₦airaland Forum

@ Nike4luv...

That's not realistic...

When I said some replies ago, that re-visiting old wounds wasn't healthy, no one heeded my advice...

Life is for the Living..    and the dead are basically just that..    dead...


Dead relationships should be consigned to the far deep end of the emotional sea... with our fondest thots and memories... that way, at least one can always recall when the going was good...

And also, that way, the healing process can commence..

I know some people advocate for "airing" emotional baggage, to clear out the staleness, and create room for fresher things.. but in my opinion, at the end of the day, all that's done is to create avenues for those "emotional spirits" to linger on with us and refuse to depart.. [the so-called emotional ghosts..]


Let's allow the dead be.. and get on with our lives.. I'm sure everyone who has loved.. and lost.. will have the battle scars to show.. some may be more scarred than others.. but at the end of the day, only by letting the wounds heal, and the scars  fade away, can we get on with living..


Let's learn to live life the way it should always be lived...

To The Fullest...


my two kobo...



Saint...

Me thinks..

Atimes, it's unhealthy to revisit pain....



Saint...

GP..

Actually... she's correct...

jogego:
[quote author=CimonJorr link=topic=834.msg13712#msg13712 date=1121445216]I'd have given you an interesting story, but alas, I'm no longer with her.. and since the originator of this topic specified that it has to be a current relationship, I'm disqualified by default..   

Abeg go and read the original post well oh!!!It says you can give us story of your ex as well. If you wan talk, talk abi you wan make we beg you? [/quote]Oh... it was so long ago...
When I was still in the world.. And wasn't a Saint.. [as you know, some of us used to be Demons before we became Saints... (some times, if person no know as them dey take do bad, them no go learn how to do good)..]

Anyways, back to the story..

I had walked into a cyber cafe to do some things on line, when I chanced upon these three Angels... I was so shocked that I actually bumped into a chair or someone sitting on a chair (I can't remember which right now)... I promptly sat down rubbing my shin to get the pain out..

When I looked up, they had left..

Well, I went to the nearest vacant terminal to do what I had come for, and spied that one of them hadn't logged of from her chat.. I saw her user ID, logged her off, and sent her an email...

We got talking (emails first, then phone calls).. and then eventually met one day, and the rest was history...

And an Angel she was.. till....

[Nope.. sorry, that's another story...  ]

And besides, this thread isn't for the break-ups.. just how we met..


Saint...

I'd have given you an interesting story, but alas, I'm no longer with her.. and since the originator of this topic specified that it has to be a current relationship, I'm disqualified by default..  

nice one..

Chintz...

[Let's get creative.. ]

@Viera...

I thot you had gone to Turin, Italy... [to join Juve.. ]

c0dec:
i present to you a new twist to this never-ending thread.

THIS IS FOR THE REAL MEN especially for you pkrix.

http://c0dec.150m.com/rants/chics.html

Me thinks someone has been watching the movie "HITCH" too many times....

@ Ra..

Thanks..

I must appologise if the tone of my post sounded like I was generalizing.. I know that this sort of behavior does not apply to all ladies.. (and hopefully not the ladies of the Nairaland.com forum)..

However, I have observed this sort of behavior from ladies.. on different occasions.. and it lead me to create this post..

I mean, fair enough, there's no law that says that a lady "must 'gree' a guys own" if he approaches for conversation, whatever unterior motives he may have.. however, a polite "no thank you" can do a lot.. much more than a "GERROUT FROM MY SIGHT! ! ! "...

And besides, it's much more classy... 

Thanks again..



Saint...

@ Hot-Angel..

Have u ever seen a lady/girl exhibit this kind of behavior??

This is from one brother to another....

Truthfully, there's no quick fix for this situation you're in..

I still suggest you walk away... I've been in this exact situation before.. and guess what?.. I forgave the babe involved.. and guess what??... she went back to her cheating ways.. maybe if I had dumped her when I first found out about it [and guess from who - her 'humble' self], I would have been able to walk away with some degree of dignity and self-respect.. but as it was that wasn't the case.. and the hurt lingers on, even after all this time..

Let's try to look at this objectively..

Let's say she's not cheating on you, and you confront her.. she'll tell you that she isnt in any relationship, and you'll most likely believe she's lying [since you doubted her in the first instance..]
Bottom line, the trust isnt there and the relationship may head down the river..

Let's say she is cheating on you, and you confront her.. one of two things can happen.. either she lies and says "No" or tells you the truth and says yes..
If she says yes, then she'll either bone and act like it was your fault, or try to justify her actions.. either way, the trust is also gone, since she could do this to you.. [if you forgive her, there's no guarantee she'll repent and stop]
If she lies and says no.. it's now left for you to either get the proof that she's lying, or live with the doubt..

either way, the trust is damaged and may be gone [or in the process of going]...

Say you persevere and try to get the evidence, which you may or may not get, any small thing or nuance would have deeper meanings that they actually have.. you may even begin to see things which aren't there..

So, for your own sanity..

Walk away....

[obviously before you posted this article, I believe you actually took the pains to try and get proof of the incident.. if you haven't, well... that's a starting point...]

I wish you well..



Saint...

Vieira:
one girl after toasting her looked me up and down and said: oti je go! (you don chop bottle) in a very loud voice so that all her friends could hear!!

I swear I was so angry and shamed, even my friends laughed and all moved away from me as if I was a leper!!

silly girl!

This is the exact point I was trying to make in my post the other day.. why do some girls/ladies behave this way??

Kenya:
but hey you men aren't the only ones who deal with rejection. I've been rejected so much that I look at the ground now a day's

C'mon... It can't be that bad... ok, let me *stutters and stammers* make ur day...

Bro...

Walk away...

Justmoi:
@ Cimonjorr,

Any intelligent person - which you are not -

This is getting rather kind of personal... isn't it?? 


You know what...

In this case, I'm going to.. for the first time.. agree to disagree with you..

You obviously have your opinions.. I have mine...

All this talk hasn't shed any insights into why this kind of behavior is displayed by some ladies on occasion.. I wish it was only limited to just this incident, then maybe there would have been some cogence to your theories.. However, it has been observed by me on more than one occasion.. and yes, also during the "personal experience" on the night in question.. which was why I started this thread to find out if there was something more to it.. possibly an inner defense mechanism kicking in or something...

Your sheer persistence in ignoring the facts as they have been presented, and preference for slighting on my person may be justifiable by you; but frankly has become tiring.. We have exchanged quite a volume of chit-chats on this topic, and are getting no where... I still do not see your point in not addressing the issue I have put forth for discussion, and in continouosly selecting portions of my replies and using them out of context..

Justmoi: Come to think of it, who should you ask permission - the guy or his girlfriend - and in what order? If you don't ask the guy's permission, then you just might have to get ready to,"throw them 'blows" . Having said that, the girl is an adult as well and might have felt insulted that she was not being consulted in the matter. Maybe that was what precipitated her outburst and aggressive behavior.

Here is the quote that you "suggested" [apparently my use of the word "recommend" to describe this is also "part of the problem"] that a guy 'chance' another guy for his girlfriend..
If you had taken time to have a rational reading of my posts, you'll see that  that statement I made falls squarely under the 'hypothetical' senario I was trying to use as an example of how people interelate in order to settle issues and differences as human beings.. through dialog.. polite exhange of words.. But no.. as usual, you take a portion of what I've written and twist it to your satisfaction..

Since you've asked, the incident took place at an "African" night club.. All the parties involved were Africans..

Justmoi: Not until you replied to Seun did you state that, "if the girl had been nearby to overhear the conversation, then maybe she may have been justified in taking offense, but that she wasn't". The fact is that this is new and important information that was not supplied in your original post. If it were in your original post, then there is a possibility it might have affected my response, but the fact is that it wasn't.

Ok.. now in how many more ways is it possible to say this..

The Lady In Question Was Not Around When I Was Having A Conversation With Her Boyfriend..

I have told you this before.. I have said so again.. and I have not supplied any more information to the description of the incident as it originally occurred.. She was not there when the conversation between her boyfriend and I took place.. Hence couldn't have heard or overheard the conversation..

(Please Nairalanders, if there's another possible way to say this which I haven't explored, please assist.. I really don't know of any more ways possible to say this in english.. )

Justmoi: Your blanket claim that I am in support of violence by women is just hogwash. Any intelligent person ........... would realise that I support it only in certain cases. For example, when a woman is in danger of being raped or to fend off a groper(which would constitute self defense). I don't give a hoot about your opinion, so feel free to keep same.

Well, your sentiments here are noted, and appreciated.. After all, they are your opinions.. I would still like to know how this applies to the incident which occurred here, (as it was neither a case of raping or groping..)

As I have said before, all this pedagogue has not shed any insights into why this behavior occurs.. We have been going round in circles, with much talk over peripherals.. The main issue, to me, hasn't even been scratched.. But at least I'm happy in one respect.. You haven't come out to deny categorically that some ladies have behaved like this on occasion.. So, at least, our fellow Nairalanders wouldn't feel that this was all "made up".. (fabricated)..

Rather than decending into a slanging match with you (you claim that there's nothing offensive in your post replies to the thread, but I assure you I can fish out several places where you have definitely been less than complimentary..), I'd rather hear from others who may either support your position, support my observations, or have their own thinging and opinions on the matter..

It has really been nice interacting with you on this issue.. Really been intellectually stimulating.. maybe we'll meet in some other threads to come..

Have a nice one...



ps... Seun, Tayotina..

Really, I'm not offended.. It's nice at times to have conversations which "extend beyond the ordinary" as long as basic etiquette is maintained.. I appologise for sending this in a bit late (I was still working out a suitable reply to her post ), and this will be my last response on this war..

However it would be nice if we could all respect each others' person..

Thanks for the character recommendation.. I really appreciate it..


Saint... 

Ornithological species of identical plumage often collimate to the nearest proximity..


[Birds of the same feather flock together.. ]


Saint.

lovely people..

I'm sorry, but I have to depart presently.. All these grammatical exertions have done me in.. You've all been lovely.. And I look forward to meeting you lovely people very soon...


Saint..

Hot angel...

I've seen your pix... I don't think you can remotely fall into that category..

Ah...

Kazey..

Only 6/10?? .. [ok.. as a critique, what should I have done better.. ]

truthfully, I'm rather tired of this mental sparing.. it would be much better to get a constructive insight into the workings of the female mind.. rather than this mental warfare.. this is worse than Chess.. 

Hot-Angel..

Means someone suffering from an extreme case of "un-fine-ism"..

@JustMoi..

Lady...

Now I can see you're really beginning to confuse issues.. We're now deviating from the main thrust of the post to issues of grammar..

two things for you to rumminate over..

Firstly.. assuming that your command of English is as good as mine, then you should be easily able to discern what exactly I meant by the "If she was there.." part of that sentence.. I have not contradicted myself, neither have I supplied more information.. I was only responding to Seun's comments that it was possible (or indeed plausible) that the conversation between me and her boyfriend could have been over-heard..
As it is, it wasn't as the girl involved WAS NOT THERE.. I have said this before (too many times in my own opinion), and I repeat it again [in case the print was too small for u to notice this part of the sentence before..]

Secondly..
From the tone of your article, apparently you're in support of violence by women.. now while in the rape/assult scenario you presented, there's obviously nothing wrong in a woman defending herself.. But pray tell how this applies to the current situation?.. We talk of generalizations, and all advocate that we try to avoid this trend, but in your case, your examples are not "specific" to the instance at hand, but rather generalize on when a woman's use of violence is justified..

In life, a lot can be achieved by dialog.. Use of force [or violence] should always be considered to be a last resort.. especially because of the implications and ramifications.. [you may refer to other posts in Nairaland to see discussions on the issue]..

The allegations of rape you are referring to (that I am defending myself over), I am yet to locate.. my "defense" was directed to the fact that though you may not agree, not all men are animals [who go about having sexual intercourse with all females they come across].. Men, especially when socializing, will come across members of the opposite sex who catch their fancy and will at times indicate this to these women.. this does not automatically place them in the bracket of "intending rapists"..

Now,back to the original thread of the post, from your own sentiments on the issue, one can clearly place where your sentiments are.. Possibly a more rational and less emotional reading of the facts here would show you that the issue here is not about meeting ladies or chatting them up, but why some ladies are very prone to rude and uncivilized behavior [if you note, I am deliberately not generalizing here]..

I'm very sure you may not fall into this bracket.. But then again, I don't really know you that well...

Ta da..

PS.. "London/Manchester, same difference."
This is a bad case of generalization.. typical among the yanks..
To be informed is better than being ignorant..

Bro..

No be my fault..
This is tantamount to carrying the male vs. female thing to a new level..

Honestly, the thing tire me.. but we go forge on.. For all "Man" kind...

Not today love..

Have a legal battle coming up with JustMoi.. and have to conserve my energies... 

ps.. does anyone know of any grammarian or legal representative.. I may be needing one soon... 

Nice to have you back on line..  ..

[whoa... it's hot in here.. must be all the hot-air.. ]

Well... Hot-Angel,

Q.E.D... Quod Erat Demonstrandum..  "that which was to be demonstrated" or  "the proof is complete"...

As in proof of TayoT's feminity...


Saint...

Sorry oh...

I can confirm that TayoT is a she...

Just read her replies to the various articles...

Q.E.D [the proof is complete... ]