₦airaland Forum

Backpedal:
Am I the only one having problems logging into meritrade?

These guys just tire me. Issues upon Issues.

Solomath01:
Just get money ur wife must dey loyal 2 u that is just the truth.

What should the wife do to get loyalty from her husband? Or is loyalty from the man automatic or not expected?

Kobojunkie:
1. What exactly do you mean by loyalty in marriage? Do you mean the traditional idea of the woman always doing the bidding of the man because he is head of household and believes it always has to be his way? Or do you mean two partners together reaching an agreement as far as that which benefits them both in the relationship and sticking to the terms of the agreement reached in this case?

2. There you have your problem. In the case, that a different approach has been suggested, the couple must then come back to the table again in order to renegotiate and reach a new agreement in that case.

3. The husband and wife aren't operating as an effective team in that case. To bring them both back to the same page may I suggest professional marriage counseling because they obviously don't operate as a team should.

4. A marriage is meant as an agreement between a man and a woman. When they don't both agree, they can't both work effectively for the health of the relationship. Again, I suggest professional marriage counseling.

You seem to suggest marriage counseling for almost every marital challenges. These services though good, they don't work as silver bullets. If the partners are not willing to work things out, counseling is useless. In my opinion, a counselor serves as a guide to people willingly seeking solutions. If one person believes nothing is wrong,then there is nothing a counselor can do.
Secondly, how many professionally trained counselors do we have in Nigeria. The few we have are tainted with religious biases.

Please, I need everyone in the family section to give their view on this. There seems to be a trend in modern day marriages, where everything is about "what makes me happy ". I have a few questions
1. What is loyalty in a committed relationship like marriage?
2. Is loyalty expected in modern day marriage?
3. Can there be love without loyalty?

There is a couple going through a rough patch in their marriage. The major issue is that one of them regards outsiders' opinion more the partner's. They can discuss and sometimes agree to do something a certain way, but one person will do it the opposite way. When investigated, it will be discovered that the brothers/parent of the defaulting partner countered the couple's decisions. Yet the other partner wasn't informed.

More explicitly, the guy may tell his wife, let's do so and so. The wife will oppose it. But if another person, sometimes the husband's friend, make same suggestion, the wife will jump on that same idea, and pester the guy to do it. The couple can have a discussion that is supposed to be private, sometimes just mere couples gossip, but one way or the other, that discussion will get to the wife's family. Yet the wife keep "singing" how she loves her husband.

The examples above can be reverse, where the guy is the disloyal spouse.

4. How do you handle disloyalty between couples?

concho:
We started dating when she got admission in 2018. She was a novice and a church girl then .
There was nothing like intimacy till 2021 and that was when I deflowered her ,
Since I promised my self that I must marry who ever I deflowered , I started taking care of some parts of her needs hoping that I will get financially stable and settle down with her .
She was the type of girl that everyone assumed to be an angel . I trusted her more than anything on earth .
She is too jealous that she suspects that I’m cheating even when I was not . She misinterprets everything an opposite sex sends to me
Fast forward to 2022 . She visited one day and got upset that another girl referred to me as “babe” on chat instead of saying “hi” . I insisted that she brings her own phone so I check if a guy has never called her babe
On getting to her chat , I noticed this guy that she saved as “my favorite” . They had no chats (she deletes everything) . I decided to dig deeper only to find out that this guy has been going to her house (family house ) to sleep with her . It’s not once , it’s not twice . And it was frequent the period she even said I should give her space that they were doing family prayers
The worst is that I told the mum and elder siblings out of anger. They did absolutely nothing . The mum only denied knowing that the guy comes around when everyone is out
A month later, I saw a chat of the mum asking her why she doesn’t pick the guy’s call again . I almost ran mad
She has promised and vouched that she won’t try such again and doesn’t know what came over her her .
I have tried everything possible to forgive her since no one treats me the way she does , but I keep loosing weight and falling sick by day .
I’m currently depressed and don’t know what to do again

As painful as it may feel, please do your best and move on. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
Which would you prefer? Discovering it now or after you are married to her?
For most people (men and women) fidelity is just a word, it doesn’t exist. It is even more painful when mothers know and support this cheating habits.

lajid:
I’m 5”5, I’ll be 23 yrs this July and I think I’m a little over 50kg, I think around 53 or so. I feel very awkward, I’m good looking but then most people see me like one small boy.

Anytime I go somewhere some will give me that small boy look. Also I can’t stand among my mates cause I look smaller.

This has made me an introvert kind of, can’t relate with people very well especially female genders cause they look so big.

Even at my place of work, some just look at me like this small boy, but some of those guys my age are bigger with beards that you will think they are 26.

It’s not easy really. I’m been looking for ways to gain weight fast and work out so I can build muscle, too bad I can’t do anything about my height as I heard one can’t grow taller much at my age again.

Any idea to look more bigger?

Please, try your best to accept and love who you are. I once wrote a story which I called "The fear of getting old". In our younger years, we rush to look old, and gain "acceptance " and "respect ". But when aging comes, we do everything to reverse it.
I had a video call few days ago with a student I thought 18yrs ago, he confessed that I look younger than him. I love and cherish my youthful looks. No one has ever disrespected me because of my looks.
About your peers and girls? Overlook them, build wealth instead.

Rokiat:
Hahahaahahahabbaha tell that to someone who cares. I am a woman I am not after any woman pussy, men will tip toe not to offend women because after all they need pussy not me.


Be it a man or woman issue imma say what I truly believe in.

What you said is the truth. But "modern " women won't want to hear that. They exhibit every form of masculinity, yet wants a man to love and care for them.

Rokiat:
This is a great topic with many layers to it.


The problem is that many women lead with their achievements. They achieved and believe oh well
I’m a high achiever I don’t gotta clean for no man I don’t gotta cook for no man infact I don’t need a man. That’s the issue right there.

I have said it before and I will say it here again, men don’t give a damn about a woman’s achievements. Maybe your home girls will clap for you but this is not all a man is looking for. An uneducated woman who’s broke and never been to college don’t work but can cook, have good nurturing skills, a good mother, fine as hell, good in bed, will always get the better man than a woman who’s hella accomplished and is totally out of touch with her womanly side and roles.


Also many of these women achieved and start shouting it at the top of their lungs, a big turn off to many men. A man’s would love you to leave space for him to come in and be a man, provide for you, get you that car that house for the family etc but if you buy yourself all
Of these things and claiming to be an independent strong woman that has everything and the only thing you need is a man well my sister you will stay long waiting for that man.

The truth is bitter, but a successful man is treated like a big baller in society but you as a successful woman well sorry but many men don’t care. And the issue is that many successfully women wants the accolades, the praises, special treatment and to be exempt from their womanly duties simply because they are successful in society. It’s just as bad as men wanting special treatment and better position because they look good. Lol that’s funny but imagine a man thinking because he looks good so he will get a higher position…rarely ever as in ever. A woman looks yes that matters but a man? Nope not really because that doesn’t impact on his ability to provide or protect. Women have to stop thinking just because they are successful and high achievers they don’t gotta do what a man’s requires of a woman to
Make him feel like a man.


And this is for the women that wants lasting and happy relationships. If you want to be a strong independent woman that don’t need no man kudos to you, do you but you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Are you a man or woman?

If you're a woman, they (so-called feminist) are coming for your head.

Please, does anyone here know what is happening with the Meritrade App? I can't login for more than 2 weeks now.

Is anyone using it successfully?

pipnator00:
Do you brew your own beer?
Your comment reminded me of covid lockdown, that time, I follow YouTube people make rice wine..lol
Just a mix of boiled rice, yeast and sugar. Leave it stored in a jar for a couple of days for fermentation.
I don't know if I got it right but it tasted good, had enough alchohol in it but mehn, I no go try am again make I no go poison myself by myself.

BEER is life. GULDER wey dey chilled is life!

I brew my own beer. Making alcoholic beverages is a hobby for me.

I wish you had built on what you learned that time. We have wheat, millet, guinea corn, even maize, yet home crafting is not a thing in Nigeria. Just like cooking, you enjoy more when you make yours, you own way.

I have been waiting to see a thread on Nairaland about Beer Making! Alas! Only beer drinking.

Anyway, everyone enjoy!!! I love my own crafted beer. But I love stout too.

fortyishcouga:
I have realised there is a gender war going on in Nairaland. It is both amusing and concerning.

While I agree with you that most people on Nairaland see things based on gender lenses, there is still some unbiased truth to some. Sadly the gender war in the Family Section is perpetuated by unmarried boys/girls. Most married people are objective.

Finally, my response to your position was reality, not part of the war.

Darlingme:
Nau wao, so, any young man who unfortunately meet the wrong woman and the woman tends to break his heart, automatically become a marriage counselor on nairaland.
@op, is this advice, applicable to your sisters, female family members as well or just the gullible Nigerians?

It is both ways. Almost 90% of female online marriage counselors from Nigeria are divorced. Even the ones who caused the breakdown of the marriage.

The only problem with the op is lack of context, plus the fact that there are still good women out there, though very few. We generalize a lot.

Namaster:
I don't get why any man would want to get married in Nigeria of TODAY. But every Saturday, a new man loses his senses.

If you're one those men or planning to join them soon, keep this in mind;

NEVER GET MARRIED IF YOU'RE POOR.

Why?

1. You will not enjoy the marriage.
2. It'll cut your chances of escaping poverty by 99%>
3. Your children's future will be compromised.
4. Your daughter will become a hookup girl.
5. Your son will become a yahoo boy.
6. Your family will hate you.
7. Your wife will Bleep her EX.
8. Your wife will Bleep her BOSS.
9. Your wife will Bleep your LANDLORD.
10. Your wife will Bleep your RICH FRIEND.
11. Your wife will Bleep your NEIGHBOUR.
12. Your wife will Bleep your PASTOR.
13. The only person your wife will NOT Bleep is YOU.

Consider yourself warned.

I think you should define who can be classified as a poor man.

Minimum wage is 33k. In most states, a level 12 is regarded as senior civil servant, but earn less than 150k. For some modern Nigerian women less than 500k is still poverty.
In fact, if you earn 300k and above, but you don't give her money to throw away and do anyhow, most will still tag you as poor. And any of what you stated may happen, and the man is to be blamed.

CXLVII:
It has exhausted its velocity. It was shot into the air and already became armless armless!

It cannot kill anything at that point!

With which velocity did it pierce through the roof and the ceiling? Remember a very young child with delicate organs is involved.
The best thing is to wish not to see the effect of that falling bullet on any innocent baby, or anyone for that matter.

Massiveglory:
He is not the first. Benue had a priest as governor in 1991.
Taraba had a reverend in 1999-2007

Jolly Nyame was governor of Taraba State 1999 -2007.

FR. Moses Adasu was the 1st and only priest to be governor, before this.

RedPilChurchBoy:
You said a man shouldn't hit you back even when you hit him first.

You also said that if he ever hits you that you will hold it in your heart forever.

No room for forgiveness in your heart?

Most women, especially those that embrace the woke culture, do not forgive. They only pretend to forgive, then they plan a cold, long drawn revenge that may land you in the grave.

My last sister played this very well. I taught in her school when she was in SS2 through SS3. We lived together. At home, she calls me brother. A name she grew up calling me. Once she stepped through the school gate, she changed it to 'Sir'.
It takes consciousness, and respect. And you don't want others to start calling him brother. Do you?

Meanwhile, my sister is 14 years younger than myself. She cooked for me throughout our stay in that place. But she showed the highest level of example to other students.

gomol:
from your last paragraph, should tenant leave immediately after his/her rent expires or the house owner should give the tenant some weeks or month(s)?

Immediately the house is sold, the tenant has no contract with the new owner. Yes, once the rent expires the tenant should leave.

The previous owner should have informed the tenant(s) that he is selling the house. He either refund the remainder of the rent, or tell them they should leave once the rent expires. The tenant has no binding agreement with the new owner, verbal or written.

All the laws governing landlords and tenants in Nigeria are wack. Most times they are made to punish or frustrate the landlords.

Laws should be made to be just and fair to both parties. But sometimes you see court orders allowing tenants to live rent free in a property "till decision is made", which could be years.

If the property has a new owner, the tenants must agree terms of new owner or leave with the previous owner.

gard9ner:
.

Using alcohol to alleviate some of your feelings, such as anxiety and frustration, will not help you in the long run. Some people get burnt during this stage of life, some emerge stronger and richer/bigger.
1. Identify the the things that you are worried about.
2. Find a confidant to share. It could be a spouse, or a close friend
3. Try to learn a new skill or craft.
4. Get busy with something that is not part of your daily routine. If you like cooking, learn new recipes. If you are in tech, learn new programming language or any tech skills.
5. If you have kids, play more with them. Set out time to be the one responsible for them. This will engage you a lot.

Alcohol can come at night before bedtime. But let it be limited. Too much Alcohol does not only impair your response time, it opens a hole in your pocket. If you're going through a financial crisis, downing expensive brands of liquor is like pouring gasoline on fire.

Preshieben:
These fruits are local apple
It's everywhere In One village here in Akwa ibom

Which part of Akwa Ibom? Can I get it up few Kg?

Stargurl20:
It's surprising how men think they will just seek forgiveness and then women will forget all they've done. At times, it's not about not having forgiving spirit or whatever. It's about the ability to forget. It depends on the gravity of what you've done. Even women cannot help it.

Can we just say humans? Because women too do expect this forgive and forget without any effort.

Or is it part of women to hold on to grudges of many years, but expect forgiveness from their partners just on a fly?

Oyindamolah:
"In your anger, do not sin..." Eph.4:26.

But most church goers today believe you shouldn't even get angry, even in the face of injustice and lies . Most spouses will state anger as a big reason to walk away without going to the root cause of the anger.

I believe effective conflict resolution skills will reduce the impact of anger. We should teach kids at young age how to manage and resolve conflicts. Churches should teach people how to manage anger rather than condemning it.

emmanuelewumi:
In order to fast track your dividend income growth, one will need to reinvest the dividends for the first 10 years, have an elementary understanding of stock valuation and must continue to invest during the bear market.

As a matter of fact should pray for the bear market to occur and know how to hunt for sustainable juicy dividend yield with earning growth potential

I wish I had this type of awareness 15 years ago. Most of our parents wanted us to get educated in certain careers, but not how to manage and grow the money earned. I lived with my uncle who used to buy stocks in the 90s. He never educated me on it. I went on to work in a bank, where I help people buy shares or even cash their dividend warrants, yet I didn't own 1 share in any coy.

I know it is not too late for me, but I wish I started earlier than now.

Earthstorms:
This is my thinking as well.

But tractors can be used to cut and deliver grasses to the animals. The whole venture just need to be well planned and the right equipment procured.

There is great prospect in it if the ranching option is explored. People can buy cows and keep in the ranch

This will only be possible in Nigeria when non-Fulani people go into cattle rearing. The nomadic Fulani believes that nomadic lifestyle is his heritage. Not about the cows, but his beliefs and sense of entitlement.

ModCaller:
We're both educated people. Something inside you should be telling you that you can't even consistently get a total of 10 gallons of palm tree sap from 56 palm tree every day.

Palm trees are not rivers. Each of those gallons look like 5 litres to me. 50 liters everyday day from 57 trees is a lie. Talk more of 130 liters everyday.

Each tree usually produce less than 20 litres a month.

Guy, I no get strength for Nairaland dragging ooo.

I used information provided in the video. I don't know much about upwine. But for raffia palm, a tree can even give you 50litres in a day. The major difference is that it dies out after 2-3 months and the tapper moves to another riped tree. Palm oil tree lives on even after tapping.

ModCaller:
This is a lie. Any mathematically sound person can easily run the numbers.

It's a lie. He should tell you people where he got 25 million to raise that duplex to that level and 15 million to buy that Benz there.

40 million my ass. Only in Nigeria

The man mentioned the minimum and maximum number of gallons he produce a day.
Let's go with the minimum = 10 gallons during dry season. (20 - 25 during rainy season)
Each gallon sells at 7K.

A day during dry season = 70k.
A week during dry season = 490K.

Even if someone can earn 50K per day consistently for 5 years, what is 25m?

That is the mathematics you wanted to see.

I am not from South East, but South South. I grew up in a typical village where we had many palm wine tappers. In my community/state, palm wine is not as expensive as in Igboland, because we tap raffia palm tree not palm oil tree. Yet more than 60% of the palm wine tappers in my community built nice/big block houses, sent their kids to good secondary schools in the 80s/90s. 2 of them, their kids were among the 1st set of university graduates from my own village.

In Nigeria today, it is possible to hide under any trade to commit crime, that is why we see red flags everywhere whenever someone who is in a "lowly" trade is seen with things we think are the exclusive rights of the high and mighty.

Hardwork and consistency still pays!

Jennyclay:
Yes.

Marriage is a blessing when you marry the right man who would support you, stand by you, spend on you, Love you, take good care of you and the kid. But marriage will be a curse if you mistakenly marry a broke struggling good for nothing man.

The bold words above is the bane of marriages in many Nigerian families. Some girls/ladies go into marriages as a source of wealth or some would say "poverty alleviation ".

You listed all the good things a man could do which requires "no money", but the only bad characteristic is being "broke".

Falacer723:
Get lost. Mind your business

Lol!!!
You're the one lost!

After this, you will carry this into governance and become a politician. Nigeria is doomed!

Falacer723:
Hi Guys,

I need the services of three persons that can attend an online job interview for me.

I applied for jobs to two companies using several profiles. Now, the online company has reviewed and accepted my applications.

Before now, I have attended the online interview for the application in both my name and that of my brother. I applied more times using new names and there's need to get persons who can undertake the interview for me.

I won't be paying immediately but you will be paid after the job interview because the client will pay a month after the interview date which funds will be made available for paying you.


You will undertake two 30 minutes' interviews. A first one that is just 30 minutes long. A second one 1-5 days after the first interview. I will provide you with questions and answers you will be asked during the job interview.


I will be paying you 30,000 Naira after successful completion of the job interview ( 30 days ) after the process.


You must have a laptop with battery to do this. If it interests you, indicate interest by sending a message to the WhatsApp contact


I NEED JUST TWO MALES FOR THIS ACTIVITY

So we have graduated from "examination malpractice " to "job/interview malpractice "? Interesting time to be a Nigerian.