₦airaland Forum

Dear God, please grant my husband long life and abundance. Amen!

She was taken to the mortuary without her family's consent? I smell foul play

He's right, you are selfish.

Onegai:
Nigerian women are currently doing it but we call it "Reading the book Supernatural Birth and chanting at prayers till that day"



But jokes apart, a good birth team works wonders in helping you through delivery. It requires mental and physical prep.

The book Supernatural Childbirth has nothing to do with hypnobirth. It's all about faith in God and application of same

It really doesn't have any thing to do with affordability. Diapers are expensive especially if you use the better qualities(i.e. original huggies). And you cannot save a fairly used one for future use.
Nappies are a great burden and if you calculate the cost of water for washing, detergent and disinfectant (plus labour and time) ,the difference wouldn't be much sef

Three months if the man can wait or as soon as the woman is physically and psychologically ready.

JudgementHammer:
Amin o. Iya aladura

Na 2 way solution;
-he shd find a beta job wch we all knw is scarce
-he shd set his life apart

The woman is bent on embarassing him already.

I no be iya aladura o.
I just feel for them and wish they settle the issue asap before it gets really bad.
He must not wait till he gets a better job,side kicks will help in redeeming the situation.

Babes,babes,babes...
Try and distance your self from the man's family as far as possible until he marries you. Courtship is not marriage. You are not permitted to pick quarrels at this stage. Quit if any issue makes you uncomfortable.over visitation is not good in courtship o. Make dem no see you finish!

JudgementHammer:
Where in the orginal post did u see 36k

Sit and talk with someone who earns more than u. U fit use water quench petrol fire? When familiarity is already a problem on its own. She no go hear anything. Asking him to do it is just like calling cow uncle becus of d meat it has. I councelled him seeing beyond that. If u were a footballer na back u go dey dribble go?
Only an outsider can make her see things properly not d broke husband she's familiar with. But just like I said in my previous post, he can do d talk at least to follow due protocol and fulfill righteousness so that he won't be blamed for acting foolishly later on since he can't find a better job.

Well oga op d ball is in ur court. All men have their tolerance span and limits. So keep tolerating d humiliation with a closed mouth at home and in public till u reach ur limit. Just make sure say by d time u reach ur limit, u never turn to wife and ur wife to husband or beta still, make d 3rd party a pastor u can trust.

OP mentioned the 36k later
Are you married? I ask because I sense intolerance in your tone.
A third party involvement doesn't always work.They talk and go but it's the couple that must consciously work out their marriage. Marriage requires a lot of hard work and vigilance. The issue of familiarity crops up in most if not all marriages. Your response to it is a function of how your husband reacts to'mess ups'. If the Man of the house is overtly permissive,the woman may unknowingly enjoy the over-familiarity but if the man is reasonably firm,the woman is bound to be alert. I once heard of a man whom his wife hands over her salary to him on her knees. The man knows his place, but she also knew that he wouldn't mis-manage the funds because he was a hustler himself.
The man in question needs to sit up,work on his demeanour and income in order to regain his respect. This union can still be saved.e never baje!

Ewuro4:
As silly as this may sound... Growing up, I've always believed women were to be cut open during childbirth. What do you expect me to think? Since then, I revisited childbirth again when my colleague in Uni died from natural childbirth so it has been a no go option for me. I've been conditioned to accept that route as the best option. Besides what's wrong with it when you have the best team?

Provb23:7; As a man thinketh so he is( had cs for all my kids) didn't bat an eyelid or feel scared a bit when we were informed by the Doctor.

It's funny how children of today get quick answers from YouTube unlike my generation that learned from our environment. My kid argued with me so tey yesterday, when I asked her to give me her facts , she played YouTube for me. Lawd have mercy.

Oh!
C-s scares me like no man's business. Plus the tummy that really doesn't go down.
LOL at your kid playing You Tube to buttress her point.

JudgementHammer:
How u take know. He's a man not a woman. U know how long he don dey endure am b4 he voiced out?

Besides I no say make he separate immediately. I told him to go tell her sensible ppl 1st

If he no go report to her ppl or discipline her, wetin make he come dey do. Just sit and look? Or get provoked and beat her up?

The wife 'lately' started being bossy which means she wasn't like that from the onset.
The man earns 36k per month.I don't know the size of that family but let's assume they have 4 children, that makes them 6.plus one likely dependant(house maid)that brings it to 7. 7 mouths to feed,house and clothe. 5 children to pay school fees for. Remember the man has to save,send money to his mother or whoever.
There is this possibility that she didn't mind but as time goes by, the responsibilities become heavier(i.e.from primary to secondary school- higher school fees et.al) The burden may cause her change in behaviour.
In my opinion they should sit and talk.
Reporting her to any third party is not the best. It may make her spill the beans and they would both wash their dirty linen in public.
Another important factor is his attitude towards making and spending money because considering the cost of living these days,earning 36k is a big challenge

PastorAji:
he earns 36k

That's something to work on
How many children?

Time for reporting,separation and'disciplining' never reach na.

JudgementHammer:
Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

How are u even sure she doesn't hav anoda man outside by now. I would hav said u shd meet her parents concerning this but if she's their breadwinner they may not be disciplined enough to chastise her. But all her friends and family can't have same mentality. Even if telling them doesn't change anything, its still ok u tell dem so that when u take ur actions, it won't look foolish. Of course u knw u can't tell most of ur family ppl else u will double d wahala. And if u say u want to discipline her urself as a man, when ppl hear that she earns 4-5times more than u, they'll take her side wch is embarassing.

So my advice if u have children and u luv ur kids, let dem see/knw what's going on for a while if they can understand..this is very important especially 4 future sake. Then separate with her since seeing her disrespect u in ur home will hurt ur feelings but promise ur children to always be supportive to dem and keep d promise.

U will see after a long time when d kids are grown, she will then come back 2 her senses and say u shd take her back as if her senses evaporated into d air b4. But it might be too late sha.

doctoradekokolo:
You need to pray real hard for an increase, God answers prayers sir.
Detach yourself from your wife parmanently(not as if in malice).
Never allow her to replace your you by taking over your responsibillities(school fees, house rent, clothing of kids....)
Stay withrawn, smile often. Attend church services(with the kids).
Avoid arguements.
Please be determined to enjoy life.
The peace of God that surpasses human understanding shall not depart from your home.

Oga mi, won't this detachment kill the marriage? Stay withdrawn? No now. I can't imagine a marriage without friendship and laughter. The situation is already bad, that will just make them drift apart gradually...where will wifey be when he attends church services with the children?
Challenges must come up in marriages, the solution we settle with must be aimed at restoring the marriage to it's original state otherwise it's not a solution at all
Haven established that, I agree with you on not delegating primary responsibilities (i.e.school fees, house rent and feeding) problem is : the man didn't state his salary and size of his family.If he earns 20k per month with 5children,then the wife must come in in shouldering these basic needs.
He should pray alright but self evaluation is most needed. What's his attitude towards hustling.does he rely on his salary alone, or does he have some side business that he supplements with?
I say this because I once advised a dear friend to add something to his means of livelihood since he has the time and they often go on strike. He came up with excuses which includes money. I asked him to draw up a plan,lay it to heart and save towards it that provisions will come.He kept on complaining.I even suggested selling provisions since they often buy on credit and he struck it out.fast forward to 1still week of December,he called and during our discussion he mentioned how his wife didn't bathe their kids and ignored other chores till he came back from work and did them.I made excuses for her considering the fact that she was on maternity leave.but deep down I knew the cause.You can't bring back less Money and expect her to do more house chores(this doesn't apply to all women though)
All this couple need is a talk.either alone or with a marriage counselor.They need to bare their heart to each other and forge ahead. Nothing is seriously wrong yet.

Ewuro4:
Not to have kids in Nigeria. Their C-section scar always scares the heck out of my life.

Thank you Jesus!

You wished to give birth via C-S as a child?

I veered off big time!!
Glad to be where I am but meen, I veered off!

Beautiful!

Whymee:
Just as some people unleash terror and claim they are Muslims, but they are not Muslims. Nobody blames Christianity for their act, but in other tread Islam is being blame for action of those who claim to be Muslim.

They should be tagged satanic sect.

I feel you.
those characters from whatever side are agents or darkness...

Godswillnwaoma:
I want to be rich like this man. God bless my hustle.

Nna, O bless go ya tinye jara

Nnaa, ife umuaka a n'eyizi these days...

olayinkajnr:
Both can come first in the life of the Man. How? It's by having this notion

Man to his mum: Mum, I love you so much but the love I have for you is very different from the love I have for my wife

Man to his wife: Sweetheart, I love you so much but the love I have for you is very different from the love I have for my mum.

It might sound confusing but telling both that statement will create a feeling in the mothers heart that 'my son loves me so much and I come first in his life' and also in the wife's heart that 'my husband loves me so much and I come first in his life'

My opinion though

In my opinion,there is no need for position. Everyone in a man's life is equally important. Starting from his parents, to his wife, down to his children. They are all unique,irreplaceable and important.
Give each their dues while they reciprocate.
Mutual respect,love and understanding is all that matters
Of course the love he has for them is deep and different

The two women have important roles to play in a man's life.None is superior, every role is unique .
The keyword is respect and understanding. No body stole any one, no need for comparison and competition.Both need to be friends in order to get the best from the man

Mindfulness:
Issorait.

We all agree that we want our kids to have fun, don't we?

Yeah,much fun

Mindfulness:
My point is that this list is very si.lly. She should cross off some of the activities on this list instead of asking for further suggestions.
Children need some rest too.

N'im you come dey quote me as if na me compile the list?
Ask her to reduce it na,though the karate got me tripping.I wish there is somewhere near me for that...

marykaydee:
All these cos of animal, not all of us have your western ideology. If i can spank my kids,i can definitely discipline my dogs aswell. At least, they are getting equal treat ment. And i repeat, pregnant women are usually intolerant. Alot of men complain about their pregnant wives. Its natural. I can definitely exault one cos human life comes first. No?

#Hugs#

Mindfulness:
I do not know where I argued that exercise is not necessary and good for kids.

However, not every child enjoys every game/sport and besides children aren't machines.

What's your point exactly?
I suggested BB, you said it's additional stress, I maintained that children need exercise you still turned around.
It musn't be BB,any exercise at all .There must be one exercise they enjoy,it's very necessary.
Your "Children are not machines" is not necessary here.I'm not asking her to teach them how to manufacture a car. I suggested a game which will aid physical and mental development of any child. I even suggested the whole family do it together.

Mindfulness:
Add more? More stress?

How do you know they will enjoy it?

Basketball game is a very good exercise.Most normal/healthy children enjoy playing games.She may cut on some but every child needs exercise not just children,they can schedule every Saturday or Sunday evening where they have fun and build team spirit as a family

I don't understand his pain. Is he allowed into the theater during the operation OR does his pocket feel pain while they are cutting you up?

2dice:
We know ladies Got Wahala
But sincerely Bro you Got Issues

Thank you my brother!

Good one! Karate is cool for boys.
You can add basketball game to your list as bodily exercise is also important and they will enjoy it much.
I'm stealing some of your ideas already

I just don't understand why people go to church to mess their lives,bring shame to Christianity when infact,they are not Christians.
Most of the self acclaimed pastors/prophets are demonized dubious characters who ordained themselves out of poverty,laziness and(or) joblessness
That's why I mind my business in church, afterall, na me know wetin carry me come.
Some folkscan seek for pastors' notice e! If mosquito bites them,they will run to pastor. if their soup get burnt,they run to pastor .Some of them see their pastors on a daily basis
And trust those fake pastors,the moment you start frequenting their place na so prophesy go de land!
What does such pastor teach his congregation?Imagine this pastor laying hands on you...

Otedola's kind of money is darkness e kwa? Issiorite!