₦airaland Forum

The success/failure of such marriages is determined by how far/close they live near their extended family members,call it external influences. The less,the better.

Snipes009:
Shebi na our future leaders be dat? Take this Chidoks I always tell people that if we are to judge by the comments our youth makes on social media platforms (which is perhaps, the only avenue for them to voice their opinions), then Nigeria's future is somewhat dim unless there's a mutation somewhere or we are lucky to have the sane 0.1% make it to the top.

"Which is perhaps, the only avenue for them to voice their opinions"
I'm deeply concerned about this opinion of theirs. Opinions that are deeply rooted in bitterness and malice, characterized by vulgarism and disrespect. Isn't that their true nature? Won't they corrupt others by their free outburst at the slightest provocation??
Often times I think they just do it for fun but what fun is there in verbal abuse? Isn't it true that out of the abundance of the heart,the mouth speaketh?

First of all, I think the devil is out to destabilize most homes because once the home is broken or in chaos,the children are bound to go astray and society gets more rotten and uninhabitable...
I think the chief cause of divorce in marriages is over-westernization and reckoning with external influences. Suddenly we have lost our core cultural values of love, accommodation and knowing your place(submission)
Being submissive is now old fashioned, fidelity is for 'jew men', selfishness has beclouded our sense of loyalty in marriage.
Most people especially men cannot mind their business again and men have become easily influenced these days. When busy bodies(aka friends) see a couple living in harmony; it's either her friends tell her to up her game by making excessive demands or his friends will tell him that she chewing gums him/controls him. The moment you take their demonized advices, na wahala be that! It's so annoying...

Snipes009:
You dey watch them too? Lol. That's what you get when you buy smartphones for kids who are not really smart...

LOL!! I dey watch o. The surprising thing is the depth of bitterness, arrogance and callousness! Shebi na our future leaders be dat? Make I siddon dey look dem...

sarzy:
At least we learn some English.

The English no trip person joor!

Ok na,I remember the first time my husband's oldest niece visited my home. Then she was 15 and one of her daily chores was to bring out a bowl of soup from the freezer to defrost for the next day's lunch which I take along to work.
On this wonderful Thursday morning I woke up to meet nothing on the spot where she usually kept the bowl of soup.
"Anuli", I thundered not minding it was about 6am "where's the soup?"
"Hei, mummy I forgot"
"What did you forget, that I don't eat breakfast or that I take lunch to work?"
Silence
"I need an answer please"
"Mummy I'll bring it to your office"
"Bring wha..." I stopped, "yes you'll bring it to the office once it's 12noon"
That settled I got ready and dropped 200 bucks for her keke and left for work.
By midday I was still so busy till I say a dejected looking Anuli approaching
"Where is my food"
"Mummy...
"Anuli please where is my food or did they send you to me?"
"I forgot it in the keke"
"Excuse me!"
"The keke man zoomed off while I was trying to pick my call"
"Wait first, you came down from the keke and instead of picking my food you decided to pick your calls?"
Silence...
"Anuli!"
"Mummy it was like film trick,before I turned he zoomed off but I..."
"Shut up and go home!" I was really angry
"Ma..
"Leave my office!"
"Mummy...
"Out!"
I spent the rest of the day wondering what must have happened to my precious oha soup .
By 5:30pm I was done, famished, hunger stricken! I packed my things and rushed downstairs. I had already passed when I noticed my lunch basket by one corner. I turned, took a closer look and yes it was my lunch basket,still covered with my napkins. I made to touch it but stopped.One of the office attendants who I guessed must have noticed my interest in the basket approached and greeted.
I asked if she knew who brought it and she said 'mama blessing' did.
I sent for mama blessing.
"Na one keke man bring am madam, e say whether one girl forget am for im keke na im i say make I bring am in incase if the girl dey hia"
Still not finding anuli's lousiness funny,I bent to pick the basket after letting them know my niece was the girl in question
I was almost straightening up when something struck me, the basket was light! I quickly dropped it and everyone turned back at me.
I asked mama blessing to open the food flask in the basket .
To my greatest amazement,the flask was empty but dirty.someone had turned the food. Then something looin me and I laughed,it felt so good that I laughed again and again and again till I felt better.someone actually turned the food but was kind enough to return the basket,flask and cutlery! I was still laughing till I got home...

I'm seriously 'Oliver twisting' here; more...!

So a question as simple as this could cause all this unnecessary squabbles and rants.na wa o...

RadicallyBlunt:
I used to envy my gf, she change pants daily, I bought a dozen of boxers in addition to the 5 I had b4. Now the wahala of washing them is making me regret d envy.

Hahaha! You must continue washing o.
When we make these envious wishes, we often forget that those enviable stuffs have responsibilities (we may not be presently ready for) attached to them.

I have a serious bone I'm cracking right now and these are exactly the same thoughts I entertained while reflecting on how best to come out victorious.
One thing is certain; life is like a school system, you cannot attain greater heights without passing through challenges(the exam) . Your next level experience depends on how well/poorly you manage your present challenges. As for me I've decided to use the stones hurled at me by life to build beautiful mansions.
So if you're going through a tough time, just do your best(as success is an exclusive reserve of hard and right workers ,don't even think of shot cuts), keep your hope alive, find time to smile and do stuffs to plant a smile on another's face... It's well!!

Lezzlie:
White-troll, you derail. Your penchant for draping yourself in a saint's garment overrides your perception for common sense and decorum. But I'll tell you this :


Faith to me is a gift I once had, lost and maybe, hope to find again. Human compellation is stired from the pendulum of the supernatural, and never my your desire to save me. Your zeal to have me draped in a priest's rob stems from ignorance and a subjective sense of morality. Even in your noble quest, you bear the mark of human greed and prudishness. The path you thread is long and winding, keep your eyes on the narrow path lest you slip off while seeking to guide me, I, Leslie whom God has chosen a different path to chart.

Fate makes my path, fear creates yours. Create an opposing or counter thread for every one of my thread you find offensive or corrupt. Nosey-parker, the world is bigger than your little sense of morality.

Now away with you, and _fucking keep your dry bread of impious sermon out of my way. Lousy dampener!

I shiver...

Blyzz:
O Na own with public self. as the public go recognize u for chewing well or eating in a right manner. Abeg just tell him openly. pls have u ever notice the sound wen u chew, there u cud go ahead with d tutorial and discussion!! easy, right??

Hian!!

Chewing and slurping noises are bad table manners,and you owe her to correct her before she embarrasses herself in the public. I don't think there should be a special way of making this correction.You know her better thus you should know how to reach out and tell her the gospel truth.
However I think you should gentle remind her how she's a lady and how ladies shouldn't chew/drink noisily. Let her know you know she wouldn't chew like that outside but that the noise doesn't go down well with you so you would want to hear to chew alike whether in the public or at home or wherever.

Onegai:
Ah that may be a problem. The person I know of only services Lagos. I'll ask her if any is available. But there should be an agency close to you with trained nannies, I know people who are investing in training qualifies nannies and maids and cooks in the major cities.

Thanks.The Filipino thing got me.yeah in my city there are many agencies that offer such domestic services but with the applaud given to the Filipino women,I truly wouldn't mind one I will keep for a long long time. Ask if I get any to live outside Lagos.I'll appreciate it.

Onegai:
You'd have to contact am agency. Are you on the island?

I don't live in Lagos.can you give me a link though I've heard it's not safe to source for nannies publicly...

NoQualms1:
Some mother-in-laws are really good. Mine was. When I gave birth to my first, she came. She bathed her, pressed my body, cooked. And she stayed for a year, taking care of my baby for me. She hardly complain. If I offend her, she'll tell my husband, not even her husband or other children heard any complain about me.

And just 5 days ago, I gave birth to my second. She has been sick for a month, I was praying that God should heal her if only for the sake of my newborn but she passed away 3 days ago. She was a rare gem indeed. I'm not sure I've heard of mother-in-laws being that nice. Hers was different. Almost all my friends had issues with theirs. I don't just know why she had to die now but God knows and I've accepted like that.

Oh dear,sorry for your loss. Just keep recalling her love each time you miss her.

Jesus Christ!! With some stories up there I thank Jehovah God for my mother-in-law.What!! Mine is my closet friend.I don't even like her doing chores sef because nobody can clean my house to my taste except my sister,the babe sabi scrub house.
Back to MIL,this woman respects her son like kilode! Whenever she needs something from him she comes to me which made me uncomfortable for a long time till me too, I started asking her to tell her son do certain things for me just to balance the equation. She's a perfect gist mate and our 'amebo' is always sweet and safe.
We weren't always friends o.infact for about my first 4years of marriage we had our fair share of cold war but she was never confrontational and me I kept my distance till the issue was resolved. Looking back now I wish we never even fell out,because that woman really suffered and I will make sure that for every wrinkle that came on her face due to the stress she went through; I shall replace with laughter of joy till they all disappear and she glows like a baby(so help me God). She is currently in my house but what she doesn't know yet is that she's here on a very very long stay.
""She has her flaws o,me too I have mine but just as I don't get offended at any thing my mum does, I've decided not to be offended by her wrong deeds.
God bless and keep her for me joor!

Onegai:
For those who can afford it and are deciding to go the Nanny route, abeg don't be cheap, hire a Filipino nanny.

I'll never forget my mum and I observing the behaviour of one. She kept smoothing the baby's hair and planted a kiss on his temple absent-mindedly, whilst the little boy jejely rested his head on her shoulders. My mum (flabbergasted) kept repeating "that must be her child" because she and I have never seen an affectionate Nigerian nanny (even the ones you pay well and give them regular working hours and days off like office staff, one slapped my pre-school nephew recently). I've spoken to some people who hire them and those women keep getting top marks for professionalism and care. Compare that to the sullen-faced or bored Naija nanny, ready to dish out a slap or a pinch to your child.

It takes a lot of patience to stay with a child and Nigerians are not patient people.

Abeg abeg where and how can I get a Filipino nanny.

Tonia500:
the i will change him/her syndrome is the cause of divorces.we can never Change a person's habit

True that but on the other side,the I must have my way syndrome is also destructive

It's good that you appreciate her and no matter her objections keep loading her, that is one of the sources of your blessings.
My mum and mother in law could be this good but I haven't seen a woman like my mother in law before.She respects her son so much. Even when ill she still worries about how she's the cause of the expenditures. She even prays for her son's progress meanwhile she's really ill o. She sacrifices for all her children alike. God bless and preserve my mum and mother in law, the op's mother and the many godly and selfless mothers out there including me o. Amen!

When men are advised to keep a single home unit they think their wives are merely jealous. The danger in polygamy manifests mainly after the death of the man. Imagine Bianca claiming to be ojukwu's only legal wife. Disgracing the family, a family that another woman built and nurtured. Men continue, this libido of yours' have always led you into trouble but will you ever learn? Mba!!!

Wait o, the man dropped the wife and zoomed off with the babe??as is she's dumb? Even if she's dumb couldn't she have made signs abi dem cut her hand commot?

Sleep as in S-L-E-E-P?

The question that easily crops up each time I hear of divorce especially those ones that are precipitated by domestic violence is: what really changed in comparison to now and then. Then divorce cases were rare. Divorces didn't broadcast it. Most of them ended up getting married with time but now, divorce rates are so high that I wonder why they even contracted the marriage in the first place...

Purerealist:
Thank you so much, your advice is best so far. I don't entirely trust her but I hope she is the type that values our relationship.

Why date someone you don't entirely trust. I think it's risky to do so. Like you've been told, you should worry about your babe whom you don't trust.

Sard:
3 months? That's long o, except their a health concern.

At times it's psychological, especially if the woman was suctioned(and if the tear was very serious)
Anyways, it should be as the spirit(or do we say the man) leads

Sard:
3 months? That's long o, except their a health concern.

At times it's psychological, especially if the woman was suctioned(and if the tear was very serious)

mostyg:
Hmm, wetin I do ooo?

You know na!
How family?

mostyg:
1. I now have an idea of what I want. My final decision will be based on my pocket

2. I am not ready yet..so I have not even started searching, Though I have a lot tempting me for affairs (for a favour or the other)
3. I married to fulfil a religiuos duty, raise family for a good society and offcourse to satisty my sexual urge.

Oga mi...

PastorAji:
wasn't online till some minutes ago
The guy's wife will want to exert her authority on every decision in the house especially finances

Check again,I modified that post.

PastorAji:
expectant parents

Your answer came late.Your narration was not detailed thus most discussants ended up speculating.It would have been more helpful if you were specific.

Wait o! Did you say expectant as in the woman is pregnant for probably the first child? Ah! Oga na hormone o. Little wonder you said lately. It's the pregnancy. It'll pass just bear with her abeg. Be gentle and understanding,soothing words and mild arguments .work on her psychology.It'll pass

I was there,now I'm here.
Before moving to the new topic, did you get your design? Have you spotted your new bride or are you still searching?
You nko why did you marry?
Hahaha! Ok lemme answer your questions but you must answer mine o.
1. I married to find fulfilment and rest
2. To raise offerings
3. To avoid sin
4. Companionship
5. To love and be loved