₦airaland Forum

Aaawwww! I'm blushing Thanks.

Okay,

I'm a management consultant by profession but a teacher at heart. A lot of negative things have been said about Nigeria's education system. I'm creating this thread so we can talk about the few bright lights that still exist in our school system. Here's mine:

In my secondary school, French was a compulsory subject in JSS. However, for your JSS 3 exams, you were allowed to drop two subjects and 99% of the school always dropped French and Music. I was part of the 99% who was going to drop French until i got a new French teacher in my JSS3. Her name was Mme Adegbilero and she was soooooo good! Not only was she a great teacher, she treated us like her own children. She could be very strict but she would never raise her voice. All of a sudden i was in love with the French language, and i ended up taking it not just for my JSS exams, but also in my SSCE. She's one teacher i will never forget.

So, does anyone have any such good experiences with teachers?

I'm not registered for the GRE this year but i've done it before and had 1460/1600. If you have any questions, you can ask me, i'll be glad to help.

Hi Rare,

Yes there are people who go to school in the US without paying directly out of pocket. However, it depends on the school, as well as your course. If you do an MBA in the US at a top 20 school, chances are you will either get a full scholarship or a loan, but you have to score in the 650-750 range in your GMAT. The same goes for a masters program in a good school. I did an MBA myself and got a full scholarship - i only had to take care of my living expenses while i was in school. Unfortunately in the UK, these kinds of opportunities are much rarer, but are available nontheless. I run a website where i give advice to Nigerians who want to study in the US, you can check it out. The URL is www.usastudyinfo.com.

Hilarious!!!! I love it

Thank you glamor. My baby came out head first and i assume, with her hands at her side. There were no complications at all, thank God.

She's now four months old and a big bundle of joy. Here are a few pictures.

I play a lot of Mahjong Solitaire games. I also love Minesweeper but i haven't found a lot of people who play or even understand the game. _{kind of makes me feel intellectually superior}

Hi Lioness,

You can read about the birth of my baby on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=8933.msg252224#msg252224
Relax, i won't deceive you by saying it's not painful but don't worry, you forget it once it's over.

Why is it important

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck.

She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up. so surprise me!"

He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

Funny!

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:

As you shall make your bed so shall you ----  mess it up.

Better to be safe than ----  punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the ----  bug is close.

It's always darkest before ----  daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of ---- termites.

You can lead a horse to water but ----  how?

Don't bite the hand that ----  looks dirty.

No news is ---- impossible.

A miss is as good as a ---- Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new ----  math.

If you lie down with the dogs, you'll ----  stink in the morning.

The pen is mightier than the ---- pigs.

An idle mind is ----  the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke, there's ----  pollution.

Happy the bride who ----  gets all the presents!

A penny saved is ----  not much.

Two's company, three's ----  the Musketeers.

Don't put off till tomorrow what ----  you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ----  you have to blow your nose.

Children should be seen and not ----  spanked or grounded.

You get out of something what you ----  see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind ---- get out of the way.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Fine, but would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

I like my job. It pays well and allows me to work from home sometimes. But if money were not an issue, i would probably be a teacher, that's where my passion lies.

Funny

I remember 2nd chance with madam Kofo saying, come in if you're handsome and rich!

That wasn't second chance, that was Madam the Madam from Basi and company.

Who remembers THE THIRD EYE, Olu Jacobs, ?

Yeah! I really loved that show as a child. I wonder where that girl is now? I believe her name was Yomi Adeyemi Wilson.

Well, how many did you get?

Hi All,

When i first saw this joke, it had American Universities in it, so i adapted it to Naija. Now, let the daggers begin to fly!

Teaching Math at Unilag:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math at Edo State University:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math at University of Ife:
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math at Babcock University:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.


Teaching Math at Lagos Business School:
By laying off 40% of its loggers, a company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock options at $80. Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment.

And a few international ones:


Teaching Math in India:
A company outsources all of its loggers. They save on benefits and when demand for their product is down the logging work force can easily be cut back. The average logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had 3 weeks vacation, received a nice retirement plan and medical insurance. The contracted logger charges $50 an hour. Was outsourcing a good move?

Teaching Math in Washington:
A logging company exports its wood-finishing jobs to its Indonesian subsidiary and lays off the corresponding half of its US workers (the higher-paid half). It clear-cuts 95% of the forest, leaving the rest for the spotted owl, and lays off all its remaining US workers. It tells the workers that the spotted owl is responsible for the absence of fellable trees and lobbies Congress for exemption from the Endangered Species Act. Congress instead exempts the company from all federal regulation. What is the return on investment of the lobbying costs?


Teaching Math in California:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.

I remember Chief Zebrudaya Okorigwe Nwogbo alias 4:30 of new masquerade, as well as the rest of the crew, "Ovularia", "Clarus", "Gringory", Jegede Sokoya, Ramota and "Nati". I used to enjoy that show.

I remember Basi and Company, written by the late Ken Saro Wiwa. Basi and his get rich quick schemes!

I remember second chance, and Madam Kofo's gele!

I also remember the Village Headmaster, especially Eleyinmi's insults - nonsense and ingredients, sacriligious niconcos (or something like that), gangajial edifice, ingeorgious!

Everyone,

Try your hands on this riddle that should (supposedly) test your IQ. I spent a whole day at work trying to figure it out (thank goodness my boss didn't catch me) and i only got twenty. If anyone gets everything, please post the answers cause i'm really curious. See attached file for riddle.

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her -- "Hello" "How are you! We've been waiting for you!" "Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

These are (supposedly) actual quotes from employee appraisal reports,

1 Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2 His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
3 I would not allow this associate to breed.
4 Works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap.
5 When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
6 He would be out of his depth in a puddle.
7 This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
8 She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
9 This associate should go far - and the sooner he starts the better.
10 This associate is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

A lawyer in Charlotte, NC purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued, and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

But, After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

Don't mind Seun my brother. People like him try to think that science can explain everything but the truth of the matter is that some things can only be spiritually discerned. I had a similar experience a few years ago. I dreamt that someone shot an arrow at me and i woke up with a piercing pain in my side where i had been shot in the dream. Thankfully, i was already born again then. I told my room mate (also a christian) about my experience and she prayed with me. The next morning, she also suddenly starts throwing up - and she wasn't sick previously. With prayers, we were both able to overcome those attacks.

@ Charlisco, may the Lord heal you and keep you from all harm in the name of Jesus. Please stay close to God. He is well able to heal and protect you.

@ Seun, this is beside the point of this post but you seem to be very grouchy in your posts in the last few days. Is everything okay with you? If you need someone to talk to you can shoot me an email o. We may have our differences but i still care about my one and only nairaland site major-general ( ehm, i mean moderator)

I would be very surprised if Seun was working full time, moderating this site _{and is even willing to pay someone to do it}, out of the goodness of his heart. He's making money all right, he's just not telling us how.

I'll go with first names. Calling your spouse "Mama Bomboy" is screwed up like Layi said and I think calling him/her "Sweetie, Honey, Butter" is too FAKE.

My husband calls me "Ife mi" (my love) and i love it, love it, love it!

I love a good joke and these really made me laugh. Enjoy!

Hiccup Medicine

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the Pharmacist, "do you have any medicine for hiccups?"
"Turn around" the pharmacist says. The man turns around and the pharmacist smacks him hard on the back of his head. "What did you do that for?" the man splutters angrily. "Well," the pharmacist says, "it has been proven that a sudden shock sometimes cures hiccups. As you can see, you're not hiccupping anymore".
"Of course i'm not you idiot," the man screams, "it's my son at home who has hiccups!"

Timing Is Everything

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!"
The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"


Sad Story

Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car, "

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

So true!

@ Papa

Thessalonians 5:12-13
12And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; 13And to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake. And be at peace among yourselves.

There is one thing you and I can agree on from your posts Papa, and that is - men of God should be honored and blessed by their congregation. I am 100% with you on that one. However, the Bible does not say to what degree and that is where we will have to agree to disagree. However, wisdom is proftable to direct, and i pray that our Pastors will increase in wisdom by the day, so that our churches in Nigeria will have a greater influence on the country than they do now.

So for example, your comment "likening Apostles to present day pastors" does not resonate with my understanding. I personally do not see what you may call the "job spec" of modern day pastors in scripture (neither do I know precisely how it operates in your particular congregation). I see "plurality of elders".

Hmm, in other words what you're saying is that there is no place in scripture for only one person to head up a church in scripture. Well, i guess that is food for thought, though i can't say that the present day disposition really bothers me sha.

Although another way you could look at it is that most churches today have more than one pastor - people you could call "a plurality of elders", but as among the Apostles there was a clear leader (Peter), in our churches too there is typically a Senior Pastor.

Bob couldn't believe it -- he'd made it to the last round of his favorite game show. "Congratulations, Bob," said the emcee. "Answer correctly and you go home with five million dollars!
"This is a two-part question on American history," he continued. "The second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?"
Bob figured he'd play it safe. "I think I'll try the second part of the question first."
The emcee nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with anticipation.
"Okay, Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"