₦airaland Forum

There is absolutely no excuse for a husband to beat his wife.

Lets turn this around; If you beat someone up in public you will get arrested and charged with assault; how much more beating up your wife.

FYI by law, what she did constitutes assault, and if she did that in public, she would be under arrest too. They were both wrong, but in this case I am afraid the woman takes the bigger share of the blame. The man can argue self defense!

This is serious oh.

Yes it is. It is definitely a lot more serious than a lot of people on this forum take it. Sometimes I shudder at Nigerian marriages when I read the stuff that people say here. Women, please open your eyes and ears and chose carefully.

Infidelity is a serious enough matter that it is the only exception that God gives in the bible for divorce. Yet, in Nigeria, we treat it with such levity - excusing the people who do it, and subtly encouraging them by saying - that is how men are. I am sorry, I beg to differ. My vision of marriage is two people, joint together, representing the relationship between God and man here on earth. Jesus describes the church as his bride, and I believe that the kind of faithfulness that exists between God and man, should exist between a man and a woman in marriage.

Two cannot be one, when there is a third party involved, so I cannot stay in a marriage with more than one wife. Thankfully, knowing that, I married a man who shares my views.

a lot of ppl in naija r from polygamous homes and they still grew up normally. i dont support it but if it happens to my daughter, i will advice her to stay put.

I grew up in a polygamous home, and there is nothing normal about it. The worst part of growing up like this is that, this is the example the children see, and you are indirectly sowing that seed of infidelity into your children. A lot of the men who are commenting casually on this thread probably came from homes where the father was unfaithful.

Who is supposed to have more legs, the dog or the cat?_{You see how annoying that is? Now stop asking stupid questions already !}

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Nice                    my friends nephew came to spend xmas at his house. They came 4rm d uk unfortunately  NEPA in dere usual glory struck and d kid screamd "mom i cant see i am blind, i am blind" it was so funny we culdnt stop talkin abt it 4 days.

Funny, and as usual a sad commentary about the situation in Nigeria. Out of the mouth of babes. . . .

My daughter Elizabeth is three and half years old, and she cracks me up all the time. See below for two of her stories, and share some of your children's funny comments.


Elizabeth tends to fuss a lot when it's bedtime. So a while ago, I told her an hour in advance that it was almost bedtime, and I didn't want a tantrum tonight. To which she replied, "okay mummy, you can count on me!"

That was funny enough in itself, but come bedtime, my daughter looks at me crossly and says:

Elizabeth: Mummy, I told you, you can count on me

Mummy: Yes, and I am proud of you for keeping your word

Elizabeth: Well, you didn't count on me, you are supposed to say (touching her head) 1, 2, 3, 4. . .

I think I laughed my head off!


One more. . .

I have been trying to teach her the value of money and how you can't have everything you want. So sometimes in the store, when she wants a toy I say, "Elizabeth, you can't have that because it costs two (or three) moneys, and mummy only has one".

Well, one day we go to the mall and I enter this really expensive store. After looking at two price tags, I decide that I have no business being in there and start to hustle Elizabeth out the door. At this point, she turns around and says to me, in a very loud voice so everyone in the store can hear, "Mummy, are we leaving because you don't have enough money to buy the things?" Embarassing!!!

the husband and wife should combine ALL earning from them both, then the bills should be paid out of the combination.  Both parties should have equal rights to whatever money is left over after expenses regardless of who made more

That's similar to what we do in my house. First, both incomes come together, then we discuss the budget, then everyone takes what they need, and whatever is left over stays in the joint account.

I am a strong proponent of marriage with 100% openness and oneness.

I guess this show is not so popular but I love it. I loved his solo yesterday night: http://www.geeksugar.com/3465822

I dey craze?

Personally, the reason why i might not have "just one purse" with my woman is the tax man.
Have to look for a way to make sure that we can file taxes seperately, cos only me is paying too much money on taxes and combined, i am sure will be worse.
So have to be a bad man when that time comes.
Also, i once raised a topic about should the man and woman keep joint account and i said then, there is no problem in both keeping a joint account as long as the man can be able to stash some money away for the days that it will come so handy.
So that is how i blv, and what i hope to do.
Please note that the money stashed away will never be used for nothing but for my wife and kids, cos i dont blv in giving money to some that will not add to me.

FYI, it's better to file taxes as a married couple than for both of you to file as individuals. I would say more but I don't want to derail the topic, but thanks for sharing your opinion.

Fhemmy, I see you didn't answer my question. Since you were really passionate about this issue in your earlier posts about a woman contrubuting her fair share. Tell me now, what would stop a husband and wife from having one purse?

In some cases, it is not that easy, so in such cases, what should happen?

If you tell me under what circumstances it is not easy, then I can tell you what I think should happen.

so now that you know, what shd a woman do with her earnings?

Oh, please don't get me started. Look at my old posts. In marriage, I don't believe there is a man's earnings and a woman's earnings. A family has (or should have) one purse. Chikena!

Hi,

I just saw the updates to this ooooooold post. I don't think you really get rid of fears, I think you just have to draw on your courage and do what you have to, regardless of any fear you may feel.

Well, updates, I had my second child this year. Again, no epidural. And unfortunately for me, a different pain killer, (I found out that the last time, I got phenergan, and that's why I was so sleepy), so I was wide awake through it all. How did I manage the pain? TV. Seriously. I was watching "the price is right", my favorite game show while I was pushing. I even managed some comments - groooaaaan, why is she bidding that stupid price, grooaaan, breeeaaatheee, what a crappy prize, I would get the price wrong so that I don't have to take that home with me, breeeaaathhe, groooaaaan. Anyway, you get the picture.

So now I have two bundles of joy, and I tell you AGAIN, it is definitely worth the pain.

Sorry, I got too busy with my daytime job, and family to maintain it.

Great advice from gen2genius and romeo4real.

For a moment there I thought you said what should a woman do with her EAR RINGS.

This is why so many men have little to no respect for women. There are to many woman out there that give themselves to easily to often. no husband wants to hold a conversation or shake hands with the man who his wife have sex with when she was just the other mans girlfriend or even worse, his play thing. Do you really wanna kiss a woman whose had someone elses penis in her mouth and make her your wife ?

Sweetpie, you still need to explain to me why this does not apply to a man.

And there are other reasons why some women are not virgins, including rape and child abuse. I think the more important factor is what kind of person the woman is, rather than where she has been (same for a man). DOes she fear God? Is she honest and sincere? Does she have the qualities that you believe will make for a good wife and mother (which, by the way is very subjective)?

Someone in this thread said that stay at home moms/housewives have way more children than women who work do. I've noticed that too. I'm starting to wonder if they do that to avoid going back to work.

It's probably because it's easier. Having carried my last pregnancy (morning sickness and all) in the middle of an intense SAP implementation, I have determined not to do it again unless I have a less tasking job, or I am working from home.

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be a virgin . It matters much.

I hope the man plans to be a virgin too.

Those Qualities mentioned by MMr.Brownjay are great but for me ,its all about the fear of God,when a woman has that she has everything.

I 100% second this. If both the husband and wife have the fear of God, I believe they can work through any challenges in their marriage.

I know Templars is pretty upscale too.

But even if you use the machine to cut it into strips, don't you still need to cut it into squares with a knife?

Yeah, I bet you just saw this one in a Yoruba movie. Have they never heard of adoption? Or adultery for that matter?

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."
Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.
Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined. 

Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.
If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.
"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo , NY . "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.


3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder). 

Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.
You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.
Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."


4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.

I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.
Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis . "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."


5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.

Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.


6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.

Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.


7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.

There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.

I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.

That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

Pls don't tell me all those chin-chin sellers cut by hand! Any info pls? Thanks.

It's interesting. I currently work full time, and my job involves a lot of travelling. Before I had kids, I would have said NEVER to being a house wife (stay-at-home mum, whatever). But now that I have two kids, the only reason why I still have this job is because my husband and I have a lot of responsibilities. My dream would be to have a job that I can do from home - maybe write, or run my own business, so that I can spend more time with my children. I feel so responsible for them, and I want to 'train them up in the way of the Lord', and that takes time and attention. That's why I admire Michelle Obama so much - giving up a high paying job and just being a mum - and looking like she's have a great time doing it.

I guess all women can't be the same, so I don't expect that all women should share my sentiments. If I did stay at home, though, I would have to be doing a lot more than housework, because God gave me these brains for a reason, and it's not just to vacuum!

Hi,

Any caterers in the house? Please help. What equipment do people use to cut chin-chin on a large scale? I need to make a lot of chin-chin and I don't want to cut it by hand. Thanks.