Anything wrong with the woman's testimony?

I am serious and it was so strange to me anyways. We see life through the lenses of our own experiences and what we know.

You are the one bring equality here and I do not know it fits in.

We are not in the same social circle just how I never considered any governor's son.

TV01:
Please, what age difference are we talking about here?

And Bukatyne, note he has children - her selection was based purely on status. Se you get?


TV

Are we adding fourth wives to the mix again?

When I talk of marriage, I only take account of the first wives.

Second to infinity does not exist to me.

TV01:
Yes it does.

All women, everywhere are first and foremost concerned about a mans status and ability to provide. Are children out of wedlock a consideration, sure, but simply not as high as it is for men, and unlikely to stop the deal if the men score highly in other ways.

Fact!

TV

@ bold:

Then all the bus conductors, beggars et al will not be married.

This myth that all women care about status/pocket sha

It depends on the woman's deal breaker and the value system of the people involved.

I have seen a place where young mature women (early 20s) who have not birthed are mocked. The ones who have kids have higher value in the dating scene.

You do not have the power or authority to enforce your morals/stance on the whole world.

Different strokes for different folks

Truckpusher:
Adams is in trouble

My people said that a man that plants an apple tree in his compound has simply invited children to disturb his sleep and peace of mind.

He might give her magun so she doesn't cheat

She can also invest in adult toys and wrap herself with her duvet.

Adultery is wrong

Truckpusher:
There was a time my Grandfather eldest brother's wife had an affair she was 49 and the man in question was 87 and peeps starting trash talking her during that family and I hard a different opinion which shocked everyone.I simply ask them that which one among them would be sexually active and their wife is prolly sick and can't do anything with them and still maintain their sanity - they called me a small boy but a particular Aunt got the message.
Why would a man get married to a woman almost his daughter's age? Mind you she's not his second or third wife she's the fourth.
The lesson here is simple , I sincerely feel that the age difference between intending couples shouldn't be more than 10 anything above this is a special call for infidelity in the future and remember women's sexual urge bounces back at 50 when they are prolly done with child bearing and are likely to be economically stable yet people expect her to kill her urge just because oga is tired and retired?
In fact Oshimole would be a victim of this particular scenario - the kain Fucck wey boys go fucck that him wife 10 yrs from now eh, himself go confirm say yes truly truly Jesus is Lord.

@Bold:

mbulela:
It is the will of God as revealed in His Word that brings inner peace. Not some specific will for a specific individual.
I am actually narrowing it to the context we are discussing (choosing a partner)

@Bold, that is the context I am referring to.

TV01:
Do you think it's any different here or anywhere else ? And the same obtains there. In fact men can have kids out of wedlock before and after marriage sef.


Face facts. It's easier for men with kids to marry women without than vice-versa. Why, because women prioritise other things more highly when choosing a mate. All the men I know with kids out of wedlock are married. If any of the women are, I don't know about it. I am not referencing celebrity lifestyle.


Bukatyne, discuss logically. An individual case does not change the generic fact - it's an exception. I would never have married a woman with children. Does that mean some men won't?


Face facts - no matter how ugly. Why the desire to "equalise" everything


TV

There is no discussion of 'equality' here

People would prefer spouses who do not have outta wedlock kids. Whether that is enough to deter them from going through is a different thing altogether.

The same things does not obtain everywhere.

edwife:
Wow didn't know this.Because it difficult to see-i do visit their section here and i hardly see it.Thanks for informing me.

Bizarre world.....

Very Very

Just how Deeper Life & MFM thinks wearing earrings, trousers, makeup, etc. are sinful and Christ Embassy thinks it is alright.

Different strokes for different folks.

mbulela:
So, how do you know which is the perfect will of God?
What are the characteristics of His Perfect will?

Through prayers, spiritual sensitivity etc. amongst others.

Characteristics? Inner peace etc.

TV01:



TV

Get in touch with your village or childhood group

There is a reason they have 0 -5 yrs; 5 - 10yrs etc.

I have forgotten where I saw it however ages mates are within a 5yr range

edwife:


I thought a christian is a christian regardless of their church?No?

That's why I love Muslim,at least they don't trash a particular Mosque......

Beats me.

They do.

Infact they usually do not intermarry and the Islamic boards is filled with their fights.

Hausa Muslims also think they are 'better'/ 'purer' than Yoruba Muslims who are more accommodating.

TV01:
Nope, I don't take references from celebs.

Whether you like it or not, the fact is that men with children have little problem acquiring wives - and good ones if they have even a little bearing. Women with Kids are not as well situated.

When your "average Nigerian Lady" will marry a man with kids and other wives if he has sufficient prospects.


TV

Last I remembered, you are not here abi?

The fact men have kids has a huge bearing on women's decisions except if the men are celebs (the celebrity world is clearly an outliner) or they hide that fact.

I know someone who did not marry a guy with a kid even when her sis had a kid outta wedlock.

Theory is world apart from practical when it comes to marriage and human relations

TV01:
And you are welcome to it - it's still parochial.


TV

@Bold: Your business

Re: Baby fathers are more appealing...

You must be reading a lot of Celeb stories and believing all the theories built up in your mind.

An average Nigerian lady WILL NOT marry a baby daddy if there are other unattached prospects.

mbulela:
God does not give people wives/husbands as a standard practice.
There is no one person for any one.
If you believe so, what happens to the destined spouse of all the persons who died in accidents before marrying?
Are their destined spouses destined to a life of marital unhappiness?

I believe there is one perfect will of God for you and several permissive wills while others just jam themselves and try to work it out.

For example, God's perfect will was for Balaam not to respond to Balaak's call to curse Israel, when he insisted on going, God told him to bless the Israelites.

Also note that even if God gives you your perfect will, you both still have to make it work.

TV01:
Much appreciated.
It can be hard conversing with the kind of parochial perspective one finds in places like the RCCG. I'm learning patience !


TV

It is my personal belief; it has nothing to do with RCCG

pickabeau1:
Actually its not only on NL
U should know I don't buy the gospel of thing here

a lot of my contemporaries married ladies within 3- 5 years

The exceptions are the age mate marriage

The saying my money my money by ladies was not from NL but real life

TV is obviously talking about 10+ and above age difference or 1/2 your age + 7 yrs rule.

5yrs gap are 'age mates'

cococandy:
I'm wondering why he agreed.
anyway each to their own.
Open marriages sound good on paper but folks don't take it account the feelings of insecurity that follow it.

True, true

I see a lot of theory flying round even on NL.

cococandy:
How do we know who raised the topic first?
He had the choice to say an emphatic NO but probably didn't because he thought it would be fun to be able to sample other ladies. He just didn't put into account how her own sampling other guys would make him feel.

It is still not late for him to put a stop to the nonsense instead of whining about feminism.

If he was slutting around and she was the "ever-prayerful-wear-red-pant-and-green-bra-cook-his-favorite-meal-to-win-him-back" kind of wife, we won't be hearing about feminism on this issue.

Folks can't take what they dish.

Don't be surprised the wife could tell you she's not feminist.

I think the wife brought it up first when she told him how she liked another man's kissing and wanted to go further?

Who has that discussion with a spouse they respect? (Except they are both into crazy things before)

I think the wife always wanted to cheat and chose the husband's 'vulnerable' moment to throw it into the mix.

Or maybe she just wanted it.

Bad Goodluck to them

However, this is 100% better then sneaking around and pretending to be committed in the marriage.

And I am yet to get the correlation between feminism and open marriages

salt1:
Just when you think you'd heard enough, you meet another one
Spouse -approved adultery! And they are busy justifying it. Sickening

The new thing here is husband approved adultery... (which is not entirely new. Men have been known to 'hire' their wives for contracts and other benefits.

Wives have approved their husband's adultery for ages

TV01:
It is you assuming that in all instances God gives wives, or even in the cases that He does, He would let you needlessly woo before saying no.

I broke some of my own criteria to marry my wife - all considered she warranted bending those particular rules for, and I was happy to bear the consequences. Men woo, men win.


TV

I have edited my posts

TV01:
Great to hear there was a happy ending. I am none the wiser in my case. We should meet up one day and swap stories. Not sure online is the best place to share this kind of thing.


I went through a process of learning in preparedness for marriage. So I was able to take charge. I only asked God that I not do anything contrary to His will and to keep me safe - even from myself - lest I act hastily.

I am a man. I wanted to woo and win my wife for myself. If anyone wants a gift-wrapped wife delivered to their front door, they can pray for that. God responds to each accordingly.

And if He had said she'd be 4 years younger, I would probably have queried it - then made absolutely sure and doubled my due dilligence. That does not change the thrust of my advice to men on this thread - the dynamic is generally better if your wife is younger.

Funny how when BabyOsisi was peddling deception in a womans approach to marriage no one challenged her?


TV

@Bold:

Long story

If you had wooed and God said no, won't you have taken who He gave you?

I agree about the querying part because that was not your expectations. If God told me a man 5 yrs older was my hubby, I probably would over query too. I can't deal with older men

I am not campaigning for 'older women' as you put it which is a relative term (I remember a friend of mine who was very desperate at 22; her mother married at 16 etc etc.) however, there is no one size fits all or best dynamics as you put it.

The important thing is to find the bone of your bon and the flesh of your flesh.

And yes, I believe in soul mates/ the one person God destined/prepared for you.

edwife:
What i meant is this,we can discuss something together and along the line after much deliberation,his decision is more practical or favourable than mine, so i let him go ahead.

Naturally, that is common sense talking. If he has a better idea, why should I insist on my way? That's selfish.

edwife:
or sometimes after so much arguments,i will let him go ahead and do what he thinks is right,for peace sake sometimes but it has always worked on my favour because it doesn't always work the way he thought it will ,so like a prodigal son he comes back and says you were right.

When next we found ourselves in such situations, he won't hesitate to let me have my way.

That's compromise... I am sure he will say same too for some situations

edwife:
We are equal but gifted differently. In all there should be harmony in the home and this harmony must be in sink with nature. Marriage is a give and take.

Extremely true. I however do not agree with 'nurtured' gender roles. If he is better at something, let him do it/direct it.

edwife:
For the fact that i might leave him get away with certain things, doesn't mean that because i am weak or dumb, only because i want peace. Over the years, i have learned to pick my battles.

Also true and I am very sure it's same for him.

People in relationship with us will always get away with things.

In all, I wanted to point out the 'a husband is the head/take final decisions' talks flying around her is wash and does not apply in a practical loving home (I don't do theory shit. Different strokes for different folks).

Decision making is much more complex than 'I am the head/ I am the tail' stuff.

You look at who needs it more, who is more affected, who is more knowledgeable, the situation on ground, if you have a concrete reason to object etc.

Thanks for the response.

It was a deviation from the normal pre-emptying and choosing to see/read whatever you want to popular in this area

The you = not you

TV01:
Thank you Bellong. I always testify how mine was by the grace of God. It is He who delivers. The reason I took a more generalist approach to this piece was so that all men can relate. I am chastened !

Ecclesiastes 7:26 And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.

If young women are sluts and gold diggers, did sluttery and gold digging start today. If young women can have children out of wedlock or baggage, cannot older women. All I am hearing is potential issues that can arise - which are not tied to age, or about compatibility per se?

One day I may relate my encounter with a possessed woman. Her parents knew and covered it up and earnestly tried to sell me on her. They were actually in fear of her - indeed there is a God.

The biological imperatives and relationship dynamics between men and women are pretty much unchanging. All told, stray from these and you will bear your burden. No one has made a cogent rebuttal to anything I have written. When they do so, I will acknowledge - and respond.


TV

If in your prayers God revealed to you that your wife to be was 4yrs younger, what would you have done?

tearoses:
This TV sef
So you are calling 24-25 young!!!
When girls finish Uni at 21 these days
4 years of working
Some 25 year olds have already bought their first houses and have had heaps of lovers, heartbreaks and emotional baggage by then.
I even thought you were referring to 19 year olds.
You are calling 25 young in this jet age! Haaaaaaa!!!!

Buky, Edwife & NBbabe, You are all right Ladies. Everyone for themselves jare in this marriage thingy. A & B can have very different requirments.
Just make sure you pick and marry the correct piece that fits your own jigsaw & you too are the missing piece of your partners jigsaw.

I’ve have seen plenty with my koro koro eye
I’ve seen where hubby and wifey have affairs and bring home one pikin each and they got back together again.
One mans meat is another mans poison. So long as one gives the right one meat and the right one poison

I thought he meant 17 or 16 sef

I will make a leap to say that people cool off after school/service. My friends and I used to joke that if we did not find our spouses before working, we would not have time to mix.

A 34yr old who has been working since 22 and a 25yr old who just graduated/served might have the same record/baggage

Except it is to go OmoT's style.

Each to his own

franzis:
There is nothing as lovely as being a full time house wife. You are home 24/7 all you need will come to you in the house, all you do is wear latest cloth, pain your nails and face. You husband spoils you to bits, you don't even know the way to the kitchen in your house. House maid does all for you, you became couch potatoes. you know every latest film's title good for you, keep it up.
Why should you be a full time house wife? No reason. Ooh your husband does not want you to work!, his income is more than enough for you, children and your family? It is pure lie, remember the more money the more responsibilities. What if his his employer's business tumble? Oh! is his personal company doh!!! a slight miscalculation and he ends up in big debt, what will happen to you and your children
What if sudden death knock at the door? what will become of you and your children? There is nothing bad in being a FULL HOUSE WIFE but make yourself a COMPLETE INTELLIGENT HOUSE-BUSINESS WOMAN.
If he must not see you in a shop no problem. Invest in petite business which he will not pay attention to that can fetch you daily income, like Recharge Card i tell you is a wonderful cool clean business, invest about 20.000 Naira on it, get yourself a salesgirl, in that same shop Get a good Freezer be selling Ice block i tell you before you know it it will become a big business.
I will never ever accept any lady to accept any offer from a millionaire to remain a FULL TIME HOUSE WIFE. Under no circumstances should you accept that no matter how much he promised you per minute.
Be a woman, a wife and a mother of the House. You can not be asking him money anytime from hair kept to sanitary towel. Keep turning your little scale business around and before you know it, you will have something to fall on in case anything happen.
No evil shall befall our homes in the mighty name of Jesus.....Amen

1. First, you are assuming a lot of things. Only a number of housewives actually have house-helps. They stay at home to care for the kids for a while/permanently.

2. Some women stay at home for a while to care for their young ones and head back to the workforce when the child begins school. Some use that opportunity to further their education and pursue other interests. Some need to discover themselves and use that break to do that. Some have husbands who are pursuing an intense education/career/project and they need to be home/cut down work hours for that period etc.

3. Some women are not inclined to work/earn. They prefer doing charity work etc.

4. Financial independence doesn't save you from abuse, it does however help you make a sound decision.

5. Some families run a joint account in the true sense of it and funds are jointly assessable.

edwife:
You had to drag me here among the sharks didn't you?

Will get back to you.....

No problem

edwife:
Well i can ask for 50-50 doesn't mean that i can't let you make most of the decisions... ,there won't be any need for me to even hang on it if i know my man is wise and intelligent.

How do you marry the two? (50 - 50 and making most of the decisions?)

Do you believe a husband and wife are equal even though you would let the husband make 'most' of the decisions

What is the indices of him 'making' most of the decisions?