₦airaland Forum

Airloard:
Yeah..but whenever I try to post, fresh banned

Thanks

abbey621:
Calm down my people, Trump is going nowhere! The Senate already hinted they'll quickly vindicate him so we can all get back to what's important, the economy, stock market and of course next year's election. Oh let's not forget, the wrath of Trump is coming! Once he is cleared by the Senate, it's open season on the Democrats

crazygod:
Heaven yes. Trump may be loud and behaves like a spoilt child but his policies outshine Obama wella.
Unemployment level alone has reduced to an all time low in the history of the country.
When last did u hear US soldiers going into foreign land to destabilize the govt like what Obama did in Libya?

EternalBeing:
The wise can see that Satan has fully taken over America, and the whole World. The End Time tribulation is truly about to start. Rapture: the exit of Holy Humans from this worsening decaying World of is closer than ever. Accept Jesus now before the Trumpet sounds, losing your eternal Soul just because you want to cling to this undeniably decaying World is the most foolish decision for any human.

StagethemTVee:
Unbelievable!!! Americans are a typical case of "the dog that wants to get lost not hearing the whistle of the hunter". They don't even say God bless America like they used to. A nation founded on God now entrenched in moral and religious decadence. I would have said Pray for America but I never finish praying for Nigeria.

Airloard:
I have been trying to reply you, but getting banned in this section both account

pocohantas:
Egusi soup and chicken stew.

Egusi soup contains periwinkles, canda, goat meat and stock fish. I have a new obsession for periwinkles.

Coco, you see why I said I feel like a grown woman. I have dried bitterleaf too

I blended my bitterleaf to very tiny bits. I hate to see strands of bitter leaf. Maybe I am alone.

Igbalaoluwa:
after watching too much korean movies, i decided to try making kimchi and rice
if my mama catch me ehn
but its really nice o

TonyeBarcanista:
Apologise abi? But if reverse was the case you are your feminist crew will tell her to report the abusive man to the police and divorce him.

Feminists are comedians

pocohantas:
Naso na. You know our mothers always had a little of everything in their kitchen.

ogbonti:
That is 12 hours a day 6pm /7pm to 6am/7am = 36hours a week. Is there any Naija nurse that works 36 hours only a week in America? I sincerely doubt... they are mostly overtime bugs EXCEPT they already health challenges like high blood pressure that is when they slow down to do only 36 hours and what makes nursing attractive is the OVERNIGHT/ OVERTIME.... my ex was an RN and my neighbor and church member both husband and wife are RN so there is no secret in nursing I don’t know

fairfora:
deserving a rhetorical answer, right ? The decision paid off ultimately and I'm going be forever grateful for her sense of submission.

ogbonti:
While Nursing is profitable in America. I have seen some Nigerians here in America who studied Nursing from CNA Level (the least level) to LVN/ LPN (mid level) and finally became RN/ BSN

Who quit the field and are now fully into selling beauty products, running African restaurants and Afro shops and doing petty buying and selling and some now even buying cars to ship to Naija from auction or retrained to do something else. You know why?

They entered a field they have no passion for - they did all that reading and sacrificed all that time to do what they did not love and when the test of the nursing profession (like irregular scheduling issues, marital problems, work place politics, patients allegations and complainants, quality issues, racism etc ) start popping up, they fizzle out and use their savings to start something different that they have a passion for and feel comfortable doing...

However, some don’t even have enough capital to start a business in order to leave the nursing profession because their friends and family in Naija knowing they are American nurses have turned them into ATM back home - while some also lived By the dictates of their income bracket; and bought nice homes in choice areas and cars that are a bit pricey and after paying the monthly’s it becomes challenging to keep something substantial. Some simply lived above their means - therefore they got stuck in the frustrating circle of doing what they hate doing!!!

If you know how many Naija nurses have been lied against with either their licenses suspended or revoked because of racists induced frivolous lawsuits especially in Nursing Home abuse cases and even patient treatment and relationship in normal hospitals’ you will know nothing in life is easy, it’s just the grace of God

Also, to make money in nursing in America is not a straight shot. You must be ready to work OVERNIGHTS to get that extra 10% shift differential and you must work OVERTIME to get a time an half pay. If not for overnight / Overtime - regular check as a nurse is nothing much.

Think about it, as a man or woman, working constantly overnight puts your marriage in an awkward state because it opens up cheating possibilities. Female night nurses here are known na ck on the job which creates mayhem at home and some Naija husbands can’t take it that their wives are having affairs on the job and some have been killed because of this very factor. Who are they having these affairs with? Fellow medical staff because of the overnight and overtime cycle, they end up spending 3 times the time they should spend with their spouses with coworkers and that’s where illicit relationships start

With time as you get a bit older you will realize working overtime and overnight will create health issues like High Blood pressure, diabetes etc and that is not what you want to be doing at that stage of your life


So my final advise is, if you love nursing and have a passion for it, please do it.. so that when the chips are down - your passion will sustain you BUT if you are doing it for making money ONLY, my brother - you most likely will be miserable in the future. May God guide you, Amen!

deuzgreat:
Why don't you study nursing yourself

fairfora:
Cos I was earning 3 times what she earned and also felt, apart from the 15k I was giving her every month, I was still committed to the normal monthly upkeep which was quite sufficient. In 2010, I quit my job to set up my own business which has also grown of which she is also a director, though she's not involved in any activity. At the end of each year, till date, when we do profit sharing she still gets her own share. Right now, she's going to get the biggest share ever...I won't tell you what she'd get just a couple of years ago, in recognition of my company's input in saving lives in Nigeria, I was invited by an organisation in the US, during which US president addressed all participants from across the globe inside the daughters of American revolution hall in DC. I still took her along as one of the directors.

midnighter:
I'm not sure of your reasoning.

We know that it's her right and we know that he was wrong to break the agreement. I'm sure even he knows that.

BUT since he is refusing on the basis of submissiveness then the next thing is to prove him wrong, by being submissive.

She has been fighting and struggling and it's making it worse plus her family is not even supporting her. From her replies here we can see that she's not ready to compromise or consider anything else. That doesn't sound like submissiveness to me.

This is not about quoting rights but about achieving her aim, which is why I suggested that she changes her approach.

He seems to be unhappy with her actual behaviour eg the way she treats their child. Is it not better to try to alter some of the attitudes that he doesn't like so that he will be more willing to listen to her request?

The guy is willing to go even further than this until he totally messes her up, with her parents consent. The parents consent is even the crazy part that is taking the wind out of her sails.

He's the one who caused the issue but she's the one who is suffering it so I suggest that she uses her smarts to get what she wants instead of trying to drag with him when he is clearly not interested.

Or, to use an adage that I learned on here, "stoop to conquer".

To me, if she were actually serious about working she would leave the human rights talk and appeal to his sympathy by working on his psyche.

He clearly doesn't care about her "rights" right now! So she should take another avenue and get him to feel like he's the one helping her and not that she deserves it

Desric:
The man might have his reasons why he's not permitting her to work just yet, especially in this part of the world, a lot of financially independent women seriously are not submissive in marriage, but the lady should find a way to convince her spouse the reasons why she should be allowed to work and also convince the man that his fears will never come true, that's the way to go. For me, with what I've seen so far, nobody is wrong here, it's just an issue of perception and playing safe

projectorz:
I'm in full support of what SBL28 said. In additions :

DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT
DO NOT GET PREGNANT

This is his next target since you are being stubborn about it.

You sef na wah for you! Age 21 is an age a young lady starts discovering herself. Set out goals, be on a career path. But you allowed him sweet tongue you, now you see!

When a lady marries late, people like you will call her names. Old cargo, gwegz etc.

If you allowing his pressure deter you from getting a job or at least start a business which MUST be funded by him, I hope you dont regret in future.

Again, this is a technique men use to disarm women. They will cheat maltreat, beat, break the woman. They know she has no where to run as she's fully dependent on them, wicked!

Mind you, I'm ELEVEN years in marriage. My husband fully supports me to be whatever I want to be. I'm even lagging behind sef in his view. Thats how real men behave. And yes our kids are fine and in safe hands.

BE WISE!

midnighter:
Since the argument is not working and his problem is * submission *, it seems you may need to change tactic

What I mean is, are you submissive normally? What happened that made him go back on you people's agreement?

Or is it that he never intended on keeping that agreement and just told you that to get you to the altar

Anyway, if you really are stubborn normally, it looks like you will have to change your strategy and start begging. Begging and pleading

Promising him that you'll still respect him after you start the work

Explaining the benefits of you having a job

Appealing to him with Bible quotes (if you people are religious)

And stuff like that

You have to make it seem to him like hes doing you a favour by allowing you to work and not that its your right or what you deserve. Maybe there is something about the way you keep insisting on it that is making him refuse to shift.

In essence, you need to calm down (even though youre frustrated) and study this dude because Im sure hes not just saying all this for nothing. He has some particular concerns about you that need to be addressed.

fairfora:
My advice...I once told my wife same. In fact, I asked her to resign from her job as manager in an FMCG company which she accepted, though after much persuasion. Our daughter was barely 2 years old and she was always asleep by the time we got to the nanny who used to take care of her. The nanny would go pick her up after school and take care of her until our arrival from work, during which my lovely daughter would have been deeply asleep.

One day, the nanny said to us that her husband wasn't feeling comfortable anymore the way we kept our daughter under her care. She said we were always coming back from work late.

I had to sit my wife down and persuaded her to quit her job. I told her I'd be giving her allowance at the end of the month, like 15k as of 2008 which she accepted. She was a full-time housewife for 9 years. When the last born of our 3 kids was age 4, I called her and said, dear now is time to start doing some business, if you're interested in one, pls let me know. She eventually opted into one, in which she's doing very well now. I always empower her financially and she's a leader in that line of business where her shop is located on the lagos mainland. I made sure no maid was employed, though not easy but she accepted, for the sake of our children. Now our kids are all grown up with 2 of them already in boarding school whilst the last born would soon join them.

Marriage entails alot of sacrifices and understanding. For you to really enjoy your home, you have to be submissive to your husband afer all, its for the good of both of you. The aspect I don't seem to like in your explanation was his thinking that you'd not be submissive, should you get employed. That doesn't apply in all cases. A good woman builds her home. For the sake of your home and children, try and reason with him. You may be surprised he would be the one to encourage you to work later.

frozen70:
Stop being fastidious because of your age, you lack the experience of what you are clamouring for

As for work, keep it aside and try to have the number of kids you guys want so that you will be done with child bearing and start working

Raising kids is more difficult than working even

Go to him and calm him down and assure him of your loyalty

Remove shakara and pride so that you can humble yourself

If you think you need to be busy, get pregnant, it's enough to keep you busy

Time will come, he will be the one to give you options to take from getting a job and having a store

Don't try to run faster than your shadow, the main race is still ahead

babyfaceafrica:
Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse, it cuts through the spirit and soul

pocohantas:
I was gifted bunch of okazi leaves. Had to cut, dry and blend to conserve it. I feel like a grown woman, lmao. Would have thrown it away in the past. Maybe I will put NAFDAC No and start selling to Cococandy and co.

Used some to make afang soup though.

bukatyne:
With internet and exposure, people stopped trusting relatives blindly and became more watchful.

Nanny and spy cams became more popular.

It is the duty of every parent to watch their children.

Will there be exceptions in that after every precautions taken, they fall victims? Yes.

However, nothing kills like the guilt of knowing you could have done more to protect your child to prevent the abuse.

The team caught 300 abusers in one year in the whole US. 300! I am sure that there is 10x that number in one community alone.

Besides, this would keep the predators on their toes since they know people are watching and would devise new means to get the kids they want.

The onus is on very parent to guard and guide their kids if they value them.

Graxie:
TOO many Oyibo wannabe in Nigeria, no parental control. Some even claim you are old fashion, When the consequences come, they will become emergency evangelist.

bukatyne:
Chai!

Very long OP.

I always like the simplest solutions. I am also a coward how believe the adage 'prevention is better than cure' wholeheartedly.

I am not woke enough to expose myself or family to be a statistic. There will always be evil people and cannot control their actions. I can however control mine in terms of prevention.

1. Train your kids well to have good self-esteem and self-love. Discipline them in love, don't abuse them so they don't cave in at the first 'I love you', 'you are beautiful/ handsome' bla bla.

2. Regulate their time on the net and forget forming woke. There are too many damaged people online and I do not know why a child should have an internet enabled phone at 11. Or a SM account. For what kwanu?

3. Know the kind of environments they are in and teach them about peer pressure. Let them be bold and confident enough to be different in a good way in line with parental values.

It would also be good they profile the type of children who fall for these predators do they can advise parents.

limsycutey:
Okay.

It was very wrong of her to slap you. And it's good you didn't retaliate, that would landed you guys on a slippery slope.

I feel there is more to it, maybe you have given her reasons to doubt your fidelity in the past. I'm not saying this is a justification for her action, just that there is no smoke without fire.

This first time, don't involve 3rd parties yet. They tend to blow things out of proportion.
Sit her down and warm her sternly, that the next time she tries such rubbish, she won't be so lucky. That the next time she raises her hand to hit you, you are sending her back to her father's house, Permanently.


Some men suffer domestic violence too but are just too ashamed to admit it.

mumumugu:
draw her close, hug her say " I love you" Is anything bothering you, my attention is yours