₦airaland Forum

sassysure:
What kind of friend are u?
I will advice from far.

See,I am not saying we don't have nagging or super nagging women, they are everywhere.
My point is that it goes both ways.

Look at the example u gave.

All have bottled up emotions and vented put over pot of soup. The two were guilty
Let's not make it a woman thing only.

I don't think I understand your first question.

And the abuse thing going both, I used that my story about my friend to demonstrate how two people can claim victims from one issue. That's where the ‘I'm the man of the house’ pride sets in and the woman too is on ‘that's how he always do’.

The man being abusive have been established, but the woman being the abusive person have not really been driven home as much as the man's own. We've both agreed that it goes both ways, so let's focus on advocating ways where women would just cut the man some yards, back off and woman up.

The women should learn emotional intelligence too, which line can go off as abuse against the person they love.

sassysure:
U are very funny

My mum said strong women has single bone(don't know the meaning) but I wouldn't want to be near such people.

I have seen a woman beat her brother in law to stupor.
The guy has been disturbing her life so much until the day he slapped her. Her husband wasn't around.
We all heard scream and ran to their house.
When we saw that the lady has upper hand, even the guys were reluctant to separate them
My guy man later said he was soft on her cos she is a woman
See serious beating and this woman is like broomstick

Lol! It's not funny, I lost my rep cus of it o.

And that single bone thing, I've got it but I've been trying anger control and management for years now, that's why I walk away from things easily. Instead I lose my temper and create damaging scenes, walking is better. But I can still be a very bad person if I set to deal with anyone, I'm no saint, I just like my methods.

sassysure:
At least, u weren't biased.
It happens both ways, then men double theirs with physical abuse.

I have seen both.
Have sat with emotionally abused women who pretend all is okay to the public.
Yes, all should be condemned but the way the guys were projecting it as a female things only irked my sensibility.
I don't condone either but the guys should stop this old tales that it's mainly a woman thing.

Women can instigate the abuse by being unnecessarily stubborn to their spouses, and you know many men would go by the cultural way of ‘being the man’ and must instill discipline for the woman to comply.

Nagging me, behaving as you like, utterly ridiculous behaviours can sum up as emotional abuse. Imagine I ask my wife to do something in a certain way and she goes contrary to my instructions and I snap, I expect remorsefulness and quietness so I can soak up the deeds and see the situations (because I'm naturally predisposed to looking at things differently, and understanding the consequences of any changes and how to manage through). Failure to follow this easy way out, I might totally fault her as disobedient to my instructions.

Hope you understand my description above?

For the men, it can be hard to get women to sometimes see things our way too. And because of this disparity in view and approaches, the man will cut her off, and sidelines her about decisions because it'll cause heated debate about ‘having his ways all the time’.

I've heard many family members complain to me and I'd wonder who's wrong and who's right because their matter doesn't make much sense to me as to why it even led to quarrel.

Early this year, my close friend and her husband had a fight over pot of soup.

The man was like, ‘she let the soup spoil so that I'll bring money for a new one’ and the lady's defense was ‘you know the weather we're in, it can make soup spoil overnight’.

Both had compelling stance and I was in the middle, unfortunately, they couldn't resolve things and a fight broke out and I received punches from both parties, lol! What happened, the woman had been nagging the man for sometime and he used that channel to vent, and the woman had been nursing a grudge too against the man's behaviours and they used that outlet to fight.

We can only understand things differently because it's not us being in the midst of all the actions. But being in the heat, we are likely to behave in another way.

sassysure:
And u haven't seen a woman that will knock you out with one blow?

I saw a video of one woman giving it to her husband who wanted to flex his muscle on her.
It was fun to watch

Good lord! Lol!

I remember when one girl pounded my life then in school, Chai! I was strong she was stronger.

I was just no match for her, since that day I promised never to hit a woman because she might surprise me.

bukatyne:
This thread is about men na.

A lot of men are really suffering and they do not have help as much as women.

Even NGOs named abuse centers (without the women tag) would prioritize women and children.

In Nigeria, the face of domestic violence is still women.

Your pot of wisdom is very deep and full.

Gender issues bear the women and children as the major victims because they're considered the vulnerable group, but these women can do equally wickedness in terms of abusing other members of the society; men, women and children. Them just wicked if them wan wicked.

sassysure:
Cos u guys are Nigerians and example of what we see at home.

I'm very serious.
Men abuse women emotionally more.

One sentence and the woman will die

Acknowledging that it has no place in a matrimonial setting is enough, not who perpetrate it against the other.

I've seen both cases in my childhood years and in my adult life too.

Few days back I had to grant someone ‘space’ when she asked for it. She once asked me that ‘‘if I can't handle her, I should let her go and meet those who can’’.

There was a little fight in September where I told her she was causing me pain, and she needs to adjust but her reply was, she doesn't change for anyone. I just bottled up until this recent one where her own lamentations where much and demanded I heed, I was just laughing because I wanted to negotiate things but she was adamant to resolve my own complaints.

Lol! I've spilled more than enough self.

But my point is, abuse goes both ways and should be seen as such, not who does more or less. Anyone can be a victim of emotional (and other forms of) abuse. And funny enough, even in ordinary friendship, people can be abused.

crackhaus:
1. I asked him politely to go and change, he got angry at me and told me to keep quiet and he went inside.

2. I asked him if we could take a family picture, he just snapped and slapped me and started beating me up so badly.

After giving you the benefit of a doubt and assuming this is exactly how it happened - then your husband has definitely gone mad to react to absolutely nothing.

The beating is unwarranted, I wonder how people are thinly built in terms of patience.

Please politely ask him if there is madness running in his family, make sure you ask him from a safe distance because he will surely use the nearest furniture to kill you.

Madness does not have a cure, but it can be managed.
Arrange to have him put in chains and get him on medications till everything returns to normal.

MrsPrissy don't try this latter part in this guy's post, na bury him go bury you o, for someone to easily lose it when politely being asked to do something, any inquiries that goes beyond him and to his family will cause bigger beating.

Men out there, if she nags you and you're about to lose, please, walk away from her, go out and text her you need to cool off, anger management should be learned.

I'm getting scared of relationships (and marriage) although because of these news.

Michelle55:
If na me be the girl.. Otapiapia majestically loading.. No time to check time

Suicide or murder? Either ways none is good.

I'm actually now scared of ever meeting someone like you, your ambience is threatening and poised for wicked acts.

crackhaus:
This is what happens when people put themselves on a pedestal for no other worthy reason except having pum pums.

You don't have the patience to indulge, chase, or beg, it's because you have an ego.
You want to have some financial legroom before embarking on relationships because women require it, you have low self-esteem.
You speak about the realities as they are, and you're being disrespectful, bashful, & insulting.

The princess-complex is as real as it comes.



@ uninspired07, I hope you have been able to pick relevant points from both sides regardless. Just understand that there is nothing wrong in wanting to develop your finances, or in lacking patience with women who have no obvious interest in you. The best woman to be with is that one which presents you with the least amount of work/obstacles/roadblocks in winning her over, simply because she is already won over in some small measure of her own accord.

Developing yourself should be your ultimate goal in life FOR YOURSELF, not because you need it to be better in the eyes of women. Also, making just any woman or every woman feel good about themselves is not your job - there are already multitudes of men doing that. You only just need to find that ONE woman who has a mutual interest in you, hit it off, and make her the object of all your attention and devotion. What every other one thinks is really not your concern.

Cheers.

Very smart of you.

Like the OP went on to say, women would like either attention or financial stability. This buttresses the saying that goes thus: with everything we do, there are other things left undone.

Wanting both is looking like an impossible thing to give with the unfolding realities in today's society.

Economy is hard, male folks are trying to up their game, so they try to avoid women who wouldn't be helpful in achieving that goal or who may not be patient enough to see that ambition materialize.

Or they give them attention and after sometime, they no longer measure up to new realities because things have changed.

Finding balance in these extremely polarised life is not easy to come by, men, women, feminists of both gender should be able to see through these and not how bashing or not it is.

They have been more worse things on NL than this one.

crackhaus:
You've become a made man bro, not in an economic sense but in the awake sense.

There's nothing wrong with you.
If you're going to beg for or indulge in anything in life, it must be something that improves your overall standing and worth to yourself and your closest friends/family.

Regarding your loneliness, try to seek out women who already have a soft spot for you, women who share some common interests with you. You don't need to be wealthy for this.
I have come to understand that the best relationships with the opposite sex are those that are not forced, those that start on a stable mould of genuine friendship - this is not a guarantee that you will live happily ever after, but it still beats having it any other way.
You must never beg or indulge a woman who has no interest in you.

Man, I really like this your post, especially the the highlighted area.

uninspired07:
I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego. It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit?

Edit: What I am saying is that a man has to have some safeguards to cushion the effects of the chasing process. It’s not advisable to base your chase on just word of mouth. Going into battle with Nigerian women is better with a financial shield.

You're writing about me.

But I'm gradually becoming a little relaxed with the ego, the stiffness and the summing up of where a potential relationship will lead to.

Relaxing a little bit like Healthserve pointed out will help you find the right balance. Please, do compromise a little bit.

ikezuora4689:
This life self.... some will have money and have it in excess.... while some will be poor like tomorrow no dey.....I went to the market today to buy some stuff...me and my guys walk pass a man who is standing at the entrance of the market thinking....he walk up to me when am about to leave the market asking me for 500 to buy food for his children for Christmas....my guys told me to ingore him that it's how people beg in this market.... that most of them are working for retualist...omo fear grab me....I ask him his address...it's not far from my house....we all drove to his house to confirm his story....mehn I was brought down to tears.... people are really suffering in this country....the man have five children plus his wife and the wife mother all together in two room apartment in face me I face you....we have to drive back to the market to buy rice.... chicken and many other things for the family....I will advise you guys to give birth to children you can be able to train....I promised the man a work of sercurity in the shopping complex my shop is located....so guys spread love in this season of celebration....not all beggere are scam...HELP THEM

God bless you sir.

Verify before helping. I like that.

StarUp:
Nobody on that list got there because they used their NCE/OND/HND/B.Sc/B. Ed/ B. Eng./ LLB/ B. Tech/ B.A ...M. Phil/M. Sc/ M. A/MBA...PhD etc

Use your head in year 2020... All these "I graduated with 4.9/5.00" crap must stop...

I'm about to round up, and one thing I want to do is ditch that paper one-side and hustle.

Graduates need to close the gap, else education will be taken as a joke by those who didn't write Jamb at all.

Captiveportal:
That image is fake, it's from one runs girl website I'll post the screenshot on here ...a guy is behind this monkier runoooo

Lavylilly come and see your picture.

lavylilly:
Where are you spending your Christmas? Share with us with photo
Me: chilling on a LOW

My house.

I almost didn't want to comment because of the see-through dress but again, happy Christmas to you, and happy marketing too.

My Christmas shout out goes to two women, MissJoy29 and Pocohantas.


Merry Christmas dears.

Lekside442:
Tell me now...that’s why I’m here for advice please.

See, young girls don't like stories and long term stuff.

Plenty of them want to have much fun, she unnecessarily angry at you because you're lagging behind in something she likes and wants. Check yourself, she have placed you side-by-side with another guy and she wants you to impress her.

Again, Ondo to Akure is a bit far, two different towns. There's someone in that Ondo that she may be seeing. Akungba boys fit dey run her matter o.

And what the guy I quoted meant in his post was, 24 and below are not for dating.

emeijeh:
Aha!
Guys, should we tell him?

He knows already. Lol!

Preciousgirl:
I understand my critics, we are in a free world and I am one of the most tolerant beings alive. I am not a fool to be sharing my family issues here, but for very good reasons. I am learning a lot from the advices.

Now don't judge me yet, since there is a lot you still don't know about my situation.

1. I virtually sponsor the house
2. My husband has not slept with me for over a month (I am never going to cheat FYI)
3. In the past, he sleeps with me through my back, (I am suffering)

4. He has password guarding his smart phones

5. He verbally abuses me often

The above are only a few. I come here often because, apart from my dad, I don't wanna wash my dirty linen to those that know me. Those accusing me of cheating, I have never and will never ever do that, in fact I believe my husband is the one cheating on me. Which husband doesn't want to sleep with his wife through the Vag but back. Which kinda husband uses condom with his wife? Please don't judge me yet, I wish you lived with us. I am trying so hard to save my marriage.

Thanks guys for all the advices

I really understand and empathize with you.

Marriage is a very unpredictable stage in one's life,utmost care and caution need to be followed.

I pray your patience and perseverance yields the much anticipated results in your life and your family.

God be with you, but my last advice, please avoid provoking your husband. He may be guilty or not, but understand that your life is important and one if things don't finally get to work out, you can still have another life trial with another person.

Stay strong, and do your best.

Themarkethere:
.
When I opened this thread because of the title, I said I was going to stop at page 2 but when I saw your first shot, knowing what you are capable of, I followed till now not because of Alex but you.

Your boldness and intelligence is legendary. You are a pace setter. Know this girl, more are for you than against you... Please do me this one favour, don't respond to any idiot again they are almost succeeding in dragging you to their gutter life. Fret not, soon nairaland world go clear road for the girl wey Sabi.

Pocohantas see why I followed the thread no you, it stopped being about the travel, it revolves around you because gold fishes can't hide.

Brother, you ain't lying.

Pocohantas is a very brilliant and beautiful woman. If half the ladies in Nigeria are like her, big wahala for dey, but (some of) these ladies dont have her skill sets, and all.

I never knew who she was until this year, and I keenly follow her when I get the chance to. She have haters plenty.

But like you rightly said, more are for her than against her, so let's chill and allow blokes blow hot inside our harmattan weather in vein.

Nne, akanchawa gi na abia, chere ya, o no gi nso.

Happy Christmas �

bukatyne:
That is why I am surprised that 6 months late, he is straffing someone else.

Please, kindly note that I'm not defending the OP with my post.

Now, the timeframe for moving on is flexible, different people can take different time to sort themselves out, some don't sort anything and they move on like that.

The OP taking 6months before following up with that nice girl is okay, besides, the cause of his last relationship to fail was ethnic differences.

So, do blame him for not waiting for 2years or longer. Different strokes for different folks, remember that.

Oga OP, you messed up, hooking up another girl when you've not fully purged out the last lady is grossly unfair to the Nice Girl you're currently with.

Na so you go take break her heart, and we'll have one angry person to deal with.

If you can't give your all, apologize to her and quit the relationship before things advance between both of you.

Phone call from you to discuss anything of your choosing.

Willian is clearly the MOTM.

Somedays, he's good, other days, worse, and few other days, extraordinary.

bleskid:
u dei watch ball... u suppose dei for kitchen ...

What kinda utterance is this? If you can't tackle her objectively, don't sound myopic and trying to subjugate her views.

Indeed, NL have changed.

dominique:
That was not a penalty

Willian scores
2-0

I don't know you to be biased o.

Gazzaniga obviously posed high targeting to draw a technical foul against Alonso, probably to injure him or something.

It was very careless of him.

Initially, the ref even awarded a foul against Alonso until the VAR changed the refs decision against Spurs.

Deserved penalty, deserved goals from Chelsea.

Ariza:
With the recent outrageous increase in the numbers of "Help/Rant" threads opened by guys on this section, I am moved to give my Nigerian sisters a standing ovation, a thunderous applaud and a heartfelt doff. They do wonders .


However, I wonder on what type of Men society breed these days.Cry babies? Hypocrites? or confused lots? I wonder!

Being born into a war is the hardest thing a child can ever experience.

These guys are not fighting the wars feminists, redpillers and whatnot started.

They don't want to live that way, don't lump them into that and create unnecessary issues for them.

Unique357:
In brief, I am a male married with 2 children, my daughter is 8 and son is 5. I also have my niece 11 and a house help 15 staying with us.

On Monday I gave my wife Christmas shopping money to get foodstuffs, hers and children clothing including our house help.

Yesterday my wife went shopping, she bought clothes for herself, our children and nothing for the house help. She claimed that the girl doesn’t need any clothes for Christmas as long we feed and send her to school, the rest is her parents' duties. The girl in question is my wife's relative from the same village. This girl is so nice to our children, she is like a second mother to them despite her being just 15, I have never had any problem with her.

I was mad at her that I told her, if she cannot treat another woman's child well then she doesn’t deserve to be a mother, yes I did said some harsh words to her because of anger. She accused me of sleeping with the little girl which I told her she is mad and she couldn’t stop crying the whole night. This morning she didn’t make my breakfast and refused greeting me back.

Please house let me know if I overreacted

Take that girl to the mall and buy her something good to feel among too and loved.

Na like this to poison family dey take start, alienation is one dangerous thing in human life.

fetrillion:
Hello everyone,I'm a married man to a wonderful partner.Our sexual life is cool n perfect.
I was initially sexually inactive before I got wedded but I'm now perfectly active just immediately after my wedding (I still can't understand d sudden change of my system)from 5secs to almost 17-25min
The problem:My wife complains jokingly dat after the first round,I hadly go for the second n this is simply because I get so tired after the first round..so I made her to understand that my first round (25mins) is another man 3rd round...is this assertion correct?..I stand corrected pls.

Spread it all out.

Have round one by 9pm, and second round by 2am. Or any time that's convenient for you. You should have recovered before the next show, and allow your wife to get you turned on for round two.

And please, stop sex at night only thing if that's what you do, try and engage in as available (and practiceable) method. That way, you have it whenever you want and still have the night available to you.


Trust me, energy for round two will come whether you're tired or not, although, not immediately, but once you're rested, you're good to go.

Satisfy her please, na your Kongo to shine, don't let her 'jokes' become really a big deal tomorrow.

Dr. Robert Schuller's Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do remains one source of strength for me year in year out... Also, Richard Wright's The Black Boy.


Positive energy and thoughts are cultivated and harvested, the system we run is the maze we need to navigate.

Get your ass off and be your best self.