Forget about why he did it and focus on the disappointing outcome. She was tricked easily and fell for it. Things you should consider here is : why did she fall easily? Is it that she gives her number randomly for her not to detect what was going on?
Corrosiveman: So the Challenge has been cancelled?......This guy is nothing but a Verified Tap-in Merchant Modric,Marcelo and Kross worked their ass of.....Now he is in juventus he want the former teammates to be sold because they are not feeding him well .....If you doubt note that he never scored a solo goal in the UCL just 4 tap-ins and 1 penalty.....But as Usual people would blame the juventus squad....FRAUD only good at selling Underwears on Instagram.....It really suprises me that people say he is hardworking but on the pitch he falls down quickly like my Grandmother's Breast.....Please dont quote me if you are a Pained juvemadridiot
How far has Madrid gone with Benzema and Bale? Why don't they do the tap in and take Madrid to where Ronaldo has been taking them. Marcelo and Modric and still there to render same service to Benzema but no result
Assuming they were not caught and by next year they start making money suddenly almost everyone around them will start singing their praises without questioning the source of the sudden wealth. This is the real problem
Nellychinma20: I really don't know how to start this. I respect marriage the way I respect God. I don't like the idea of cheating and already vowed never to have a thing to with married men. But married men won't let young girls be and the irony is, the society will always place the blame on us. once a married man want u ,he will go to any length to get it. God be good to me, am so scared of marriage cos of the rate at which men cheat and I can't bear the thought of that happening to me. I will go ahead and share my experience, ladies feel free to add urs
The any length is always showering you girls with material gifts and money. Those are things you ladies find hard to resist .
Smallbaby: So I was arguing with a colleague yesterday about the company that first brought fingerprint Technology to Nigeria. I said it was Infinix, but she said no that it was one other brand like that. Since we tried Google and it not help matters, I decided to bring it on here, which phone company first brought Fingerprint technology in Nigeria first. Thank you.
lalasticlala: After Stephanie Otobo linked big butty actress, Daniella Okeke to her sex scandal with Apostle Johnson Suleman, many Nigerians have stormed actress Daniella Okeke's instagram page with diverse views. Some are even fighting there. LOL.
Most single actress do these things. You will see d one that has not featured in up to 20movies. Ha's a house In lekki. Driving G-wagon and Evoque .... This is how many of them slay. That's why the single actress always look for successful than the married ones who r even way bigger than them in d industry
A friend just informed me of a P2P site. From the countdown on the page it shows the site will be lunched today by 12noon so I thought of sharing the information with my fellow Nairalanders so those interested can follow up early enough www.puntell.com
Suleiman should take this girl to one corner and settle quietly. He's just being stupid and causing more ridicule for himself. You can't be blackmail in a situation you have absolutely no idea about. If it's a blackmail that means something went down and Suleiman don't want it to come out,hence she's making demands
That's not a boss attitude. She's just rude and disrespectful to other housemates. Even if you don't give her the opportunity she will pick it up herself. Why not just day he doesn't know how to kiss. What's with d description . Some days back she said Bally used the toilet and didn't flush like a kid . Those description are not necessary knowing it's a live TV program. This is a girl that likes to be respected in the house o. She can't make her point without trying to make you feel humiliated. They gave her that chance that's why she feels too sophisticated for them.
amyzon: It started yesterday afternoon when my husband took me to the hospital to pick up my family planning pills with our 2 months old baby. To cut the story short, I went into d midwife's office alone to pick d pill , ask questions and get answers.
Inside the midwives office was a very young doctor who got involved in all my discussion with the midwife. Alone the line, the midwife went out to pick something and at that moment the young doctor asked me for my number, I gave him a wrong number .
So when we got home I told my husband about it. He got angry , started attacking me about it , my husband said giving the doctor a number at all was me insulting him, that it doesn't matter if it was a wrong number or not .
Truth is, I'm not the type to insult a guy who approached me, I always give wrong number. I have been apologising to my husband since yesterday even when I totally don't think I did something wrong , Yet he is still boiling up. Pls I need to understand what I did wrong cos I don't think I did something wrong.
Simply telling him you are married and your husband is even waiting outside would have done the magic. Not like you are in a lonely place where you felt threatened and yo had to give him wrong number to save yourself from harm . You did wrong
bbbabes: A young man who chose to remain anonymous, narrated how he lost his girlfriend to another guy despite spending N700,000 on her birthday.
According to a mail sent to relationship expert Joro Olumofin, a young man recounted how his girlfriend ran off to Dubai with another guy even after he had spent N700,000 on her birthday.
He claims his girlfriend left for a romantic trip with the other guy and has simply refused to return the expensive birthday gifts he gave her.
bbbabes: A Nigerian fitness buff took to social media to share graphic photos of his body after he was allegedly brutalized by some Nigerian soldiers for wearing an fitted top .
According to the victim Olajide Nathan (@drealghettoboy) ,the incident happened around 9:30pm, last night,close to Dodan Barracks at Keffi street, off Awolowo road, Obalende.
In his words “I was beaten up for almost two hours last nite by soldiers OP MENSA because Iwas wearing a black armless and red track trouser.
They asked if i was a cultist and why am i so muscular in shape? Do i build up to intimidate soldiers? I told them i work out because i love to be fit and i enjoy doing it. One of the soldiers slapped me immediately and the rest started wipping me with koboko, for no reason. I copied there plate number Hilux NA1003.”
SexyBabe001: First photos from the court wedding of Laura Ikeji to Ogbonna Kanu. Wishing them all the best in their home. Linda, where art thou? Laura is the sister of the celebrity blogger, Linda Ikeji, while Ogonna is a brother of Nigeria's ace striker, Kanu Nwaknwo
ricsman: Guess that's was one of the reasons America didn't want to help us with sophisticated machine.... we wouldn't use them well..... imagine this kind mistake.... saving and killing some later...
America fighter jet dropped bomb at an hospital in Syria some time ago
peacesamuel94: I would like to find out, from experienced minds how possible it is, for me to acquire a doctorate degree, in my 20s. Presently I'm studying anatomy which is a 4 year course, and not up to 20 yet, and i would like to further my education to the doctorate level.
I'm asking the question because most PhD holders i've happened to come across are usually people, whose age bracket we can estimate to be, between (45-65years) which made me wonder why acquiring the degree takes so much time, hence my question.
Your replies, Will be very much appreciated.
My cousin is concluding her PhD in 3months. She's 28
djmask: Tell us what didn't add up, cos I have read and didn't see disjointed information
Can't be typing it on and on. I already made one of such disjointed information obvious in a comment I dropped earlier and that you can find between page 1 to page 85 of that book. You can read it again
Nice 1 ...that toke girl is a big liar just hustling for money
I only admire her for writing a book not that I believed in what she wrote to be a true story. Some people who they are reading books before they get to page 10 they have forgotten 70% of the things they read on page 2. That's why most people find it hard to notice things that didn't add up properly
djmask: How do you lie against someone who is alive and has eyes and ears and also possess ability to reply? People said she lied, can you pls help highlight some of them?
On the comment I made before this one you replied to there you will find one of her lies that I highlighted
Mikylopez: im also reading the book and i must say toke really tried these book will help so many ladies.. pick your self up and be strong the world doesn't revolve around your partner
She lied in the book just to make it interesting so I believe she lied against her ex for her to sell. If you have read up to page 60 I believe you must have seen where she was careless in her lies.
djmask: Hey guys, happy weekend. . . trust you’re enjoying it. Today I bring you a review. . . nope, a dilation thats the way I like to call it
This is one book I was a little bit more than hesitant to review and the reasons being that so many people have had a lot to say about this book up to celebrity singers and writers and then I felt like what right do I have to see things differently when almost everyone is seeing things this way and that way . Nonetheless, I decided to.
Things you must know before you read this post is that;
1. You don’t have to buy my point.
2. I really do not place so much emphasis on what many people think the primary or secondary reasons of Toke were for writing this book like I do care about the message. There are so many opinions about why Toke wrote this book. I’ve read stuffs like cashing out on her story like a Nigerian Kardashian that she is, to destroy Maje Ayida, to expose her foolery to the world, etc. Why is this story a must tell? . . . To explain her side of the story? To inspire and encourage others not to make the same mistakes she made and to remind them they are more than enough? To play the victim card? To put Maje on a blast? Was that her yielding to the prophecy and instruction given by God to write? This is for her to answer and is for everyone who read the book to decide, whatever that suits you! But for me, I guess I understand the purpose of this book.
3. This book is very personal to me. I have read more memoirs in my life than I have read manufactured stories and I can say out of all those books, this is the third book I did take personal. At a point, I got tired of trying to leave comments on posts regarding this book because I feel like each time I leave a comment, people still don’t get it and I tend to look like mumu because the truth will always remain that people will continue to see things from the angle they’ve experienced.
4. This is going to be a post not focused on irrelevancies like the cost of the book, or the seemingly too much like details, why making caps and shirts, etc. . . not my business.
5. And probably this is not your usual type of review . . . thank God my caption didn’t say review.
Now shall we;
I am not reviewing this book as a literary piece ‘cos there is absolutely nothing literary about it and I won’t be calling it a spiritual piece either but I think I feel comfortable calling it a celebrity memoir aiming at inspiring and educating.
As a young lady who has journeyed, had her fair share of life experiences and have made mistakes and still prone to, I know better than to judge a woman making herself vulnerable through the pages of her book and also becoming herself. I have spent the past couple of days reading, digesting, regurgitating and spitting comments of people about this book. Still, I need not to recheck if the reason I was feeling different is because I was trying to imagine something different about the book or because I happened to share my birth date with this Best Selling Author. Then I thought, what were some People thinking? This is not a Joyce Meyer, Kimberly Porter, Heather Lindsey, Sarah Jakes or Adara Butler’s book. ‘Cos I think some people were expecting to see such degree in Toke’s book. We are all called differently to function in purpose by telling our story in different capacities. That is why I couldn’t have imagined a better way for her to write the book. I wasn’t disappointed.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Toke Makinwa a.k.a. Tokstarr, Morning Rose is a Nigerian OAP on Rhythm FM Lagos and a co-host on Moments on Ebony Life TV. She’s one of the most controversial Nigeria Celebrities, a very hardworking mediapreneur and fashion slayer. Last year, she was a topic for discussion as her marriage of one year to her beau of 13 years, Maje Ayida came crumbling within a year amidst infidelity and pregnant ex-girlfriend scandal. She moved on from the relationship which she had never spoken about until now in her debut book which she released 28th November, 2016.
On Becoming is a 14-chaptered book that narrated the story of a death-stolen childhood as Toke watched her parents’ burn in a gas-ignited fire accident at their home due to malice between their two house helps, Grace and Ruth. This event which finally led to their death became the bedrock of all that followed from a dragging academic life, reckless living and lassitude towards some things. She tried to find a fix in different things and relationships which led to her 13 years relationship and one year marriage with her estranged husband. This fix consequently led to more damages, pain, abused dignity and a chronic loss of self-esteem till she came to a melting point that led to another turning point as she took solace in God, struggled with letting go and finally facing her fears as she took the divorce option, dealt with letting go and journeyed to wholeness.
True that the bone of contention was her marriage; how it crashed within a year and the reason for the crash but she took us through a chapter of her growing up, 12 chapters dedicated to the details of her relationship and one chapter about the other woman and another chapter that really addressed the crux of the book! But to really understand her journey to become, all those chapters were very necessary maybe not so detailed.
I’ve read so many analyses and I just think this book is more than the breakdown so many are giving it. I am not trying to defend Toke or speak for her but I think until you find yourself in a particular situation, you don’t have a right to judge the choices made by that person. It is easy to watch from afar and make conclusions but trust me, you ain't gonna make a better choice if you were there. This is a case of severe battered self-esteem and bottled pain from the past that led to holding on to wrong love, believing you couldn’t find better and unnecessary determination to make it work even though it’s hurting you.
Why didn’t she leave? Why did she continue to use the cream afterwards? The society always blames everything on the woman, what about the man, he is a beast, heartless. . . If the lady's pregnancy hadn’t become a public thing, would she have left? When she knew she was going through all those things, why was she advising people to do what she couldn’t bring herself to do?
Someone said she chose love over wisdom. Dysfunction has a way of presenting itself as love. Toke didn’t choose love, she chose dysfunction over herself. She was stuck, the more reason she couldn’t leave even though she was having all those green lights both left, right and centre. She just couldn’t walk away, after all these years? Where would she start from? These are the lies the devil keeps bringing. Bad relationships have a way of making you feel weak. You love this person and you wanna believe so much that they'd change if you keep giving them chances over and over again that you refuse to see how much it has sagged you and how little by little, it has gone from love to dysfunction.
Love shouldn’t hurt but love hurts only when it’s one sided. You keep doing all the loving and the other person treats you like being with you is doing you a favour and in all of these things that you know, you still couldn’t bear to see yourself leave. Maybe with time, he’d see me. . . maybe he’d come around with time and why you keep staying you’d never seem to understand . That's why she kept holding on even when everybody wasn’t a fan of that relationship.
She loved up. Ignored her instincts, her dreams, the witty sayings from Maje’s mum and advice from my his sister ‘cos she didn’t feel good enough and she just wanna keep seeing the good in the man. She never felt good; you see yourself through the reflection of the other person. The more reason she was willing to put herself in harm’s way, bleaching her skin and begging to know if it was all about the sex styles, she was wwilling to learn, including accepting to make a sex tape. One thing I’ve learnt in life is that stop seeing the good in people all the time if you are becoming the victim of the bad you ignored over and over again.
Loving him was wrong but she didn't care because she never loved herself too. It was all about him and little about her. Heather Lindsey would always say, it’s not in your place to change somebody. Don’t make yourself an altar of sacrifice for a man. You’re not God; you’re not the Holy Spirit that convicts and changes.
Why didn’t she leave?
I bet she had asked herself this question over and over. At the end, you realize everything was hinged on low self-esteem. You will never understand something you’ve never experienced and I don’t pray anybody do, ‘cos it’s not a sweet one.
Why did she continue to use the cream afterwards? Did Maje put a gun to her head?
When did the relationship end that's now about why didn’t she stop! What's the point in this question I asked myself. She was never gonna get back her original skin colour, she has no choice but to maintain the one she has now. And no, he didn’t put a gun to her head, she was just going through a cycle of dysfunctional relationship that she was willing to do the unbelievable to win him; please herself to displease him.
The society always blames everything on the woman, what about the man, he is a beast, heartless. . .
This has nothing to do with how the society views women. One of the things I’ve learnt in my journey is that admittance comes most times with having to deal with a higher percentage of the blame if not all. She allowed it, that she didn’t deny. So don’t let us make this about the society blaming her. No one is lauding Maje Ayida and the point of the book was never to name-call anyone but Nigerians, we care so much about the gossip that we wanna name call and blame all the way cos truthfully, I don’t even care about the guy, what he had done, he had done! I think we are the ones even making this book so much about him. She had accepted all that she needed to, let us leave two adults to live in peace and pick the lessons we find worthy in the book. . . We don’t always need to have a say all the time. The purpose wasn’t for us to analyse but to learn something.
If the lady’s pregnancy hadn’t become a public thing, would she have left?
Probably not or maybe she would have. But there is something they call the last straw or last nerve. . . it has a way of giving you back the sense you lost along the way. It’s always the point where everything changes.
When she knew she was going through all those things, why was she advising people to do what she couldn’t bring herself to do?
Yes, that wasn’t fair but there is something I always say, that in all those pains you can still find time to edify! *my quote* lol. . . Maybe while she was doing it she wasn’t even doing it knowing she was edifying others but probably keeping appearances and trying to be sane yet I know some people were helped by it. She wasn’t sincere with her process and that is okay but sometimes you find it so difficult to apply the same advice you give to people in your own situation but the truth is one day, you will have to take that advice and that day actually really came for her.
I know there’s no justification for selling a lie, having her vlogger family believe she had the dream marriage when she didn’t, still it’s the same way there’s no purpose in if only, why didn’t she. . . Why waste your energy trying to justify a past she already took responsibility? T. D. Jakes says, in our pain there’s a purpose and in our mess there’s a message and God did it with her and the point is, if He did it before, He can do it again. Truthfully, most times I don't understand her, especially when she released that video about Things you do in your 20s and 30s. . . cos you can’t be kind of a Christian and kind of worldly at the same time still, it’s not in our place to write people off! You have no idea what God wants to do with them. .. Sometimes I don’t understand myself at times but the truth is i f we are supposed to understand people before we love them, half of the world is gonna remain unloved . We are all a work in progress hoping to see what our finished product looks like and we don't grow at the same rate either. Let us Stop with the castigating, name-calling, shaming and trying to rewrite a sstory that has been played out but you can change how it plays out in yours or someone you know’s if only you ffocus on the message and stop trying to read meanings into it or expect Maje’s book.. . like some people were asking Maje if it was true she gave Toke STI. . . Haba!
FAVOURITES FROM THE BOOK
1. My favourite chapter was Chapter 14 titled Healing . There’s that point where you come to a place of admittance, acceptance and sincerity towards yourself. Your faults, mistakes, choices, take responsibilities for you part which sometimes happen to be more on your side, deal with regrets, how unchangeable the past is, how unpredictable the future is but still you trust God; this is the stage where you deal with the why, how, what. . . no more running, no more denial, forgiving self and the other parties, letting go and letting God.
2. I love the writing style. Simple and engaging.
3. Quotes at the beginning of each chapter.
4. I love the metaphoric significance of the of Chapter 10 which was the only Chapter with Toke’s quotes. The message is encoded in that quote.
Difficulty
There was something about the tenses I didn’t quite understand especially in the first chapter.
Recommendation
I know that 99.9% of readers read the book to satisfy their curiosity in different forms it took and had also successfully came up with our interpretation of the book, I hope whatever aim she had releasing this book will be achieved and yea, I do know how it feels like to still have some residue left in there but I trust God to make it all go away like it never happened. Finally, I know this book is gonna be useful to anyone who truly needs the message in it.
Rating: 8/10
I read she’s preparing for her 2nd and 3rd book. Thank you Toke for sharing your story with us. I pray everything she’s lost in her valley experience God will restore in a trillion folds and I hope your life will always be one that speaks God and shows godliness and I hope you heal totally and truly be yourself in God. Have a nice read!!! This book is available everywhere in hardcover, paperback and eBook.
Till I come your way again, don’t stop becoming bold, strong, daring, fearless and the best version of yourselves in God.
XOXO ~ Ibukunwrites
Judge miles only if you've walked them. ~ Ibukunwrites.
TOKE said 6 months after they started dating she saw pic of her ex and another lady on FB. They started dating 2002 because on one part of the book she made reference to 2007 Christmas and she said that was 5yrs after they first met. She also said they started dating almost immediately the time they first met . So if she is saying she saw a pic of her ex and a lady on Facebook just over 6months when they started dating that means it's that same 2002 or early 2003. The issue here that's confusing me is that FACEBOOK was found 2004. So how did Toke manage to put that together Was she having her own FACEBOOK before Mark Zuckerberg ?
reserved01: Of course I never believed the whole he was expecting 50k and old woman cock and bull story he came up with, I just thought I should play along and try not to upset him. You know, JUST MAYBE he might fully return the money. After he paid back 25k, I intentionally refused to put pressure on him, I called him only twice or thrice throughout the whole period to ask about the remaining money, but he kept saying the same thing. That the woman's son has not paid yet, so i have to continue to wait, blah blah blah. I sensed where the whole drama was leading to So I decided to stop been nice and playing dumb with him. I put a call through to him on Thursday and told him in clear tone to return the money. He immediately hanged the call and blocked my number on whatsapp. I knew what that meant. I didn't contact him again until yesterday nite when I used a friends line to message him on whatsapp and inform him of my intentions to post all his informations here on nairaland. I gave him 24 hours to get back to me, and declare his intentions to return the money. Oh well as expected he immediately blocked the said number and refused to get back to me till this moment.
This is a criminal case. The chat 's enough evidence and bank records as well. Go to the police and get a report then get court order and take to the bank. The bank will put a red flag on his account . The moment he step in to his bank to do any transaction the police will apprehend him...... I've seen this work before
Asey: i used to spy on my husbands phone a lot. To tell u the truth,i had to stop because it was vausing problems in our young marriage. ot was not like i suspected him.of cheating or anything of that sort.
the whatsapp messages coming from his mother to his phone about me and my family was nothing to write home about. she was actually teaching her son how to run our home and infact telling him not to spend any dime on me.
it ended up.in a very nasty argument. i am not even in good terms with MIL and i am very happy wiit it.
I VE PROMISED MYSELF TO STOP DIGGING INTO HUBBYS FON TO AVOID ANY FUTURE PROBLEMS
I understand that curiosity can make you check your partners phone but reading chat of him and his mother or siblings is way too much. That's disrespectful
Some opinions are harmful. Linda alone won't read that. Thousands of young ladies would read the opinion and could come to believe that being stifled in marriage is proper and acceptable, that they can't be successful and still have a man of their dream.
Linda can choose her man of her dreams quietly without dropping criteria like it's a job offer where qualified candidate come and apply. Even you have the choice of man you want but I don't believe you listed out the criteria on your social media so qualify candidate come for you . She's making her search for a man look like a big deal .
Beamborla: She said she can't marry a poor man, let her be. She is successful and have the right to turn down a poor guy.
When men talk about the standard they want, they don't get hushed up.
She's just giving her opinion and not forcing it down her throat . The lady speaking is also successful even if she might not be as successful as Linda which I'm not certain about
Passy089: I caught my friend's babe cheating with another guy and she knew I saw her and she has been begging me not to talk. If I keep quiet now and My guy later finds out I knew about it I will become a bad friend...
If I talk it could be the end of a 4yrs old relationship!!! I'm even scared the girl may set me up if I decide to talk. guys Advice pls.
From this moment record all your conversations with her if she keeps begging u not to talk just in case she wants to set you up at the end . Save chats and record calls.
elengee: Dear NAIRALANDers, It is with heavy heart that I write this piece and I will appreciate your suggestions on the way forward.
I was travelling along idiroko Road on the 1st of October, 2016, on the fast lane near the culvert, when an apparently mad man ran carelessly across the road and before I could maneuver away from him, he was hit and got knocked down.
The windscreen got shattered and part of my car roof cave in. I however managed to stop the car and rushed down to the fallen man.
He was lying there by the median culvert and unconscious. I asked people to help get a vehicle to take him to a Hospital but nobody moved. They seem tobe enjoying the live drama. I then walked to the car, reversed and they help put him on my car seat.
I drove him into the nearest hospital, rolled up my sleeves and joined the Medical team to resuscitate the man. He looks unkempt and is apparently a wanderer.
By the way, I am a medical practitioner.
He was admitted and put on necessary equipment and medication. However, he remained in coma.
I thereafter went in search of people around who may identify or know the victim. Nobody has seen him before.
Later, I went to the nearest police station to report the accident, and an officer accompanied me to the hospital, then back to the station and I put down a statemen and was released on self recognition.
I took the man for a CT Scan yesterday to further investigate him while continuing other treatments.
It's been 4 days of the best medicare anyone can hope for and the man is still in coma.
The police are waiting and watching. I am waiting, watching, praying and caring. The man is just there.
What more can I do?
You have done the needful. All you have to do is search a bit harder for his family or people who know him. You are a good man
stephanie11: A man in Thailand has become an internet sensation after a video of him buying and destroying over 15 i-phones including the store.
Trouble started for the Iphone dealers when the man stepped into the store to buy an Iphone 7. The man whom didn't look genuinely interested in buying the device was asking a couple of questions about the phone when the attendant lost it and asked if he could afford the phone?
This deeply angered the man who then smashed the phone on the table, paid and left the store. He returned the next day, this time he bought all the I-phones in the store and destroyed all of them. He then proceeded to give extra cash to the store owner before destroying the entire store. At the end of the footage, he is seen leaving the store premises in a Roll Royce 'Ghost'.
For every action there is an equal an opposite reaction. Instead of buying to prove he can afford it he choosed to pay for the shop and destroy it..... Doings Na Shawarma
Romance / Re: I Unintentionally Exposed My Girlfriend by Certifiedboss: 11:59am On Jan 14, 2020 
Was she having her own FACEBOOK before Mark Zuckerberg ?
. Today I bring you a review. . . nope, a dilation thats the way I like to call it
