₦airaland Forum

pbs4real:
why is she the eldest No mtr wat she's going thru,thats doesn't. Stp her frm calling them to knw wats up, for crying out loud, she has an aged mother.

Eldest does not naturally translate to being the most compassionate or being the one that must carry all the family burdens.

You don't even know whether its shame from not being able to meet the burden of expectation that is making her keep away. I know someone who was going through financial issue that reduced calling home because he felt bad when all this problems were outlined and he did not have the means to help.

I don't advocate that however. Yorubas say 'ajo ju owo lo' meaning ' care is sometimes more than money' So I agree she should at least try to call or find out about her mothers welfare and help in whatever little way she can.

However some families are not understanding and appreciative and have a sense of 'what you should be able to afford'. So if you do little that you can afford you are damned for not doing enough and if you don't do at all you are damned. So some people just damn all the consequences and not do AT ALL.

Like I said OP and the mother need to speak and have a heart to heart rather than just assuming.

Eketem:
It is tiring my sister. If you talk they start listing all they do and have done for this child.

When we say some actions men take are abusive and start listing the abusive things men do, we will all be united but when we are faced with our own abuse of others because of their own disadvantaged situations then you hear justification and all sorts of Defence.

Because it is common doesn't make it right
Because you buy her clothes doesn't make it right
Because she does the same at her own home doesn't make it right.

A child cannot legally take up employment that is what the law says.
It is well, I am tired.

We will get there eventually( hopefully).

There were workhouses in Victorian Britain where children were forced to work due to poverty e.g The settings of Charles Dickens Oliver Twist.

Thankfully I know there is now legislation against child labour. Its just left for there to be a cultural and mind-set shift.

We will get there.

Kimoni:
My thots exactly. Just because she is a pharmacist does not mean she is now "Dangote".

OP, pls call your sister and speak with her yourself. And don't carry this attitude in your discussion. You never know what she might also be passing through.

My thoughts exactly.

No point of this thread If you have not spoken to her. Like you said who knows what she is going through where she is too.

Eketem:
Sadly true.
I am told I am wasting money for not having a live in maid and for not turning my maid into a nanny
She cleans that is it I still pay for child care so they look at me like I am silly. People are always nagging me to get a live in but I don't understand why I need someone to wait on me 24 hours, when I am home I can handle my own house and even though hubby's job is super demanding he is very hands on.

I cannot leave my kids with an untrained nanny, it's a risk too much. If I don't spend money on child care is it on shoes and bags I will spend money?

I don't even have anything against having maids as long as they are not under age. Just don't understand why some people feel its not POSSIBLE not to.

I also think there should be a job description. If you need help with chores get a maid, if you need childcare get a nanny all this mixing and matching sometimes means that the employee is over worked.

I don't get why people are mixing paying for a service and teaching your children chores. Or getting someone to 'help' with adoption.

Oh well each to his own.

Eketem:
I would fall for the " have you eaten " gist before but now I hold out more and wait for " let me take you out for dinner or lunch "

LOL

Depends on what caused the disagreement.

Sometimes we talk or text each other about it if its something serious.

And for less serious issues ' you want to drink baileys' LOL and my shakara response is always ' NO' LOL.

Kimoni:
fair points! And it affects everything else

In the UK, I spend hours loosening and washing my hair before going to make it, something I deeply hate to do but in Naija, I would not even dream of loosening one strand talkless of touching the whole braids. Not when mama Emeka's salon outside my house will loosen and wash the dirty stinking hair for N500 pere (just over a pound ). But the minimum wage in both countries also differ greatly, so there is some balance at the end of the day.

I miss the bolded a lot.LOL One of the reasons why I rarely do braids. But that has been handled now sha as there are now braid wigs.LOL

I also miss Obioma or what my mum used to call ejika ni shop.. I might have to get a whole new wardrobe when all my wardrobe could have been amended for about N5,000( less than £20) chai.

You and tearoses have made fair points about the difference in environment. But you know something I have noticed among some of Us(our generation) or maybe its among people I know sha so don't let me generalise. Some people believe that its NOT POSSIBLE to have lil kids without domestic help.

Some of my friends act like they would die if they did not have a maid. Just this weekend I was talking to one on the phone and she kept saying 'you are a strong woman o I cant even imagine not having a maid' This was because she heard me doing referee between my daughter and son. LOL My answer was 'you would cope if I can anyone can' . The ones who come on holiday that cant afford to come with their maids moan all through at the prospect of dealing with their own children 24/7. Don't get me wrong me sef I snap ( I know you don't believe me LOL) and get grouchy when my kids bickering reaches another level but its not something that fazes me like it fazes them. And cos we are together a lot , 'the look' is enough to keep them straight( my kids that is ).

I acknowledge that life in Naija( lagos esp with traffic and all) can be stressful but I cant understand the concept of dealing with your own children by your self being seen as drudgery and a chore.

Ordinary changing diaper or washing plates themselves is a big issue. All you hear is' you people are trying o' ' that's why me I cant live in this UK someone will just be doing everything yourself '. Changing diaper nitori oloun.I remember when I went to Nigeria with my daughter as a baby and she needed changing, me I had brought out my changing bag and my friend said ' what are you doing let me call my help to come and change her' help that we just sent to get something nitori oloun ??

I am big a big believer in buying comfort with your money and delegating so you don't get burnt out but the mentality that you cant survive without live in domestic help is just so ingrained in some people. When I say it just needs planning they look at me like I am crazy LOL.

The environment point might be in play here abit sha as most(not all) of the men here are more hands on. Maybe the men are not more hands on as well cos they feel there is help.

tearoses:
She is right
Shoe Zone slippers are £7.99 each
They do a good job in Naija dust and heat


I was laughing at oga who was complaining that his suede moccasins were looking like dessert shoes after only 4 days.

So you too don't pay TV license?

tearoses:
Dami I just got back from Naija
I still see the looks of shock on the faces of people who serve me in restaurants when I say thank you or I gather our plates up together after eating.
When I am served in the market, I still say thank you even though I am paying you my money. They are human too. Besides what does it cost to show appreciation. Maybe you will be the first person who has been nice to them or made them feel appreciated all day.

Its really sad the way people of lower social class are treated like they are not human.
yet all these people were carried for 9 months like anyone else and they all have blood in their veins and feel pain just as everyone else. . . .and we will all go 6 feet under at the appointed time.

I believe one thing and that very rarely will you be paid back evil for good. There are house helps from hell, but most of thes time these house helps have been treated very badly in the past so they no longer have compassion.
Back in the day our house helps were "auntys" and God help us if any of them reports us to our parents for insolence.

Dami she you know that some people like doing follow follow and now they are all employing au pairs, but most of the ones I know of ends with fight. Why because they want the au pairs to do beyond what was agreed from the start.

I guess its a different mindset regarding labour in Naija. Driver fetches water for the house, madams police orderly carrys madams handbag in the market, students wash teachers clothes, secretary goes to buy amala for oga . . . . . all on the same salary.

I thank God for my parents and the family that I married into. I have learnt a lot from them.

It is well.

Na that same omo odo mentality that they want to carry for au pair. When the au pair now revolts they will be vexing. Of course the au pair will help with dishes( if I was an au pair I would ) cook for the baby, clean messy play areas generally help around the house( I think that's where they are a bit different from Nannies) but you sef should know that you have crossed your boundary when you start telling au pair to iron bed sheets and duvet cover( this actually happened).

etankoko:
I have four siblings who are in the high institution and am working and schooling @ the same time.my elder sister who graduated from A.b.u Zaria as a pharmacist is doing very well. she is still single and claim to be a devoted Christian but fill less concern about anything that has to do with our mum .my dad is late and we are not finding things easy .The last time i check my mum she was looking very sick and worried. The little money am making is not enough to carta for the whole family .my school and work is shaking me seriously. To cut the story short we have talk to sum people to talk to her ,both elders and other reliable family members .i don't know how to coup with the situation. she is in another state. i don't know if she is just waiting for my mum to die so she will come and spend the money on her burial to impress crowd or she is saving the money for another man when she is married .my mum is dieing silently. please make this front page i need advice cause i don't want to loose her now.

Have you spoken to her about your mums condition?

tearoses:
I also note that the househelps school hours are shorter than the 2 year olds hours
Thats why she drops him off before going to school and picks him up when she finishes

I was a the hairdressers the other day and a woman bought her kid housegirl with her. kid was about 12.
When she was asked why the kid was not in school she said the kid was a dunce and failed and she was fed up of paying fees for nothing.
. . . . Of course she will not mention the fact that the kid probably only went to school for 2 days a week and never had any free time to do her school work or study for exams.
At least now she has an excuse not to send the kid to school anymore
Yet the womans kids are studying for their Masters abroad.
It is well.

It is always easy to say other people's kids are dull or not academically inclined( especially less privildged children). Meanwhile same person who said house help is a dunce wont mind paying to 'work' special jamb centre for their own child as if a child you need to 'work' Jamb centre for is academically inclined.

All this issues also stem from the fact that nannies/maids/cleaners/security men/ drivers are not seen as human beings. So ordinary just giving them the basic fair working conditions is termed as being 'nice'. There is also no clear job description so its 'rude' if your driver decides that sweeping the compound is not part of his job description( note I am not saying people don't go over and beyond in their jobs my point it should be appreciated, rewarded and not taken for granted).

My sons nursery charges an arm and a leg and if he has an accident i.e. wets himself na so they will change him and pack all his p.oo filled clothes in a bag for me to handle when I get home,. That's cos I pay for them childcare and not for cleaning up his clothes.

Its an African thing. I know some people who are having issues with eastern European Au pairs who refuse to do anything after their working hours.

fem29:
moana, cococandy, damiso, ifyalways, Ewuro4, tearoses abeg make una come see Sometin oooo. This saga is too hot.

I don't even know what to say again

Me sef no know.

The way NL dey make me short of words this days.

Kimoni:
£15 per annum will get me a decent pair of shoe if not two sef

Ijebu.

ayolight:
good day house, happy new week to all Light Dads nd Mums. I dnt ve much to say or write, than to say tnk u. and to wish u all d best life can give. tnks for ur support, care, love, encouragements, prayers and cheers. God bless u all.
Light is doing great tday nd d surgery ll be done hopefully soon.
tnk u all

Thank God for that

Kisses to her she is in my prayers.

Kimoni:
Hahahaha but we readers wan live for banana island too naa
Anyways, more power to their elbow

LOL

Saw your mention about TV license and you are right.

We do pay the TV license. But as Saga said you have to pay it when you have lil kids especially not with my own over sabi children.

That is when my daughter will be saying ' mummy why are you hiding' why are you not answering the door'

Why are you all paraing its not that much now its less than £15 a month naa?

Kimoni:
Your daughter appears smarter than you are, she knows your weaknesses and is able to adequately leverage on it to achieve her objective while you, as mother and adult do not even recognize your child, how much more knowing what she is capable of.

Why would you keep something as grievous as a family rape to yourself just because you don't want to scatter the family? Which mother does that And why will your daughter get you to promise not to tell her dad she got pregnant and aborted and you will also succumb Didn't you say she was raped?

Infact, the more I break this story into pieces, the more convinced I am it's a fake story. Bye blogger!

its Linda Ikeji you should blame o LOL

Who no wan live for Bannana Island?

Please bloggers try to make your content more original seriously.

If story is real though na wa for 'not wanting to scatter family' SMH

EfemenaXY:
Eh...eh..eh..abeg don't start that one again jare.

I-yam-not. How can you say I am? I speak pidgin English wella - Warri style. I know how to swallow eba/ pounded yam / fufu / starch with Ogbolo, Egusi, Banga, and / or pepper soup. I sabi wash clothes with hands and enjoy Naija jokes too.

Abeg, I'm not an Ajebor. Your own pass mine.



OMG!! This high priest will not kill me! Allegation(s) denied, sir.

All those things still don't make you not ajenitter

pickabeau1:
Good day ma'am
We like to have the ladies post but the posts must be something we can relate to
Lol



Post something we can relate to

pickabeau1:
Please can you leave all this philosophy girlie stuff from here

This is the boys room

Oga pick you know I don't cross your boys room boundary but because I follow you I saw this post ..


Permit me to



Am sure your madam must not dare enter your 'man cave ' study or room to curl her weave on.

Kimoni:
Lol...I remember your "omi laziness"

You gat it ..all those deconstruction quoting line by line etc etc I no fit.

Burntpalace:
Honestly, the reason it took me so long to deactivate was because I wasn't sure it would work. I thought I would still be hooked but I was surprised when I finally did it. I rarely checked it and didn't even miss it. When I decided to come back, I thought I would come back, say hi and go back to rarely coming on but for where? Very demonic place this NL.

So deactivation is the best bet ?

Uhhhhhhhm

Contemplating .....

Knowing how useless I am with passwords and emails I am sure creating another Monica would be too much hassle and that would mean I would remain a guest and not keep commenting like I have been doing for the past 3 hours

If I don't deactivate I need to really manage the time I spend on here.

I will start with efe technique of weekends only and am sure gradually will reduce it from there.

Kimoni:
You keep saying this thing, I keep trying to imagine it but I cannot

Sorry Damiso, until I see you rake live before I will believe you

I don't know how to write Abi is it type raking ni

I can do it by mouth but to construct sentences of raking I no fit. Too much effort.

Burntpalace:
Sister Burntpalace herself needs prayers! You see how easy it is to get sucked back into this time wasting venture known as nairaland? Aprokoism will not kee person in this place.

I agree with the time wasting venture .

I must keep up the discipline I had a few weeks ago to be visiting at weekends like efe

I was really good and then I slipped up again it's so bad that it's on the home page as soon as I get into safari as one of my favourites.

I need the NL cure. How did you do it?

Kimoni:
ile wey curse pass me sef

Anyways, let's do this..

Bless me father Bellong burntpalace for I have sinned
My last confession was on the 19th of August 1993
These are my sins.
For I have ....

Lord! Reminisce....my days as a Catholic ehnnnn
It's all good


Efeeeeee, ship cowries all the way from US? Across the ocean
Lol...you have briticonised finally. Na oyinbo dey behave like this o

Me sef wan talk am..efe is confirmed ajebuyter Britico

EfemenaXY:
LMAO!!!

It's true na. All na green.

Will try the wheat grass thing and see how it goes.

Kimoni:
Loool...don't take what's not yours. It's bukatyne's meaningless jargons I was referring to

Calm down and take a cup of Efe's grass solution

I will have 2 shots of that please

I understand you with the blood not water things but like I always say it's not worth it.internet trolls are just losers so no point wasting energy on them. That's what they live for; e fights/brawls.

Let's save our ijogbon for all those 'people' whose opinions,actions or inactions affect our life one way or the other.

You should have seen me vexing or paraing last night for my mobile phone provider wanting to rip me off on roaming charges. na dat kain fight I like. E be like say I go get better upgrade because of that fight

naijababe:
You ara-okoness don pass iragbiji own. I don give up for your matter Waiting for my ride

EfemenaXY:
I was hoping for the equivalent of eba / yam. Something heavy and green.

I suppose green isn't meant to be heavy and unhealthy, otherwise that would beat the purpose of it being a light, albeit "healthy green" in the first place.

I think we can just pour green smoothie in the eba or what do you think it becomes green straight? Or ebbage the 'healthy' eba made with greens?

Kimoni:
**rolls eyes**

****roll eyes back ****

And i know the meaningless epistle was meant for me but it's all good.

naijababe:
Green lentils soup nko? Shebi lentils get carbs for inside

Abeg, I am going out for sushi................good luck finding a green carb o

You won't take me along to upgrade my ara oko palate

Have fun

I need to go jare

H

Ewuro4:
I agree not necessary in this case we are reading here coz the subject has no relation or even any previous vendetta against the accuser. That I denounce with every fibre of my being.

I also somewhat agree to an extent that it's not honourable to roll in mud with pigs but Like someone earlier mentioned it happens to the best of us.. Words has to be said. Silence has to be broken to vindicate oneself from fabrications and lies.

A poster once came on here and posted a rope and asked me to put my neck in there and you think I'm not gonna insult her irredeemable sick father on a death bed? No way. Anybody can indirectly rant about this, I DONT CARE.

I will insult and roll in poop with anyone out for my blood!

Best regards

Ok o e sha rora

EfemenaXY:
Edamame - green beans!

Naijababe I already mentioned green beans / lentils. Besides, that's protein. Green carbs abeg. Damiso, any suggestions?

Was gong to say green lentils cos contrary to what our teachers told us lentils do have carbs