₦airaland Forum

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.
"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbour stopped by to check her progress. "So", he asked, "Any luck with your tomatoes?"
"No", she replied excitedly, "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!

There was a farmer who had four daughters. One night, he heard a knock at the door and found a young man standing there. The young man said, "My name is Freddy. I've come to pick up Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. I hope she's ready." The farmer thought that this was cute, so he let them go out. Pretty soon there was another knock at the door and another young man was there. He said, "My name is Vance. I've come for Nance. We're going to a dance. Is she ready by chance ?" Again, the farmer thought this was cute and let them go. Soon, another knock on the door with yet another young man standing there. He said "My name is Moe. I'm here to get Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" Again the farmer was amused and let them go. Once again, there was a knock on the door and a young man was standing there. He began, "My name is Chuck." The farmer shot him

Gudjohnsen -> Barca 8mill pounds.

Bellamy -> Liverpool

Bolton swoop for Hamman (liverpool), Man-U make 25m pounds for Torres, Fortune offered man city deal.

*YEt to confirm Mikel Loan but looks like a possibility.

Dress Code:


You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.


Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work

: There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Did i hear you say definitely? Remember how Bulgaria lost 3-0 to us in USA 94 and went ahead to beat Argentina and eventually reached the semi-finals, I'm afraid the french may have found their feet now, they beat brazil in europe, don't you think they can do it again?
Meanwhile i did not say france will win cup, i predicted that whoever wins along this battle line will win the cup.

Impress anyone ke? I'll impress a jobless self, ain't making no one feel important coz they turn back and make you feel inferior. Do ur thing lemme do ma thing

Afeni:
Ladies relax. I think I might have gotten a new girl friend today. I'll let you know in a few days.

Why days, r u preparing a sorta sermon?

Man mi, e pain me say spain jabo, e don tey wey those guys been dey try move up for this competition.

Anyhow, this line must win the cup, i mean d winner of france brazil must win or whoever wins the winner of that match.

Football is not mathematics so our predictions are based on hopes, kai, but 3-1 too much o of which na penalty my boys take score, too bad Raul won't add that to his resume.

MIkel Obi ----> 1 year loan, PSV, HOlland

He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams." Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

What Would You Do? =================== Imagine this, You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. It's raining heavily when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading, This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved u

Brazil will win the world cup - Reality

Ukraine will win the world cup - Hope

Italy will win the world cup - Faith

France will win the world cup - Prayer

Germany will win the world cup - Mathematics

Nigeria will win the world cup - Dream

Portugal will win the world cup - Psyche

Everyone will win the world cup - IRO NLA

Dont mind haters o.

All the same, I said Henry will score a hatrick today, but won't be enough, let's wait and see.

>>A simplefriend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A realfriend opens your
>>refrigerator and helps himself.
>>
>>A simplefriend has never seen! you cry. A realfriend has shoulders soggy
>>from your tears.
>>
>>A simplefriend doesn't know your parents first names. A realfriend has
>>their phone numbers in his address book.
>>
>>A simplefriend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A realfriend comes
>>early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
>>
>>A simplefriend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real
>>friend asks you why you took so long to call.
>>
>>A simplefriend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A realfriend
>>seeks to help you with your problems.
>>
>>A simplefriend wonders about your romantic history. A realfriend could
>>blackmail you with it.
>>
>>A simplefriend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A
>>realfriend calls you after you had a fight.
>>
>>A simplefriend expects you to always be there for them. A realfriend
>>expects to always be there for you!
>>
>>A simplefriend reads this e-mail and deletes! it. A realfriend passes it
>>on and sends it back to you!
>>
>>Pass this on to anyone you care about, if you get it back you have no
>>beginning, no end. It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends.
>>
>>Today I pass the friendship ball to you. Pass it on to someone who is a
>>friend to you,
>>
>>INSTANTLY WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, YOU'RE REQUESTED TO SEND IT TO AT
>>LEAST 10 PEOPLE
>>
>>When you are down to nothing, God is up to something!

gddot:
@ToyM28
hi, just found out about this gr8t site and would like 2 achieve instant fame, any ideas?

So what are u waiting for, just pick dat babe, ehn, dat one, and start em em, i've forgot the lines.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

climb up and get it for me!

Eve, how come you haven't been swept off your feet, you should be standing on ur head now

Did you say married? or engaged? two different things o. If its the first one, then you need to get a Power bike, or a ferrari and run away.
Like My former signature:

"A broken engagement is better than a broken Marriage. Please save the kids."

A successful relationship is filled with heartbreaks, let alone a potential failure. Opting out is key, so flee, he wouldn't be married to her if he loved you, belive me. Unless you wanna play fool, being a call girl to him. I pity you, it's not easy, love is not blind like they say, its just that we don't wanna let go when we hope for too much.

Cut the story short, FIND UR OWN MAN!

One Stone is Enough to Break a Glass…… One Sentence is Enough to Break a Heart……One Second is Enough to Fall in Love……and One Misunderstanding is Sufficient to Break Friendship. Friendship is the Rainbow Between two Hearts. Sharing 7 Characters. First i like u, then i loved u, Now i'm afraid to lose u, If you dont send this to everyone on ur list, u will lose the person you love. sorry i dont wana lose the person i love, if i dont get this back i guess your not my friend. if u have a lot of love 4 someone, copy and send this 2 ur whole buddy list, in 5 min. ur true love will suprise u.

*error*

*error*

where's da APPLE? in bed last night.

During a wedding reception; the groom was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this is what he came up with: I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car. I am most grateful to my boss for approving the loan I used for the wedding. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf. Also to my brothers wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all.

& She aint messing with no broke bloke

Emotions by DC in bed last night

Yep, futbol's coming hope but the cup's going elsewhere, Madrid maybe

And if they don't, they'll pursue u with sticks and whips in ur dreams

A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively.

"I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."

The Point is she's an expressway an highway, no, a broad way, a tunnel