₦airaland Forum

Thank house for your contributions yesterday,Tina sends her regards

below is the mail she sent me this afternoon

Thanks a bunch.. I love d way most pple hit d nail on d head & I
promise I won't go closer. As 4 Nbright or so dat said I wud go back &
do bla bla, pls tel him I'll b good...
bt d guy too harsh sha nbright.Thank u & pleeez my regards 2 them. They were wonderful
councellors.

@the bolded Lmao ,tihihihi. This thread is soooo interesting!

@ nbright,keep being you joor.i like your posts .i have always told you that

ichidodo: Hey, i 've got a surprise for u.

Bring the game on!!,You might want to use the PM,so that we don't break the same rules we made

missblanche: i missed everyone...especially @ carmelion

I missed you too fairest of all.Welcome back(hug)

nbright: Christ.... What is wrong with a man staying with his parents?... When I finally start work, and it's closer to my parent's house do you think I will rent a seperate house just because I want to be independent?... You should have enquired why he is still staying with his parents instead here you are passing judgement on him.. If the guy's parents is staying in a 1/2 bedroom apartment with his siblings then the guy should rent a house (preferably a self contain) but if it's just him and his parents... Mr. Man stay with them and to hell with any girl that will ask him to move out before anything can happen between them... As for the guy asking her to visit him in a guest house after knowing/going out with him for just a month.. The guy strong o.. Just one month he wants to burst something... Jesus Christ..

There is nothing wrong with a man still living with his parents but living alone gives you more sense of responsibility.

Apart from other things this guy said,If he had an apartment of his own,the guest house issue won't come.Maybe his parents will see it as disrespectful if he brings the girl to their house or he feels its not yet time.he wants to check her out first.

By the way,do you know how the society sees a lady coming out from a guest house?with or wothout a man.

If she comes out alone,they will take it that she went to see a marriedman,so the man told her to leave first so that people won't see them together.

If she comes out with her man,You and I already know what they will say.I have visited hotels in the past with my ex,but that was because we were out of town,so his house/his friends house was not available.I had no choice,I complained to the extent that he got angry.

I don't advise any lady to visit hotels/guest house/inn/lodge for anything.

Sometimes,in the course of my job,I find myself going to represent my company for meetings/seminars/trainings e.t.c
I always go with my boss(male)and you need to see the way I would dress/carry myself.You would know that I came here for serious /corporate bussiness .

What am I trying to say?There are reasons why a man should have his privacy.

madridsta007: Hi Carmydoll...

Should have responded to this mail since, but I have been out and about. I just read the girl's story and its so simple. The guy is a player, end of story. I'll give Tina my reasons. It may be a bit Christian-like, pardon me, but it has to be that way.

1. He is 31, stays with his parents and he is working. Fine, I see nothing mortally terrifying about the three combination, although I would have guessed that at 31 he shouldn't be in his parents house, except in highly exceptional cases. At that age he should be thinking of getting married, or have thought of it, instead of getting a girl in for ''kisses and massages'. That's a subtle headline for sex.

2. Now he would have sex with you if you go and see him in the enclave of his parents house and after a few more romps of sex, he will dump you, like he has done to many other girls in the past. It is a pattern, don't ask me how I know Tina. He is 31, and has been on that pattern for a while and hence he is experienced. Expect some lies, deceitful words from him, false stories, false treats and the likes. It is a pattern, you can outsmart him because he is experienced in that area more than you. Run, unless it is something you are comfortable with.

3. At 23, you've done so well to keep your virginity. It is so rare, these days, I am told. I say, 'I am told', because I am one too, so people tell me that when they hear I am one, that is after making ineffective taunts at me. You just have what? A couple of months or years to go before you get married, so why the hurry? Sex in itself is spiritual, believe me once it comes outside the covering of marriage, you open yourself to a myriad of negative issues. And as people say, it is addictive, and unless the Holy Spirit helps you, you will keep coming for me. You could destroy a destiny by that one act, don't let anyone be used by the devil to deceive you saying, it's 'fun'. It's SIN and not fun.

You have the chance to get it right where many ladies have not.

4. I think ladies should start to develop this boldness in asking a guy, 'What do you want from me?' It quickly puts them off, momentarily, and make them to have a re-think on who they are dealing with. Let the guy answer the question himself. If he says 'I want us to be friends', then are friends supposed to 'kiss and massage'? If he says 'I want to explore the possibility of us getting married', then he should do it the right way. The right way in this case doesn't start with 'kiss and massage'

He is 31, and should respond in line with 'marriage' to that question. And if you feel you are ready, there is an honourable way of doing it, certainly not kisses and massages.

5. Ultimately once you are above 18, the society sees you as being responsible. It means responsible for your actions. It will be down to your fault if you let yourself be used and misused by any man.


All my statements above points to one thing: Flee. Don't stay, don't give excuse, don't try to justify anything with him, just FLEE.

And yes, fleeing is Biblical.

God bless you.

For this your post,I will write Seun to give us a 'love ' button.Clicking like is not enough.

In other news you have a mail.

dahonestboss: Let's get fact straight here about Tina's case

According to the quoted message above, He said he loves her physiques (not her), He also said that they should meet in a guest house which is acceptable to some extent (given him a benefit of doubt there would be just a neutral discussions between them), but he went further and said that they are going to UnCloth ( which also expose his intent).

Staying with his parent is not a problem and its justifiable (depending on his circumstance),

Asking her to meet in a guest house would have been accepted to some extent but for the fact that he said they would UnCloth already invalidated the little trust given to him which makes him an irresponsible person. The fact is clear, he want to get into her Pants that's all.

My advice to Tina is to Flee, his intention is clear and I am sure she don't want that. She has gone this far sustaining herself, she shouldn't let go now. My candid opinion.

100likes,thank you so much for bringing all the pieces together!.

ichidodo: dull parry**Big yawn** off to pippy land (sleep), laters.

Sorry boubou about the welcoming parry yesternyt,I was so tired.We will host another one later,okay?there will always be new members to welcome and plenty good news to celebrate!((teddy hug))

A happy sunday to everyone!!

Today we have a learner/baby doll in the house.I got a mail yesterday from one of my girlfriends here. I met her when I started this thread,she wrote to encourage me ad thank me for opening such thread.She is a silent follower of this thread,does not talk much.She is working by the way.

We chat once in a while so she told me that she is in her early twenties but she is still a virgin. She has never had a boyfriend nor been in a relationship before.

She has guys as casual friends but has never accepted to date any of them.She told me that her elder sisters passed through a lot in their relationships so she is just scared .At her age now she feels abnormal.

I encouraged to give someone a chance. Everybody's story would not be the same you know. I told her to also let me know if she decides to go into a relationship just in case she needs some help .

Below is the mail she wrote me yesterday evening

Gud evening.. I met dis guy lyk 4wks ago & I agreed 2date him. He cals me everyday & we've gone out twice.

He's always talking abt how much he luvs my physique... & den he's asking me 2meet him in a guest house, I told him I wasn't comfortable wit d idea bt he gave me some silly excuses & he even had d guts 2 tel me dat we re going 2undress & giv ourselves massage, he'll spoil me wit kisses & bla bla.

Do u tink dis guy is alright or is jst me being naive? Remember, dis tym nxt wk, I'll b 23 & av NEVER bein in a serious relationship.. I'm beginin 2 feel abnormal o

The guy is 31 and he still stays with his parents though he is working.Of course you already know the type of advise I would give(to flee!! of course)but on a second thought,I felt my advise was just being influenced by my unfortunate experiences.

So I took permission from her to bring it to the house so that she can read what others would say.Her name is Tina by the way,please kindly advise her.what do you guys think?

@bukylois,the party has already started.Courtesy of Ichidodo.

Enjoy!

madridsta007: Been busy... How's our own Carmelion today?

Am fine madrid,thanks for asking.believe you are good too.?

Hello bukydoll,you are welcome to the thread ok?You don't have to be sorry for sharing your story,that was the main reason I opened this thread.

One thing is to have a problem,another thing is to have someone to share it with.In this world of ours ,people don't go around telling everyone their problem.They will only laugh at you.So I created this threadso that people can let some burden off their chest,believe me ,it helps when you talk to some one.

Personally I have shared my own experiences too,like wise some ladies here,so don't feel odd(((big hug)))

Now to the guy issue,nobody here would understand you perfectly cos you are the only one wearing the shoe.We are only giving the little advice we can.We hope it will help?

We all know marriage is one institution that bonds two people from different background together.There are times when they would disagree on some issues.

I am sure that out of all the things he did,what pained you most was the fact that he started cheating on you and that he wants you to take care of the feeding,while he does other things.

Nobody wants to be cheated on so I won't blame you for that ,but is that the first time?did he show any sign of remorse?if he did,give another chance. We all make mistakes,but please be careful. Your health as a woman is at risk now.

As per taking care of the feeding,I know that most women(including me) would not mind supporting their spouse,but personally I don't like someone telling me what to do.

It would look as if he is dodging his responsibilities. My husband should be my best friend and as such should DISCUSS with me the best way to run our home,not imposing on me,what I should do and what I should not do. I don't know how your boyfriend presented it,but if you guys never agreed on that,then its not fair.

As for you getting a job,before he marries you,I don't have a say in that because,he obviously has his reasons. But what effort is he making to help you get a job.?

Is he helping you distribute your CV?Does he give you info about vacancies?

Then just like Nbright mentioned,look inwardly,there might be some loopholes from your side(we all have one),saying it here is of no importance to me. Just work on it ok?

Things might still work out between you and this guy,you started from the scratch with him you know,you should enjoy with him too.

Now as for the pressure,my dear you are not the only one. In one of my subsequent posts ,I will give you a glue as to what my everyday life is like presently. It is is full of pressure but all I do is live my life the way I know how to.

By the way,is the proposal still open?

There is more to their story,it just won't come out from my mouth
#just passing.

Before I joined NL,I visited as a guest.One thing that fascinated me was peoples username.Some were funny,some irritating,some were strange,while some sounded original.

When it got to my turn to choose a username,I decided to go with Carmelion(Chameleon,that animal that changes the colour of its skin to that of its environment,to hide from its predators).I choose that because,naturally,I blend easily into any environment I find myself. I don't know if I would do it, if it is against my religion,I have never found myself in such.#lucky.

I do it so easily cos I study people a lot to know how best to co-habit with them. I have had the most troublesome people as friends.

Back then in school people ask me how I cope with my best friend cos has a kinda attitude. But all I want is peace.
There are really some people I would love to hear why they chose their username,hahahahhaha

Hope you won't mind telling us why you chose yours?let's hear it..

I took out time to summarise all that we discussed so far, breaking it down page by page,just for the interest of Mabebedoll and the new members .

The house might want to go through it.Constructive criticism and corrections are welcome.I would like to move it to the 0 page of the thread,if approved.It would serve as a guide in the future.Happy weekend.

@New members,the pages that were not mentioned are also relevant and lesson filled too.But the highlighted ones are more of gainful talks.We clash once in a while,we also party,yeah we do that.So you might come across some mushy-wushy stuffs in between.Happy reading.


[b]Page no Topic


0-2-....... Introduction/statement of thread’s objective
Front page/Influx of members
3-5 ...... Advise to single ladies on health (Say no pills).Advise from the guys
6& 7...... Peoples experiences and advice's from the guys
9 & 10 ....... Tips for the guys on searching for the right girl without sending the wrong message , Advise to the ladies.
11. ........ Complaints from the guys about dumb girls

12 &13....... People’s experience and health talks
14-16 ........ Tips for the guys, advise to the ladies, influx of members

16-18
23-26, 30........Tips on how to dress for the ladies, people’s experiences, valentine talks, advises
31, 35-37-.........Talks about single ladies living alone, a lady paying her bride price
38 ............ single ladies and fake pastors
43-45,........... Women and companionship, peoples experiences, advice/encouragement from the guys.
50,55-,57......... Peoples experience., basic things a man should have before marriage,tips on how to look matured( for petite ladies and those who look younger)

60...............ladies and their provocative attitude towards men


[/b]

nbright: Maybe all of the above or You too didn't understand my post or I didn't post it well..

ok then

nbright: When the girls of my age now refused to roll with their age mates, they call us "small boys" and whatever it is they like calling us, why won't we (not all guys o...) want to see what it was that those "big boys " saw in them and let the "little girls" see what they saw in the "big boys " ... I keep telling girls not to believe everything they hear in musics (some dudes even mentioned it here in NL)... It's a man's world... Girls don't run the world.. Even Beyoncy that sang that song also wished she was a boy... She also sang it... So please whenever you want to blame "some guys", think of what you did when you was little...

it is either you did not understand my post,or I did not post it well.

damilarelr: @OP and chikeorji, nice job. More wisdom to your brain.

I feel ladies are the one who get cheated most in majority of breakups, anyways, let me share these few tips:

First and foremost, it's risky to be closer to an opposite sex when you're lonely esp during holidays or leave, if you eventually fall in love, and you resume at work by then you won't have time for your partner again. I'll advise mature friendship at this stage.
When a guy approaches you, asking him why he's "in love" with you will put more light on the path you're about to tread.
>if it's because of your body, it's not love, it's LUST;
>if it's because of your intelligence or maturity, it's not love, it's ADMIRATION;
>if he staying with you because you give him your body or beg him to stay with you, it's not love, it's PITY;
>if it's because he makes you to forget to perform your normal duties such as sleep, study, etc, it's not love, it's INFATUATION. . .

The reason being that the day he meets someone who have better body than you or more intelligent or gives s3x more readily than you, that's the day he'll leave. Love is when he can't point at the reason why he kept coming back to you...the reasons are there but they are usually unknown..(it's usually a connection between the two hearts)

On Secrets; When a guy-friend is trying to know more about a lady, he either fall in love with her or hate her. . .so ladies, if you can't see yourself and a guy working, keep your secrets to yourself.

You dare not tell a man your secret if he is not CAPABLE, willing and have promised to marry you; if he's the right one he'll stay. . .if he runs he's not fit to husband you.

I read some guys saying the woman is supposed to work contribute to the upkeeping of the home...hmmmm wrong! The woman is just an helper, whatever she brings (if she wish) is just an encouragement.. it's the man's family because they're all bearing your name.

I will also like to give counsels to our sisters out there...I'm still single o, @op, hope I'm allowed? thanks.

^^^^^Just saw this lying idle on page 11 without anyone liking it,or quoting it.i guessed i missed it back then.Great advice i must say,ladies please lets take note.I agree most especially with the bolded sentence.An idle mind is the devils work shop.if you observe very well,most teenagers and undergraduates/graduates get pregnant after SSCE,waiting for jamb,during break from schools/looking for a job.why?because they are idle.

Learn to run away from idleness!!!.I always advise people to occupy their mind and get busy no matter how small the pay is.Leave your house and mix with sensible people.Mingle with the opposite sex,but avoid staying behind closed doors.Body no be firewood ,a lot could go wrong.Always be in he open!

To the guys,please leave that little girl alone.She does not know anything yet.If you feel you cant resist her,please stop her from coming to your house.At that age,people are yet to get control of their ,so you the guy as the older one should not take advantage of her situation.Roll with girls of your age,I believe things would work out better.

@Mabebedoll and all the new members.you are welcome dearies ,yeah i know the thread now has many pages and new members might get tired reading all through .Never mind i will try and see what i can do about it.Just like nbright said,you have really missed the good parts,but don't feel bad,cos the best parts are on the way .Here you will meet all kinds of people,but be rest assured you will enjoy and learn new things too.We learn from each other.

WARNING:We quarrel sometimes o ,but that bonds us together more . Don't mind me jare,feel free to mingle.

@bukylois. Thanks doll,We are graceful!!!!!

@Simanyanki baba.I see you ,nice write up,you have got there.lesson-filled.


I have been kinda of busy,but TGIF,i hope things gets back to normal.love you all so much .

Boubou!

mofolorunshoabi: My dear Cameleon, infact the mistakes I did in my marriage out of naiveity, I pray my girls don't fall prey. Its better to marry when you are psychologically ready!

It is okay,I would have been married before now,but I knew I would have made a lot of mistakes.I learnt from my older folks.Maybe am ready now,may be am not but I know that am a lot wiser now,than 3-4yrs ago.I will send you a PM later Honey,You are not alone.please be strong.(((Bighug)))

I had to log in because of this.
@op,I am not married yet,but i know that most women idolize the first man in their life.(that is what is happening to you now).You feel you cant stand up to him,he made you a complete woman,so you are weak to fight him.

39-16=23.Its not as if the age is of importance but you entered marriage with so much naivety.This same naivety made you not to see the early signs that your husband was cheating on you.Yes,because,this whole widow thing did not start today.It have teyed(comedians English).I also want you to know that this widow has cast a spell on your husband .

A God fearing woman would ask him after his wife.if he says they are divorced,she should ask for proves,if he says,she is late,she would still ask for proves.


Just like others has been saying,you need to fight this man,both legally and spiritually.I really dont know the name of NGOs that fight for women in your shoes in this country,but aunty mi,you need them like air now.


I know you are a nice lady,so as usual,you might just let him have his way,with the usual thought of"my kids would look for me".Life is full of twists,a lot a could go wrong and you find yourself introducing yourself to your kids later in the future.

That man is not doing this thing with his clear eyes,fight him,if not for anything,at least for a 50/50 custody like you said.Meanwhile,try and stop meeting him for sex(it would only make you weaker).That would let him know that you guys are no longer on the same page. Don't beg him to come back to you,he will do so when his eyes have cleared but don't let him take this kids from you,you need company,loneliness is a a disease.


I honestly wish i can help you more than this._{This is why it is good to have some crazy friends some times.My best friend would slap the hell out of me,and personally take up the case}

nbright: If you just leave her and move on, she will either tag you a player or that left her without telling her what went wrong between you two... Don't you know that girls are very inquisitive by nature?, so it's better he told her the reason why he took that action rather than to keep her wondering what went wrong between them... It's obvious that she's over him with what she posted earlier... "to hell with him" I believe that was how she put it..

And you believed that his reasons are genuine?.Well I don't know how long they have known each other,but I believe no one has a detachable forhead.Meaning,he saw it the firstday he walked up to her and asked for her phone numbe cos she did not leave it at home.

Besides foreheads do not increase or reduce in size,so its not like he does not like the size anymore.

*I wonder why am even following this topic,cos am yet to see the forehead*

@Missblanche,please I hope you guys didn't.......?By the way,please don't go close to such 'child' again.*sighs*

nbright: We all aren't gonna think alike, that's how life is, that's how it has been and that's how it's gonna be... I still ask if she'd have prefer he leave without an explanation?.

He did exactly the bolded,that was exactly what he did.He left without an explanation.
In fact he never came in.He just felt like saying something.

betrayal
violence/battery

nbright: Thank God o.... So you ladies don't know how that's how guys feel when a lady will tell them that they are not up to their level?, when ladies shun a guy because he is "short, k-legged, fat,stammers etc".... How do you suggest he should have communicated to her how he feels about her fore head?. If he put it another way that's lieing and "most" guys don't like doing that.

No sensible lady,would tell a guy the real reason why she left especially if it is something beyond his control like stammering,k-legged.e.t.c

the guy that said something about her fore head is simply IMMATURE.I mean what does he want her to do?Hit it inside with a hammer?.By the way,where is the forehead sef .hmmm.....,you guys are yet to see fore head na

quote me.
Blanche darling,dont mind them,you are hot!i mean hot like chinese food.i like your hairdo,by the way

LIKE SERIOUSLY?PEOPLE ARE STILL IN THE NORTH?DOING WHAT??

missblanche: Anyways i don't need a guy who will keep reminding me how bad shaped some of physical features are...f**k that..i love my body and i love my forehead and i am grateful for that..

You are beautiful baby ,what took you so long to upload your pics?

carmelion: I have heard some cases whereby a girl feels disappointed that her best friend(a guy) is getting married to someone else. Best friends as in you guys are always together,you visit each other,he buys things for you,he cares for you,and he never mentioned to you that he is in a serious relationship. His silence makes you think/believe that you are the lucky one.

As a result of this,you turned other guys down cos you believe you are in a relationship.

I know that some married couples started that way. I mean the guy never toasted the lady,they were just friends and all of a sudden,it just happened. Yeah I like such too.

But to the single ladies,please I want you to know your stand with that guy you call your best friend. If he is taking too much time to say it,be brave enough to ask him. I don't mean you should propose to him,but ask him what you mean to him.


I know you must have read somewhere that some guys don't know how to say 'I love you'.They prefer showing it through action. Good,but personally,I don't subscribe
to that.

Don't let anyone waste your time. Read the hand writing on the wall. Know your stand.If he never said anything to you,and later goes on to marry someone else,please I personally would not blame him,I will blame you for not knowing your stand.

To the guys,wasting a woman's time is a sin. If all you want from her is just 'some benefit'(sex),then it should be mutual. It could be your sister or your daughter tomorrow. What goes around comes around.

^^^^,the bolded is still on repeat.Don't live on assumption.Be realistic!.

I got the joke sha,but where are the best ten jobs?

I have heard some cases whereby a girl feels disappointed that her best friend(a guy) is getting married to someone else. Best friends as in you guys are always together,you visit each other,he buys things for you,he cares for you,and he never mentioned to you that he is in a serious relationship. His silence makes you think/believe that you are the lucky one.

As a result of this,you turned other guys down cos you believe you are in a relationship.

I know that some married couples started that way. I mean the guy never toasted the lady,they were just friends and all of a sudden,it just happened. Yeah I like such too.

But to the single ladies,please I want you to know your stand with that guy you call your best friend. If he is taking too much time to say it,be brave enough to ask him. I don't mean you should propose to him,but ask him what you mean to him.


I know you must have read somewhere that some guys don't know how to say 'I love you'.They prefer showing it through action. Good,but personally,I don't subscribe
to that.

Don't let anyone waste your time. Read the hand writing on the wall. Know your stand.If he never said anything to you,and later goes on to marry someone else,please I personally would not blame him,I will blame you for not knowing your stand.

To the guys,wasting a woman's time is a sin. If all you want from her is just 'some benefit'(sex),then it should be mutual. It could be your sister or your daughter tomorrow. What goes around comes around.

*speechless*
Anyways I can't really advise the lady here cos,for all I know,there is a gap somewhere.This is not the kind of issue you handle online,or with one party present.We need to hear both parties out,so as to solve this problem without causing more damage,This is marriage you know.


Meanwhile,I don't understand ,why I should be lonely on my bed as a spinster,and also be lonely on my bed as a married woman.C'mon man,I need some warmth.

My husband should not even think of locking his door,or I will invite elrufai(bulldozer),to his room alone.Don't ask me ,how it will enter the house.

My room should be for just my belongings,and also when I am nursing the baby so the baby would not disturb him.Daddy needs to sleep you know,he has to go to work the following day.

@Rooneyboy,Your friend needs someone to talk to she and her husband TOGETHER.

@passionate 88.where have you been?I miss your jokes.
i thought you said you will be garnishing your post with a little pigdin?,
May be i will perfect mine from you ,you know.

free ichidodo for me na,the whole boubou thing is just between him and i,and its all play

So let him be ok?and be the reaaal man.i just don't want you guys to raise some dust here again.
We have had enough cough.
Don't stay away too long again.Your posts do have some sense in it.

@nbright,your post about forgiveness.Weird

@ALL,have a beautiful day ahead

Mistakes made,lessons learnt.
New week,same goals.
Fresh strength.
Pumping super vibes in the air!!!.

ladies rock!!!